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Hey, that was pretty cool. I liked the way you portray the feelings of the main character. It has a realistic touch to it that isn't easily achieved. Great work!

Misanthea 18:58, January 30, 2012 (UTC)Misanthea

Okay I admit, this has to be one of the most disturbing things I've read on here, especially the one with the baby, that made me sick! Sorry to sound like a coward, but it's true...KatGirlRules 19:23, February 11, 2012 (UTC)

This was actually a really, really good Pasta. I liked it quite a lot. The details and plot were awesome. ItsUnoriginal 02:15, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

This.

This was gross...but great! :D I like how it had a great ending, and was very realistic. Makes it sound as if it actually happened o_e StrawberrySugarpuff 01:46, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

And then nothing bad happened with the new girl, and everyone lived happily ever after. But in all seriousness, this is a wonderful story. Do make more like this someday, eh? Tycholarfero 04:12, March 13, 2012 (UTC)

When I clicked on this, I thought this was going to be another generic 'there were messed up videos on the computer of people being killed and then I was killed' pasta. But instead, this is one of the scariest things I've ever read. The whole bit when you watch the last video and it's addressed to you, and she's telling you how she played you all this time, and then she's behind you; fucking chills. There were some cliches in there, but they worked. The only problems were the 'I AM A FUCKING FAGGOT' and the apparant timely arrival of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Those just seemed silly. Otherwise, excellent. Whatssocreepyaboutpasta 05:47, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

THIS

That was fucking good. The part about the kids made me sick, but this is NSFW anyways. Great pasta, I love your grammar. —Preceding unsigned comment added by ISNAB (talkcontribs).

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ClericofMadness 03:56, May 26, 2012 (UTC)


I loved it!! Be sure to make something as great as this in the future, I WILL read it!

Iamnot 17:46, May 27, 2012 (UTC) Iamnot


Guys gore does not equate to creepy, this is the creepy pasta equvilent of dead baby jokes. Classless, over the top, and dumb. This doesn't deserve pasta of the month.

Frostylemons (talk) 02:12, July 24, 2012 (UTC)

What the...

FUCK DID I JUST READ?! 8/10     Contr        KOROMO        Talk      21:19, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

My mind.

It's filled with billions and billions of fuck.

Wow

You a very, very sick and twisted man. This may be the most vile thing I've ever read.

I love you.

Who Man 10 01:47, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

My reaction

Man torture video: meh.

Boys torture video: meh.

Babies: WHOEVER WROTE THIS NEEDS TO GO TO HELL!

Tasty Pasta

This was almost perfect. except for the "I AM A F**KING FAGGOT" that made me laugh.

LiesTellTruth 10:16, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

This is great, some misspellings, but those were just accidents. The baby part made me throw up though.MaskedMustache 02:17, July 7, 2012 (UTC)

  • insert catch phrase here* 14:26, July 17, 2012 (UTC) Nice job with the story very eerie and well portrayed, also a lot of the tortures reminded me of the movie Untraceable

You are sick and dimented... You think that a baby being murdered is good for a story? Well, can't wait until you die you sick and twisted man. I'm now crying due to the fact that seeing my baby sister go through that. I SERIOUSLY CRIED YOU SICK AND TWISTED MENTAL PATIENT!!!! GO TO HELL!!! UnknownGlaze3 (talk) 17:29, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Get over it or leave the site, because the stories aren't gonna get any better.

Also, it's NSFW.. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT YOU IDIOT?

{{SUBST:Signatures/Cloverbeatme!!}} 00:19, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

Don't be such a fucking wuss. This is horror. Anything goes! It's not like this doesn't happen in the real world. Oh well. You wouldn't know seeing as you've clearly had your head up your own ass for your whole life. Take me out of darkness, walk me out of blindness, lift me out of sadness, save me from my damned-ness 00:22, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

Am I the only one who didn't have a horrible reaction to the baby part? I was more affected by the little boy being cooked alive with the heat lamps. Maybe it was the baby's head exploding against the wall that made it so over-the-top violent that it didn't really hit home for me anymore. There seems to be a threshold I experience where, to me, the violence and gore becomes SO intense that it suddenly doesn't end up feeling relatable or something due to how grossly-exaggerated it is. Like, I can't picture it being so painful, as it doesn't 'seem real' anymore. But that thing with the lamps.. oh my God. Somehow that bit was a lot more vivid to me, even though the violence was less extreme. I could imagine the agony so much more clearly. Is there a name for this? It's not jadedness; it's not quite 'dissociation.' It's got to be something else.. XD

[☣:кiløнэятzєn:☣] 04:09, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

Wow... This was just...

NASTY AND GROSS.

