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  • Æ"You got an email." The year was 1995. Alex looked at the big, bulky, computer screen to see what the email was. "Congratulations! You are one of a group that has very few people in it that gets to try out the new operating system called, 'Microsoft Beezd'! The floppy disks will come tomorrow. Have a great day. " the email read. Alex was surprised by this news, for he was a Microsoft fan. Since it was at around 10 pm, he went to bed.

    In a few weeks, when he woke up, he heard a knock at the door. Alex was excited because he thought it was the floppy disks. He went to the front door inside a tiny hallway, to see a man giving a grin, holding a few floppy disks. "Here are your floppy disks, sir! Have a great day!" Alex accepted the floppy disks, and closed the door, blocking the beautiful neighborhood. He ran to his big, bulky computer.


    He decided that he would back up his data first, before installing a testing OS. He put his data with his old OS (WINDOWS 95) to a blank floppy disk he had for a year. He popped in the installation disk and restarted his computer.

    He saw the install screen Windows had. "That's odd," Alex said.

    " Eh, it's Microsoft, it happens, " Alex decided. Once the installation was complete, he restarted after taking the floppy out.

    He saw the cool startup screen. It had tiny squares zooming around until they got in place. When it was done, it read "Microsoft Beezd." Alex was getting more and more excited. He then saw the setup screen. He completed it in about 30 minutes. Once he was done, the computer restarted as usual.

    The screen then read, "Preparing to start your computer for the first time." The startup screen then showed, and then the desktop.

    A Window appeared saying "Have a tour through Microsoft Beezd! Put in the disk you used to install Microsoft Beezd!" Alex did. He only did it so he could see what was in the disk.

    He was looking in the files when he saw something very unsettling. It had pictures of some dead little kids that was on the news a week ago. The bottom of the picture said in a bloody font, "Your next."

    Alex thought it was just a sick joke. A few minutes later, he got a text message on his Windows 95 mobile that read, "You don't know who I am but I am watching your every move." Alex was a bit freaked out. It was late, so he went to bed.

    Alex was in a dark, small room, tied up in a chair. Out of the shadows, he saw the man who gave him the disks. He was smiling very wide, as if he and Mr. Widemouth had traded smiles. Alex tried to scream, but his mouth had flex tape on it.

    "So, Alex, you know who I am, right?" the man asked.

    "Mmmmph!" Alex tried to answer.

    "My name is Steve, and I will put you in years of pain," the man replied. Alex tried to struggle, but nothing happened. The man drew a knife from inside of his shirt. As straight as he touched Alex with the knife, Alex woke up drenched in sweat.

    Alex emailed his friend about the dream, and his friend got concerned for Alex's well being.. Alex also told him about the Beezd OS. He didn't believe Alex at first, so Alex told him to come over.

    An hour later, his friend arrived.

    "Jason, come see this!" Jason followed him to his computer.

    "Okaaaaay, what does this have to do with anything?" Jason asked. Alex put in the floppy disk after powering it on. He went to the folder with the dead children.

    "HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS THIS, A TRY TO FREAK YOU OUT OS OR WHAT?" Jason screamed.

    "I know, right?" Alex replied.

    " We have to tell someone! " Jason advised.

    "And that's what we're doing," Alex said. He went on Microsoft's website on his phone, when out of nowhere, a new text document window appears on the computer. It was a whole conversation. Here is how it went:


    Person: I know what you're trying to do.


    Alex: Who are you?


    Person: I'm not telling you.


    Alex: I will ask again, who are you?!


    Person: I will tell you again, I'm not telling you.


    Alex: Why are you doing this?


    Person: Cause I can.


    Alex: Why?


    Person: Because it's fun to watch you squirm while I'm catching up to you. *Window closes*

    "What the hell was that?" Jason asked.


    "I don't really know," Alex answered. Alex then had a conversation with Microsoft.

    Alex: I'd like to report a problem.


    Microsoft: What kind of problem?


    Alex: It's about Microsoft Beezd.


    Microsoft: Oh no...


    Alex: What?


    Microsoft: The Beezd OS was never meant to be released. We have a depressed worker and he has murder charges against him. He was the one who developed Beezd. I don't know how you got it, but the floppy is haunted by the victims of our worker.


    Alex: Oh. I got it by an email stating that I was a part of a very small group that gets to try it out. I got the floppy disks the next day.


    Microsoft: Oh. Well, you may want to smash the floppy disk next to him. The worker's name is Steve. He claims that he can go into people's dreams.


    Alex: It's true.


    Microsoft: What do you mean?


    Alex: He got into mine.


