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  • I bought a shady copy of fortnite off the dark web but when I booted it up everything was hyper real and bled was all over the screen and then my x box leaked blood then the fortnite dude said take my place When I woke up I was in the tv I'm still in the disk I hope someone buys me

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    • This little story has a handful of problems. For one thing, there isn't much of a story. What there is of a story is riddled with spelling errors and cliches.

      On top of all that, this is blacklisted subject.

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    • What's a blacklisted subject 

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    • Ninja wolf is tops wrote:
      What's a blacklisted subject 

      Subjects that this site doesn't allow anymore. See their Blacklisted Subjects page

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    • So in outher words a accidentally made a horror movie plot instead of a creepypasta 

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    • Carzyshark28 wrote:
      So in outher words a accidentally made a horror movie plot instead of a creepypasta 

      Absolutely not. The blacklisted subject in question is the .exe, overtroped "scary" video game.

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    • So how can I make it better

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    • Carzyshark28 wrote:
      So how can I make it better

      Stop the cliches don't make it a blacklisted subject and write it with care

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    • Carzyshark28 wrote:
      So how can I make it better

      Honestly, it is pretty much doomed from the start by being a blacklisted subject. We're at a point where anymore video game pastas aren't scary at all. Of course horror is subjective, but certain things have just completely lost their shock after a while.

      On top of that, this is riddled with cliches which have been outright banned (hyper realism, for example).

      I suggest you take more time on your stories. This one lacks proper capitalization (i.e. "x box", "fortnite"), punctuation, and quotation marks.

      Take more time on your stories. You can't just zoom through writing one and expect everything to turn out perfectly.

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    • Trollpastas aren't currently being accepted.

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    • William See wrote:
      Trollpastas aren't currently being accepted.

      I think this was an honest attempt. They posted one early this morning that bears similar problems to this one, which I marked for deletion for being a TP and they said it wasn't.

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:
      Carzyshark28 wrote:
      So how can I make it better
      Honestly, it is pretty much doomed from the start by being a blacklisted subject. We're at a point where anymore video game pastas aren't scary at all. Of course horror is subjective, but certain things have just completely lost their shock after a while.

      On top of that, this is riddled with cliches which have been outright banned (hyper realism, for example).

      I suggest you take more time on your stories. This one lacks proper capitalization (i.e. "x box", "fortnite"), punctuation, and quotation marks.

      Take more time on your stories. You can't just zoom through writing one and expect everything to turn out perfectly.

      I have thought of a way video game creepypasta can be scary what if the game is shifting our attention to it while we ignore big real world problems but one day someone steps away from the screen and discoverers the horror of the real world

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    • Ninja wolf is tops wrote:
      NedWolfkin wrote:
      Carzyshark28 wrote:
      So how can I make it better
      Honestly, it is pretty much doomed from the start by being a blacklisted subject. We're at a point where anymore video game pastas aren't scary at all. Of course horror is subjective, but certain things have just completely lost their shock after a while.

      On top of that, this is riddled with cliches which have been outright banned (hyper realism, for example).

      I suggest you take more time on your stories. This one lacks proper capitalization (i.e. "x box", "fortnite"), punctuation, and quotation marks.

      Take more time on your stories. You can't just zoom through writing one and expect everything to turn out perfectly.

      I have thought of a way video game creepypasta can be scary what if the game is shifting our attention to it while we ignore big real world problems but one day someone steps away from the screen and discoverers the horror of the real world

      While that is a decent prompt (and I don't wanna backseat moderate here), you guys would probably be better off sticking to one thread/one story idea at a time, just so things don't get cluttered. 8}

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    • Ok back to burno

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    • It could work as a joking shitpost if you add some more comedic things to it bit otherwise blacklisted topic. 

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:

      William See wrote:
      Trollpastas aren't currently being accepted.

      I think this was an honest attempt. They posted one early this morning that bears similar problems to this one, which I marked for deletion for being a TP and they said it wasn't.

      Well, I should hope my response was enough reason for OP to reevaluate why their writing is being misconstrued as that.

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    • William See wrote:

      NedWolfkin wrote:

      William See wrote:
      Trollpastas aren't currently being accepted.
      I think this was an honest attempt. They posted one early this morning that bears similar problems to this one, which I marked for deletion for being a TP and they said it wasn't.

      Well, I should hope my response was enough reason for OP to reevaluate why their writing is being misconstrued as that.

      it had a big impact that's why the magician is so much better

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    • AudreyOwO wrote:
      It could work as a joking shitpost if you add some more comedic things to it bit otherwise blacklisted topic. 

      "Shitposts" have been banned from this site for some time, so even making it actually funny wouldn't work either.

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    • I ran out of breath.

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    • Better than Jeff the Killer

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    • EmpyrealInvective
      EmpyrealInvective removed this reply because:
      See forum rules
      15:05, February 16, 2020
      This reply has been removed
    • Glisario wrote:
      Better than Jeff the Killer

      I agree this one did not blow up like Jeff 

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    • I won’t tear into the story itself because people have already done that many times. Instead, I’ll give you advice for the future. First, come up with a concept that isn’t a blacklisted subject After that, come up with a short outline of what you want the story to look like. When you want the inciting incident, when you want to reveal your horror, when you want key plot details to be revealed, etc.

      Next, you want a rough draft. Take that outline and write a story. Don’t worry about grammar yet, that comes later. Just get words on the page.

      Now we will worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar, and capitalization. Basically make it to where it fits the quality standards here. I highly suggest downloading a browser add-on like Grammarly. It helps immensely.

      Submit it to the forum, and take the criticism. Fix whatever people say is wrong with it. I can already see you’re eager to take criticism and fix your story, so that’s very good. Many people aren’t really capable of that.

      Good luck, and make sure to check out the writing advice pages too! They’re extremely helpful.

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    • i feel like this is satire.

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    • @Bearbro123 It’s not. The writer themselves has said it’s not, and expressed a wish to improve the story.

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:
      This little story has a handful of problems. For one thing, there isn't much of a story. What there is of a story is riddled with spelling errors and cliches.

      On top of all that, this is blacklisted subject.

      Definitely, you should always read the rules before posting. its ok if this is your first post. but please you can use 1 cliche for the intro at best. sometimes its good sometime is bad. you also need to revise your grammer a little bit my friend.

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    • Ninja wolf is tops wrote:
      Glisario wrote:
      Better than Jeff the Killer
      I agree this one did not blow up like Jeff 

      yea and jeff the killer was made from a girl who killed herself and the original picture for jeff was from the girl because she was overweight so it was edited. he literally had to slim her down so it would look good. disgusting. yes bad grammar i know.

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    • A FANDOM user
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