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Plot: 10/10

Hooks you in and keeps you in. An interesting, creepy mystery. 

Originality: 10/10

There are pastas about time travel, but not done like this. 

Ending: 8/10

I have to admit- the ending DID catch me off-guard, but some things don't add up, like how at the start of the final update (the one the end of the pasta is in) the narrator mentions Jeremy but by the end he has no clue of who Jeremy is. However, this, and possibly the entire pasta, could be clarified in a sequel of some sorts. Or maybe we're just supposed to sit in the dark, thinking about the story and what it actually is (who is Jeremy?).

Writing: 6/10

The plot kept me in, and the writing merely dragged the story along. Not the worst, but far from the best.

Overall experience: 10/10

A great overall story. I'll probably have trouble sleeping tonight. 

Final score: 44/50

Alcatraz? That's your name? Alcatraz... Destiny's a bitch, huh? 13:46, March 27, 2013 (UTC)

Final score: 44/50

)
Oh I hope I'm doing this right, talk pages aren't my thing and I am having trouble finding the site rules on the subject.  Anyway the way I figured it, he forgets who Jeremy is because he somehow gets caught in a timeloop in the middle of the update, since he seems to be starting it all over again. Personally I found that to be the most horrific part.
Unless you already knew that and wanted more specifics in which case I apologize.
As for the creepypasta itself, I greatly enjoyed it. Well, when it wasn't tearing my heart out at the end. I always feel bad for people who get "trapped" in a situation.DtecnoKira (talk) 10
27, April 1, 2013 (UTC)

Score

7.7/10 - CrashingCymbal (talk) 10:42, July 2, 2013 (UTC)


I don't know how to vote (I'm only a regular reader because of the stories and I only found out now that there's a voting for Monthly Pasta), but my vote goes to this one! I liked everything about it! The only part I didn't get was the burnt house. Was Jeremy the estranged son stealing motor oil to loop his actions? Followthedamntrain (talk) 05:11, April 12, 2013 (UTC)

Wait, was he stealing the motor oil to burn the house down? DtecnoKira (talk) 06:08, April 12, 2013 (UTC)

This is a pretty cool story, but the title really sucks. "The Strangest Security Tape I've Ever Seen"? It makes the story sound like it's going to be incredibly boring. Mdcowboy (talk) 20:51, April 23, 2013 (UTC)

Wonderful Story!

AMAZING!

First, let me start off by saying I apologize if I am posting out of turn here. This is my first night here and I am unsure of policy on posting feedback. 

However, I would like to say this is one of the best non-gaming creepypastas I have read as of yet! I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and was pulled in over something as small as a millisecond face popping up on a security camera. Now that is good writing! 

I will agree that the twist ending could use a bit of tweeking (perhaps the new review of tapes being under a new time stamp to stop confusion?) but the twist really shows that this area will never be released from this hellish replay. The bit of FBI information gives it some backstory, which you often do not get in flash fiction/creepypastas. 

This author has real talent. I look forward to reading more!

10/10 even if there was a debatable ending.

Mnc5771 (talk) 05:01, June 6, 2013 (UTC)mnc5771

(clap)

Reading this to choose a candidate for Pasta of the Month... I would have liked more closure, but I suppose that's a personal taste thing. All in all, not bad at all. Don't see a lot of stuff like this and it's good fodder to hook a reader (I mean, come on, everyone wants to know what's on the eponymous security tape), and the way the FBI get involved I could almost see it being expanded into a novella. (◕‿◕✿) Plasterbrain (talk) 05:21, June 19, 2013 (UTC)

Why is everyone so confused?..

I don't know, guys.  I feel like the implications left in the ending are closure enough; you just have to do the tying-up in your head.  Jeremy's the estranged son whom nobody could trace - probably because he's been hopping the borders of time to escape from the cops - and if we're to assume that there's no extraneous information given in the story, what motive would someone have [other than just being some kind of unexplained delusional psycho] to drench a random family's house in oil and burn it down, unless they had some sort of a connection?  This is just my view, but I'm thinking he was getting revenge on the family for disowning him or something.  As for why he's stealing oil in the present day:  maybe this is something he's realised he could get away with due to his ability to fuck with time, and so he's become this serial killer who's stocking up to burn down another house..

