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  • Do you believe in monsters? Do you believe that certain monsters, or a certain monster can just shed their skin and change form, rather than truly die? I most certainly do.

    It was a 20 degree late night, in mid February of 1949, about 11:04 at night, or 23:04, I was one of the escort fighters for a squadron of 24 Boeing b-29 super fortress bombers. The bombers were flying to London from an armed forces airbase in Lubec, Maine, which is a distance of 3,003 miles. (Note: The B-29 Superfortress had a range of 5,592 miles)

    Meanwhile, my fighter escort squadron had to be taken across the English Channel by an Essex-Class aircraft carrier, due to their range being inferior to that of the bombers, so the bomber squadron had to wait a whole of 58 hours until they could take off from the airbase due to the speed of the carrier. (Note: The Essex class carrier had a top speed of 32.7 knots, or 37 miles per hour, and the mustang had a range of 999.8 miles.) I must say, the trip was absolutely miserable, I was seasick and constantly vomiting. I was constantly hallucinating due to constantly being groggy from having to be awake for up to 22 hours a day so I could be on the look out and intercept any German bombers, the same for the rest of my squadron. One such hallucination was a giant, prehistoric crocodile with giant, blood covered, gnarly teeth. Of course, every time I fell over and yelled out, being ready for it to bite down and kill me, another crew member, or another fighter pilot, would snap me out of it.

    Once we see the bombers overhead of us, I was the first to take off from the ship, ready to get into the fight. Once we were over London, I saw a fleet of at least 30 Messerschmitt 262 jet fighters, of course, because this was at night, they had all the radar equipment and the night time camouflage on them. I managed to out maneuver and even take out two of the Nazi jet fighters, but, sadly, it would all be for nothing, because while my squadron out maneuvered the jet fighters, they still had us out gunned, out numbered, and out performed. One jet fighter carrying a 50mm cannon under the four 30mm cannons shot at one of the plane nearby mine, the plane's engine exploded. The plane then fell onto the wing of one of the bombers, hitting and taking out one of the engines.

    I myself would be hit by an me 262 jet fighter, this one had four flak cannons behind the canopy. I lost control, going down nearby a destroyed church. (Note: The Nazis arrested and killed many members of the catholic clergy, as they viewed any non governmental force that could have influence over Europeans as a threat to the state. In this timeline, like our timeline, they would have replaced religion with neo-paganism and loyalty to only the state. In puppet fascist Britain however, where this takes place, some of those neo-pagan Reich supporters in Britain destroyed the church, rather than law enforcement themselves, or any branch of fascist British government.)

    The ground troops of puppet fascist Britain would approach me as I got out of my plane. I was hand cuffed, thrown into the back of a truck, and taken to Jubilee Concentration Camp, which was about 30 miles away from my plane had crashed.

    When I got there, I could see the sheer misery and terror on the faces of the prisoners there. They were all practically skin and bones, presumably from being starved for weeks, maybe even months on end by the staff of the camp.

    I was approached by a guard, he had all the insignias that a member of the waffen ss would have. This soldier had an mp 40, which appeared to be the standard smg that the guards of the death camp used. A handgun that appeared to be the standard sidearm that the guards used was the Mauser C96.

    "Oi. Du da, komm mit mir." The guard said to me, signaling to follow him to one of the bed quarters.

    On the way to the bed complex, I overheard a conversation between a guard, an presumably a Luftwaffe pilot.

    "Richtiger Junge, wie geht es gegen die Amerikanischen Bomber?" The guard asked.

    "Sehr geehrter Herr, nach dieser Defensive sollten wir bereit sein, innerhalb einer Woche nach dieser Defensive eine massive Offensive gegen die Amerikaner zu starten!" Replied the Luftwaffe pilot.

    "Herrlich! Wenn Sie nach London zurückkehren, gebe ich Ihnen eine große Willkommensparty für Ihren immensen Sieg." The guard replied, clearly over joyed at the news of this Luftwaffe victory.

    "Ja. Ich werde dich dort sehen." The pilot replied, the radio then went dead.

    As I continued to follow the guard to the bedding complex, the other guard got up and followed both of us.

    "Oi. Ist das ein neuer Gefangener?" The other guard asked.

    "Ja. Das ist ein Amerikaner." The guard I was following replied.

    After a minute more of walking, we went into the bed complex.

    "Ich brauche jemanden hier, der Deutsch spricht. Ich werde die Regeln dieses Lagers erklären." The guard that was following me said.

    One man in a prisoner's uniform raised his hand.

    "Wh-what's he sayin'?" I asked the fellow prisoner.

    "He is going to explain the camp's rules. He needs someone who speaks both English and German in order to do it." The prisoner replied.

    "Oh, didn't they have English speaking guards for that?" I asked the man.