    Microsoft: Oh, well, there is one way to take him down.


    Alex: How?


    Microsoft: The ghosts of the victims inside the floppy disks.


    Alex: Oh, well, thanks!


    Microsoft: Our pleasure


    Alex: Bye!


    Microstevft: Where do you think you're going?


    Alex: Off of this chat.


    Steve: You figured it out, that I am the murderer, huh?


    Alex: Yeah, I did! And I know your weakness!


    Steve: You do?


    Alex: Yes!

    Steve left the chat.* "Damn..." Jason said in shock.

    "Alex," a female voice called.

    "Follow me. Behind you." the same voice called. Alex and Jason turned around to see a ghost of the little girl in the Beezd picture.

    "Take the floppy disk. I can't go two feet away from the floppy disk."

    Alex grabbed the floppy disk and followed the ghostly figure. Jason followed. It led to Steve's house. "Smash the disk so we all can be free," the girl said. Alex threw the disk down and smashed it with his right foot.


    A whole bunch of ghosts flew out. The weird thing is, all of them were no older than 6.

    "Go, you’ve done your part. We will take care of the rest," the girl said. Alex and Jason ran as fast as they could to Alex's house. They had a sleepover.

    The next day, the ghost came to Alex and said, "Thank you," and faded away.

    Alex was relieved the whole thing was over. Steve was dead, he reinstalled Windows 95, and transferred his data. It was like it all never happened to him.

    Until one day, the ghost of Steve came to Alex's house. "You don't realize it, but you made me stronger," Steve said in a calm voice. Alex grabbed a hilt, light, and iron.

    "You just won't leave me alone, will you?" Alex cried.

    "Looks like me and the rake have something in common," Steve said calmly.

    "Which is?" Alex screamed.

    " We both, never give up," Steve said.

    "You won't have to give up, once I take you down!" Alex replied.

    "You're one of those kids who thinks there tough shit, well, he prepared for what I will do!" Steve screamed.

    Steve aggressively runs towards Alex, attempting to scratch him. Alex quickly dodges him. Alex swung at Steve, but Steve's agility was too much for Alex. Steve just stood there for a few seconds. During that time, Alex ran towards him, ready to swing.

    When Alex was about to swing, Steve faded away, appearing behind him. Steve got Alex, digging deep into him. Alex swung lazily behind him with his iron object, hitting him.

    "Congratulations, you made a fool of yourself, by letting your guard down," Alex said in an obnoxious way. Steve was screaming in pain, then, he denigrated.

    Alex then collapsed. Jason tried to call him multiple times, but Alex didn't answer. Worried, Jason went to Alex's house as quickly as possible.

    Steve then was rising from the dust he had denigrated from.

    Alex passed out. Steve went to Alex's dream. To his mistake, it was all iron. Jason knocked himself out to enter. Alex and Jason kept throwing iron chunks at him. Steve kept getting hit, but nothing happened. "Fools, you can't hurt me in this realm!" Steve yelled. Jason and Alex then thought of a plan.

    Jason tried to wake up. In a few seconds, he did. Alex was defending him, or course. Jason saw the ghost just lying there. Jason picked up the hilt in Alex's hand, and put it on top of Steve.

    He then shook Alex very lightly, knowing he was brutally hurt. Alex then woke up, forcing Steve out. He then starts screaming.

    Demons appeared from the ground and grabbed Steve. They pulled him to hell. Jason called the ambulance. An hour later, they arrived. Jason told them that Steve got him. He was rushed to the hospital. A month later, Alex was out of the hospital, up and running. The End.

      Loading editor
    • There were widespread punctuation (punctuation lacking from dialogue, incorrect period usage in dialogue, and misused in sentences), formatting (indenting caused the formatting issues you saw. Additionally two speakers should not be in the same paragraph. This is spaced out to avoid misattribution), awkward wording, grammatical (see above), and plot issues (the story needs work on its pacing, descriptive elements, and overall conclusion) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards.

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    • Hi Pikadave, I left a comment on your story before it got removed. Can you remove the tab spaces while editing in Source mode, to get rid of the scrolling bars? Thanks. 

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    • William See wrote:
      Hi Pikadave, I left a comment on your story before it got removed. Can you remove the tab spaces while editing in Source mode, to get rid of the scrolling bars? Thanks. 

      I would, but I don't know how.

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    • Pikadave wrote:

      William See wrote:
      Hi Pikadave, I left a comment on your story before it got removed. Can you remove the tab spaces while editing in Source mode, to get rid of the scrolling bars? Thanks. 

      I would, but I don't know how.

