Hi, my name is Jason, and I am going to tell you about the worst memory I have experienced... something that never should have happened, but due to not listening to my conscience, it occured it the most unimaginable way possible. And it all happened when I was just twenty.
It all started on November 17, 1982, at a recently built arcade in northern Ohio. I had just finished playing Pac-Man at around 7 PM, and I was about to exit the front door and walk to my car so I could go get myself some fast food at McDonald's or at Burger King, when a man in black suit wearing sunglasses prevented me from leaving. Then, he said something to me that I never forget.
"You have been chosen to test an arcade game by Namco that has been announced to come out to arcades in March of 1983," the man spoke with a deep voice. "Would you like to accept this offer? This might be the best decision in your lifetime."
I found this odd, because no one had ever come and ask something like this before. But I soon forgot about it because of all the excitement that had built up inside of me. After all, this game hadn't been released yet, and this would probably never happen again, so I agreed with the man.
"Very well," he said as he looked at his digital watch, only to be shocked to see what time it was. "We need to hurry son, because it starts in exactly eight minutes! Follow behind me please, we can't waste anymore time, or else you'll miss your opportunity!"
I ran behind him until we reached the back of the arcade, and then he put his hands in pockets and pulled out a pair of brass keys, turned the keys, and then he opened a door to what looked like a basement. As I walked down the stairs, I saw a lot of arcade cabinets, except that they had no decal art on any of the cabinets, and that the wood was replaced with see-through plastic. But I shrugged it off, because I knew they were prototypes of the game.
"Follow me to that red pad over in that corner, and once you step on that pad, and also do not move under any circumstances. Just do what I say," The man told me as he went up to a little station just right by the red pad. After I was all situated, he pushed a red button, and he counted down all the way to zero. Then, the last words I heard before teleporting into the game dimension were from the man. "I'll meet you inside!" He shouted into my ear before I disappeared into the game.
When I arrived inside the game, the first thing I saw was absolutely terrifying. The sky was a depressing gray, the sun was blood red, every single house was ablaze, coated with blood, dead bodies lying in the street in all shapes in sizes, and the pixelated landscape was replaced with a barren wasteland with large cemetery. It was almost like a nuclear bomb went off, and then World War III began. Then, after I had explored the place for about ten minutes and while I had looked around more closely, I saw a large decrepit mansion in the distance, and so I ran towards it. It only took 5 minutes to get to the mansion, because I didn't give a shit. Anyways, when I reached the mansion I sat down on the steps to take a break. Suddenly, I saw a little girl who was smiling, and she waved at me. I smiled at the girl, and I waved back. I turned around for just one second, and when I turned back around, she was gone.
To make sure I was not going out of my mind, I slapped myself and sure enough, I wasn't dreaming. Anyways, I slowly I began to walk in the direction that I last saw her at. Then the girl appeared out of nowhere, and she looked more terrifying than the first time I caught a glimpse of her. Here eyes were completely gouged out, and her teeth were sharp and pointed like that of a piranha. Before I could react, she leapt toward me and bit a huge chunk of flesh from my left arm. Screaming in complete agony, I could see my veins torn open and the blood spilling down my arm. With my good arm, I swung with all my might, punching her in the face and knocking her down to the ground and causing her to go unconscious. Then, I proceeded to run into the mansion and then lock the rusty old door.
Unfortunately, it didn't get any better than that because God was giving me a hard time on that day. Inside, there was a pentacle at the front of the door, dead bodies everywhere and blood that was splattered across the walls, and pools of it throughout. My mind raced with anxiety thinking what will happen next. I had a good reason to be anxious too. Before I was teleported inside, the man told me I would be trapped inside here until I killed a "certain enemy", but I didn't know what kind of enemy he meant. I was going to be trapped inside for the rest of my life.
