(Please tell me how to make it better and more frightening.)
Don't stand in the field alone at midnight.
I'd been told that a lot and I never understood why. I do now.
I remember what happened clearly. I had been dared to stand in the supposedly "haunted" field near my neighborhood. It was on a Friday and the kids at my school had been talking about the Peterson's Farm all day. A few of my friends were joking around and dared me to stand in the field, alone, at Midnight. At first I said no, but they made fun of me and called me scared. After a bit of teasing, I finally agreed. Big mistake. That night when I arrived, they greeted me and gave me a flashlight, walkie-talkie, and a pocket knife.
"What's the pocket knife for?" I asked.
"Just in case." My best friend, Casey, responded. This made me nervous and I thought about backing out of the dare for a moment.
"Awww, you're not scared, are you?" Jenna taunted me. I laughed sheepishly and shook my head.
After a few moments, when it was 11:50 pm, I walked to the field. When I got there, it was 11:58. I stood completely still for at least a minute. 11:59. The hoot of an owl startled me half to death.
I heard footsteps behind me.
"C-Casey?! This isn't funny!" I shouted, turning on the flashlight. I turned around and froze.
Behind me was an awful blood-stained creature. It had skin the color of my own. Two more walked up behind the first. One had a pointed cone branching off of it's head. The first one had a mortifying face that was twisted but still seemed human, almost... The other one had a perfectly round face that made it look almost like a snowman. Their bodies looked as if they were stuffed with grass and were made of human flesh. There were stitches dripping with blood at every point you'd normally see a seam on a scarecrow, which I found odd.. I shrieked and tried to run, but I couldn't move and just had watch as they advanced on me. The first one had a terrifying grin on it's face. I fumbled a little as I tried to get the pocket knife out and ended up dropping it into the sea of grass I was standing in.
I heard laughter, almost like a group of children, surround me. When I checked the time, I couldn't breathe. It was still 12:00. It had been at least five minutes since the things appeared. What was going on!? The first creature was right in front of me now. Tears were streaming down my face as I prepared for death. At this point I managed to break from my terror and I ran back to where my friends had been. I gagged when I got over there. The smell was TERRIBLE! Then... I saw their bodies..
All of my friends had been gruesomely killed. Their bodies were strung up on poles. All of their stomachs were torn open and stuffed with grass. Like they were scarecrows... I ran to Casey's body and got the car keys before running to the car. I started to hear the laughter again.. they had caught up to me. At this point, you could probably imagine what I was feeling.
When I finally got the car started, I could see the things next to my dead friends. I could barely manage to get my foot on the pedal but when I did, I didn't look back.
Since then... I don't stand in that field alone at midnight.
If you are ever told to not do something like that and you don't understand why. Don't question it. Just listen
(Disclaimer: The picture is not mine, my friend sent it to me and told me to make a creepypasta about it.)
Honestly, to start off I think we'll go to the story department.
The story is fairly predictable and I think part of it needs to be flushed out and replaced. For example right off the bat, I'm assuming either; 1. It's very eerie and/or creepy 2. Extremely paranormal and/or with creatures. A way to make it more engaging is to add something creative, in this story I don't really know how to fix it, personally I'd scrap it (maybe, there's still a big chance)
English and punctuation is decent. Though I think the structure of paragraphs is...kind of odd. I don't know why paragraphs are lined without any spacing. It's just kind of confusing at times. And the "Just listen" needs a period. I get the emphasis on "Pure terror" but it's obvious in some ways. I feel like this is a very overused and semi-cliche use of a scary field/area/house genre. And I think killing all of your friends but you make it seem a little cliche and not very logical. If the monster/creature is killing people why won't it kill the teller? I get that it's so he can live and tell the story but it just doesn't make sense.
Overall in the story, it gets an OK for me. I don't think its too much enjoyable but it has potential.