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I have Pixlexia.

Thought I would get that out of the way from the get go. You could probably guess from the title of this essay anyway. It’s kind of odd you know. Pixlexia is something that affects video game characters.

“Oh my character is pixlexic! Better use inverted controls then.”

Yeah. Not the best thing to have.

“Go left! Go left! What are you doing idiot, I said left!”

“Duck down! Don’t jump dick head!”

“What a retard.”

These comments haunt my daily life. Pixlexia is a disorder or glitch in a game. Basically, the character had inverted controls. Right is Left, Up is Down, etc.

I first knew about my disorder in Elementary school. I was playing dodgeball for the first time and this happened. I’ll paraphrase for you.

“To your left Peter!”

So I naturally dodged to my right. I got hit square in the face by the ball and I had no clue why. I dodged to my left, didn’t I?

“What was that? You dumb or somethin’?”

That comment lead me to think I was retarded. I only fully recognized what I had when I was playing video games with a friend. I can’t remember what it was called but I knew one of the characters was glitched. I didn’t know it was Pixlexia until I accidentally selected to play as the character.

“Careful dude. That one’s got Pixlexia. You might want to pick a different one.”

I picked the guy anyway and immediately I knew something was different. I was always a crappy gamer because of my Pixlexia. Every time I needed to go left I would go right. Jump meant slide for me. But when I played as that character, I kicked my friend’s ass. I asked him about Pixlexia afterwards and I was pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised.

“Pixlexia means a character’s controls are messed up. Right is Left and Up is Down. Kind of reminds me of your shitty coordination.”

This happened in high school and changed my perception forever. I knew what I had, and boy did I have it.

Whenever I heard to duck I jumped, resulting in my duck. Whenever I heard to go left I went right, ensuing my safe dodge to the left. I was on top of the world. But it got harder. Maths questioned required me to picture lefts and rights in my head. It was impossible.

I’m lucky I met Anna when I did. She helped me find where I belonged. She found out my condition when I wasn’t focusing and moved right instead of left, ending up in my walking into a wall. She was smart and figured it out, but didn’t bully me for it.

“Have you searched up Pixlexic groups?”

I’m a real idiot for not thinking it up before. When I did, I found them. My new best friends in the whole world.

They called themselves Glitches. They all named themselves after Error codes.

403 Forbidden was a girl with a highly tactical outlook on life. She knew how to make it seem like she was normal, while still messing up as much as the rest of us. Her plans were almost flawless.

416 Range Not Satisfiable was a guy across the sea. He’s apparently a programmer from Russia. Of course. He’s great at masking the cameras and making sure we aren’t seen though.

500 Internal Server Error was me. They called me that because I was a pretty generic college student. I’m still a great shot thought, since I do spend time on the shooting range and shooter games. What a nightmare for me, but good experience for now.

400 Bad Request was a ‘don’t fuck with me’ kind of guy. When we all met up, he was the one that brought the guns and gas. I thought we’d have to go to a lab and a gun shop, but apparently not.

409 Conflict is a nice girl with a kind face. She is amazing at medicine and takes care of us when we’re hurt. It’s amazing how talented she is at patching gun wounds.

410 Gone is a kid. Young lad who is an amazing getaway driver. He’s kind of a kid genius when it comes to escape routes.

Then there is 404 Not Found. They’re our leader and we would follow them to the death. If they told us to jump off a cliff, we would. They look kind of different from the rest of us, but that’s what makes them great.

Together, we’re just a big happy family. I’m hoping you’re going to let me go once this essay is finished. I kind of miss them already.

You wanted to know why we do what we do. The reason is because there is no reason. We’re pixlexic after all.

Did you really think our morals would be normal?

Right is left.

Up is down.

Right is Wrong.

That’s what we see. Can you guess what the next part is. If Right is Wrong, then what comes next?

That doesn’t mean guilt doesn’t exist. 404 gets guilty after they yell at us. 410 does miss his original family. You’ve even heard me cry myself to sleep.

But orchestrating a terrorist attack on the White House? You call that bad?

You just don’t understand, you have to understand.

I have Pixlexia.