      Click the dropdown in the lower right of the original text and click on the box titled "More" and then select "edit". From there, you should remove the indentations on your paragraphs as that's what's causing the issue.

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    • EmpyrealInvective wrote:

      Pikadave wrote:

      William See wrote:
      Hi Pikadave, I left a comment on your story before it got removed. Can you remove the tab spaces while editing in Source mode, to get rid of the scrolling bars? Thanks. 
      I would, but I don't know how.
      Click the dropdown in the lower right of the original text and click on the box titled "More" and then select "edit". From there, you should remove the indentations on your paragraphs as that's what's causing the issue.

      Thanks!

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    • EmpyrealInvective wrote:
      There were widespread punctuation (punctuation lacking from dialogue, incorrect period usage in dialogue, and misused in sentences), formatting (indenting caused the formatting issues you saw. Additionally two speakers should not be in the same paragraph. This is spaced out to avoid misattribution), awkward wording, grammatical (see above), and plot issues (the story needs work on its pacing, descriptive elements, and overall conclusion) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards.

      I fixed quite a few mistakes, is it good now?

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    • Pikadave wrote:
      EmpyrealInvective wrote:
      There were widespread punctuation (punctuation lacking from dialogue, incorrect period usage in dialogue, and misused in sentences), formatting (indenting caused the formatting issues you saw. Additionally two speakers should not be in the same paragraph. This is spaced out to avoid misattribution), awkward wording, grammatical (see above), and plot issues (the story needs work on its pacing, descriptive elements, and overall conclusion) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards.
      I fixed quite a few mistakes, is it good now?

      Update: I saw more errors that I missed at first. Fixed them up with FLEX TAPE!

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    • EmpyrealInvective wrote:
      There were widespread punctuation (punctuation lacking from dialogue, incorrect period usage in dialogue, and misused in sentences), formatting (indenting caused the formatting issues you saw. Additionally two speakers should not be in the same paragraph. This is spaced out to avoid misattribution), awkward wording, grammatical (see above), and plot issues (the story needs work on its pacing, descriptive elements, and overall conclusion) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards.

      Is it good now?

        Loading editor
    • Hee hee, it took 2 days to write and fix it.

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    • My best story yet, that hopefully passes the quality standards by the end of this month.

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    • First of all, there is no reason to keep spam-bumping this page.

      As for the story itself, it has many flaws.

      I suggest running this through a spell-checker and proof read it. There are spelling issues: "was never ment to be released", "What the hell was that(should have a question mark here)", and a few instances of spaces after premier quotation marks.

      The story begins with the main character's questionable action of responding to an e-mail that could either be spam, have a virus attached to it, or could be a fake product intent to steal his personal information/identity.

      This story is riddled with cliches: scary pictures, "bloody" writing, the phrase "YOU'RE NEXT", pictures of dead children, the main character brushing it off, nightmares, mentally ill employees who somehow release an evil product, ghost children, etc.

      It is impossible that at ten o'clock at night the main character would receive the product the next morning. The postman seems to have opened his mail as he tells him what he is receiving.

      And why did he and his friend get so concerned over the nightmare?

      We come across an acronym: he goes on the internet on his phone when this is supposed to take place in 1995.

      Alex's conversation with the person (which feels ripped from BEN Drowned) is presented in script form which gives it a lazy look.

      The story is extremely anticlimactic. The ghost children just sort of free themselves with minimal amount of help. Steve's ghost appears, claiming to be more powerful, only to be stabbed with a knife. This whole scene is laughable because a ghost (something that is usually portrayed as transparent matter-wise) gets stabbed.

      This anticlimactic scene really hurts the story. We expect some big show down between Alex and Steve, only to have the latter be killed within seconds.

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:
      First of all, there is no reason to keep spam-bumping this page.

      As for the story itself, it has many flaws.

      I suggest running this through a spell-checker and proof read it. There are spelling issues: "was never ment to be released", "What the hell was that(should have a question mark here)", and a few instances of spaces after premier quotation marks.

      The story begins with the main character's questionable action of responding to an e-mail that could either be spam, have a virus attached to it, or could be a fake product intent to steal his personal information/identity.

      This story is riddled with cliches: scary pictures, "bloody" writing, the phrase "YOU'RE NEXT", pictures of dead children, the main character brushing it off, nightmares, mentally ill employees who somehow release an evil product, ghost children, etc.

      It is impossible that at ten o'clock at night the main character would receive the product the next morning. The postman seems to have opened his mail as he tells him what he is receiving.

      And why did he and his friend get so concerned over the nightmare?

