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ClericofMadness 03:46, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
I like the story, but I feel that the writing style is kind of... 11 year old-ish. You need to revise this story by fixing improper grammar. Also, in your next story, DO NOT WRITE IT LIKE THIS (conversation style). Lt Frost (talk) 01:14, January 10, 2013 (UTC)