A vicious tremor was heard throughout the cosmos shaking it down to its very foundation. The stars groaned in anguish and became extinguished one after the other. They screamed an excruciating tune whilst choking on their own blood as they convulsed into death throes. The sun was swallowed up in pure darkness. The planets in our solar system became colder, even more so than the climate in the Antarctic. Their gaseous bodies became solid blocks of ice that ricocheted from their orbits and crashed into each other. Mars was cast on a destructive path to our Earth and collided with it. The force exerted onto the planet caused an alteration in its rotation, tilting it off its axis.
Many panicked from the feeling that the universe itself passed away. There was a great unrest throughout the Earth that was never heard before in the planet's long existence and would never be heard again. The Earth itself opened up to devour everything in its path. Houses were swallowed up while some were deeply asleep too ignorant of what was happening. Tidal waves kicked up in huge storms and eradicated houses along the beaches. The moon was deeply immersed in a shade of red; blood trickled down from the moon as though the moon itself was weeping.
In the thirteenth hour, demonic flutes rang through the air; large, flaming balls of fire descended from the sky to consume any survivor that was remaining. The world's fresh water turned to boiling blood that poisoned the living creatures within them. The fabric of reality unzipped sending plagues of flying fungoid, crustacean beings latched themselves onto whoever was unfortunate and drove them to utter, unadulterated madness. The demonic flutes sung their last note before drowning away to a low murmur. Beings made of ropes of tentacles escaped through the rip in reality forcing a few into fainting spells. They possessed masses of tentacled appendages with toothy suction cups and eyes manifested in every orifice of their bodies. The universe gave its final breath and disappeared into the vast nothingness absolutely devoid of life.
And just like that, the Blind Idiot God awoke from its eons-long sleep unable to comprehend that it was now the only being in existence.
I feel like this is mostly style and little-to-no substance. I can see how, like your other works, this is Lovecraft-inspired; the language is very descriptive (if somewhat awkward at times). The problem is that there isn't much of a story here.
You've described an apocalypse scenario and the awakening of some sort of God. Ok, what happens now? The ending is too much of a cliffhanger, it needs to be expanded on somehow.
Also, you should take the time to fix your word arrangement a little bit. Some of the sentences are worded a little strangely. For example-
Instead of "The stars groaned in anguish and became extinguished one after the other."
Try "The stars groaned in anguish as they were extinguished, one after the other."
It's Azathoth's dream. He lies in the nucleus of the universe with everything that exists being all apart of his dream. Once he wakes up, nothing remains. Again, no continuation because such a concept no longer exists.
It's Azathoth's dream. He lies in the nucleus of the universe with everything that exists being all apart of his dream. Once he wakes up, nothing remains. Again, no continuation because such a concept does not exist.
Again, I do appreciate the advice.
Ah, I'm not familiar with the Lovecraft mythos. That would explain a few things.
Based on this new information, I'd say that the only thing stopping you from uploading this to the site is the awkward sentencing I talked about before. Fix that, and this should be a perfectly suitable story.