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  • s usual, It's a day of no school. I never have school. school is a far away oasis to me. Where I could socialise and make friends with complete strangers I didn't know 2 seconds ago. Where I could be happy. 

    If I was in another situation, I would be in school and come home to parents that didn’t sell me to the government. where I wasn't chained to a table seeing how strong it has made me. It affected me before I was born. I was made to be a monster, an experiment.

    It all started with me being born. I was a mistake of my parents. my parents were always under the influence of drugs, having no money but for that only. I was born normal, except for the deformation. my skin and my right arm were affected by this unsighted downpour. people told me I wasn't right and I wasn't meant to be. 

    everyone knew my parents, the drug heads. my mom, she knew stuff that little girls needn't worry about at the age of 6 due to rape. everyone in the town knew, mom forgot it all. due to ice. Dad was nicer until Abigail died apparently, which was before I was born. my parents didn't want me as they thought I was going to fail on them too, just like Abigail’s heart. They lost hope for another child. 

    They think that Ice has affected my DNA so it's been wired. They think I’m a tool to be used 'for the greater good of the world's population. I have stored countless conversations in my head:

    'will he die?'

    'he shouldn't.'

    'he's only 17!'

    'he'll be fine.'

    I hear the shifting of curtains and hear Annie come out.

    'another test?'

    'yes.' her kind voice mumbles as she releases me.

    "if I could see I bet you'd be pretty"

    she becomes surprised because of the silence and then says "I don't think you'd want to see me" then she leans in close and says "I’m a monster too.". she then steers me to 2 guards who take me down the hallway.

    The air is quite nice in this torturous place. My eyes sting from the amount of oxygen, though. I was born with the ability to survive in low oxygen areas. my eyes have always stung, that's why they have put a cover over my eyes. The chains are hard to walk in, but they have become a part of me. stuck in my body forever, until I die. one of the guards is looking at me, I can feel it. He is the scrawny one. he shouldn't be doing this job because they fear I could break free, but they can't let him go of fears of him telling. The strong guard pulls my arm to the side quickly and easily. I fell the chain sink into me and know there will be fresh blood, but I only wince. I've become accustomed to the pain.

    they throw me onto a chair, the same chair I have been in multiple times. I hear the words "hello, Adam." and turn my head to the direction of the voice. "don't you remember me? I'm the one who causes you pain.". "of course I remember you, fuck face." I spit in an unknown direction. “Ha! let's see if you can break it this time. turn it on!" and with that, the machine turned on. It was on a higher voltage this time; I wasn't accustomed to it. I remember screaming out in pain then I blacked out. I remembered him laughing.

    the face mask is gone. I can see, but I can't. the mask has been on so long I’m not accustomed to the light. I finally see Annie for the first time. her eyes are like mine, a pure brown and her teeth don't fit her mouth. They bounce out in every direction. I look at her in the eyes.

    “I knew you would be pretty.” I say to her. She looks at me and smiles. “I’m going to set the place on fire today. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I think it’s time for us to leave. This place is so combustible, the idiots. Basically everything can be set on fire. They’re making it easy for me.” She laughs. “it’s going to explode!”. “father will pay for making me do this.”

    “but I’m here…” I say. “you’ll live.” She winks and unstraps me. “Run. For. Your. Life.”. And I do. I run as fast as I can with having body parts strapped together with indestructible chains. I get outside and sit on the grass and watch as the whole building explodes. The large cloud of smoke amuses me. There were a lot of gas cylinders, I’d know as I ran by them. Symmetrical and all the same colour, grey. Before I left, I grabbed the pair of forceps on the table near me and the needle of anaesthesia that was ready to put me under for more testing.

    I saw him run out. Ten minutes after I did. Perfect timing for me to get ready. He came out wheezing, a nasty mess. His whole right side had been affected and he inflicted serious wounds. Of course he couldn’t feel it now, as the adrenalin rushed through him, but he’ll feel it later. I jammed the needle into his neck like they did to me, reliving the torturous memories of the now past. He slumped to the ground. Now I just needed a place.

    He woke up and was strapped on a table. With chains. And a guy in a black hoodie looking down at him. His black hoodie. It must have been a frightful experience, but not as frightful as what was to come. I started stabbing him all over with the forceps, blood spraying everywhere and him screaming out undefinable words. I stabbed him until the skin was off his bones, until he no longer took a breath. Until he could bleed no more because the blood has leaked out onto the floor, arriving in a messy pool at my feet. I leant down and said,

    “I’m not an experiment.” I laughed, full of gratitude for the girl that saved me and gave me my mask back, which I now put on. “I’ll find more of you and kill every single one.” I whisper, then I get up and to walk down the street, waiting for the next person who treats people inhumanely.

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    • Spelling wise, the story currently suffers from poor grammar, missing capitalizations, misspelled words, poor wording, and tense shifts. The very first word is missing its first letter.

      As for the story, it is pretty bland and it leaves the question as to where in the world this kid lives which tortures random people just because?

      And on top of that it turns out to be another killer-origins story.

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    • I would like to also point out that some of the quotes are not in quotation marks, and that you should start a new paragraph when somebody speaks.

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    • Creepyfreakshow,

      I second Ned Wolfkin's review. There is a minimum standard for a story to be acceptable for the main creepypasta Wiki. The story was deleted from the Wiki because it didn't meet that. There is a minimum standard even in the Writer's Workshop for people to take it seriously. You're not making that.

      You should start using the free tools that are available to help with your composition. I suggest trying https://www.grammarly.com to start. It points out 39 "basic" errors, and almost all look to be correct. It also says there are 36 "premium" (you pay money) errors. We can show you other free tools to help you compose your story, but you need to spend the time to use them to get the benefit.

      Even if you corrected all the English errors, your story is of an extremely common and "trope" type. We call it a JTK after the story "Jeff The Killer" that did it first many years ago. A teenager suffers abuse (teasing, social isolation) and then rebels and starts killing people.

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    • All of this is also very confusing, on top of everything that Ned said. I couldn't understand who speaks, to whom and about what. It was just way too convoluted due to bad English and weird styling. Everything is all over the place and I still don't understand how all of this even starts. Who are the characters, what happens to the parents, who's Annie... why? 

      To top it all of, deformities don't work like X-Men, you might on ocassion get some "super ability" but not to the extent of getting overly oxydized in a matter of moments in an event of exposure to normal amounts of oxygen due to have an increased natural lung capacity. Also, that hand, skin deformity thing; it's just going to leave him with a useless and very painful part of the body. Not just be disgusting. You don't seem to understand how important every organ is. 

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    • A FANDOM user
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