This story needs a large amount of work in order for it to pass the Creepypasta Wiki's quality standards. First off, you need to work on your grammar and spelling. Proper nouns such as "Canada", "I", and the names of characters muct be capitalized. Secondly, elipses are vastly overused in this story. The use of too many elipses reflects poor grammar and style. The use of elipses should be kept to a bare minimum. You also need to space the paragrpahs correctly. Using paragraphs are much more professional and easier to read than a massive wall of text. Create new paragraphs when a character is speaking, or when a new idea is brought up. Lastly, a story should show rather than tell. For example, many readers would find the phrase, "the thing ripped the guy's head off" incredibly boring and poorly written. This is because the phrase tells the facts. It does not use descriptive/figurative language to portray the image of the thing. There are also many cliches found within the story.
I am not the creator of the story, my friend furiousvallhalla wrote it, i just posted it to help him guys to fix some stuff..some *cough* But thanks for the notes (Yes I tried to fix some stuff on the Story, it needed more time and more Rich Grammar with more details.) If you have other tips, please post them so he can Evolve his grammar and Story Telling. (Me included because Creepypasta is a new Story Telling Horror Theme and I don't have a clue how to compose it)