I’m telling it you happened and I don’t give a damn if you believe me or not! Hell, I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. Oh, you wanna hear the story, the truth, just how it happened? Well, I can tell you but as I said, you ain’t going to believe it!
This particular event occurred a year ago today, right up there on that there mountain! It was high noon and me and my brother John Boy were hunting deer. Now as you can see, that there mountain is full of cliffs! Very dangerous. Gotta be a pro to make your way up there. Had an uncle fell clean off that face and smashed his head right open just like cracking a watermelon!
Anyway, So we was making our way up the creek slowly as to not disturb the deer. They is smart little buggers they is. But we was smarter. We walked with our shoes off as to not make waves. Slowly, oh so slowly we krept up the creek around the giant bend and settled in just below that giant oak. You know the one. We were prepared to wait it out. We brought jerky and milk right off my goat Matildas titty.
After a couple hours we decided it was time to move. It was reaching late afternoon and we got the itchin. Momma was expecting us home by sundown and by damn she was expecting to be cooking up some meat tonight. I’ll tell you what, momma didn’t like when we showed up empty handed. My poor arse was still sore from the last time we didn’t get a buck. I looked at John Boy and he looked at me.
We started our way up the bottom of the cliff. Now that there bottom wasn’t all that bad on account of those foot paths that those injuns had made way back when. But it was still slippery. When we got up about 50 feet we came upon a flat space. It went a ways back and then spread out on the sides. I hear tale about how injuns used to go up there and do some fancy dancing and such. They left crap all over up there. Even some of those large poles with pictures cut right in to the bark. I drew my own on one of them. It was of my twig and berries. You know, my cock and balls. Best picture I ever drew! All my friends said anyway.
Somedays you can find a deer right there on that very patch. But not that day. No sir, no such luck. We was gunna have to work for this un. The trail continued up at the back of that their patch. This was the hardest part. No injun paths no more. No sir. This was real mans climbing. Hundred foot straight up the face with just some cracks to put yer hands. John Boy went first and I followed behind.
Every so slowly he climbed. Step by step and hand by hand. In a lightening flash John Boy lost grip with his left hand. He let out a grunt. Ya see, John Boy was struck stupid on account of almost dying as a baby. He never really could say a word. Being a cleaver though he began a grunten to let it known what he wanted or needed. He got a long pretty damn well too.
Anyway, so John Boy let out a loud grunt as his darn hand slipped off the rock. But just like the master he was, he stayed a hell of calm and placed his hand back in the hold. I whispered, “Damn, John Boy, gave me a might of a scare on that one.” He gave a sheepish grin and continued on up the path. Just as he reached the top, he stopped.
Now John Boy may have been dumb, but he was strong as an ox. What happened next, I will never forget. I started to feel a trickle, you know a stream on my face. I took a quick glance around but there were no clouds. I couldn’t imagine what the hell it was. As I entered my mouth, I knew exactly what it was. John Boy, the strongest and bravest I knew, was pissing himself!
Suddenly, I couldn’t move. I realized that if John Boy was pissing himself, he was seeing something that no one could see and still hold their liquid. A new terror entered my mind. Drinking piss was the least of my worries. Getting wet on this cliff wall was almost certainly going to be my death. Just as I started to shake and open my mouth to speak, woosh, just like that, John Boy was taken. I mean he was lifted and pulled so fast, both of his shoes came off and darn near hit me in the noggin on the way down.
I wanted to scream for my brother, but I knew I couldn’t. I was a sitting duck. After a moment of silence, I saw a giant shadow appear above me. Whatever it was, that thing was large. Within seconds I heard what sounded like dynamite exploding in small charges on the ground above. All the sudden with a giant thud, bam, John Boys lifeless body was hanging just enough over the edge of the cliff for me to see his eyes staring me in the face. Almost as if he was saying his final goodbye.
With one giant motion, his body was lifted again and thrown out over the cliff into the forest below. He wasn’t just thrown, he went a good quarter mile. As tears welled in my eye for the loss of my brother and my own impending doom, whatever it was, stomped off. The forest became quiet again. Still not being able to move, I held on for dear life.
After a few minutes, I realized I had to try. Slowly and while still shaking terribly, I made my way back down the cliff. As I reached the patch, I fell to that darn ground like a lump. When I opened my eyes again, it was dark and I was aching all over. I starting to wonder to myself if it was some kind of dream, but then when I noticed John Boy was no where to be found, I knew it wasn’t. It was all too real.
After gathering myself for a couple minutes, I took a piss behind a tree and started down the 50 foot path. All I could think about was what that thing was and where in the hell was John Boy. As I finally reached the porch of the house, I yelled out, “Momma, John Boy, John Boy.”
Momma all 450 pounds of her came running out the house like it was on fire. “Where is John Boy, Henry? Where is John Boy?” I yelled, “He’s gone momma. The devil got him.” She then helped me up and we went into the table. I then told momma all that had happened that day. I’m not sure she believed me. Hell, I wasn’t sure if I believed me. But, it happened just like I said and that’s that.
They sent out a search party the next day to find John Boy. He was nowhere to be found. They searched and searched for weeks. Finally, about 3 months later, a hunter had made his way into the top of a tree to lie in wait for an elk when he spotted something dangling from the top of a tree. As he got closer, he could see John Boys red jacket and blue jeans.
That darn tree was so high, they had to bring in one of those police helicopters to remove his body. In fact, the event became almost an event for the whole town. They had a town picnic and parade and everything. Like my brothers death was a celebration. But ole John Boy got the last laugh. When they picked up his body, his bones were so busted up that he just fell like a leaf in the wind and landed right on the Mayor’s wifes lap. She let out a horrendous scream and went running off into the forest with her arsehole husband following behind. John Boy hated the mayor because he always made fun of him. I thought, “Good for you Jon Boy. You got the last laugh.”
We had a proper burial for John Boy after the feds were done looking over his body. People say it kind of brought our little town closer together. I think it’s B.S. but whatever. I go pay my respects every now and then, but every time I do, I think of that day and what happened to poor John Boy. But, I also wonder, what the hell was that thing? And where is it now?