SICK AND VILE.

but I loved it. :D

Stefawn (talk) 20:03, July 30, 2012 (UTC)Stefawn

This was a very good pasta, and it kept me focused and paying attention throughout it, which is a good thing. The only thing, though, is that the guy is a dumbass. Can't he see the similarities between the new girl and that insane serial killer bitch. I would be so traumatized by the event that anyone looking like her would give me a panic attack.

--Biowu!f (talk) 20:40, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

This has got to be one of my favorite pastas. It took a while to build up (for a creepypasta), but the payoff was worth it. Also, this is just about the only pasta I know to use foreshadowing (She's a really good actor = she's able to hide her true nature from even her own husband.) Nicely done. There is, however, one problem. She was arrested and put to death? Didn't you say she was attractive? No jury would find an attractive woman guilty, nor would a judge sentence a woman to death. In America, she would probably get sentenced to therapy or probation. Also, who on earth would be genre blind to start dating the new girl at the end? ````

You ever heard of Aileen Wuornos, the female serial killer and prostitute from Florida that killed her johns? She was executed by lethal injection. True, she wasn't very attractive, but you know what I'm getting at? And with the undeniable evidence pointing her to the murders, I don't see why the jury would find her innocent. Besides, the bitch was obviously evil and (not even bordering on) insane. Who knows what kind of things she spewed at her trial? As for the last bit, I have no answer. TongueOfSathan (talk) 19:49, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

lol, is it bad that at the end I was screeming at the guy for being stupid enough to go out with someone that looked exactly like his wife who had tried to kill him in the first place? I liked this pasta! However I have to admit it kinda bothered me about the children. It was a great story though and it was actually quite believeable. keep up the good work!! :)DashingErwyne17 (talk) 22:30, September 7, 2012 (UTC)Everything is not what it seems

Awesome story. And I was doing the same as above (dude, she looks just like the murderer swore vengeance on you as she died. Maybe it's best to just stay single and focus on being successful). --Delta Jim (talk) 03:16, October 10, 2012 (UTC)

Really good pasta.

Pretty good pasta. Twisted too. The only thing that threw me off was the "I AM A F****** FAGGOT" Part, Though That was pretty funny. 10/10 CreepyPastaCritic (talk) 21:53, October 9, 2012 (UTC)CreepyPastaCritic

Indeed I have a simmilar reaction, I have a bit of a gripe with the ending in that it seems that the narrator is 'too dumb to live' but oh well. Very nice! Chaosian 19:50, October 13, 2012 (UTC)

Epic. --Win1 (talk) 17:15, October 17, 2012 (UTC)

Awesome!!!

DUDE!

A friend of mine got me to read this thing and I so do not regret it now. Thanks Buddy!

Great story man. It wasn't what i thought it would be but I still loved it. I have to give you some props cuz you really creeped me out man. Its hard to creep me out so thanks

Myvamplove (talk) 17:02, December 13, 2012 (UTC) MyVampLove

Needs work.

I liked the character's voice in the beginning and the self-depricating humor, but as far as being actually "creepy" the story falls flat. Part of it is the enormous amount of story speak, especially when the character watches the videos. "Story speak" is a term for when writers separate the reader from the character by using phrases such as, "it occurred to me" or "it seemed like" rather than letting the speaker present details organically, as he might process them in his own thoughts. "It occurred to me that that was spooky" is a lot less emphatic than, "That was spooky." (Not very dramatic examples, but you should get the idea.) Don't put that layer between you and your reader -- let those concrete details speak for themselves. The speaker only needs to be the vessel through which we see them; he shouldn't interpret them himself. Bear in mind, that doesn't mean his mental process should be removed from the piece. "Goosebumps chill my arms" (a concrete detail) or "Dread seeps into my pores as I look upon my wife" (more of an abstraction) can develop the speaker's emotional state, but you're not forming a wall between the reader and the story by throwing that interpretive wrench between the gears.

Also, you really need to reconsider the tense. Past tense implies that he's recollecting a past event, which instantly rules out the possibility of his death. If you want to maintain suspense, you could have all the speaker's recollecting end the day he needs to find a new laptop, which is his present. From there, we have no narrative implications of his future, as we're currently in the moment learning how events unfold along with the speaker. That way when you get to the scene where his wife's about to kill him, no one gets the thought, "Oh, well we're still in past tense, which must mean he makes it out of here somehow." We don't know if he makes it out alive until he does.

