The day that my friend James died started out like any other Saturday. I was fourteen years old at the time, in eighth grade. It was a dreary kind of day. Everything looked bland. The sky was a stoic gray, the trees were dead, and the houses looked whitewashed. My friends and I had been planning a camp out in the woods a mile or so away from my house for weeks. I remember packing my bag. I slipped my phone (a flip phone, this was 2004) and a flashlight into my bag of camping supplies. My mother gave me my freshly washed sleeping bag. She told me to behave myself, and to call her if I needed anything.
“Oh and tell Eric’s mom I said hi!” And with that she turned around and I left.
I left with my supplies crammed into a green messenger bag that was far too small and really trying its hardest not to burst open. I walked to my friend Eric's house and invited myself in. I said hello to his mother, also dutifully saying hello for my mother as well. She told me to have a seat while I waited for Eric to finish packing. Now I'm not going to lie, Eric and I were well-off kids. We lived in a good neighborhood in Eastern Iowa, near the Mississippi, about a two-hour drive from Chicago. My father was a lawyer and my mother was a sales rep for some corporation. Eric's dad was a neurosurgeon and made enough money that not only did Eric live in a nicer house than me, but his mother didn't work either. His dad was constantly working. I had been best friends with Eric since I was six and I'd only seen his dad on about nine different occasions. Eric came downstairs with a nice backpack, filled to near-bursting with supplies. He high-fived me and said, "This is going to be great." I wonder if he ever regretted saying that, after what happened.
We then went to our friend Samantha's house. She lived a couple blocks down from us in a nicer cul-de-sac with parents who neither knew nor cared where she was going to be tonight. She had come out of the closet a few months earlier and her parents had all but disowned her. Eric, James, and I had really planned this whole thing for her. We wanted to get her mind off the situation at home. She had an older backpack slung around one shoulder and a chip on the other. "Come on losers!" she called back after she had run past us "We're going James-hunting!"
We met up with James at a park a mile or so from Samantha's place. It was a bit of a hike, but James didn't have a ride and we weren't about to leave him behind. We occupied ourselves during the walk by singing a tone-deaf rendition of Nirvana's "From the Man Who Sold The World." Sam actually befriended me after catching me singing "Ball and Chain" by Social Distortion. Befriending me meant befriending Eric. Eric did not share our amazing taste in music, he instead preferred rap music. He knew the words because my stereo had blasted it enough times while he was at my house that he had had it memorized. We were about a block away from the park when James came pedaling towards us on his rusty bike, when he came close enough to hear the singing he joined in.
James was the newest addition to our little circle of friends, befriending Eric back in 6th grade. James was, to put it bluntly, poor as they come. He was also more intelligent than most adults that I know. James went to our prep school on a full-ride scholarship and was basically a genius. Now, Eric, Sam, and I were smart kids (It was a really good prep school.) but James was on a whole different level. I may have been a better writer than him, but James was in Junior science and Math classes in 8th grade. He was already getting letters from colleges and was basically guaranteed a full-ride to Stanford. He was also musically gifted. His most prized possession was his grandfather's acoustic guitar. He was going to be the first person in his family in many years to go beyond working as a waitress or a bartender or a miner or the front man of some suckish band. Sometimes, I wonder if it should have been me who died that night.
We walked/biked towards our already-set-up campsite, passing the time by seeing who could rap "Slim Shady" the fastest (Eric). We talked of who we believed should be the next president (We unanimously decided on John Kerry, political debates aren't as much fun when everyone agrees with each other.), and what the best movie was so far that year (We all saw Shaun of The Dead together on the day it came out so we decided on that. Blade Trinity was better, but it hadn't come out at the time.). When we arrived, James leaned his bike against a tree while Eric and Samantha went hunting for firewood, I made sure that all of our things were in order. James started helping me once his bike was properly stowed. Eric and Sam came back with firewood and I set it all up while reading instructions I had printed off the day before. It took two different lighters, a copious amount of swearing, a good dousing of gasoline, and the offering of the soul of my firstborn child to the primal fire gods, but we got it to light.
It was a merry time, full of song, Dr. Pepper, and off-brand chips. We all decided that if we were to die, we’d die happy knowing that we had done this, not fully understanding how topical that statement would become. All was well until we heard a howl in the trees.
“Pardon my french, but what the (at this point, Samantha swore with a speed and veracity I have never heard before. I’m not one for censorship, but she swore so fast I don’t remember what she said.) was that?” Sam was more than a little freaked out. Next came the sounds, like someone scratching a piece of wood.
“Yeah that’s more than a little spooky,” I said in reply.
