The world around me is a mystery. Sometimes I find myself so lost in myself that I’m no longer sure if anything else around me exists at all. Sometimes it’s comforting, other times it’s more than frightening. It’s like being on the verge of sleep, drifting in and out—aware, but not enough to pull yourself back to consciousness. I am constantly living on the edge with all the possibilities in the world, if it does truly exist, lying just beyond these safe walls.
As I lay in wait, I wonder. I wonder what it will be like to be a part of a world that is so close, I can almost touch it. I know it could be me someday; I could be a part of it. With each day that passes I am growing ever stronger—closer. Soon that door will open for me… but I know I must wait, though patience is never easy.
Being cocooned is something I have become well accustomed to; it’s all I’ve ever known. I can sense that it won’t always be this way. I feel the change deep within and know this path will take me far. Perhaps I may grow and bloom as nature intended. I never was the only one after all; I know there are many others just like me. I sense their presence.
I hear the soft beat of life, rhythmic and keen. It’s keeping me here, along with each breath that is taken; resonating within. While I am here I feel as safe as can be.
For now, I must drift. I cannot know for sure that my path will not change, of course. I sense life and its abundance of uncertainty. But so long as my world is safe and all that I know is at peace, I am sound. Time passes but the day comes too soon. It is not what was anticipated, but it was never an impossibility. Life has always been unexpected…
All was calm and then an earthshattering explosion echoed throughout the dark void of the unknown outside of where I lay. It hit, shaking me to the very core and I knew my very existence hung in the balance. I felt the unfathomable fear and panic—it ripped through me like nothing I’ve ever known. My world was crumbling; I could feel it slipping.
She stumbled and she fell… I felt her as she began to struggle against it. Her body jerked and twisted in a desperate attempt to break free of the pain, but she was badly injured somehow. Her distress was mine also.
Quite soon, the strongest knowing overtook us both. She wasn’t going make it… and neither was I. Suddenly her fear was all mine. I felt her leaving me and I would be alone.
Despite my lack of understanding, my head screamed at me to hold on! That I wasn’t ready to leave. Every fiber of my being was clinging to life, clasping so desperately but I was slipping. It was too late and I knew it.
As she took her last breath I knew it wouldn’t be long. Without my mother, I would never see the world outside. I would never taste life and all it had to offer. But, as far as I was concerned, all that would not exist if it were not for her anyway.
I felt myself drifting and this time I knew that my time was drawing near. I conceded, releasing the emotions that flooded my head and giving in to darkness that paved the way ahead of me. Slowly it enveloped me. It would take me home once again.
I let go…
"Dad?" a young boy says tentatively to his, somewhat short tempered, father as they drive home from a hunting trip.
"Yes, son?" he replies, one hand on the steering wheel.
"Why do we shoot deer?"
"It’s for fun, kid. It’s a sport like… soccer or volleyball."
The boy says nothing and stares silently out the back window, watching the large expanse of forest gradually disappear from view.