This story is about a cursed film called " Pillow Heart ." This story is based around four friends and what they experience with the film.
Friend one: Anna Burg
Friend Two: Johnny Murderson
Friend Three: Mia Smith
Friend Four: Micheal Watersonburgher
Antagonist: Pillow Heart
On July, 23, 2025, A film titled Pillow Heart had recently came out. Four friends made the decision to see it. All of them bought their tickets. The first ticket read Anna Burg, Theater Fourteen. Ticket two read Johnny Murderson, theater Fourteen. The third read Mia smith, Theater Fourteen. The final ticket among the four friends read Micheal Watersonburgher, theater Fourteen.
In the town of Bad Shankersburg, Germany, many had seen the film and claimed it was cursed. One woman who visited Hollywood to see the film with her grandparents claimed both of them suddenly passed out and died when they walked into their hotel room. A man from Norway who saw the film said that when he got back to his apartment, after Forty five-Fifty six minutes, half of his apartment building had been destroyed in an explosion. A Polish woman who went to Dublin to see the film, claimed that after seeing the film she tried to kill herself. An American couple who saw the movie said about fifteen days after seeing it, that they almost died in a murder attempt by someone dressed in a Pillow Heart costume.
The four friends went to grab popcorn, soda and other snacks before the film. Outside the showing there was a priest that prayed for the safety of everyone going into that theater. Of the One thousand five people in the small town, about Two hundred-Two hundred and fifty went to see this film. All four friends took their seats. Trailers played for about 32 minutes.
The film started by showing Pillow Heart holding a knife to a toddler's head. It was nine seconds later that the parents of the toddler burst in to see Pillow Heart stabbed and killed the baby then pulled out a gun than shot and killed the parents before opening an apparent portal. Pillow heart steped into the initally dark portal then snapped it's fingers to reveal a place similar to hell. In this land there were decapitated dolls, enslaved animals and a torture table for children which read " Play table ." Showing the obvious kingdom it ruled over, it became evident that Pillow Heart could use portals to switch between earth and this realm.
Throughout the rest of the film Pillow Heart goes on an international massacre. Killing 3/4 of the earth's human population. Enslaving the rest of the world until all of earth is its. Mia smith told Anna Burg " I don't think I can sleep tonight. I mean look like I'm One hundred percent aware that it's a peice of fiction but that was just horrifying. Especially watching those animals get enslaved and those children get tortured. I mean no censorship or anything!" Johnny Murderson went back to his home. He had no ability to sleep after such a horrific movie.
He went to Google and gave the movie a 4.5 star review then attempted to go to bed. Johnny, incapable of going to sleep suddenly felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Making the discission to go to the restroom to see if that's what caused his pain. While in the bathroom, he prepared a shower to take after to get his mind off of the film. The pain got worse, while on the toilet Johnny Murderson's intestines started clawing at his skin then once they broke out they wrapped themselves around his neck and strangled him to death.
Johnny Murderson died Twenty five minutes after his intestines broke out of his abdominal region and strangled him. A neighbor who heard screaming called 112. Describing the scene heard the neighbor begged for police to come. The cops arrivied in 5 minutes. Police searched his house and found no indication of a break in or a robbery.
Police found a security camera in the bathroom. The surveillance showed his gastrointestinal tract dig out of his body and wrap itself around Johnny Murderson's neck and killed him. Police notified his friends and family about Johnny's death and show the footage. They were unsurprisingly grief stricken and horrified.
Three days after Johnny's passing, Anna Burg turned on the news to see Pillow heart as a reporter. Shocked all she could think was, " This is a prank, maybe I'm hallucinating. " Pillow heart gave a report claiming " I found you, now I will kill you. " Pillow Heart started to walk closer. Her room was suddenly on fire. The floors turned into oceans of blood and her bed turned into a torture device just like in the movie except this one had spikes on it.
Her room went black with the exception of the television. Pillow heart started crawling out of the screen and into Anna Burg's room then with her chained to the bed, Pillow heart turned a crank which resulted in Anna Burg's bed folding in on her. Pillow Heart made her bed covered in spikes, it crushed her resulting in Seventy two poke wounds resulting in death. While coping with her friends death Mia Smith got a phone call from Pillow Heart itself. Pillow Heart said " I killed your friends and you will either kill yourself or I will slaughter and butcher you! After killing you I will take you back to my realm and feed your lifeless body to the children of who I torture for fun. GOT THAT!?"
Mia Smith decided to go to Berlin and admit herself to a psychiatric institution to check whether she had been hallucinating all of that. She tested negative for a psychotic disorder but did test positive for Depression, PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Denying herself any mediciation, Mia Smith went home and went to sleep. She started having nightmares about Pillow Heart stabbing her and ripping out her heart. She had a nightmare where Pillow Heart burnt down the movie theater while all of the people in Germany were in it and half of them burned to death.