    "They do. It is just most of them, however, are working at other concentration camps. This one only happened to get a fraction of the ones that were ordered, the rest ended up at different camps, or being killed along the way. And the English speaking guards are all busy taking out a few batches of POWs and Jewish prisoners." The prisoner replied.

    "Erste Regel: Jeder, der beim Klettern auf Mauern oder Zäune erwischt wird, WIRD sofort erschossen, ohne dass eine Genehmigung erforderlich ist." The guard said.

    "First rule: Anyone that is caught trying to climb walls or fences WILL be shot dead on sight, no authorization required." The prisoner then said in response.

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    • Steven"SpringBubba"Savoy,

      Back in August of last year, RedNovaTyrant put this on your talk page:

      This is going to be my biggest point of all, especially since I've been seeing it more and more lately: Show, Don't Tell. Just for the sake of clarity, I'm saying to NOT write a story like this: "I went to a haunted house. I found a creepy mask. I took it from the house. I put it on. I became possessed and killed like 50 people." This is Telling. And it's terribly boring.

      Describe the situation, like this: "I approached the eerie old mansion, with cobwebs dripping from the rafters and wood that creaked loudly when you stepped on it. Entering the house cautiously, there it was: the mask, old and dust ridden, hanging on the wall. Creeped out by the house, I grabbed the mask and made off, sprinting away." Which one sounds much better?

      You'll eventually find your own style of writing, but just avoid Telling as much as possible unless it's for an artistic reason. And even then, don't do it for a whole story. It's just really boring, flavorless writing.

      You told everything in the third to last paragraph. This is an alternate history story - boom.

      First, I love a good alternate timeline novel as much as the next guy. I've got almost everything Harry Turtledove ever did and I adored Fatherland. But they aren't Creepypasta.

      Second, you've set up a battle scene and declared the order of battle. We know pretty much what is going to happen in the battle just by what you describe as the order of battle. There aren't going to be any surprises after this.

      Third, you have to do a LOT of research for an alternate history story. Here is just one example: According to what I could find, a B-17 has a minimum take-off runway length of about 1,600 feet. See https://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?t=128403&start=30 That's far longer than the 844 foot flight deck on a World War II Essex class carrier. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essex-class_aircraft_carrier That baby isn't making it off a flattop. So where do the B-17's fly in from? In your scenario, the Reich is going to control the Mediterranean and minimally Northern Ireland. Either the Irish Republic will stay VERY neutral or they will be "joining" the Reich. A B-17 has a maximum range of 2,000 miles loaded. http://www.aviation-history.com/boeing/b17.html That's 1,000 each way, enough to get from England to Berlin but not much more. Greenland to Britain is about 1,300 miles, but if the Reich has England and the rest of Europe you can bet they would have Iceland and that flight path goes right over Iceland. Also, Greenland isn't known for good flying weather. Even Iceland to Britain is a thousand miles, and it would be flying through occupied Scotland and past occupied Northern Ireland for hundreds of miles. North Africa would be completely under Axis control and even the closest point on the coast would be 1,200 miles and out of range.

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    • DrBobSmith wrote: Steven"SpringBubba"Savoy,

      Back in August of last year, RedNovaTyrant put this on your talk page:

      This is going to be my biggest point of all, especially since I've been seeing it more and more lately: Show, Don't Tell. Just for the sake of clarity, I'm saying to NOT write a story like this: "I went to a haunted house. I found a creepy mask. I took it from the house. I put it on. I became possessed and killed like 50 people." This is Telling. And it's terribly boring.

      Describe the situation, like this: "I approached the eerie old mansion, with cobwebs dripping from the rafters and wood that creaked loudly when you stepped on it. Entering the house cautiously, there it was: the mask, old and dust ridden, hanging on the wall. Creeped out by the house, I grabbed the mask and made off, sprinting away." Which one sounds much better?

      You'll eventually find your own style of writing, but just avoid Telling as much as possible unless it's for an artistic reason. And even then, don't do it for a whole story. It's just really boring, flavorless writing.

      You told everything in the third to last paragraph. This is an alternate history story - boom.

      First, I love a good alternate timeline novel as much as the next guy. I've got almost everything Harry Turtledove ever did and I adored Fatherland. But they aren't Creepypasta.

      Second, you've set up a battle scene and declared the order of battle. We know pretty much what is going to happen in the battle just by what you describe as the order of battle. There aren't going to be any surprises after this.

