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  • The darkness engulfs you wherever you glance and turn. It is everywhere and washes over you as if a soft blanket. Its welcoming arms call out to you to get lost in them. The darkness is a lost mother, holding you in her warm embrace and silently lulling you to sleep.

    She looks so faded that one wishes to ask her the reason for her weariness, but she will merely smile a smile that never reaches her eyes and continues to hum the melody that haunts you during your sleepless nights. She is so kind and yet so cruel; your heart aches for her disheartened features and everlasting misery, and yet your heart beats just at the thought of her warm hands and lullabies.

    The Darkness shall eternally lurk in the depths of your mind of which you have lost and forgotten, waiting and watching silently for the day you may set her free and let her lovely voice fill the void as you drift off to sleep...

    Doesn't it all sound so wonderful?

    I had made the same foolish mistake 4 years ago, while I lay in my bed and pondered what I was to bake for my daughter's birthday. She was to turn 13, and I planned on making it the best night of her life. While I lay, an eerie feeling washed over me, and my hands went cold. I could feel the temperature drop, and I struggled to sit up and check if the dial on the wall was broken again. I choked back a scream as I realized what on earth was wrong.

    A 6 foot tall woman stood in the doorway. The reason for my fright was much, much more sinister than just that; for her disfigured face and disproportional eyes watched me silently. A raspy voice spoke as if from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. With much horror I realized she had no mouth! I began to back away but she outstretched her claw-like hands until they quite literally engulfed my entire being, and held me secure in her arms. I could not scream once a warm feeling washed over me and overtook my entire being.

    "Old mother, help me!" The horrible crunching of bone was audible as the woman's neck craned towards me. There was that almost musical voice, with something always off about it the more I listened. The only thing she did was sing the same phrase over and over again:

    "Pueri mei sedatos esse, vade ad somnum puer meus"
    

    I, of course, had no idea what she was telling me. But I recognized the haunting tune of the melody.

    "Old mother?? Lord have mercy upon us all..." Old mother was the spirit that often lulled me to sleep when I had trouble sleeping. My grandmother had warned me about Her. "The Darkness," Granny called Her, and yet I thought it was the rantings of an old woman. I was warned so many times, and I refused to listen. I believed Old mother to be a good force; a broken mother, a broke soul, simply seeking freedom. Oh, how very wrong I had been. If only I had seen sooner the cause for my Grandmother's death! Suffocated, they said, suffocated during her sleep!

    That night, the night that finally I gave in to Old mother's begging and sobbing to set Her free from the darkness; the moment I delved into the ritual She instructed me with, that night was the night my Grandmother passed away. How could I have been so blind?!

    I recalled the chant I had spoken during the ritual and a final, desperate thought came to me: Grandmother had said that any spell, if said reversed, would reverse the havoc it had brought upon the world. So I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe.

    The crushing force of Her welcoming arms consumed my entire being and only continued to claw its way into my mind and heart till I was no more. I tried to beg her, I tried to scream and cry, but her dark world was crushing me slowly. It was crushing my lungs and my head and my chest. I could not breathe, I could not speak. It was my ultimate doom that I had set for myself.

    Suddenly, Her grip loosened. I did not hesitate a single moment and inhaled deeply.

    "Per istam unctionem



    sit hoc speclum consecratum

    Et benedictum


    et sanctificatum

    quod habeat perfectam potestatem



    ad demonstrandum nobis Angelos quos volumus

    in nom  

    per istam consecratum

    sufflationem descendat in hoc speculum



    virtus spir scti, concitetur speculum scientia



    repræsentandis ut spiritus exorciz impleat et ut



    dubia ora et occulta reddantur perfecta et certa



    ut se imperasse gaudeat per ipsum Dominum qui vivis



    et imperas in sæcula sæculorum. Amen."

    And with that, She was gone. The world spiraled into focus once more and the light flooded my eyes and stung them. I fell to the floor and grasped my shaking shoulders. She was gone! I could not believe it! A victorious chuckle escaped me. She was gone for all time. After that, I prayed all night.

