I was the oldest grandchild and my parent’s only child so I was always needed. I was either running errands, babysitting, or whatever they demanded from me. My family liked to joke and pokr fun at me, but whenever I refused to help them I was mean, bitter, and selfish. I couldn’t wait to be done with college and move far away from them. I always had regrets about not going to college straight after high school. I had a lot of homework to finish and wanted to get it done so I could enjoy the weekend with my friends. My cousin kept asking me to run her all over town and inside I was upset, but I happily did it. I kept telling her that I needed to get home to do my homework and she was taking forever.

Later on that night I got into a big argument with her and blurted out a secret that I’ve been keeping for years. To deal with all the stress I was under and being around my family I used to cut to help me deal. I yelled it out in the heat of the moment. “Do you understand that I cut myself to put up with you guys and none of you even care?” I screamed.

The next day my mom and grandmother wanted to sit down and discuss what they had found out from my cousin. I explained to them that I didn’t like being a part of this family and how I couldn’t wait to get away and start a life far from them. My mom suggested that I speak to someone to help me get through my problems.

I found this therapist who accepted the type of insurance I had. Let’s call her Dr. Nellie. She did the sessions in her home. She was one of the nicest people I had ever met. She would often text me if I missed appointments or just to check up on me in general. From the first few sessions I had Dr. Nellie said I may be dealing with depression and bi-polar disorder. I told Nellie that I wanted to try something and she told me she had just the thing. I said wouldn’t it be better to get it from my doctor. She said doctors weren’t able to get this type of medication yet and she had first hand access to it.

The first few days the medication seemed to work and then things started getting weird. I woke up one day around 4 pm. I couldn’t believe I slept the whole day. I went into the kitchen and my grandmother asked me for her receipt from the bank. I told her I never left the house. She told me I was running errands all day and that I stopped at the bank for her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out her bank receipt. The time on it said 8am. I started to feel sick. I didn’t remember leaving the house.

The next couple of weeks got even stranger. I kept waking up at random hours in the afternoon or late evenings. I had no recollection of going to school or work, but all my assignments were getting done and I had been receiving my weekly checks from my job. The next day I had my appointment with Dr. Nellie. I told her that I couldn’t remember things and asked if she could give me a lower dose in pills. She said I just had to get used to the pills and my body would adjust. I woke up in the middle of the night in the bath tub and there was blood in the tub. I wanted to scream until I heard voices coming from downstairs. I cleaned the blood up as best I could and put on clothes and went downstairs.

When I went into the living room my grandmother was crying and my aunts and uncles were all over. Cops were coming in and out of the house. I asked what happened and they told me they found my cousin and her boyfriend dead in a tunnel. I figured out my cousin and her boyfriend had been missing for two weeks. Everyone assumed they ran off, but obviously it was worse than that. How did I not remember this? Same as the past few weeks everything happened in a blur and more family members were disappearing. I would wake up in strange places with blood over me and I was beginning to think I had something to do with the disappearances. I had a long talk with Dr. Nellie a few days later. She acted very strange this day getting upset and reacting almost violent. Whenever I wanted to talk about the pills Dr. Nellie would tell me to shut up.

Later on that night I had the pill bottle in my hand and tried to find something that would give me a clue to what was going on. I peeled the label off and under it had in small writing: MAY CAUSE EXTREME BLACKOUTS. I went downstairs to tell my grandmother what was going on. When I got down there the police were at the house again and putting me in handcuffs. I was being arrested for the murders of my family members and my cousin’s boyfriend. As I headed out the door I kept my head to the ground, but I felt a strong presence. I looked up and saw Dr. Nellie staring at me. I struggled to get loose, but the cops held onto me tight and put me into the back of the car. Suddenly I woke up in a coughing fit. I looked up and saw the night sky and tried sitting up. The cop car had crashed into a tree and I was no longer in handcuffs. I got up and started walking making my way to Dr. Nellie’s house. Guess I have to finish what she started.

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