      Third, you have to do a LOT of research for an alternate history story. Here is just one example: According to what I could find, a B-17 has a minimum take-off runway length of about 1,600 feet. See https://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?t=128403&start=30 That's far longer than the 844 foot flight deck on a World War II Essex class carrier. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essex-class_aircraft_carrier That baby isn't making it off a flattop. So where do the B-17's fly in from? In your scenario, the Reich is going to control the Mediterranean and minimally Northern Ireland. Either the Irish Republic will stay VERY neutral or they will be "joining" the Reich. A B-17 has a maximum range of 2,000 miles loaded. http://www.aviation-history.com/boeing/b17.html That's 1,000 each way, enough to get from England to Berlin but not much more. Greenland to Britain is about 1,300 miles, but if the Reich has England and the rest of Europe you can bet they would have Iceland and that flight path goes right over Iceland. Also, Greenland isn't known for good flying weather. Even Iceland to Britain is a thousand miles, and it would be flying through occupied Scotland and past occupied Northern Ireland for hundreds of miles. North Africa would be completely under Axis control and even the closest point on the coast would be 1,200 miles and out of range.

      Aah, of course. You would have to excuse my first draft, this is the first pasta I've ever written in months, so these are some regrowing pains.

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    • Uhh this is just... mate, you don't really do anything with these stories. They keep coming out with the same issues over and over. Your English is clonky at places. Your timeline is all over the place; I mean, we need to be somehow notified that this is an alternate timeline/fictional reality. 

      If it isn't, you need to polish up your common knowledge. 

      Preferably let us know that it is either before the story, or as part of the story in the beginning and not as some random side note in the middle. 

      "I got sea sick and it gave me hallucinations" what? How? I have sea sickness... that's not how it works. 

      Oh and yeah, 20ft Crocodillians that are living fossils still exist and they are massive and dangerous, so no need to imagine dragons. Hah. 

      Also, why would a fascist state hand over a captive to another fascist state, they could just execute him... 

      What you have here is a nice little dystopia that can serve as a backbone to a story; but there's clearly no horror. 

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    • Bloody Spaghetti raised a number of very good questions. I'll give my additions and spin on a few points.

      English: I cut out the sections in parentheses. Eighteen sentences composed of a total of 493 words remain. Six of the sentences are definitely run-ons. I spotted six spelling errors, one grammar, and one punctuation error. You also are very heavy on adverbs.

      Any story with such a high rate of errors would be deleted from the main Wiki. That's an objective fact. You need to improve. People will tell you what the procedures to improve are, but they won't spend time correcting your story for you.

      You need to draft a solid outline of your story. Come up with a specific point where one event causes the timeline to change. That "What If" point. Make the flow of events believable and logical. Research the events and technology in your story.

      Here are some plot points to ponder for the next draft:

      If a pilot is so severely sleep deprived that he is dreaming while microsleeping during his watch, he is not fit medically to fly an airplane. Sending him up would just be a waste of a good plane. Going unconscious for half a minute at 400 miles per hour during a battle doesn't end well.

      A B-29 would be VERY stretched to carry any sort of respectable bomb and ammunition load for that distance. Of course, he could be flying from Gander, Newfoundland. That would only be 2,400 miles one way, which would give enough of a reserve to carry perhaps four tons of bombs. Still, two dozen planes times four tons of bombs isn't much of a load.

      Look up the B-36. It was built for flying from Gander to Berlin and back. By 1949, it was in service. It carried several times the bomb load for that range. However, they were limited to about 40,000 feet and 300 mph cruising speed.

      Four years after World War II was over, Nazi Germany's technology wouldn't have remained still. With access to Turkey's tungsten reserves and the entire Rolls Royce jet engine team as slave workers, they would have dramatically improved their engines. They would have produced the Focke-Wulf Ta 183, which would have had about the MiG 15's capabilities, including a 50,000 foot service ceiling. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Focke-Wulf_Ta_183 It would have eaten the B-36 for breakfast. The B-29 wouldn't have even had a chance.

      Two dozen planes the size of a B-29 would definitely show on the Luftwaffe radar stations in Northern Ireland. The Elefant radar used towards the end of the war had about a 400 km range, or about an hour at B-29 cruising speed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_Luftwaffe_and_Kriegsmarine_Radar_Equipment_of_World_War_II The Luftwaffe would have been in position and waiting for them.

      As there is only one flight path, the Germans would have posted "Swedish" fishing trawlers along the way. Every time a squadron of heavy bombers flew over, somebody in Northern Ireland would get a radio message. Nailing the American carrier fleet would prevent further attacks. If the carrier sinks, all planes are lost and that ship won't be used to launch another attack. You can bet that every U boat available would be deployed and out hunting. Every naval radar would be hunting for them.

      It's a very long ride in a truck from Britain to Treblinka in Poland. It's also a very wet one, under the English channel. Why send a POW, a potential goldmine of information, to a death camp? Just follow standard World War II procedure. There were appropriate interrogation camps. The Germans were as good at interrogation as we were.

