Plants are beautiful things, able to grow without our help and able to create beautiful things, such as flowers.
Ive always loved flowers, ever since I was a child. Their shapes and scents have always fascinated me, but lately the flowers in my garden have been acting strange. Their leafs shaping into strange unnatural shapes, shapes that shouldn't be in nature.
Some leafs have contorted into the shape of a skull and others just twist into themselves making shapes that are hard for the eye to follow. Its just strange, i can't find any information on why the leafs have been changing all of a sudden, I wonder why.
Every day I go outside and cheek on my garden, making sure everything is in order and that my plants are growing without trouble, and today was no different. I took my gardening gloves and went outside, the sunshine shining down on me. I smiled and walked towards my garden, the colorful flowers open. As i got there i smiled looking down at my beautiful flowers, but something seemed off about them.
Their scent wasn't the usual sweet one but instead seemed metallic. It seemed so familiar yet i couldn't tell why.
I shrugged it off and decided to make sure the plants where growing nicely, but all the weeds where dead and decaying. It was strange since yesterday there were no weeds, but somehow they grew and died in less than a day. I stood up and sighed. I probably just mistook the weeds for plants. As i was about to go back to my house, I heard something calling out to me, its voice raspy and low.
It seemed like it was coming from the garden. I looked back but saw no one. But i could still hear someone but couldn't see them. I walked back and noticed something in the garden, it looked like a child but at the same time it didn't. The kid seemed too skinny to be a person but it looked like a young child. I walked towards the "kid" and the metallic smell grew. I reached the kid and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok?" I asked looking down at him. The kid didn't move but said "Help us, help us. The fairies took us and trapped us, help us" I was confused, what did he mean by the fairies.
As soon as he finished the flowers started to shake and the leave started to return to their normal form, but small fairy emerged from some of the leaves. The kid stood up and pushed me down, despite his size. I was about to stand up but felt myself be held down by the small creatures. I looked up at the child but there was no face. My eyes widened, what was happening? "We need to feed" a low raspy voice said as a fairy, no creature, landed on my nose.
"and you will fill us" I wanted to scream but couldn't, I was too scared. I could feel myself get dragged into the ground, the scent growing until I recognized it, it was blood. I closed my eyes as i felt sharp pain in my arms, like small needles piercing my skin. Slowly i felt dirt fill up my nose, blocking my breathing, until.. nothing. I was just standing in darkness. I looked down and saw myself, being eaten by those creatures. I guess I'm stuck here now.
Spelling and Grammar Issues: Here are just a few things I noticed. The "Ive" in "Ive always loved flowers" should be "I've". Remember I'm, I'd, I've and similar words require an apostrophe. Similarly there are many instances where you do not capitalize the word I. The word "leafs" should be "leaves". You should always start a new paragraph when somebody speaks and when changing speakers. "and the leave" that should be "leaf". "and you will fill us" the word "And" should be capitalized.
Plot: There really isn't much to the plot. It is lacking in substance and very little happens. So this person is supposed to be a huge fan of flowers but brushes it off when something seems amiss. The ending line "I guess I'm stuck here now." sounds like a joke. This character is being devoured and he/she is all like "Well, this is happening". Kind of kills any seriousness.
Normally I start with comments on the English of the story, but Ned did such a thorough job that it's not necessary. Instead, I will just suggest a couple of free online tools to use next time before going into the story itself. This is just a tiny fraction of the tools out there. Use them. Between them, they would have caught all those errors and more.
Good writing makes us feel the emotions. Where is the emotional reaction?
People will fight being killed. We're made that way. Their brains will go into fight or flight mode. They will act to prevent dying. If they don't fight, something must be stopping it. Here are a few plot ideas.
They struggle and fight. We dramatically experience the whole fight.
They initially struggle, but the tendrils paralyze them. They want to fight, but can't. This is terrorizing as they are completely helpless.
They initially struggle, but the tendrils inject something with psychoactive properties. The more tendrils get into them, the more they experience something like orgasmic euphoria as they are ripped apart by the plant.
They initially struggle, but the tendrils make them become one with the mind and will of the plant. They want to be eaten by the end.
I work with this rule of Creepypasta: Start normal or only mildly strange. Escalate to downright creepy, and then go into the reader experiencing full fledged horror. You need to work on that progression. I am not feeling it.
There are lots of things that need to be fixed here. First, it feels really random. What does the child have to do with flowers? What does any of the ending have to do with flowers? You essentially took us along for a lengthy beginning section that ultimately adds up to nothing and then segues into a "scary" encounter, which in and of itself is nonsensical and lacking impact because there's no context or setup for it.
Secondly, the ending is very weak. If the character is trapped the way you've written it, how are they telling us the story? Why would they ever begin their story so calmly and pleasantly? It just doesn't make sense. First person POV must always mean the main character survives or else must place the reader in the same position.
Finally, the whole thing just feels rushed. It seems like you wanted to get this story out as quickly as possible. Take time to really flesh out and describe the details of the scary encounter. Allow us to savor each terrifying moment. Don't feel like you have to include so much within the space of one sentence. A creepypasta should steadily build a sense of dread that leads to a satisfying ending. It's not a race to get there. Similarly, we shouldn't spend two thirds of the story at zero only bump up to sixty for the ending.
Take time to decide what story to want to tell. Then decide how you can tell it most effectively. Starting with a solid foundation will make this whole process and the final product a lot better.
At the very least, think of a way you can establish the fairies in the beginning. Maybe the narrator, who loves her garden, has heard that fairies can be protective of plants and flowers. Maybe this prompts her to perform some sort of ritual to draw fairies to her garden. Maybe it works, but she has no idea they'll turn out to be evil until it's too late. Something like this would tie the whole story together and give the narrator more agency than simply being an unfortunate victim.