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The Bride's Monologue

This is the happiest day of my life! (Giggles.) I've dreamed of this day since I was three when I attended my parent's wedding. (Applies red lipstick.) Kinda ticked I wasn't their flower girl, I mean I'm their own daughter. Oh well, I guess thirty years is long enough to get over it. (Caps lipstick and places it down on the vanity table.) Now this is my wedding.

(Hums wedding march while playing with curls.) The stylist did so good with my curls. Don't you agree? Of course you do, sweetie. (Applies eyeshadow.)

They say it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, but since you're here, that's all the luck I need. (Smiles at groom.) Ever since the first day I laid eyes on you, I knew you'd be mine-one way or another.

It's only gonna be a small crowd, but that's for the better. Too many witnesses will be too much a mess. Your mama will have to get over it.

Checklist. Something old: mama's veil. Something new: my gorgeous gown. Something borrowed: your ex's engagement ring. (Shows off ring.) Won't suit her little cold finger. Something blue: huh. Your face, kinda. Sorry, sweetie, the tape's gonna have to stay on just a little longer, just 'til the "I do's." Don't want you gettin' cold feet like your ex's little tagged toe in that metal drawer.

Now don't look at me that way. She was in our way. You'll get used to it soon. I know we'll be so happy. 'Til death do us part.