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    • BloodySpghetti wrote: Uhh this is just... mate, you don't really do anything with these stories. They keep coming out with the same issues over and over. Your English is clonky at places. Your timeline is all over the place; I mean, we need to be somehow notified that this is an alternate timeline/fictional reality. 

      If it isn't, you need to polish up your common knowledge. 

      Preferably let us know that it is either before the story, or as part of the story in the beginning and not as some random side note in the middle. 

      "I got sea sick and it gave me hallucinations" what? How? I have sea sickness... that's not how it works. 

      Oh and yeah, 20ft Crocodillians that are living fossils still exist and they are massive and dangerous, so no need to imagine dragons. Hah. 

      Also, why would a fascist state hand over a captive to another fascist state, they could just execute him... 

      What you have here is a nice little dystopia that can serve as a backbone to a story; but there's clearly no horror. 

      Oh, I noticed. I meant to say that the hallucinations were a result of constantly being groggy.

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    • Steven"SpringBubba"Savoy,

      You need to learn the structure of writing a short story. You can learn it by reading a book on the subject. You can acquire the art by reading other stories. Until you have the basics of the structure of a short story down, your stories won't work.

      Saying "I am switching points of view to this other character" is very distracting. Announcing that he really isn't a Nazi but is a member of the British resistance, currently posing as a guard of the concentration camp for the espionage mission just kills any sense of a reveal later.

      Having large amounts of dialogue in a different language is distracting. It's even distracting to me, and I speak pretty good German. What's worse are sections like this:

      "Herrlich! Wenn Sie nach Polen zurückkehren, gebe ich Ihnen eine große Willkommensparty für Ihren immensen Sieg." The guard replied, clearly over joyed at the news of this Luftwaffe victory. (Note:" Herrlich! Wenn Sie nach Polen zurückkehren, gebe ich Ihnen eine große Willkommensparty für Ihren immensen Sieg." means "Delightful! When you come back to Poland, I shall give you a great welcome party for your immense victory.".)

      You have the German dialogue twice, making it twice as confusing. Then you immediately take us completely out of any sense of a suspension of disbelief by telling us what it means.

      Many Germans spoke English, including Hitler himself. Some spoke it fluently. Many Americans spoke German. You can get around any of that clunky dialogue.

      Treblinka is about 950 miles or 1,500 kilometers from London. (That's shortest path distance.) Why transport a prisoner 950 miles? That's expensive and inefficient. Why not just take them to SS headquarters in London for interrogation?

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    • Better!

      A POW camp is going to have some officer who speaks both languages. That's not just random chance. They looked for people who knew the language. You never knew when a prisoner would say something useful in furthering the Reich's victories. This would be doubly true when the guy is still at a Dulag or initial internment and interrogation camp. EVERYONE would know English, even people who pretended they didn't. If they are in England, there will be tens of thousands of English Waffen SS foreign volunteers, just as there was with France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, Latvia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waffen-SS_foreign_volunteers_and_conscripts


      Why would a POW camp be talking over the radio about the Amerika bomber? For the first thing, if the Americans didn't know it's quite possible they would overhear the conversation and get alerted. For another, what does a POW camp have to do with such a project? Even if the industrial coastline of the USA were regularly getting flattened, why would a POW camp be casually chatting with someone on a bomber? I don't know of any city or town named Jubilee in the United Kingdom. There were two types of POW camps relevant here, the Dulag or "interrogate them and then send them out" camps and the "Stalag Luft" camps. Stalag Luft camps had a number and may also be referenced by a nearby city or town name.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prisoner-of-war_camps_in_Germany

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    • DrBobSmith wrote: Better!

      A POW camp is going to have some officer who speaks both languages. That's not just random chance. They looked for people who knew the language. You never knew when a prisoner would say something useful in furthering the Reich's victories. This would be doubly true when the guy is still at a Dulag or initial internment and interrogation camp. EVERYONE would know English, even people who pretended they didn't. If they are in England, there will be tens of thousands of English Waffen SS foreign volunteers, just as there was with France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, Latvia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waffen-SS_foreign_volunteers_and_conscripts


      Why would a POW camp be talking over the radio about the Amerika bomber? For the first thing, if the Americans didn't know it's quite possible they would overhear the conversation and get alerted. For another, what does a POW camp have to do with such a project? Even if the industrial coastline of the USA were regularly getting flattened, why would a POW camp be casually chatting with someone on a bomber? I don't know of any city or town named Jubilee in the United Kingdom. There were two types of POW camps relevant here, the Dulag or "interrogate them and then send them out" camps and the "Stalag Luft" camps. Stalag Luft camps had a number and may also be referenced by a nearby city or town name.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prisoner-of-war_camps_in_Germany

      Aah, alright then.

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