      We come across an acronym: he goes on the internet on his phone when this is supposed to take place in 1995.

      Alex's conversation with the person (which feels ripped from BEN Drowned) is presented in script form which gives it a lazy look.

      The story is extremely anticlimactic. The ghost children just sort of free themselves with minimal amount of help. Steve's ghost appears, claiming to be more powerful, only to be stabbed with a knife. This whole scene is laughable because a ghost (something that is usually portrayed as transparent matter-wise) gets stabbed.

      This anticlimactic scene really hurts the story. We expect some big show down between Alex and Steve, only to have the latter be killed within seconds.

      Thanks for the feedback, but last time I checked, it wasn't a knife that killed ghosts.

      It was iron, a ghost's weakness. I never said a knife killed the ghost of Steve, I said something light, and iron did.

      And no, the conversation wasn't ripped from BEN drowned. I didn't even read the story when this was released. It was shortly after I released this when I read it.

      Plus, when an object a ghost is trapped to gets destroyed, it frees them from the prison (The floppy).

      I will change the date on the time he gets the floppy. I will change the punctuation.

      And last time I checked, Windows 95 had Internet called the Microsoft Network.

      Win95 also came with a browser in the OEM version. 

      It wasn't a mailman who gave the floppy to him, it was Steve. If you paid closer attention, the story said that the same man who gave him the floppy disks came out of the shadows in the dream. The man said "My name is Steve."

      And as a ghost, people tend to be stronger than their body was. Like a poltergeist.

      I will make the final showdown a little more exciting.

      As for his friend, he got concerned cause he's a good friend.

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    • I was referring to this "the ghost of Steve came to Alex's house." "Steve said right before he got stabbed in the chest. " I will admit that I assumed it was knife, but that is because when information is lacking readers have no other choice but that to figure things out for themselves. All we have to go on is "light and iron". The word "something" that came before it made it ambiguous.

      I will admit I somehow overlooked the part where it said he was the man who gave him the disks. However, it seems far fetched that Steve would find the e-mail address of someone who lived close enough to drive to.

      Yes, Windows 95 DID have internet, but you said he browsed on his phone. Cellphones were clunky and super expensive at that time, and if I recall, they didn't have internet access.

      My gripe isn't about how the ghosts are freed, my gripe is that it seemed a bit too simple.

      "And as a ghost, people tend to be stronger than their body was" Which is why the final showdown was anticlimactic. The guy had the ability to somehow mess with people's dreams, meaning he should be powerful, and therefore his ghost should be mega powerful, but he was killed in mere seconds (like I said).

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:
      I was referring to this "the ghost of Steve came to Alex's house." "Steve said right before he got stabbed in the chest. " I will admit that I assumed it was knife, but that is because when information is lacking readers have no other choice but that to figure things out for themselves. All we have to go on is "light and iron". The word "something" that came before it made it ambiguous.

      I will admit I somehow overlooked the part where it said he was the man who gave him the disks. However, it seems far fetched that Steve would find the e-mail address of someone who lived close enough to drive to.

      Yes, Windows 95 DID have internet, but you said he browsed on his phone. Cellphones were clunky and super expensive at that time, and if I recall, they didn't have internet access.

      My gripe isn't about how the ghosts are freed, my gripe is that it seemed a bit too simple.

      "And as a ghost, people tend to be stronger than their body was" Which is why the final showdown was anticlimactic. The guy had the ability to somehow mess with people's dreams, meaning he should be powerful, and therefore his ghost should be mega powerful, but he was killed in mere seconds (like I said).

      True on the last part. And Windows 95 mobile was like win95 only it had cubes as the apps. I will change it to make it more sense for the reader.

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    • Hi again, I think theres a problem with your text background color. If you copypaste back into gdocs and set it to the basic (transparent BG) colors, and then recopy it here it should fix the issue.

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    • William See wrote:
      Hi again, I think theres a problem with your text background color. If you copypaste back into gdocs and set it to the basic (transparent BG) colors, and then recopy it here it should fix the issue.

      Okay, I'll try that.

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    • Pikadave wrote:
      EmpyrealInvective wrote:
      There were widespread punctuation (punctuation lacking from dialogue, incorrect period usage in dialogue, and misused in sentences), formatting (indenting caused the formatting issues you saw. Additionally two speakers should not be in the same paragraph. This is spaced out to avoid misattribution), awkward wording, grammatical (see above), and plot issues (the story needs work on its pacing, descriptive elements, and overall conclusion) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards.
      Is it good now?

      Hello?

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    • A FANDOM user
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