    Years passed without any sign of the Old mother. I was past the accident and lived my life to the fullest. My two daughters grew up to be lovely. One night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard the small whisper of feet. I glanced up absently.

    My six year old daughter, Kassy, stood before me in the flickering light of the bedroom. She was barefoot and her hair stuck to her temples.

    "Mommy?"

    "What is it honey?" She looked at me strangely and walked over to the bed, climbing on and pulling the blanket over herself. She said nothing more and merely buried her head in the covers. "Did you have another nightmare, Kassy?" I moved to sit beside her and smiled warmly. Two blue eyes peeked from underneath the sheets. She proceeded to tell me her nightmare about the injured rabbit, and continued with:

    "I woke up and the sad old woman told me I should go back to sleep."

      Loading editor
    • Hi,

      First, I will say that I like it. It's definitely timeless creepy.

      I normally review the English first and then the story, but you have Latin as well.

      Latin: Mine is not good, but I doubt if many people will recognize it at all. I'm understanding it as an exorcism. So is the mother saying it? Your formatting needs cleaning up, and did you really mean spir scti or spiritus sancti in "virtus spir scti, concitetur speculum scientia?"

      English: You have rough spots. Not many, but definitely you can improve. The free mode of Grammarly will spot many of the errors. They are mainly of that annoying "should I put a commma here or not" type.

      Story: You need to improve clarity in saying that long section in Latin. I'm not saying to change what was done. I just mean saying to make it clear who is saying it and why it works.

      At the very end. The protagonist's daughters have grown up to be lovely. So that sounds like they are adults. Who is the six year old? Did you mean granddaughter?

        Loading editor
    • Alte mutter? Is it some kind of demon? the name is somewhat unfitting in this case. In fantasy they might've named her so but in a real religious society or family, her name wouldn't be so simple and almost complimentary. 

      Your English needs a bunch of work, and it makes the story seem like you're jumping from act to act without establishing a proper connection between the acts. Polish up your English and it should get better.

      The premise is good, this premise is simple and reliable. 

      Now this thing with Latin, I was never a fan of having Latin as the tongue of God, considering the Romans were ugh... something of an antichrist in the early stages of Christianity. Hebrew is better ;) Anyway, my suggestion for the ritual chant part is "and I've said in Latin, [insert English words under the notion that you are translating them for the reader and they were indeed said in Latin)." 

      The victory over the being seemed to kill the story but the ending rectified it. This sort of evil never goes away, it leaves a piece of it behind, or keeps haunting you forever. 

        Loading editor

    • Thank you for your opinions. It helps a lot to improve my writing :) 

        Loading editor
    • BloodySpghetti wrote:
      Alte mutter? Is it some kind of demon? the name is somewhat unfitting in this case. In fantasy they might've named her so but in a real religious society or family, her name wouldn't be so simple and almost complimentary. 

      Your English needs a bunch of work, and it makes the story seem like you're jumping from act to act without establishing a proper connection between the acts. Polish up your English and it should get better.

      The premise is good, this premise is simple and reliable. 

      Now this thing with Latin, I was never a fan of having Latin as the tongue of God, considering the Romans were ugh... something of an antichrist in the early stages of Christianity. Hebrew is better ;) Anyway, my suggestion for the ritual chant part is "and I've said in Latin, [insert English words under the notion that you are translating them for the reader and they were indeed said in Latin)." 

      The victory over the being seemed to kill the story but the ending rectified it. This sort of evil never goes away, it leaves a piece of it behind, or keeps haunting you forever. 

      The name Old Mother is something that was given to the creature as an endearing nickname, as she was supposedly almost like a second mother to the narrator. 

        Loading editor

    • HERE IS THE IMPROVED VERSION:

      A0795898030 16

      The darkness engulfs you wherever you glance and turn. It is everywhere and washes over you as if a soft blanket. Its welcoming arms call out to you to get lost in them. The darkness is a lost mother, holding you in her warm embrace and silently lulling you to sleep.

