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  • Lukas woke up and immediately turned off his digital alarm clock. He glanced at the object once he had collected himself from the mindset of slumber. It read in large red numbers 5:30. He couldn't force himself to sleep now; it wasn't possible, at least not in his mind. It looked as if he was banished from his dreams, so in return he would have to rat on his little brother for tampering with his alarm. Now that he was up, he may as well get ready for school.

    He quickly went downstairs and prepared breakfast. On the front of their gargantuan chrome refrigerator Lukas spotted a shoddy note clamped on via magnet. He tore it from it's surface and peered at it. Apparently his family had gone out to his brother's dentist appointment, but he had been sleeping so peacefully, they had opted to allow him to continue to sleep. Lukas muttered something about not being told very much around here and quickly devoured a meal and prepared for his other morning duties.

    Halfway through his morning shower, he had a minor revelation; it was, in fact, Saturday. "Fuck..." While it was a rather crucial fact, he continued getting through his normal duties, since he was already there. He hurriedly finished his shower, dried off, and moved on. Lukas un-meticulously administered his deodorant to all appropriate areas and, after clearing the steam off of his enormous bathroom mirror, began to shave. After cutting himself minorly (he had a rather shabby razor and, of course, combined with being rather groggy still, a young man will have many problems in this respect), he started to quickly brush his teeth in an uncaring fashion.

    The clock in his bathroom read 6:30 when he began brushing his teeth. Lukas achieved this activity with a minimal amount of work, and soon after retreated to his minuscule bed and welcoming, warm covers. He was granted sleep in less than fifteen minutes.

    Lukas awoke with a start. His mouth tasted vividly of copper. He glanced around the room for his mirror, a small, ornamental thing hanging from the east wall. He got up and stumbled over, placing his large, thin hands on the short dresser just below it. He opened his mouth, and immediately his white shirt was stained red. He hadn't known he was bleeding simply because of the expansiveness of the blood. After gagging on it for several seconds, he glared at the mirror. It seemed to him that his mouth itself was spewing blood on it's own, but the actual origin was much worse.

    "My... teeth?... Is that even possible? I... I need a doctor... I need help...." Lukas mumbled to himself. He was already feeling the effect of the loss of so much blood. He began to panic and started for his door. halfway across the room, still with the trail of blood slowly but surely trickling from his mouth, which hung lazily agape, he stumbled and fell. He continued to crawl towards his strong oaken door, but never rallied the strength to quite make it.

    When one is about to die, the mind consciously takes in every detail,  carefully taking down every minor detail, for this was the last thing it would ever see; for instance now, at this exact moment, Lukas took in the red carpet, both from his blood and original dye. He then took in his dresser, with it's drawers hanging open and clothes dangling dangerously from their posts. He noted the curtains flailing in the wind, observing their lightly blue color with white stripes. He then noticed the open window which allowed aforesaid curtains to drift in air; he hadn't opened it. No matter now...

    A shadow fell over Lukas now, consuming him like a coffin. A figure shrouded in death hovered over this sad temple of the body; it wore a white opera mask, perpetually locked in indecisiveness. It showed neither joy nor sadness, neither hate nor love. It was what can only be described as purely neutral; no emotion shone on it's illustrious face.

    A voice colder than winter rang out with a baritone likened to lead weights dragging into the stone; it said one simple thing. It didn't need a monologue.

    "Hello, I am the tooth fairy. You should have brushed your teeth better."

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    • It is a good story but there is a problem. There are literally dozens of pastas already posted as well as on youtube about this subject. Combune that with the movies The Tooth Fairy and Darkness Falls, I dont think it has a chance. Keep the premise, change your title, maybe eliminate the fact it's the tooth fairy all together and I think it may make the cut.

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    • Demuerto wrote:
      It is a good story but there is a problem. There are literally dozens of pastas already posted as well as on youtube about this subject. Combune that with the movies The Tooth Fairy and Darkness Falls, I dont think it has a chance. Keep the premise, change your title, maybe eliminate the fact it's the tooth fairy all together and I think it may make the cut.

      So. The idea is to completely annihilate any aspect of the story (change the title, setting anf antagonist) and it'll make it... So, essentially, make a story of a kid going through morning life and it will succeed. *Sigh*

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    • Lol. Not exactly. You can keep everything and just change the name. "The Appointment" or "Why I Need Dentures" are names that may change the whole perspective of admin. Feel free to use either if you so choose.

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    • Im really torn about this story. It definitely finishes strong, but the last sentence can be beefed up to something more original and scary. The beginning is definitely the weakest part of the story. The setup really didn't work for me. Saturday doctor appointments, forgetting it was Saturday, and tooth fairy visits during the day just wasn't something I could accept as realistic. There was also some strange word choices that made this a somewhat awkward read and really made it difficult identify with the main character. I couldn't get a feel for the character's age since the wording for the narrative or his inner voice was neither teenage like or childlike. This story could really work if you rework the start and infuse some personality into the protagonist so that when the tragedy occurs, the reader will have an impact

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    • KillaHawke1 wrote:
      Im really torn about this story. It definitely finishes strong, but the last sentence can be beefed up to something more original and scary. The beginning is definitely the weakest part of the story. The setup really didn't work for me. Saturday doctor appointments, forgetting it was Saturday, and tooth fairy visits during the day just wasn't something I could accept as realistic. There was also some strange word choices that made this a somewhat awkward read and really made it difficult identify with the main character. I couldn't get a feel for the character's age since the wording for the narrative or his inner voice was neither teenage like or childlike. This story could really work if you rework the start and infuse some personality into the protagonist so that when the tragedy occurs, the reader will have an impact

      I really wasn't proud of the beginningeither; I rarely am with anything I write. I actually got the idea for it, however, based on my actual experiences. I have god awful dental hygiene (my parents have an unnatural fear for the dentist, thus we have never gone) so I actually began brushing my teeth and apparently my gum started bleeding. I meant to leave his age out, just some nondescript teenager. A moody, unhygenic teenager... So your every ordinary teenager, of sorts.

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    • What you just told me about your past experience would be perfect for this story. Here is what I had an idea of doing, try just focusing on the kid, forcing himself brush his teeth before bed. That would be your narrative. He cuts corners and doesn't floss. Instead of the the TF just extracting the teeth, it is eating the gunk left behind between the teeth, that's where the best parts are. Your final "gotcha" sentence could be something along the lines of not flossing

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    • KillaHawke1 wrote:
      What you just told me about your past experience would be perfect for this story.

      Here is what I had an idea of doing, try just focusing on the kid, forcing himself brush his teeth before bed. That would be your narrative. He cuts corners and doesn't floss. Instead of the the TF just extracting the teeth, it is eating the gunk left behind between the teeth, that's where the best parts are. Your final "gotcha" sentence could be something along the lines of not flossing

      Every person that's read it assumed he extracted it... I call him the Tooth Fairy because it's better than "The Dentist". I do rather like the idea of devouring them, however, and I could work that into some sort of back story.

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    • Oh I see now. This isn't a paranormal story. This is a maniac who is doing this. I do like your approach much more now. A serial killer type antagonist named the Tooth Fairy. I'm really digging that concept. I know there is already a TF for a serial killer name, but your story is original enough not to draw any comparisons. Just make it more clear that we are dealing with a psycho and not an entity.

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    • A FANDOM user
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