“Let me get this straight, the oh-so-brave Samantha Little, is spooked by some freaky noises.” Eric was a master of mockery.
“Shut up!” Samantha sounded defensive “You can’t tell me you aren’t scared at all.”
“Well, I can, and I will,” Eric’s eyes told a different story.
“I suppose this is the part where one of us goes and ‘checks it out’,” I said sarcastically
“That seems like a solid plan.” Said James matter of factly. Sam and Eric nodded in agreement.
“Wait, seriously?” I looked around incredulously “Have you guys never seen a horror movie?”
“I just want to see someone get chased around by a wild boar or whatever .” Said Eric “Because it’s definitely a wild animal, right?”
“Dibs on not going” Samantha called.
“I call dibs as well!” James called in between the strumming of his guitar. This left Eric and me to play rock, paper, scissors over who had to go out. He always chose rock, and I always chose scissors, it didn’t work out for me. Soon I had a flashlight in one hand and a baseball bat in the other.
“Ah yes, go forth my brave paladin, and vanquish the creatures of the night!” Sam’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Okay, first off, I have a baseball bat, and that is clearly the weapon of a cleric. Secon-” Eric cut me off
“Stop!” He cried “I’ve had an epiphany!”
“What?” I asked, “What is it?”
“I’ve just realized that you’re a nerd!” he said completely straight-faced. I trudged off before I had to listen to them discuss my nerdiness, muttering curses under my breath. It didn’t take me long to find evidence of whatever creature had made the noises. Deep, raking cuts in several trees, uprooted bushes, foliage scattered everywhere, this creature was not small. I was understandably unnerved.
“Hey!” I called, “The whole forest is ripped up here!” Silence. “Guys?” If I were freaked out before, I was terrified now. I heard a branch break about twenty feet to my left and so I took off sprinting through the trees, leaving my face spiderwebbed in scratches. I tripped at the edge of the trees and fell conveniently into the clearing where we set up camp.
“What’d you find?” Samantha asked cooly, all traces of worry gone from her voice.
“The whole forest is ripped up, over that way” I was still catching my breath “Hey, where's James?”
“Oh, he went to take a-” Eric was interrupted by an ear piercing scream.
James.
Without thought or words, we charged into the trees in the direction James had headed, finding those same cuts in the trees and a troubling trail of blood. We followed the trail with trembling hands and quaking knees. We walked for twenty seconds that felt years long. Then, we heard a cry.
“Help!” his voice was coming from the other side of a group of trees to our left. Sam charged into the clearing before we could stop her. Eric and I looked at each other for a tense moment before we followed her. We walked into a grisly scene. James was crumpled up on the ground, that same deep raking cuts visible through his ripped up shirt. Sam was a few feet away from James, ghost white and unmoving.
I ran to James while Eric tried to talk to Sam. I didn’t know what I was doing but I tried my hardest. I took off my jacket to try to bandage him up, but there was just so much blood. My friend James died in my arms. I wish I could say that his last words were inspiring or funny. They weren’t.
“I don’t want to die,” He said weakly with his last breath.
“Call nine-one-one” I shouted desperately, throwing them my phone. Samantha was still sheet-white and shaking so Eric grabbed the phone and called dutifully. It was too late. James had bled out. It took twenty minutes for emergency services to arrive. Twenty minutes, I don’t remember. I was told that they had to pull me off of James I was told that they had to restrain me because I kept attacking anyone who came near me. At first the police suspected us of murdering James. After our testimony and the testimony of all of our parents, including James’s, we were cleared of suspicion. That wasn’t to say that James’s parents didn’t blame us. They hated us for taking him on that trip. They tried to get us charged with endangerment or something, but taking your friend on a trip that kills him isn’t a crime. I wasn’t mad at them, I would’ve done the same thing. In the end, James was officially declared to have been killed by a wild animal. I’ve never seen an animal that can do that do a person, have you?
I have a feeling that Samantha saw something we didn’t, that she caught a glimpse of whatever killed James. She would shut down as soon as anyone brought it up. We never really figured out what happened. In 2008 Eric and I went back, the trees still bore those scars, and a marker stood in the clearing where James died. We did research on every unsolved murder and monster legend in the area. Nothing matched what had happened to James. Samantha refused to get involved in our investigation and we drifted apart. She moved to her grandparents place in Illinois. We talked online on occasion but I never really saw her. The end of the school year in 2009 marked the end of our “investigation” as we both were going to different colleges.
College was fantastic. I was studying philosophy (That way I could deeply contemplate on why I didn’t have a job.) and all was going well. One night I was in my dorm studying for a midterm when I heard a sound that brought back memories that I had conveniently pushed to the back of my mind. A blood-curdling howl, followed by the sound of wood being hacked at with a sharp object. I can’t really tell you what happened after that, they found me screaming at the sky on the roof of the dorm. My family gave me an ultimatum, attend therapy or they would stop paying for college.
