Epcot was probably my favorite Disney park growing up – not anymore though as they have taken quite the racist turn and have started to spit upon the cultures that once made up World Showcase. But this isn’t about the Epcot of now, it’s about the Epcot that was, a lovely little theme park in Florida. Maybe you had been in the 90’s, like I had, and seen the sign for the show Cranium Command. My mom and dad took myself and my little sister to see the show on a cold and frosty morning in March.
It was in the Wonders of Life Pavilion – a place dedicated to health and life, and while I loved medical things now, as a nine-year-old, I could have taken it or left it. I had never been on the ride before, and didn’t really want to go on it, I’d rather go on Maelstrom, but my mom and little sister demanded we go on this as a family – so my dad and I went in it. But when I saw the show starred Dana Carvey, I started to want to see Cranium Command – talk about a real girlhood crush!
I’m not worthy! Haha, there I go again, showing my age.
The music in the line sounded like something that’d play in a really bad school film about science and it drove me nuts! My little sister found it to be so cute! Ugh! The pre-show for Cranium Command was like some retro cartoon – which at nine years old, I found to be totally lame. Walking into the theater, the stage where the little pilot animatronic sat looked like the inside of the human face, if said human was a robot.
Now the show…ride…attraction thing, look it up on Youtube or recall it from your memories, this isn’t a damn transcript; and the weird stuff didn’t happen until after Cranium Command, didn’t happen until my dad demanded we ride Maelstrom. For his and mine sake.
My little sister hated rides that went faster than Roger Rabbit’s Cartoon Spin – yes, even Gadget’s Go Coaster at Disneyland she did not like or even Goofy’s Barn Stormer. But even my mother was on my dad and I’s side about her riding Maelstrom.
If you’ve ever ridden Maelstrom – before it was cruelly changed to the Frozen ride – you’d not understand why my little sister was scared of this attraction, after all, it’s not some high speed rollercoaster. It’s more of a Pirates of the Caribbean kind of ride, but even that scared her – the drops, you understand. Maelstrom had drops, and had a backwards drop, which freaked out my baby sister.
My dad and I loved it!
We boarded the Viking ship and we were off, and on a journey throughout the land of Norway. Trolls put a spell on our boat and we were sent backwards down a slope. My dad and I whooped and hollered on the way down, hoping to mask the screams of my sister.
But she didn’t scream. She didn’t even cry. She didn’t even hang on to either my mom or my dad in an attempt to not fall out, like she’d fall out. Her hands stayed up and she said again! Again! My dad and I looked at each other for the duration of the ride – which wasn’t much. When we pulled into the unloading dock, my dad asked if she wanted to go ride a crazy insane ride. I honestly don’t remember which ride or which park it was at, but it was a ride she would have refused.
Guess what she said?
My dad and I smiled at one another, finally, she passed her chicken shit phase! A great phase for a younger sibling to pass for the older sibling. I was so happy to show her all the awesome amazing big kid coasters! And suddenly, the rest of the trip became something that was actually fun! I was even able to buy a family photo on Splash Mountain! Something I thought I would treasure for years to come.
But I can’t even look at it without feeling sick. Tragic.
When we got back to our hotel at around dinner time – that was one thing that hadn’t changed about my sister, she hated the food Disney had to offer their guests. Go figure. We had our dinner and went back to our room to watch some Disney Channel and unwind from the day at the theme park. My sister and I had sat down to a meal of Spaghetti (for me) and Macaroni and Cheese (for her), and she asked me if we had a knife as she looked at me with vacant eyes.
I told her no because the food we were eating did not require knives. She pouted and I asked what was the big deal and I tried to get her mind thinking about how cool I thought she was now that she rode the big kid rides. But she simply looked at me and sighed and spoke to me in a cold voice. “Buzzy is not going to be happy.”
“Buzzy? That annoying sock puppet from Cranium Command?” I asked my little sister. She nodded as if she were a farouche. She went onto explain to me that Buzzy was commanding her brain, and he commanded her to murder our mom and dad. That night – obviously I didn’t say shit to mom and dad – as we were all sleeping, I was awoken to her getting out of bed. I watched as she tip toed over to our father, and bit his neck.
Blood spluttered out around her mouth, and my mother and I were able to remove her. My mom screaming at her and she was saying, “Buzzy said to do it! Buzzy said to do it!” The police were called and now my little sister is in an insane asylum. That was eighteen years ago.
Can you please not do this "random onset madness" thing? This is not how insanity works, let alone something of that scope. It takes a lot of time and there would've been earlier signs that something is wrong with the girl. The way it just suddenly pops doesn't make it scary. It makes it silly.
Now let's say the doll is actually a real monster and is doing something to the girl, again, the sudden appearence of its threat is killing the whole thing. It's unbelievable and unreliable.