Don't take this criticism as an insult. Criticism is essential to the writing process, so if you're serious about the craft, you need to embrace it. Even award-winning authors will participate in workshops because they know that there's a huge difference in how the author interprets his own work and how the reader will. For instance, I recently had workshopped a piece in which a drunk dude was regularly burping between dialogoue. In my head, I knew he was drinking -- I was so sure of this detail that I had neglected to actually WRITE IT INTO THE PIECE. So when people responded, "How the hell's he burping so much without eating or drinking anything?" I was so sure they had skipped over that detail until, after reading the first scene several times, I facepalmed and realized, "That detail's not in the story whatsoever." Sometimes the author knows his fictive world so clearly that he thinks details are there that were never actually stated. This is just one example of why criticism is so fudging gewd.

Don't let positive feedback make you think you can disregard criticism. Some readers may not be as critical and won't pick up on these shortcomings. However, if you want your work to be appreciated by a larger audience, you need to ensure neither the academic nor the pedestrian reader won't find anything at fault. Plus, as much positive feedback as you've received in its current state, it (or a future piece) would receive so much more with these revisions. Even those who are satisfied with the current piece I believe would enjoy it more.

By the way, is this a Bluebeard allusion? The plot's so common that you might not actually be drawing from its origins (Bluebeard), but if you are, kewl.

Serdones (talk) 06:56, December 18, 2012 (UTC)

Oh my God... When she killed the baby I cried soooo hard cuz my baby cousin just left!!! D,:



ThatOneDude699 (talk) 01:16, January 17, 2013 (UTC)Gavin RandallThatOneDude699 (talk) 01:16, January 17, 2013 (UTC)

??

Why was this flagged as NSFW? I don't find the murder depictions too gruesome.

Sekretguy777 (talk) 23:36, April 16, 2013 (UTC)sekretguy777

Hmmmm...

DontTurnAround (talk) 22:06, June 11, 2013 (UTC) DontTurnAround

MrCreepyPasta didn't read the bit about the baby being hit against the wall. It was a bit much I think. Just leave in the blue liquid bit if you realy wantto, I could barely tolerate that, but the being hit against the wall bit bit is extremely messed up, it's the only reason this page is NSFW.

Score

8.6/10 - CrashingCymbal (talk) 12:54, June 22, 2013 (UTC)

Why always .avi? Why never .mp4? Ftaghn Talk 20:56, July 1, 2013 (UTC)

Mind = Blown! Awesome pasta, 10/10, definitely one of the best I've read. Only three problems. One, as others have pointed out he is way too stupid at the end, two, as someone mentioned above, I didn't really understand the part about her "floating" in the videos, and three, "hot ice" is mentioned in the last paragraph. I'm pretty sure that's an oxy-moron. HOT ICE WOULD BE WATER!!! These problems don't take anything away from the pasta though, they're just me being the obnoxious nit-picker that I am. All in all, great job! 'Nuff said. (talk) 04:54, July 2, 2013 (UTC)


This is a really good pasta!The Slenderman and Rake wasn't who knows who to me,but i really love this pasta!Good job!Nicu0246813579 (talk) 16:13, July 6, 2013 (UTC)Nick

I Like You

You are a very good writer Neevo Migi (talk) 00:18, July 21, 2013 (UTC) edaW amlA

Boxes in the basement?

There's a brief mention of boxes that the narrator hadn't seen since he first moved in, and a later mention of the films being confiscated. Putting 2 and 2 together (since when can the police confiscate videos on a laptop, unless you meant they took the laptop itself?), I think that box contained her collection of snuff films, perhaps she used an 8mm camera -- which would explain the grainy quality of the videos -- and loaded those videos onto the computer (a la Sinister, though I believe this was made before it was even released). And the books stacked on top of the box and laptop ... hmmm ... a possible explanation for her seemingly superhuman abilities?

Also, how did the neighbors hear the narrator's screams, but not those of her previous victims? From what I could tell, all her victims were tortured and murdered in the very same area. That's my mind for you. Taking notice of all the seemingly small and insignificant details and seeing something in them that may have been overlooked. Still, I've officially made up my mind about this pasta: awesome! Gruesome, disturbing, and incredibly fucked-up, but amazingly well-written. 10/10 Stellarvore666 (talk) 07:24, July 21, 2013 (UTC)

This is Vile, Repulsive, Scary and Mind fucking....


... I strangely love it  10/10  Aristackler (talk) 01:26, July 27, 2013 (UTC)

This is Vile, Repulsive, Scary and Mind fucking....


... I strangely love it  10/10  Aristackler (talk) 01:30, July 27, 2013 (UTC)

Oh, god...

This was brilliant, revolting, well-written, nauseating, greatly plotted, horrifying, and the best and worst things I've read on here! Keep up the good/bad work! Me!-Bwahaha! 19:29, August 7, 2013 (UTC)Hurshbr

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