I was expecting to lie on a couch while some pipe smoking quack asked me about my dreams. Instead, the doctor told me that my mind was twisting relatively normal happenings into things that backed up my pre-conceived notion of what happened to James. He said it was normal for someone who’s experienced trauma such as mine. I tried to believe him, I really did. I couldn’t. He gave me some pills that helped me to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, and they worked. They worked so well, in fact, that when Sam IM’d me that night with concerns that something was following her, I deleted the message and fell into a blissful sleep.
Eric and I still talked and we ended up living near each other when we graduated. Sam, however, had basically dropped off the face of the Earth a couple of nights after my panic attack at the college. We talked to her Grandmother, who said that she had moved away, out of the country. Eric and I didn’t pursue it, we figured that she was just trying to get as far away from here as possible, I didn’t blame her.
Just recently Eric and I received letters in the mail from Sam. She said that she was sorry for ignoring us for five years. She said that she just had to leave everything behind. She was inviting us to her wedding, to a woman named Jane. Needless to say, we were more than a little surprised. We were also elated. We both booked tickets on the next flight to Scotland. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong however, it was almost like she had told me something important that I couldn’t remember.
Since the wedding wasn’t for a few days we went sightseeing. Scotland is a beautiful country if a bit rainy. Once, while visiting the Glasgow Botanical Gardens, I heard a howl and immediately looked at Eric for confirmation. He looked as though he hadn’t heard it so I swallowed my fear, it was probably just a side effect of the medication. Our greatest worry is that we’d find Sam to be a completely different person. After all, people don’t just drop off the face of the Earth for five years without changing a bit. We decided that different Sam or not, we were going to be there for our friend.
Eric and I left our hotel to go to the address that Samantha had provided us in her letter. We arrived at a single-story suburban home near Glasgow. Its color could be best described as “rental house blue”. The house was surrounded by cars. People were carrying boxes out of the house into a portable storage unit. Several people were crying. A mousy man with glasses approached Eric and I and asked us who we were. After we identified ourselves we asked what was going on.
The man looked around nervously before saying “Samantha Little and Jane McTavish are missing.” I heard him but did not comprehend, I asked him to repeat himself and as he did Eric responded by punching the man in the nose. He was never a believer in “Don’t shoot the messenger”. After we were calmed down the mousy man told us who he was. “My name is Duncan McTavish, I’m Jane’s brother.” His accent was lighter than one would expect in the heart of Scotland. “Jane and Sam went missing about three days ago. There were signs of a struggle”
“Was there anything else? Around the house?” Eric asked through clenched teeth.
“No?” Duncan said confusedly.
“The trees!” I shouted “Was there anything wrong with the trees?”
“Yes, actually. There were these deep cuts in the trees around the house but they’ve been there a few weeks.” He trailed off as though remembering something. “When Sam first saw them, she had a panic attack for whatever reason. She wouldn’t go back into that house for a month.” Duncan knees buckled and he started sobbing. “I just miss them so much!” We walked away without another word.
We made plans to leave immediately. We stayed in a hotel for a few days. We barely speaking to each other. Two hours before our flight was to arrive, we got a call. They had found Sam and Janes bodies six miles from their house. There were long deep slashes across their backs. Eric was the one who answered the phone. The poor thing ended up in pieces on the floor. The wall wound up with his fist through it.
The funeral happened quickly. The only people there were Duncan, Eric, the priest and I. I wish I could say I wept for my lost friend, but in all honesty, I was too scared to feel sad. We left Scotland on the first available flight back.
I write this memoir two weeks after that, exactly eleven years after James’s death. I write because I think that whatever killed James came back for Sam because she had seen it. I write because I remember now. The night at the college, the howl at the Botanical Gardens, and a million other clues that came to me in a rush. Thinking back on it, it’s like my whole life has been a warning. I only started remembering because I forgot to bring my medicine to Scotland. I write because I know it’s coming for me next. I’ve warned Eric to stay away from me, told him what's going on. I’m not as upset as I thought I would be, impending death and all. I think it’s because deep down I know I deserve this. I’m accepting this because I’ve faced facts, if we hadn’t brought James with us that night, he’d still be alive. I should have realized it was coming sooner. I should never have taken those pills. I could have saved her, I think. I can hear it now, howling and scarring the trees. I lay back my head. I could have saved her. I brought this on myself. I could have saved them both. The thing howls again, closer this time. I don’t just accept it, I welcome it.