Slowly Decaying

Do you remember me? We used to be close. We used to be closer than close. No, even more than that. We were best friends. I always followed your shadow, and you always followed mine.

We grew up together. You always said we would grow old together. Yet as time went on and on I began to degrade. I began to lose who I was. I began to lose the very essence of myself. I began to lose you.

Why did you forsake me? Why did you betray me as though I was some kind of plaything? Who do you think you are? Why would you do something instilling so much tragedy in me? You used to love me. But then you decided you were too old for me. You were wrong. You were never too old for me, and I never too old for you.

Indeed you have aged. And I watched you age, as I stayed in the sidelines. You would only occasionally mingle with me, usually to cry about your problems. You were using me, and I acknowledged that. Yet at the same time I failed to care. Any moment with you filled me with euphoria even if it meant I was only the means to your end.

I was there when you made the big leap into school. You were frightened. You would hold me close and tell me no matter what happened we would not be separated. Yet you failed. As the years went by I became less a part of your life. You had friends, and I was forced to watch your happiness. Nobody ever wanted to be with me besides you.

Why is that? Am I really so different than anyone else? I have the same desires as anyone else. I just want to be loved. I just want to be loved by you. Yet every day that passes I slowly degrade. Do you even remember the last time you talked to me? Do you remember the last time you hugged me? You barely even mention me in front of your parents. Are you afraid that they are going to say something if they mention me?

No, no. Don’t be afraid. Despite the chaos of life I will always be there for you. You have to remember this. No matter the circumstance. I have been there through your sicknesses. I remember when you got chicken pox. You played with me in the bath together. Oh, it was so much fun. Yet those good times just had to end.

I was there for your elementary school graduation. It was a joyous occasion. I sat next to your mother, who always failed to acknowledge me. I had grown to hate her. I would say something, but there was no real purpose in it. She would always reject me and praise you. And why shouldn’t she?  You were always better than me at everything.

Am I real to you now?

Yet that is going to end soon enough. Do not worry. I’ll come and end it for you. Turn around. Do you remember me? Oh. I see the look of horror across your face. Don’t you remember me? I’m your imaginary friend? Not so imaginary with a knife to your head, now am I?