My worries began to come true when I heard loud banging coming from the door, and a ear piercing scratching coming from the window. I didn't have anything to defend myself with except for my bare fists. Then the front door fell on the floor and at the front of the porch was the girl. She let out a menacing screech, and ran towards me. I ran up the grand staircase and stopped at the other staircase. I didn't know what to do, until I found an axe lying on the floor, which apparently belonged to a Boy Scout leader. I picked it up, and gripped on to it as I chopped off her terrifying face. Her head flew towards the other side of the room and landed right by the front door. Her body fell down the stairs and as it hit the floor, it made a loud thud. She was dead, and would never come back.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man at the bottom of the stairs. I was filled with relief and excitement, because I thought it was all over, but little did I know, that things would take a more terrifying turn. As I ran down the stairs to ask him what the "certain enemy" was, he just laughed and shook his head and said in a sinister voice, "Wow. You fool! You never figured it out yet?! The person that you need to kill... ...is me." the man said to me in a not surprising tone.
My jaw dropped after he said those words. How did I not know that he had lured me into a death trap? Did I overlook something that I must've missed? I really could not believe that he did this to me. I was both surprised and filled with fury.
"What?! I have to kill you? This is very confusing to me. Tell me why I need to kill you." I asked the man curiously. He laughed out loud and then he explained to me everything that he had did for his horrifying plan.
"I did this because I resorted to making rituals to Satan. I just need to make one more sacrifice and then eat all of the body parts for him. After I give him this sacrifice, Satan will make me second in command and I will take over the world with him, and then we will have unlimited power!! And that sacrifice that I was talking about? That is you! Also, I have complete control over these children!" He said as he looked straight at me with his bloodshot eyes. I now scared as ever, and I needed to kill this guy fast before he could take over the world along with Satan. And that explained why there was a pentacle in the house. He was doing rituals for the Prince of Darkness.
I grabbed the axe that I had used to kill the little girl with, and I clutched onto it with my hands. The man laughed, and pulled out a handgun from his pocket, thinking that he (being a dumbass) was better than me. He fired first, but he missed. So I moved a bit closer towards him when I had the chance. Once I was close enough, I threw the axe straight towards his head like a throwing knife, and his head came off. Then a bunch of rats and other animals came and ate his rotten corpse. But my ordeal wasn't over yet.
After the gun fight, a bunch of terryifing children appeared in front of me. You heard me. They ran straight toward me, and two of the bit my bad arm. I picked up the handgun and tried to shoot them all, but when I tried to shoot them, they just kept teleporting everywhere. And I ran out of ammo trying to shoot them all. Seriously? As they walked towards me, ready to eat my body alive, I found a door that led to the balcony. And I opened the door and realized that it would be a dead end. The only way to escape was to jump off the balcony. I hesitated for a moment as I watched the children run towards me. Then, I jumped off.
I broke my left leg from jumping off, so I ran from the mansion, and all the way to the streets. I stopped to rest for a minute, when a car driving at about sixty to seventy miles per hour was speeding down the road. I limped onto the sidewalk, barely missing the vehicle by about a few seconds and meters. Then the car suddenly stopped. And a man in a black suit just like the one I had met got out of the car. He shook his head when he looked at me.
"You shouldn't have done that," the man said he pulled out a throwing knife from his pocket. "You just killed one of my workers." Then he started to run towards me like a mad man. How lovely that was, you should have been there. I limped across the street for my life, until I was able to outrun him. I hid in a dark, disgusting alley that was filled with trash and other pests that I could think of. I needed to rest for about five minutes before I could go out in the streets again. I had also found a handkerchief lying on the floor, so I tried it around my left arm, and made a really tight knot to prevent it from bleeding anymore. I had to hold my breath so that the man wouldn't hear me, because if he heard me, he would find and kill me. He would just cover up the story of what happened to me, and no one would ever know what really happened that day.
Anyways, once I was ready, I took a deep breath, and then proceeded to walk out of the alley and hot wire the man's car. He yelled at me as I sped off into a decrepit neighborhood filled with abandoned houses and graves. Then, I got out of the car after I parked it into a garage and picked up a marksman's shotgun that was lying on the ground in the left corner, and loaded up the ammunition. I was ready for anything now, even if those pathetic children intervened.
