I'm a teenager. As I grew older, I began to use the Internet more. I could watch videos on it, scoff at naysayers and doomsday prophets in the comments of said videos, and speak in a way completely separated from time, where I could craft the perfect response for hours and it would be like I'd said it immediately. I'm not that good at thinking on my feet, so being able to have a conversation over a long period of time really appealed to me.
I had begun to feel drowsy at odd times, but I attributed that to my strange sleep schedule or ignored it. I stopped talking with anyone, but believed that it was some kind of normal change within my psyche. I had written stories before I became really enamored with the Internet, but after that, due to a growing sense of disappointment in myself, I stopped. But today has been different.
Today, I had wanted to delete the Internet application, knowing that I did have a problem, and so I had asked my sister if she could do so for me. However, you can't delete that application on the type of phone I use, and so she had moved it instead. It's normal for me to want to stop using the Internet, but usually I don't actually move the icon.
Later, I had went into the bathroom with my phone, prepared to browse the Internet, but after opening and closing the folder where the Internet usually was for ten seconds, I snapped out of whatever sensation the desire to access the Internet had caused me, suddenly remembering something I had done only hours before.
It was at this time that I had realized, horrified, that I hadn't really been clicking it. I had gone into a kind of daze, and whatever had taken over me had clicked it.
I thought back, realizing that perhaps this daze, and the drowsiness that I so constantly felt, came about because parts if my brain were essentially asleep while I was on the Internet. Thus, I was becoming used to "sleeping" for long periods of time while I used the Internet, and whenever I stopped, it was like waking up. I pondered this for a while, and I even thought about checking the Internet for the answer. However, I was aware of my craving for the Internet at this point, so it did not lure me a second time.
It had dawned on me by then that what the Internet was doing to me was scary (to me, at least). I'm not sure if it was even placation. It definitely wasn't a "high", though. I've heard people theorize that (on the Internet), but as the person it happened to, I reject that hypothesis. It was much more of a "low" or a "phase-out" than a high.
It wasn't really even like somebody had taken control of me - no, it was like I had willingly relinquished the control of my body to somebody else. It was like instead of me, somebody else who was completely devoted to accessing the Internet took my place and started clicking the phone screen like an idiot, looking for the Internet, then realized that it didn't have my memories and switched back to me.
It scares me the more I think about it. I'm shivering now, and as I edit this, I'm still shivering.
I wonder if all those people who complain about constantly browsing the Internet also have this problem. I hope it's just me. I really want this to be a one-in-a-million fluke, because if it's not, if people have this problem en masse, I'm legitimately worried.
A lot of isolated incidents are falling into place now. My dad always said he could tell when I had or hadn't used the Internet, because I acted differently. I tend to forget what I'm searching for when I use it. Even when I have to do legitimate work, I wind up watching Youtube videos somehow.
Don't get me wrong. I feel like this is mainly my fault; I'm not blaming this phenomenon for my decision to use the Internet. I also think it's some normal brain function gone wrong (not right, though, because being two people is not a normal thing). It's not malicious or anything like that. It's just that it feels wrong to think that every time I use the Internet, someone else is essentially taking over my body.
This has happened before. It tends to happen when reality kicks in. I've just never reached this particular conclusion before. Usually I just think I'm using the Internet too much. Maybe I'm just subconsciously trying to scare myself into being offline more and it's working.
Anyway, I'd better upload this quickly. I don't feel like using the Internet now, but I'm not so sure about a few hours later. I don't know how to fix this, just that it's happening.
Think back. Has this ever happened to you? Does this usually happen to you? Am I just being paranoid? Whatever you think, please tell me. I legitimately don't know if this is just a normal thing I missed out on learning.