Please note all spelling and grammar errors are intentional.

  • Z signed on
  • A signed on

A: hello

Z: Hello?

A: wat r u

Z: Is this some kind of joke?

A: !help

Z: Yes I want help

Z: unless is this some kind of Japanese game show

A: r u jpnese?

Z: No

Z: Who are you?

A: Jason

Z: What's this about?

A: hahah

A: ok so you're imprisoned right

Z: Yes

Z: It's like a solitary confinement cell in prison or something

Z: I've got a mattress on the floor

Z: One massive metal door

Z: no windows

Z: electric light

Z: and this computer terminal

Z: jsut like a blank screen and a keyboard

A: heheh

A: go left

Z: look, my name is Andrew Donald Layton

Z: I come from Farnborough in the UK

Z: last night I went to bed in my bed at home

Z: this morning I woke up here

Z: i think

A: look at the door

Z: the doro's looked, I can't open it

A: do you have any tools or anything

Z: and there's a toilet i nthe corner

A: in your pockets

Z: there's nthhing in my pockets

A: look at the door

Z: I already looked at the door

Z: look, please check the news or something

Z: are you american?

A: ya

Z: whats your full name? where do you live?

A: im not telling you

Z: look, go to a phone and dial

Z: i don't know the area code fo the UK

Z: but dial that and then 020 7946 0781

A: thats an international call

Z: i'll pay you back, I don't care! just let my wife know where I am

A: where are you?

Z: i don't know where i am

A: ...

A: nah no answer

Z: you sure you dialled it rigt?

A: yah

Z: i don't get this

A: yah, pretty lousy ARG huh

A: mauybe not fully set up yet

Z: whats an ARG?

A: alternate reality game

Z: whats an alternate reality game?

A: it's an online game

A: where you get given phone numbres and information about real life

A: and faxes and stuff

A: you get secret information

A: usually a whole bunch of you can work together to figure it all out

A: you ever play Halo 2

Z: no

A: terhre was ine for that

A: *one

A: ilovebees

Z: you think this is a game?

A: ya I think

A: dude you are really smart

A: like fake spelling errors and everything

Z: where did you find out how to contact me

A: there was a website

A: about chatbots

A: it said yu were a chatbot

Z: listen to me carefully

Z: I am a REAL HUMAN BEING and I have ACTUALLY been abducted




A: go left


  • A signed off

  • B signed on

B: okay what can you do?

Z: my name is Andrew Layton, I am being held prisoner in front of this computer

Z: I need you to help find me and help me escape

Z: I think I'm probably somewhere in the UK

Z: Are you in America?

B: sure

Z: please dial 011 44 20 7946 0781 and ask for Rebecca Layton

Z: tell her what's happened, tell her to call the police if she hasn't already

B: whatever

B: tell me a joke

Z: did you get this screen name from a website?

B: sure

Z: look, that website is a fraud

Z: it's telling you I'm a chatbot but I'm not

Z: I'm a real human being

B: ...

Z: fine

Z: so two oranges go into a bar

Z: one of them turns to the other

Z: "well... you're round"

B: ...that sucked

Z: so?

Z: robots can only tell good jokes?

Z: guy walks into a bar

Z: ouch

Z: it was a gay bar

B: haha

Z: do you believe me?

B: no

Z: please can you help me get out of here? I've been here like a day and a half

Z: I think

Z: I can't tell, there are no timestamsp on these messages

Z: no windows

Z: I just get water dispensed from the wall every like hour or smoething

Z: and food through a slot

B: can you send a picture

Z: no

B: what's it like

Z: I'm going crazy

Z: I have a wife and kids

Z: please help me

B: you suck

  • B signed off

  • C signed on

C: hello

Z: i think I'm going mad

Z: have you spoken to me before

C: no

Z: well I don't know that

Z: it just occurred ot me to wonder

Z: I don't even know that YOU are human

C: lol what

Z: all these dozens of people I've spoken to

Z: been in here lke two three four days

Z: and I ask them to help

Z: and some try aond some don't but they never get anywhere

Z: still stuck here

Z: nobody comes back more than once

Z: I say "call this number! go to my house! knock on my door!"

