hi my name is tom i'm a middle school student i wont tell what school i go to for privacy reasons anyways it was around 2:35 pm i was in math class and i was staring off into space waiting until 2:37 pm to get out of school but suddenly we hear over the loudspeaker [atencion all students we are going into lockdown this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill my teacher ms.brown gathers all of us in to the corner when we all get in the corner she turns off the lights and she quietly walks and hides corner with us the corner we hear loud stomping down the halls and screeching we hear a tap at the door we all go still we can see though the little window on the door a pail white face with green eyes white hair he spots us and he starts screeching louder he scratches and kicks the door but to no avail he sprints away a few minutes past were all terrified waiting it out we hear loud speaker go on we hear a man sobbing in pain and hissing the sobbing was familiar it was our printable mr.haskell a girl in our class starts sobbing the intercom went off we heard sirens in the distance cops surround the school they barge in your room knocking down the door apparently a parent called the cops because her kid wasn't home apparently the guy ran off and for our principal he was found beaten and bruised other than that he was fine my mom came to pick me up i bolted to her and hugged her so tight and here i am type this story how it happened and as i finish up typing i hear tapping
There is no capitalization or punctuation here ("hi(Hi,) my name is tom(Tom.) i'm (I'm) a middle school student(.) i (I) won't (won't) tell what school i go to for privacy reasons anyways it was around 2:35 pm i was in math class and i was staring off into space waiting until 2:37 pm to get out of school"). There are numerous typos ("atencion all students we are going into lockdown") and you forget to use apostrophes with contractions ("i wont tell what school i go to") as well as numerous instances of awkward wording ("she turns off the lights and she quietly walks and hides corner with us the corner"). The story is incredibly rushed and lacks effective description. Events occur with little to no build-up and feel bland.
I'm sorry, but if this were posted in its current form it would be deleted for failing to meet the bare minimum of quality standards for the site.
Punctuation is important. You dont have to be specific about times. Be more descriptive and dont fly though your story. Also, I have to agree. If you post this it will either be deleted or moved to the trollpasta wiki.
I’m trying not to be too harsh, but like everyone pointed out, your grammar quite frankly sucks. The pasta itself is middling at best, but that’s to be expected for a beginner pasta. You won’t get anywhere in your writing without making it at least a little bit easier to read, though.
In addition, the story itself, even if properly written, has events escalating way too quickly, a weird ending (the guy ran off, but now he’s at your window? How is that scary? Can’t you just call the police and be don’t with it?) there’s really no reason to include the picture, and the story lacks a scare factor, failing to outright scare me or unsettle me.