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  • When I was a teenager, I've always wished of having some technology to own but my dad just couldn't afford anything like it. I always felt so unlucky that I live with a poor family, It's painful. Like shortage on food occasionally and we only have enough money for house bills. Life become grey as we were poor. There was just nothing to do anymore.

    After a week of misery and boredom, me and my family heard a knock at our door. I didn't expect anything entertaining to show up. Then after my parents went back inside, I hear them both shout. "Suprise!" So loud, my dogs over at the backyard heard it and came running to my parents. I thought at that very second that my parents got just enough money to purchase a computer. Just for me! I felt so special. "We got this for you kiddo." My dad informs. I burst in tears of joy as I finally get something to do in this tiny house.

    I bolted to my room and plugged everything in. I was all set. I was ready to see how cool tech really was. I turn on the computer and go to the browser. I search youtube.com and clicked on it's searchbar. I type in. "Cool games on PC for free" I click the first result and the video said "Hi guys and welcome back to my channel. Today we'll be showing you what cool games to play on your PC. All you need to know is that this is completely free to get and also pretty simple!" I kept listening and got more focused the more I'd listen.

    The first method he offered was a website known as greatgamehub.com. I removed the youtube tab after he even said the address and typed it onto the searchbar. As the website loaded. My heart was beating faster than me exercising. I was ready for an ultimate time-consuming occurence. The website finally loaded and saw a list of games. I saw games like cupcake factory games, racing games, retro games, you name it. It might be there. And so I clicked a racing game. And my car was what looked like a Bugatti Veyron with a spoiler. It was colored red with the number 14 on the side of it.

    The light went green and I rushed pass the opposing racers and raced through a neon city with barricades blocking exits of the track. I finished the first lap a minute later. As I felt like I would win since I'm on the last lap, two opposing racers blocked the track's path with their cars and I crashed into them two more racers driven behind me and blocked the path behind me. Then six seconds later, the racers exit their cars revealing their appearance. They were black figures with unhappy tragedy comedy masks on them. Their masks had scratchs over it's eyeholes and corners. There were eight figures surrounding my car. One figure reaches for the door handle and pulls me out of the car. The screen fades to black slowly. I was in visible disbelief. The screen then fades in with my character in first-person with cuts on his arms and chest. It looked like a warehouse I was in with only one spotlight switched on pointing at me. I looked up and I found out I was secured in a guillotine. I felt like I myself was gonna die because of the focus I had on the game. The guillotine striked down on my character's head and the screen cut to black. I also heard some blood splattering and my character's head hitting the hard concrete floor.  And I was back at the game hub and the racing game's logo has been crossed off. I was unable to play that game now.

    I try to go back to that video to watch for more methods with shock but... The video is gone. I had only one option. I went back to the game hub and this time I played a street fighter type game. I selected my fighter and the fight then starts on a street with fog surrounding the area with only one spectator with the same comedy mask on it and continuously stared endlessly at my fighter. I didn't care though I started throwing some fists at my opponent but then stabs my character in the chest and drags my fighter away by the legs. The spectator was fastly nodding it's head like it really wanted my fighter to be punished. The screen then fades to black and my screen then shows my character third-person secured on a hangman's noose knot. The fighter did nothing but it's lifeless corpse shaking around slowly. Then I see two of those masked figures looking at the hung corpse with their arms behind their backs. But then they slowly aim their heads at me in front of the screen. Then the screen makes a television static sound and I'm back at the game hub. And of course, the fighter game's logo is crossed out.

    I then choose to play the last game I choose to. It is a fighter jet game. I decide to click it's logo and I'm now in the game. The game played upbeat music as I play the game. I grounded around five jets and then I start to see heads of the masked figures staring at my jet as I fly past them. I then see a hunched over and ripped black figure with the same mask fall onto my jet. It opened up the cockpit, pulled my character out, punched the character's gut and threw it out in the sky the screen faded to black just before my character hits the ground and the obvious impact sounds are heard. I'm now back at the game hub and the jet game's logo is crossed out and then the screen fades to black again. I swear I didn't touch anything at this time. And then a happy tragedy comedy mask appears with bloody text saying "You Tried..." Three seconds later, the computer then turns off for good. I cannot turn it back on. Maybe the fact that technology is bad for your health is for a good reason.
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    • I'm gonna guess your first language isn't English. 

      And tech is good for your health, maybe entertainment tech isn't great for your eyes and a bunch of musculo-skeletal organs of yours, true, but so is sitting for sixteen hours a day, six days a week weaving for a job. Technology's fine, it's made our lives better and easier in some aspects we couldn't control otherwise. 

      Having an indoor toilet seat is "tech", and that's great. 

      That's besides the point though, your lesson that "tech is bad" is sort of misguided and you've probably meant something else entirely. Computer addiction is bad, yes, you don't show it here properly. If anything you'd have to focus on a person's life falling apart as a result of their addiction and the subtle horror of their realization they are addicted, or the symptoms of addiction. 

      What you have here is a typical "haunted media" story with all of it's shortcomings and cliches (Game starts right, faces contort or seem out of character for the characters involved, some sort of dramatic scare visual or sound, game won't quit working even if you turn off the global internet and finally either someone gets hurt by a fictional pixelated character in real life or something gets broken because of the ghosts in the machine), I suggest avoiding that and going for the protag finding a random game they thought was not horror that turns out to be a horror game that freaks them out really well. 

      Also, given games like Mortal Kombat and GTA what you describe here isn't very shocking content. Go for something truly scary cause this isn't it. Also make it seem like the protag is scared - pay attention to the details. Details are important.

      On top of that, your character starts off by acting like he has no clue what the internet or computers is like, but then when he gets the computer he is savvy as any other person who's had experience with computers and the web. Make the protag either just poor who had no means for that stuff and had the knowledge of that stuff, or have them completely discover the whole thing from scratch. 

      Also, your English is all over the place, you've awkward sentences all over this piece and it should've been in the past tense since you are detailing events that had happened and ended.

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    • A FANDOM user
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