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  • One of the horrifying experiences at the hospital was when I died during the surgery. They were trying to get a bullet out of my stomach. They took it out, but then the tray holding the surgical instruments went flying. The tools hit my heart and the scalpel cut it. I died shortly after. I got a glimpse of where the good dead people go. Then as I fell into the underworld, and was greeted by the devil himself. I was down there a bit, then I floated back to top and back into my body. I’m alive again, that’s good. But during that period, I saw a small group of evil entities and somehow followed me into the real world.



    I know who those certain entities were. They were a group of bad men who did horrible things when they were alive. I’ve heard about them through research for a school project and the news. They found me and wanted to do harm to me. The expressions on their faces meant they wanted business. Then their leader, a tall black figure manifested in front of me. He told them to attack me. “I just came back from the dead. You wouldn’t hurt a former ghost, wouldn’t you?” I said. But they didn’t seem to care. They ignored me and started making a mess in the operation room. I got out of there before the real trouble began. They saw me leave and they followed. 



    Once I got home, the environment changed from calm to evil. The evil spirits followed me. They wouldn’t stop.”Just leave me alone” I said. “No” they responded. I lured them out and banished their leader. They came from hell and I know it. “Your leader is gone. He can’t return” I said cheerfully. That just made them really mad, and they targeted me, just me. They lunged at me, and they missed. I got a priest to help me with this fight. Finally, we got the evil out of my home. He asked me how they got here and I told him that when I came back to life, these entities followed me and appeared behind the doctors, and they did not notice the ghosts. They probably didn’t even sense them, but one did and he left. He might have seen them. But I don’t know. Anyways they are all gone, the group and their leader are back in the underworld, waiting for a chance to get revenge.

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    • So this isn't much, what you've got here. It's a cute little story idea but it's not really engaging and has nothing we could emotionally invest it. It's just going too fast to be this captivating story it could be. 

      I suggest you expand on the world you've created here and add some more weight to the conflict and give us some drama. 

      Also, writing really short, really dry stories kind of shows you're not serious about the whole thing. So, take your time, put in some effort and your stories should eventually find their way to the main site. 

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    • So I should make it longer with some drama? I mean I can't add sometime that is killed in it.

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    • BlackSpaceBelt wrote:
      So I should make it longer with some drama? I mean I can't add sometime that is killed in it.

      yes, you should. 

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    • Ok I will fix it, then repost it on the workshop.

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    • A FANDOM user
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