The One Who Answers

Hello, dear reader. If you don't already know, this is an instruction manual. Not for cooking, or assembly, but for questions. Any questions, all questions. This manual is being written to tell YOU, reader, how to get any question you’ve ever asked answered. To do this, you must follow every instruction to the letter. Failing to do so will result in a much less happy ending.

First, you will need some materials.

1. 16 black or dark colored candles. While black is not required, it is preferred. You do not want to see anything but the flame if it is lit in the dark; you'll see why later.

2. Matches. Not a lighter, blowtorch, or similar objects.

3. A knife, sharpened.

4. A book, NONFICTION. This is important, deathly so.

5. A timer or stopwatch. Not required, but if you do not have one, be sure you have an impeccable sense of time.

6. An alarm clock.

7. A room with no windows and no more than one door; this door needs to have a lock on it.

If you have acquired all of the items listed above, here is what you must do.

It must be a new moon, and there must be near one hundred percent cloud coverage; there may be no lights in the vicinity of the house or structure you are in. If there are, the ritual will not work.

Take your candles and place them around the house you are in. There must be around 6-8 feet of space between each candle at a minimum; the farther apart, the better. Place all but one around the house and make sure there is only ONE in the room with no doors or windows. We will refer to this room as the “safe room.”

Take your knife, book, and stopwatch or timer and place them in your room. These won't be used until later, so we can forget about them until now. Leave the door to your room CLOSED.

On the night of the ritual, set the alarm clock for exactly 2:33 AM and go to sleep as you would usually. If you wake up at ANY other time than 2:33 AM, turn off the alarm clock, go back to sleep, and do not attempt the ritual for 2 years, 2 months, and 3 days.

If you did wake up at 2:33 AM, check the door. Is it open? If it is, LEAVE. You don't have to run, but get out of the house before 3:00AM. Stay in a hotel, a motel, at a friend's, it doesn't matter; just get out and don’t come back until 2:33 PM the next day. You may never attempt the ritual again.

Finally, if the door is still closed and you have woken up at the correct time, you may begin the ritual. Use your matches to light the single candle that is in your safe room. Set your timer to 3 minutes and 33 seconds and speak the following words: “I call upon thee who walks the fields of knowledge, and like knowledge is hidden in darkness.”

You should hear a whisper in response: “And you will fall to darkness with them.”

If you do not, hear this after some time, speak the words "I am sorry I bothered you. Please forgive me."

If it was successful:

There is no going back.

The next steps are vital.

You have exactly 3 minutes and 33 seconds to light all 16 candles around your house.

However, they are all in a different place than before. They are not hidden; they will be in plain sight, but in different places than you left them. You may only use your candle for a light source—no other lights will turn on.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET YOUR CANDLE GO OUT.

If your timer goes off before they are lit, go back to your room. This is where the knife comes in. Slit your own throat. It is a much kinder fate than you will receive if you do not.

If you have managed to light all of the candles in the alloted time, go back to your room and lock your door. Pick up your book and start reading. Read as loudly as possible without making the words unclear, and continue reading until 3:00AM. At 3:00, you will hear 16 individual knocks. If it is any more or any less...it's time to use the knife. If it is 16, you may ask your question. Still do not let your candle go out, for any reason.

You can ask anything and you will receive an answer, one that is truthful.

There are things that you cannot ask:

1. You may not ask who the creature is.

2. You may not ask where it comes from or how it got here.

3. Finally, you may not request to see it.

As long as you follow these rules, you may ask questions until exactly 6:00AM. At this time, speak simply and say, “Goodbye. Thank you.” and blow out your candle.

If the ritual was successful, you may try it again 6 more times. You must, however, wait 3 months in between each successful ritual.

Good luck.