• Since all this happened, my life has not been the same, because it went from being a completely disinterested, bored, very temporary, and a little meaningless, to one that would like to live with the intention of enjoying it more, with that, That strange girl.

    It all started on a cold rainy night, I was going to my house hurriedly, while fortunately, the umbrella I was carrying protected me from that drizzle. I plunged into my thoughts, how the hell was I going to do with the whole high school business. I just screwed up, the exams that came frequently, took away my peace of mind, both teachers and other students, contributed their grain of sand to make my life impossible, I was not so popular in that class, but what else does it matter. When suddenly I see a silhouette next to the platform, someone was walking in the rain. I stare at that, and I pass by.

    I realize later that she is a girl, because of the long hair that protrudes from her entire body full of completely wet rags, so I come back. In that I notice his bare feet sweeping with the water, and curiously, I try to start a conversation:

    -Hey, are you alright?


    - Are you going home? I can accompany you.


    -Sorry for interrupting this way, but do you have a house?


    -You know what? You're very bad, why don't you come with me? (I live alone, despite only being 18 years old, when I lived with my family, there were many problems, so I chose to get away from them, who to tell the truth, I didn't like them very much).

    Her hair completely covered her face, it may seem weird, but I wouldn't forgive myself for leaving her there, in that sea of ​​desolation. Besides, he seemed very young, hell! The anguish of the moment killed me. I told her that I did not come with bad intentions and asked her name, but she did not answer, how I make this girl interact was what I questioned.

    Although thinking about it, at that moment, the tenderness of his face invaded me, or what was seen of her, was ... pretty, I must admit it, so I couldn't leave her there. I didn't know what to do, we kept walking, until I thought I was just bothering her, I thought I was a stalker or something. Shit, but it's not what it seemed, I just wanted to help him, but I couldn't stand it and I asked him, if I could see his pretty face, take his hair off his face and see it.

    At that moment he finally stopped, I felt a little uncomfortable, and things took a very unnoticed turn when he heard his voice say:

    -Thank you for wanting to help.

    He raised his head to see me in the face, and there I saw more of her, her skin looked pale but very soft, after this I would take her. I was sure, but I repeat, not with bad intentions, I just wanted to help her.

    -You can do it- she said.

    At that moment I felt stalker, or something like that, but he had left me, I had to take advantage and the rest would be history. I raised my hand, put it next to her cold cheek, and passed all over my face, removing all my hair.

    Never, I will never be able to forget that moment, because I was horrified to see the totally black gaps stunned, in which the eyes should go, in addition to their bloodied forehead, blood was falling all over their faces. And she began to show a smile that dazzled morbid, horrifying, crooked and deformed teeth. Like his smile, it wrinkled his face completely. She told me: "you are happy", with a very thick and hoarse voice, and then she bit my face, and began to pass those deformed and bloody teeth, through my face, pulling skin and muscle.

    At that moment, I kept screaming, while trying to take that monster off me, who already had me on the floor.

    The last thing I remember is that from then on, my life was not the same again, because now I am completely dead, broken.

    You, who read this, are cursed now, that girl is named Elizabeth Weinberg and died raped and tortured by her own father. Tonight, just when you are sleeping, you will wake up at dawn and you will see in your room the dreadful Elizabeth, staring at you, before killing you in a very painful and horrifying way. The only way to remove the curse is by commenting on anything, and there you will be saved, otherwise, wait until tonight. Go from the page here.

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    • I've moved this to Writer's Workshop in case that's where you intended to put it, but you should be aware that posting stories anywhere besides Workshop in the forums is considered making a blogicle and against the rules. Writer's Showcase is for linking to finished stories on the wiki with a brief description.

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    • DrBobSmith
      DrBobSmith removed this reply because:
      Changed my mind.
      06:39, September 4, 2019
      This reply has been removed
    • It reads like a parody of the Ring, that's not good. 

      Also, nobody's going to believe that Elizabeth Weinberg the restless ghost was going to kill them. 

      I suggest you make up a story of encountering her and surviving her wrath, like any other ghost story. No need to try and make us feel like we're threatened by a figment of your imagination. 

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    • This story reminds me more of the manga Ibitsu than The Ring, as Bloody had stated. Young girl out on the street at night taken in by a stranger, then eventually is killed by the spooky girl (sorry if you had plans on reading it somehow; it wasn't fantastic anyways though).

      But in agreement with Bloody, I never felt threatened by the ghost. Compared to smiledog, this feels really tacked on at the last minute. And while smiledog isn't the scariest thing out there, its ending twist works really well because the idea of sharing the picture is the premise of the story and is well integrated into the plot - so when it breaks the fourth wall in a logical and simple way, it's only more terrifying.

      This story desperately needs a proofread and grammar check. Usually I don't mention it much because grammar and punctuation can be fixed by just looking it over, whereas the plot and such should be addressed first so that there IS a story to fix first. But this time, the number of errors was incredibly distracting and made this difficult to read. The repeated issue of addressing the ghost girl as he/him/his was of particular note; from the moment the entity was introduced to the end of the story, you flip back and forth between pronouns, making it hard to figure out whether the ghost is male or female, other than the name drop at the end of the story. Remember: for males, it is he/him/his; for females, she/her/hers.

      If English is not your first language, I would definitely take the time and run this through multiple online grammar checkers so that it reads more smoothly than it does now.

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    • A FANDOM user
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