This story takes place in a cabin in Arkansas. This cabin was made in 1976, and was hand built by the great grandfather of Juuzou Lyconite, and was sold to a hastily to the highest bidder due to low income. This woman that bought the cabin had it in her possession for roughly 20 years. It was then bought back by Jozo's grandfather 10 years after the great grandfather died. The Lyconite family has had it in their possession to this day. On this day, Jozo, a nice kid, with a few loose screws, liked books, the outdoors, and fighting. He and his father liked collecting swords, knives, guns, anything that could kill a person, no matter their legal status. His personality was like a rock teetering on the edge of a cliff, constantly swaying from sanity to near crazy. From aggressive behavior, to self harm he has a variety of medical issues. He had 3 brothers, and 1 sister. The cabin was connected to a gravel road, and it was a 10 minute walk to a neighbor's house. His sister was born with no legs, and a speech impediment. His oldest brother was a tough boy, and liked to fight with Juuzou fist to fist, but disliked the idea of weapons. He was a man of honor, and always treated others how he wanted to be treated. His other brothers were quite alike. They both liked the outdoors, and playing on their phones and PS4. Their real mother was a kind woman, but didn’t trust anyone. Their father left their mother when she was 24, and 9 years later came back. During his youth, you could say he was a troublemaker. He drank, smoked, and an assortment of other things that his mother would not approve of. After their mother had died of heart disease, he came back changed. He was a man of god, and tried to be kind to everyone he met. Atonement, he called it. At this cabin the 5 siblings are being watched by their stepmother. A 60 year old woman, she was stern and strict, but was mean to no one except to strangely the little disabled girl. She was retired from a life of working at a casino.
They were sitting at a table, eating canned chicken noodle soup. Now strangely, Every sense this morning they haven't seen the little sister, named Arriana. Also, their mother went around the house, and put up all the phones. She smiled when she took them and said, “We're unplugging for a little while.” Even stranger, she didn’t take the PS4 or the TV. Now, they were used to their stepmother acting strangely, but they assumed it was old age. So they thought she just forgot. “It means we can still play on electronics” said the oldest with a shrug when Juzo mentioned it. “OK” said Juzo with his usual, happy self. For the rest of the day they played outside, and on the PS4 which the Stepmother didn’t seem to care about. When they went up to the loft that overlooked the cabin, Ariana still hadn't shown up. There were 4 beds, with a queen sized bed for the two youngest, and 3 twin sized on the other. Juzo always stayed up late, sitting in his bed. But the oldest, Jack, was still awake, wich puzzled Juzo sense he never stayed up late. Suddenly, they heard a thud downstairs. By this point, the oldest brother had fallen asleep, So Juzo went to check it out. He went to the stair, and saw the Stepmother, at the bottom. She sometimes fell over, and Juzo was always there to pick her up. He went to the bottom, and saw a box she dropped, ful of all the cellphones, including the ones that the father put there in case of an emergency. He also saw that she dropped a knife with blood on it. He picked up a knife, and licked it. It tasted like Arriana’s blood. Don't ask how he knew. “Silly mother, whatever were you doing with a knife?” he asked. “I used to chop tomatoes. “Really?” asked Juzo. He bent to pick him up., and in a split second, stabbed her in the shoulder. She let out a howl of pain and swung at him. He easily dodged this, and in the window of opportunity, stabbed her 4 more times in her knees, elbows, and shoulders. This repeated twice. He watched as his mother fell apart, literally. She was ripped apart at the seams, and now was nothing more than a pile of flesh and bones. He saw that she was making a pile of things, phones, books , firewood, and was going to burn the body of ariana. He leaned to his Stepmother's decapitated head and whispered, “Don't worry, I will finish what you started.” A picked a lighter off the ground. And set the pile of fire. He rushed up the stairs, and woke his brothers. “The house is burning down !” he would happily. He and his brothers escaped the now burning house, and sat on the driveway. The two younger brothers were now crying, to both the Stepmother and their little sister. The oldest brother paced, tears in his eyes. Juzo sat on the ground, watching a back widow weave a web, all the while singing, a variation of the ‘london bridge is falling down’ as ‘The cabin house is burning down’.
They sat there for 7 hours, not talking, until the father drove up “What happened?” The father said after staring at the rubble for 20 minutes. He turned to Juzo. After all, this had happened twice before. I killed them” said Jozo “both Ariana and Stepmother.” For the third time since he met his father. His father stared at him, then walked away. “Come on” He told his 3 other sons. “Were leaving.” And his father and 3 brothers drove away, leaving Juzo sitting on the ground, laughing hysterically. “I did it !” shouted Juzo, “I Broke him just like you wanted Mother!” Jozo shouted at the sky. “3 down, 3 to go” he told himself.
I would appreciate it if you would tell me what could be improved on and what you liked in this story!
This is not a creepypasta, this is an OC backstory, and OCs are a blacklisted topic on the wiki. Even so, the story is already unsuitable for the site due to the rampant clichés and huge walls of text. The characters are given too much pointless backstory, and the whole thing is entirely tell, not show. I think with this, you'd be better off leaving it and moving on to a different writing project. Preferably one with a narrative not involving one-dimensional psycho killers.