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  • It is Christmas of 1986, a child excitedly opens her present and sees a brand new Teddy Ruxpin. She hugs it and activates the audio part, which plays a cute message and all seems normal. The only thing that was off about the doll was it's weirdly realistic eyes, but she and her mother brush it off as a simple manufacturing error.

    A few days go by and the mother is getting ready to host a New Years party while her daughter was playing at the next door neighbor's house. The mother notices that she left the Teddy Ruxpin on the living room couch, which was strange to her as she believed that since her daughter was playing with it a lot the other day, she would have taken it with her to show the next door neighbor. The mother picks it up, and is just confused about its weirdly realistic eyes which have turned brownish for some reason. She taps at its eye slightly before going to her child's bedroom and setting it on the bed.

    A couple of hours later and the daughter comes home. The mom called out from the kitchen, reminding her that she left her Teddy Ruxpin at home and that she put it on her bed. The daughter seemed visibly hesitant, but then hurries to her room and shuts the door.

    Later on the mother goes over to her daughter to call her over for dinner and overhears her daughter talking to someone, she peers inside the cracked door, sees her daughter talking to the Teddy Ruxpin, saying that she did her part of the deal and begged him to leave her alone and not hurt her.

    Slightly troubled, the mother opens the door and confronts her daughter. The daughter turns around in fear and begs her to leave. But the mother is distraught and confused and demands her daughter to tell her what is going on.

    The daughter then breaks down in tears and confesses that the other day she noticed that the doll eyes seem to follow her wherever she went round the room, and one night she woke up to the doll choking and he in his child friendly voice demanded her soul for him to eat. She begged for her life saying that she’ll do anything, as she slowly started wheezing due to a lack of oxygen. The doll then let her go and allowed her to breath, before said that he would let her live only if she manages to get a sacrificial soul of a child to replace hers, which is done by placing a fresh heart inside of the doll. But if she told anyone or screamed for help, he would kill her and take her soul by force. 

    The mother originally thought that this was just a very disturbed imagination, until she heard a loud scream and cry from next door. The mother was immediately shocked then went into a slightly catatonic state after realizing what had happened.

    The daughter apologized profusely saying that it was the only way she would live. Suddenly, the Teddy Ruxpin smiled and said in his signature voice:

    "Her friend's soul tasted like candy!!"

    The mother let out a blood curdling scream as she took the doll and threw it at the wall causing blood to spew out from his back where his cassette tapes would usually be inserted, and as it collapsed onto the floor, a freshly carved heart slowly fell out. The impact also caused the eyes to pop out of the doll, revealing that they were not plastic, but rather real human eyes encased in a clear plastic coating.

    In a panic, the mother scooped up the remains and threw them in the fire. She watched as the Teddy Ruxpin burned away along with the guts. But the two eyes didn't seem to burn and instead they turned and looked directly at the mother, blinking slowly as a faint distorted voice could be heard singing:

    "Your Friend
    Your Friend
    Is what I'd like to be
    Your friend
    Your friend
    Cause I like you!
    Do you like me?"

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    • As mentioned on your talk page, there were frequent run-on sentences: "The mother notices that she left the Teddy Ruxpin on the living room couch, which was strange to her as she believed that since her daughter was playing with it a lot the other day, she would have taken it with her to show the next door neighbor.", "Later on the mother goes over to her daughter to call her over for dinner and overhears her daughter talking to someone, she peers inside the cracked door, sees her daughter talking to the Teddy Ruxpin, saying that she did her part of the deal and begged him to leave her alone and not hurt her.", etc.

      Grammatical (it's=it is, its=possession): "he only thing that was off about the doll was it's weirdly realistic eyes"

      Awkward wording: "The doll then let her go and allowed her to breath, before said that he would let her live only if she manages to get a sacrificial soul of a child to replace hers, which is done by placing a fresh heart inside of the doll.", "The mother was immediately shocked then went into a slightly catatonic state after realizing what had happened.", etc.

      Tense shifting: You tend to switch from present tense ("It is Christmas of 1986, a child excitedly opens her present and sees a brand new Teddy Ruxpin. She hugs it and activates the audio part, which plays a cute message and all seems normal." to past tense ("In a panic, the mother scooped up the remains and threw them in the fire. She watched as the Teddy Ruxpin burned away along with the guts. But the two eyes didn't seem to burn and instead they turned and looked directly at the mother, blinking slowly as a faint distorted voice could be heard singing:" without any real reason.

      Plot issues: Pacing is an issue here as you try to rush into the creepy aspect of the story without really building any real normalcy or setting up the scene. As a result, it comes off as rushed.

      Descriptive issues: A lot of the story needs more work on making its scenes more effective. Take the confrontation with the doll: "The mother let out a blood curdling scream as she took the doll and threw it at the wall causing blood to spew out from his back where his cassette tapes would usually be inserted, and as it collapsed onto the floor, a freshly carved heart slowly fell out." I imagine you were aiming for a visceral angle as the heart comes out of the doll, but unfortunately without a lot of build-up or description, it ends up falling a bit flat.

      Finally, there's the trope overuse: The distorted singing, creepy eyes, and the parent overhearing the child talking to the doll have all been done before. While this isn't a huge issue if the story is engaging or does something that separates it from the other haunted/cursed doll stories, this one unfortunately sticks to the books and has a lot of mechanical issues as well. I would strongly suggest a full re-write if you're planning on appealing this deletion as there's a lot of work needed here.

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    • A FANDOM user
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