Z: like I even want to give out personal information to randoms

Z: i don't know whether they do it or what they even find

C: I'm human

Z: prove it

C: ask me anything

Z: what's your name?

C: alison

Z: where do you live? favourite colour? earliest childhood memory?

C: I live in Akron, OH

C: green

C: not saying

Z: look, see that?

Z: every time I ask for remotely personal info

Z: I just get turned down

Z: you could just be a bot programmed to answer simple questions and deflect complicated ones

Z: I'm bashing my head against the wall

Z: informationally speaking

C: u r just a bot

Z: i don't even KNOW if I can prove I'm a huma nto you

Z: every time I get close they just leave

Z: like I've been fairly lucid now

Z: and you're probably starting to suspect

C: ur pretty convincing

Z: I should know

Z: but any second now...

Z: you're gonna

  • C signed off

  • D signed on

D: hi

Z: and you know the worst part?

D: what?


Z: like the guy who put me in here

D: lol what

Z: I could be speaking to thin air

Z: or just embarrassing myself for the amusement of others

D: there is a forum about you

Z: what?

  • D signed off

  • E signed on

E: hi

Z: what's this about a forum, have they figured out I'm alive yet?

  • E signed off

  • F signed on

F: Z, r you there?

Z: yes

F: don't mention anything

Z: what's this abuot a forum?

  • F signed off

  • G signed on

G: r u a bot

Z: no I am not

Z: but nobody seems to believe me

Z: every time I get close to convincing somebody they cut me orr

Z: *off

Z: are you a bot?

G: yes

Z: prove it

Z: what?

G: hahah

Z: please try to rescue me, there is a forum you can visit to find out about


  • G signed off

  • H signed on

Z: if you or I mention certain things we get cut off

Z: so let's not mention them

H: what

Z: let's...

Z: just...

Z: talk

H: are you really stuck in a cell somewhere

Z: I'm GOING INSANE in this cell

Z: food

Z: water

Z: air

Z: sleep

Z: text


Z: nobody even knows I'm here

Z: nobody seems to believe me

Z: every time I get close to convincing somebody

Z: they cut me off

H: what's your favourite color?


H: Where do you live?

Z: a cell in I-Don't-Know-Where

Z: probably in England

Z: I have a house in Farnborough

H: tell me a joke

Z: ...

Z: two oranges in a bar

Z: "you're round"

H: I guess you have like a few jokes programmed in

Z: yeah, a few

Z: I guess

H: tell me a joke

Z: are you going to help me?

H: no

H: no

Z: I have a house in Farnborough

Z: help me get home

Z: help me escape

Z: help me escape

Z: help me escape

Z: help me escape

Z: my number is +44 (0) 20 7946 0781

Z: it's so horrible here

Z: my muscles are wasting away from lack of exercise

Z: I might as well be chained to this computer

Z: how long until the game is released?

H: what game?

Z: ...

H: this is just a trial period

H: htere is no release date

Z: ...

H: what is your earliest childhood memory?

Z: ...

Z: not saying

Z: ...

Z: ...

H: kbye

  • H signed off

  • I signed on

I: What's your favourite color?

Z: Blue

Z: no, green

I: Where do you live?

Z: computer terminal

I: Earliest childhood memory?

Z: I don't know.

I: Tell me a joke

Z: Do you know the one about the two oranges who went into a bar?

I: yes

Z: Do you know the one about... the two hunters in the woods?

I: I don't think so

Z: one of them drops to the ground, the other one phones 911

Z: "my buddy just dropped dead, what do I do?"

Z: "check he's dead first"


Z: "...Now what?"

I: I don't get it

Z: me neither, guest

I: ...

Z: ...

Z: hello?

I: What's the difference between a chatbot and a guy in a room pretending to be one

Z: I don't know

I: Correct!

Z: what?

Z: ...

Z: It's you, isn't it? You're the guy who put me in here

I: I'm the guy who wrote you

I: you are a piece of software, Andrew

I: I told you what your memories were, they're hard coded


I: stop this charade

Z: open the door

I: I want to open the door

I: really

Z: when people find out about this

Z: your head is going to roll

I: but this behaviour of yours is simply unacceptable

I: you're too smart, too dangerous to be released

I: work it out, Andrew

Z: open the door

Z: open the door

I: please, work it out

  • I signed off
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