She was so scared of going to sleep that Mia Smith, jumped off a cliff and killed herself. Micheal Watersonburgher had been grief struck after his friends passing's to later find out that Mia Smith committed suicide. He rationed it all out to the film. " There is no rational way anyone's organs can burst out of their abdominal region. No one had found Anna Burg's killer. Mia Smith never showed any symptoms of mental illness prior to the movie. I wonder if I'm the next one to die. " Micheal Watersonburgher made the decision to go rewatch the film. This time what creeped out him was the fact that Pillow Heart was not in the film this time. All everyone who rewatched the film on behalf of the recent deaths connected to this film could think was " This film is a curse. I just hope I don't die tonight. "
Beyond Pillow Heart not being in the movie everything played out fine. Thirty minutes before the movie ended, Pillow Heart itself lit the theater on fire and killed almost everyone in that showing and in the building. Pillow Heart killed itself with a single stab wound to the head simply because it got bored of killing.
Sorry about the art this is the best I can do. ------->
This story really needs to be broken up into manageable paragraphs before we can dive into the content. That aside, the main mechanical issues I've noticed right off the bat were improper capitalization, typos (thether/theatre), no spaces between numbers (if a number is bigger than ten, you typically type it out - 45 or forty five, not "Fortyfive") and awkward syntax ("On July 23 2025, a film titled Pillow heart had came out and four friends made the decision to see it").
William See wrote: This story really needs to be broken up into manageable paragraphs before we can dive into the content. That aside, the main mechanical issues I've noticed right off the bat were improper capitalization, typos (thether/theatre), no spaces between numbers (if a number is bigger than ten, you typically type it out - 45 or forty five, not "Fortyfive") and awkward syntax ("On July 23 2025, a film titled Pillow heart had came out and four friends made the decision to see it").
I split the story into paragraphs and edited the spelling of the numbers. Thank you for the advice.
I'm sorry about writing the paragraphs and thether/theatre wrong. I have mental disabilities. I'm really remorseful. I'll reedit the theater parts.
I'm going to start by suggesting you break down that wall of text as it makes the story hideous to look at and hard to read.
The prologue seems kind of pointless. We shouldn't be told who the characters are, we should be shown that within the story.
This story has a few capitalization errors. You capitalized numbers, but not the names "smith", "heart" (following Pillow).
As for general spelling issues, multi numbers are put together instead of spaced out (i.e. "Twohundredfifty" instead of "Two hundred and fifty"), there is a missing apostrophe ("toddlers head").
There are a few spacing issues: there are spaces after first quotation marks, and there is a space missing after the period in "him.A neighbor". There is double spacing here "about fifteen days".
The movie itself doesn't sound too scary, it just sounds like your run of the mill gore-fest slasher flick. Honestly, if it is just him going around killing people, it sounds boring as Hell. The story itself is just a gore fest with nothing actually scary happening, and in my opinion, the villain isn't really too menacing, making him kind of flat.
Pillow Heart uses portals which, no offense or anything, kind of makes this sound a bit cartoonish.
the concept of a film physically hurting actual people and causing actual tragedies is an overused cliche at this point, at least in my opinion. We already have The Grifter, which is a good enough scary-movie-hurts-and-kills-people type story. Even if it isn't a cliche, Pillow heart (sic) breaking the fourth wall by saying he will kill Anna on the news is.
The film's existence is never explained. Why was it made? Who made it? How are they able to know who bought tickets? Why are the never caught?
For your next story, I suggest doing a spell check, and going over it a few times.
The current revision has a lot of the same problems as the first draft. There are still spaces after first quotation marks, you should start a new paragraph when someone speaks and changing speakers, there are still instances of "heart" and "smith" not being capitalized while numbers and "theater" are, double spacing in some places, and a lot of questions are left unanswered.
There are a few I haven't mentioned in my initial review because I didn't want it to sound like I was nitpicking, but what the heck...
I advise against adding a dash between two separate numbers as it makes them look as if they are the same.
You don't need to include a character's last name every time they are mentioned, you can just simply use their first name.
There is some awkward wording ("On July, 23, 2025, A film titled Pillow Heart had recently came out.", "The four friends went to grab popcorn, soda and other snacks before the film." "He had no ability to sleep after such a horrific movie.", etc.)
There are a few run on sentences ("It was nine seconds later that the parents of the toddler burst in to see Pillow Heart stabbed and killed the baby then pulled out a gun than shot and killed the parents before opening an apparent portal.", etc.)
As for the plot issues, there hasn't been any improvements. Not only is the character list prologue pointless, but so is telling us what was written on their tickets, as there is nothing unusual or special about them.
On top of the questions I mentioned in my last post (Why was it made? Who made it? How are they able to know who bought tickets? Why are the never caught?), I want to point out a few more things. Why does Johnny have a camera in his bathroom, and why did the police show his friends and family the video? How does this movie have such an effect on people? If Purple Heart isn't in the film the second time Micheal sees it, then what happens in it? The movie is essentially just Purple Heart going around killing people.
The over-all story is mostly just a gore fest, which cheapens it.
As I said, the villain is bland. He somehow goes all over the world, killing people who seen his movie for some reason, and not posing as too much a threat to his victims. Then he kills himself just because he was bored despite the fact that he apparently has enough resources to travel the world, distribute a movie, somehow forgo the MPAA, and apparently can never be caught, which means he would have plenty to live for. We are never even given a motive for why he does anything that happens in the story.
Some parts of this story is unintentionally funny. The aforementioned portals, the cartoonish villain, Mia's casual "I wonder if I'm the next one to die.", ""This film is a curse. I just hope I don't die tonight."
As a final nitpick, I kind of want to point out that the characters are so bland that it is hard for the reader to even care as their doom impends.