I walked out into the open, and called for the other man to come out and fight. He heard the request, and came immediately to where I was. "You've made a poor decision young man..." He said as he shook his head with confidence. He threw the throwing knife at me, with anger on his face and no sign of remorse at all. But he missed by sixty feet. Stupid bitch. So I grabbed out the shotgun and shot him in the chest. He fell on his back, and was he breathing heavily, just barely clinging onto his own life.
"There is still something out there that is going to get you." He said to me with a evil grin on his face. I shook my head and said to him in a angrily tone that I still remember to this day. "I don't give a shit about what you say." Then I fired the final bullet from the shotgun.
He had died immediately from a gunshot wound to the head. Thank the lord he died.
After I had gunned this man down, a portal showed up. I ran toward it, and I was teleported back to the real world. When I had arrived in the basement where I had been teleported into the hellish game, I was so happy that I broke down and cried joyfully for abou three minutes.
After my ordeal was all over, I called the cops so they could figure out what this guy was doing this whole time. It wasn't until later that the cops told me it was a project that the CIA were doing that was called "Project Madness". The project's purpose was to experiment with virtual reality and teleportation for video games. They also told me that they had picked the test subjects randomly instead of studying people to save more time. Also, they had sent the man who I had killed at the stupid mansion to find people and lure them into the game, not knowing that he would only make sacrifices for Satan. What retards worked at the CIA at the time. There were ninety-nine deaths during the project before I stopped it. And if I had died, Satan would've taken over the earth with the dumbass who nearly killed me.
Also after this ordeal, I got married in October of 1983 to a woman named Lucy. In June of 1984 she eventually had two boys and two girls. Then, in 1992, two CIA agents arrived at my house and apologized about the incident ten years earlier. I forgave them, and then they gave me their phone numbers just in case any project that the CIA were working on went wrong and if someone tried to kill me to me again. But this wouldn't prevent a tragedy from occurring in my family forever.
I ran into an arcade machine about a week ago that was made by Namco, and it was Doorway to Madness. Scared to absolute death, I ran out of that arcade and drove home, only to find my daughter dead on the kitchen floor with a gunshot to her head, after the autopsy was performed, the cause of death was listed as suicide. And still, I am still waiting for that last piece of evil from that hellish game to come out and fight me that had killed one of my daughters. Death thinks he can win for life...
Just fr0m reading that intr0, I can see that this needs at least s0me min0r revisi0n. A few grammar issues, n0t a big deal. But the st0ry is... well, far fr0m anything that c0uld be labeled a creepypasta. The intr0 is bland, and starts 0ut rather cliche as far as a first pers0n intr0 can g0. The st0ry isn't very fluent either. All the inf0rmati0n c0mes 0ut in chunks and bec0mes m0re rand0m as y0u read 0n. We g0 fr0m mysteri0us arcade machine, t0 dem0n girl, and p0rtals, and rand0m Satan stuff. Then, if that wasn't bad en0ugh, he just rand0mly gets married after all 0f that, and then 00ps, his daughter died. I'm s0rry, but I d0n't see this making a g00d impressi0n 0n the site. Y0u c0uld try t0 re-write this, but it might be better t0 c0unt y0ur stars, learn fr0m this, and try a new st0ry. Writing takes practice, it's n0 shame t0 admit when y0u mess up. We all d0. Still, I think y0u have a great imaginati0n, and writing will definitely c0me easy t0 y0u s00n en0ugh.
Ok then, I will try to make some revisions to the title and to the story, and this is my first time trying, and I know that it is something far beyond what I usually do, but I think it would be fun doing it anyway. (When writing stories, it is hard for me to think "properly", so it is hard to accept criticism from people. Also, logic in my stories sometimes don't make sense because I feel like I shouldn't have to bring a bunch of personal things up from the character if this is supposed to be a creepypasta, and I know that I put in some cliches, but if I put those in there, then I just don't realize that I put them in there, so sorry that I overuse terms, but I have trouble writing. And I want you to retract your quote, "It's no shame to admit you mess up.", because that just feels plain old wrong right there. Anyway, thanks for your review. LegoMaster2149 (talk) 17:33, September 30, 2015 (UTC)
This is really not the place for this kind of argument/discussion/whatever this is. The Writer's Workshop is for the review and improvement of pastas. If this continues, I may have to issue bans to those involved. Thanks :)
Ok as BelowXero explained, the information in the story come in big random chunks.