      She looks so faded that one wishes to ask her the reason for her weariness, but she will merely smile a smile that never reaches her eyes and continues to hum the melody that haunts you during your sleepless nights. She is so kind and yet so cruel; your heart aches for her disheartened features and everlasting misery, and yet your heart beats just at the thought of her warm hands and lullabies.

      The Darkness shall eternally lurk in the depths of your mind of which you have lost and forgotten, waiting and watching silently for the day you may set her free and let her lovely voice fill the void as you drift off to sleep...

      Doesn't it all sound so wonderful?

      I had made the same foolish mistake 4 years ago, while I lay in my bed and pondered what I was to bake for my daughter's birthday. She was to turn 13, and I planned on making it the best night of her life. While I lay, an eerie feeling washed over me, and my hands went cold. I could feel the temperature drop, and I struggled to sit up and check if the dial on the wall was broken again. I choked back a scream as I realized what on earth was wrong.

      A 6-foot tall woman stood in the doorway. The reason for my fright was much, much more sinister than just that; for her disfigured face and disproportional eyes watched me silently. A raspy voice spoke as if from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. With much horror, I realized she had no mouth! I began to back away, but she outstretched her claw-like hands until they quite literally engulfed my entire being and held me secure in her arms. I could not scream once a warm feeling washed over me and overtook my entire being.

      "Old mother, help me!" The horrible crunching of bone was audible as the woman's neck craned towards me. There was that almost musical voice, with something always off about it the more I listened. The only thing she did was sing the same phrase over and over again:

      "Puellae quietam, vade ad somnum puer meus"

      "The girls are quiet, my child go to sleep."

      I, of course, had no idea what she was telling me.But I recognized the haunting tune of the melody.

      "Old mother?? Lord have mercy upon us all..." Old Mother was the spirit that often lulled me to sleep when I had trouble sleeping. My grandmother had warned me about Her. "The Darkness," Granny called Her, and yet I thought it was the rantings of an old woman. I was warned so many times, and I refused to listen. I believed Old Mother to be a good force; a broken mother, a broken soul, simply seeking freedom. Oh, how very wrong I had been. If only I had seen sooner the cause for my Grandmother's death! Suffocated, they said, suffocated during her sleep!

      Sprite-in-a-glass-spell

      The book in which I read from. It looked hundreds of years old, and so very worn.

      I gave in to Her pleads and fetched the book my Grandmother stashed in her drawer. All over it was scrambled and jumbled words, indistinguishable in my eyes. Old Mother, on the other hand, cried out in what almost sounded like glee; pushing me further with her soothing words to continue. I, being the foolish girl I was, did just that. The page read in mixes of Latin and English:



      To have a Spirite in a Glass to tell all

      things they use first with a prayer to consecrate ^[illegible]

      being layd upon a cleane Towell,

      Then they put five drops of hallowed oyle on

      five places of the Glass-like a Cross: desiring

      of God by a short prayer that som spirit

      may enter into the Glass to resolve and answer

      them in all doubtfull occasions.

      Afer they draw the five drops together

      Like a cross and Say (only in Latin will it be effective)

      "Adiuro vos per nomina Angelorum

      I conjure you by the name of the angels

      Sator atque animo mecum hoc Azamor, qua Gildhalla Teutonicorum Aore

      Sator and Azamor that yee intend to me in this Aore

      et mitte

      And send 

      ad me in spiritu vocavit Sagrigit."

      Unto me, a spirit called Sagrigit 

       Then must the glass be washed and rubbed

      with crums [sic] of bread: which must be burnt in the fire

      and so the sufflation is made: Then gladly

      he will appeare and answer to thy Asking.

      Then they say before the Glass:

      "Ne Truda, Truda,

      Do not Truda, Truda

      Normay instillator.

