So one day I was out on a walk in the camp I used to live in and I hear breathing right by my ear. I suddenly got very cold and when I turn to look who’s doing it,there was nothing. I didn’t know what it was. I thought it was just the wind. That day I went back to my house and when it got dark my parents told my siblings and I to go to bed. That night I had woken up but for no reason. It was weird but then right there I hear the breathing but it was only louder and it was colder I could see my breath this time. I was terrified.( I was 10 when this happened ) Then suddenly I hear a whisper and the whisper was “Don’t go to sleep.” Right then I saw a tall man with a top hat and a suit on that had big eyes just staring at me. I was just about to call my parents but then it disappeared that was the last time I saw it but it terrifies me every time I think of it.
GAMING FAN2 wrote: It is a little scary if you think about it.
If a story is good you don't have to think too hard about why it is scary. The only time "you have to think about it" makes a good story is when you come to the realization of something that happened in or at the end of the story.
Well you should post this on the workshop, not here.
As for the story, it has a bunch of potential to be a suspence piece about some cheeky trickster spirit getting its kicks out of scaring people. For that you'd have to build up the plot where this being slowly "picks on" the pratagonist upping the ante from say gusts of wind to shadows to voices to eventually fully appearing to the pratagonist.
This would have to be far less tell and a lot more show, let thr audience figure out that the events are unnatural.