Since Im a begginer too I understand that its not so easy to write a story.
Just three questions and two facts:
1. How come he didnt died of blood loss since that demon girl chumped his arm?
2. How come a child with a broken leg and a hemoragy can outrun a grown adult in a good medical condition?
3. How come the CIA didnt killed him too when they heard he survived? Normal, the project would be erased along with any participant who is not part of the CIA. In extreme cases also agents of CIA would dissapear some way or another.
4. I didnt found this creepy. I more tought of it as a lighter version of survival horror.
5. The man who was talking as if he was the right hand of Satan was the dumbest character I ever heard in my life of. I mean, its Satan! As if he would share the world with such an idiot. Most probably kill him but not working with him.
It's ok, I thank you for bringing this up, and I see that must make more revisions, AGAIN. But anyway, I can see there are problems with some of the pieces of writing in this story, and I will try to fix it. Since this is my first pasta (although it doesn't feel like it), it is hard for a freshman in high school who is struggling in English I and Applied Literacy to write one and get it published for the first time. Thanks for the advice and I hope more will come soon! :) LegoMaster2149 (talk) 13:32, October 1, 2015 (UTC)
I agree with everyone else here; this isn't a creepy-pasta it is an adventure. It sparactically jumps from event to event without elaborating with what had happened. Anything that could have been creepy was under described because you just say 'dead' and 'bloody' which doesn't frighten anybody. Another thing that kills the mood is how we know 100% what was going on as well as the protagonist's carefree badass personality. He would always go like, "I don't care I need to be 2edgy4 you!" Which doens't excite me , it bores me. Maybe make him more human and super excited as well as a little nervous about going into this world. Because most people would have pissed their pants if they were sent into a world like that. Anyways, goodluck 'n stuff.
True dat. My first criticism was an attempt at an SCP profile. I was so proud of it. Long story short, the reviewer said I was so bad I made even the Apocalypse look boring. I said thank you very much for your time and honest feedback and for hurting my feelings and for making me cry. Just kidding, but not really. :)
"because no one had ever came up to me" - It should be: "had ever come"
"then he put his hands in pocket and" - It should be "his pockets" instead of "pocket"
"... Just do what I say." The man told...
Change the period above with a comma.
"as went up to a little station just right" - You forgot a 'he' in there.
"After I was all situated" - Did you mean: "After I was all set" or something? I don't think situated is the right word (and neither is set, probably).
"in all shapes in sizes" -> " in all shapes and sizes"
"with large cemetery" -> "with a large cemetery"
There are a ton of similar issues, and I'm afraid I can't point them all out. You need to be more careful with these little details in the future.
I'm afraid the story had a great amount of issues apart from technical ones.
First of all, there were a ton of awkward wording issues. You need to read and re-read every sentence to make sure the story flows smoothly. Read your text out loud if that's needed.
You constantly tried to "break the fourth wall", directly "speaking" to the reader ("How lovely that was", "You heard me" etc.) but it just didn't work. This technique is very tricky and in most stories it doesn't fit. Keep that in mind in future stories.
The plot was well below average, it didn't make sense and was uninteresting. I don't have much more to add to this, it just didn't work. I suggest you read some more stories on the wiki to see what is good. You can take a look at Suggested Reading.
It depended too much on action and that is never good for a horror story. You had a gun wielding protagonist who easily dispatched anything you threw at him. This reads more like a ridiculous b-rated action/apocalypse movie than a proper creepy story. I'm sorry.
All in all, I can see that you've put a lot of effort into this, but it just isn't good enough. It is very good for a first story though, so you just have to keep it up and keep practising. Also, it would help a lot if you read some of the Writing Advice blogs on the wiki. They can offer a lot.
I just want to add that I'm afraid this story can't work. I suggest you move on from this, learn from your mistakes, and come up with another story in the future. I'm sorry I'm being so blunt, but I have to.