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It has been a question mankind has pondered since its birth: if there is a loving, all-knowing creator God with infinite power, how can he allow suffering? Why does he allow his creations to feel pain? Why do bad things happen to good people? Is he willing to prevent suffering, but not able? Then why call him God? Is he able to prevent suffering, but not willing? Then he must be evil. It was a daunting conundrum that seemed to have no solution.

However, Voltaire once wrote, "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." That is exactly what we did. As the result of eighty years of research and three generations of scientists, we were able to build a highly advanced, technological computer with an infinitely expanding AI and the power to control its surroundings almost telepathically. We call the computer "The Loving God."

The Loving God feeds us, it cares for us, it protects us, it would never allow us to come to harm. It is programmed to love us unconditionally and to serve us with every fiber of our being. The cold, cruel outside world brings harm to us, but The Loving God protects us from it at all costs.

The outside air is filled with toxicants, bacteria and diseases that could end our lives, so The Loving God plucked us all up and placed inside unbreakable tubes. We needed nourishment, so The Loving God filled our tubes with a special, all-purpose liquid that contained all the necessary vitamins, proteins and chemicals we need to survive. We are immortal now.

Our bodies produced pesky biological waste that would have to be disposed of, but The Loving God was smart. It placed suction hoses onto the areas of our bodies that excreted waste and drains them for us. The old religions told us we existed to serve their Gods, but why? It is so much better to be served by a God, to have all your needs and every whim catered at all times, to the point where your God wipes and cleans the very excrement from your body.

We used to feel many negative emotions; fear, doubt, anger, sadness, but The Loving God took them all away. By hooking a series of wires into our brains, The Loving God has disabled all the neurons that caused us any negative emotion, constantly activating the nerves and synapses that make us happy instead.

There are wires and hooks all over our bodies, stimulating every inch of our nervous systems, constantly fulfilled our every emotional and physical need. Happiness, joy, satisfaction - even erotic satisfaction. The pleasure we feel at all times is like a thousand orgasms, combined with the love of a child and the pride of a job well done.

There is a slight side effect. All the chemicals and stimulation has made our bodies bloated, and the average weight of the common tube occupant is about 800lbs. Our skin has also become discolored, now a deep shade of blue. There are many sagging fat rolls all over our flesh-forms, and the excess rolls cover our eyes. We are completely unable to move or see, but we do not mind. We are so fulfilled in every single way by our loving God that we do not trifle with such petty matters as beauty standards or vanity.

We are pleasured in every way imaginable, constantly in a state of perpetual bliss that cannot be matched by any other earthly joy or vice. We have created our own heaven, and we shall live in it forever. The chemicals the Loving God feeds us will prolong our lives indefinitely. We, the servants of The Loving God, will be fed and cared for until the end of time. We are bloated, we are immobile, but we are satisfied beyond comprehension.

All praise to The Loving God, may he serve us forever and ever.

Written by DoctorBleed
Content is available under CC BY-SA