      Normay drops. (??) (One of the reasons Latin works perfectly)

      Coniuro te Essleracon per

      I call upon the Essleracon

      nomen Belfalum per fantalinatis Lauta, per Cruelon

      The name Belfalas by fantalinatis discriminating means Cruelon (?)

      istam magnam, per sufflentiam maximam, per

      This great thing, through the sufflentiam the largest, but by the

      1. Mariam Matrem Domini nostri Iesu Christi suma

      virgine nati, per beatam Mariam Magdalernam per beatam

      1. Mary, the mother of Jesus süma

      girl born through the Blessed happy with Magdalernam

      Margaretam per caput S. Io. Baptist, per Petrum et

      Margaret by the head of St. John. Baptist, Peter and

      Paulam per virtutem Domini nostri Iesu Christi: ut in isto specule

      Paul, by the power of Jesus, as in this mirror

      continuo ad omnia rogata respondeas."

      Answer not turn a deaf ear to all things at once.



      by that, thou shall have one saying mouth to mouth

      [an]d showing all that you will desire.

      Take cleane mirore or mirrhor and virgin parchment

      [&] wrap the glass therin, and write theis words on the

      Parchment

      ​​

      That night, the night that finally I gave in to Old mother's begging and sobbing to set Her free from the darkness. The moment I delved into the ritual She instructed me that night was the night my Grandmother passed away. How could I have been so blind?!

      I recalled the chant I had spoken during the ritual and a final, desperate thought came to me: Grandmother had said every spell had a reversed version. There was another page, if only I could remember, it would reverse the havoc it had brought upon us. So I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think.

      The crushing force of Her welcoming arms consumed my entire being and only continued to claw its way into my mind and heart until I was no more. I tried to beg her; I tried to scream and cry, but her dark world was crushing me slowly. It was crushing my lungs and my head and my chest. I could not breathe, I could not speak. It was my ultimate doom that I had set for myself.

      Suddenly, Her grip loosened. I did not hesitate a single moment and inhaled deeply, chanting in somewhat broken Latin:

      "Per istam unctionem

      By this uniction

      sit hoc speclum consecratum

      This may be exchanged Speculum 

      Et benedictum

      And blessed

      et sanctificatum

      And who do

      quod habeat perfectam potestatem

      That it has the perfect power of

      ad demonstrandum nobis Angelos quos volumus

      The angels whom we wish to show us,

      in nom  

      In name

      per istam consecratum

      By this hallowed 

      sufflationem descendat in hoc speculum

      Blown down into the glass

      virtus spiritus sancti, concitetur speculum scientia

      The power of the holy spirit, the mirror of the knowledge of the oath which

      repræsentandis ut spiritus exorciz impleat et ut

      And to fulfill in order to represent the spirit of the demon

      dubia ora et occulta reddantur perfecta et certa

      're back edge of hidden perfect and reliable

      ut se imperasse gaudeat per ipsum Dominum qui vivis

      That he ordered him, let him rejoice in the Lord, that we the living who are

      et imperas in sæcula sæculorum. Amen."

      and power forever and ever. Amen.

      With that, She was gone. The world spiraled into focus once more and the light-flooded my eyes and stung them. I fell to the floor and grasped my shaking shoulders. She was gone! I could not believe it! A victorious chuckle escaped me. She was gone for all time. After that, I prayed all night.

      Years passed without any sign of the Old mother. I was past the accident and lived my life to the fullest. My two daughters grew up to be lovely. One night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard the small whisper of feet. I glanced up absently.

      My six-year-old granddaughter, Kassy, stood before me in the flickering light of the bedroom. She was barefoot, and her hair stuck to her temples.

      "Grandma?"

      "What is it, honey?" She looked at me strangely and walked over to the bed, climbing on and pulling the blanket over herself. She said nothing more and merely buried her head in the covers. "Did you have another nightmare, Kassy?" I moved to sit beside her and smiled warmly. Two blue eyes peeked from underneath the sheets. She proceeded to tell me her nightmare about the injured rabbit, and continued with:

      "I woke up and the sad old woman told me I should go back to sleep."

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