Adds another layer of horror to the whole thing, I think. :O Such an excellent mystery that leaves you speculating about it long after you've finished reading.  It's like the story just keeps going in your head - the author provides just enough links for the reader to put together on their own and be satisfied, while still leaving the whole thing open enough for some interesting discussions.  Man, I need to find more stories with such a great balance of those qualities.  I'm absolutely rooting for this one to get PotM.  Awesome writing! :D

[☣:кiløнэятzєn:☣] 07:10, June 28, 2013 (UTC)

Paradox

What if Jeremy was both the estranged son and the person who burnt down the house? He was stocking up on motor oil to do SOMETHING... what if he wanted to "unloop" himself and kill himself in his own house? Dunno- I gave it another read but my rating still doesn't change. I will drink from your skull! 09:18, June 28, 2013 (UTC)

I think that might have been an implication. Dunno though, been forever since I read this. I, Da Cashman (talk) 04:45, July 2, 2013 (UTC)

But if he's been 'estranged,' he likely wouldn't live with them anymore, so he wouldn't have had to kill himself to be both the murderer and the son. So far as the family would've been concerned, he was no longer one of them. Estranged = kind of like being disowned. [☣:кiløнэятzєn:☣] 22:06, June 29, 2013 (UTC)

Neat! 8/10!  Don't screw, Cuz it's True (talk) 03:04, July 4, 2013 (UTC)

Let's~ do~ the time~ warp again~!

I remember listening to MrCreepyPasta do a reading of this a few months back. Great story to hear. My theory: Jeremy can not only set a loop in time, but he can also get others stuck in the loop. So; he goes back in time to burn the house down, uses his abilities to elude the authorities, and whenever someone connects the dots... bam. He traps them in the loop (the three customers were just collateral damage as they were, unfortunately, in too close a time frame to be spared). From the Devil's House ; take me. Out of darkness; walk me. Out of blindness; lift me. Out of sadness; save me. From my damned-ness. It is time, Lord. (talk) 03:59, July 4, 2013 (UTC)

↑↑↑ THANK you!  Thankyouthankyouthankyou.  This is exactly the conclusion I made, and I think you're better at explaining it than I was.  Iunno; I just never understood why it was so difficult to get; it's just a little more subtly-implied than a lot of stories. [☣:кiløнэятzєn:☣] 05:19, July 6, 2013 (UTC)

I don't even know if it's subtly implied. It takes thinking and connecting the dots, sure, but if you have the patience to read the entire story you ought to be able to do that. I don't think there's any room for interpretation, that is the answer. I, Da Cashman (talk) 03:51, July 17, 2013 (UTC)

5-10 due to the ending I dont get what happens to make sense this need a part 2—Preceding unsigned comment added by 195.166.157.230 (talkcontribs).

SCP

" "Oh Christ, we've got another one on our hands." "

I don't think that was the actual FBI they were talking to...

LavaLord4 (talk) 03:59, July 11, 2013 (UTC)


Author never said he wasn't talking to Fox Mulder ;D From the Devil's House ; take me. Out of darkness; walk me. Out of blindness; lift me. Out of sadness; save me. From my damned-ness. It is time, Lord. (talk) 04:31, July 11, 2013 (UTC)

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

Crap. I live in Pensylvania (COME AT ME, STALKERS!). Well, guess I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight. Final Chidori

This Was Awesome

I've just read one of the best creepypasta's in my life! I swear, it was awesome! Yes, it was confusing, but who cares? It was clever, and the writer is an absolute genius.

I've just read one of the best creepypasta's in my life! I swear, it was awesome! Yes, it was confusing, but who cares? It was clever, and the writer is an absolute genius.

I've just read one of the best creepypasta's in my life! I swear, it was awesome! Yes, it was confusing, but who cares? It was clever, and the writer is an absolute genius.

Your biggest fan, this is Stan. (talk) 16:44, July 21, 2013 (UTC)

Loved it. Very interesting plot, incredibly creepy. I got chills down my spine.

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