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  • No one ever knew how the new Island appeared, we knew it hadn’t always been there because it was only 30 miles from Brazil, by all accounts we should’ve had it fully explored years in advance.

    Just me, my brother, Mathew and some pals named Fred and Stevan



    In any case, we had decided to go there by boat, we were going to be the first people who would set foot on that island. With exception to a tiny beach, just small enough to come ashore, it seemed to be covered entirely in jungle.

    The we tried to set up a campfire, but it was then we noticed the trees, we had all been all over the world and yet we didn’t recognise a single one, the leaves a deep violet, the bark a brownish red. My closest friend, Fred, tried to snap a twig off but for all his effort it didn’t even bend, while it still swayed in the wind, we couldn’t even budge it.  So we tried to take the twigs from off the ground, but it was conspicuously bare of foliage, except for some murky brown foliage masquerading as grass.

    This was our first sign that something was wrong about this island, but even so, we’d be wasting our time leaving for just those so we persisted.



    While we continued to set more tents in the campsite Fred and Stevan, explored, looking for any animals, they were only gone for five minutes before Fred came running back, panicked and incoherent. We sat him down and asked him what happened.



    “W-we had only gone a short distance before Steven stepped in some kind of foam, like frogspawn except, much, much bigger. Right after he was dragged in a nearby pond by some kind of claw, then I saw what got him, i-it was an abomination, it had the head of a horse but it was postured like a gorilla and was covered in some grey scales with claws. That was all I saw before retreated back into the foam.”



    After Fred’s tale we decided we’d investigate, ourselves, we didn’t have much in the way of weapons, just a couple of axes, we entered the forest.

    I immediately hated it, I kept seeing mocking faces in the trees and the further we got I saw more and more in the trees until I swung an axe right into one.

    Not a dent, not a single bloody dent.

    As the Axe groaned from the impact I saw the smiles curved upwards even more, so in anger I kept swinging at them, narrowly missing my friends until at last the axe sank into a tree.

    But this didn’t feel right, there was no smiles on it, I pulled my axe out only to hear a disgusting squelch.



    Something compelled me to look up, what I saw will haunt me forever.

    Above me was a large beast, with a disk shaped torso covered in an unhealthy brown mismatch of scales and human skin, its many legs were just as thick as the trees around them, ending in stumps rimmed with finger-like appendages pretending to be tree roots.

    There was no head nor eyes, but in the centre of its abdomen was a wrinkled trunk as thick as a full-size room ending with yellowed teeth, the teeth looked right out of the mouth of a person.

    Around the teeth were a set of thin arms with long fingers, they were probably reaching to grab me before the axe went in one of its legs.

    I stood there looking dumbly at the beast before Mathew grabbed me and pulled me out of its circle of legs.



    We took to the winds with the thing in pursuit, the trees groaning and parting to let it through, their smiles now in imitation of screams, nothing slowed it down as it’s club-like feet could be heard over the nigh deafening groans of the trees.

    We finally made it back to the boat, Fred heard our screams and so tried to start up the engine, he almost left us behind until he saw us break past the tree-line.

    We had almost reached the boat when my brother had fallen behind, caught by that thing, this time it scooped him up easily, I had barely climbed in before that monster simply swallowed him in it’s gaping maw.

    We had just enough time to take off as I saw between it’s legs it was... waving?



    “Goodbye... for now.”

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    • Please, whatever constructive criticism you can give, I do wish to improve my craft.

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    • I mean it's sort of all over the place, why did they go there? Why didn't they leave there when the monsters start showing up? For some idealic reason that ended up killing people, that's irrational and insensible. People don't do that. So make the monsters more subtle until the climax of the story comes. They don't have to even show up, just have like a bunch of weird plant and animal life roaming around giving the cast jeebies. 

      Also, why aren't these guys more Latin American? sounds like you don't know Hispanic or Portuguese names. 

      The person falling scene is usually done in a silly fashion, so i suggest either making it more sensible (again - just have him injured before the ending, or just clumsy overall) or remove it. 

      The ending didn't make any sense. What's it supposed to convey, it waved "goodbye for now" like it was toying with them, or foreseeing their return? What is even going on? 

      This was so weird and needs a re-write I suppose. 

      I am sorry that I came off a little rude too. 

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    • Thank you, I will take this into account for the re-write, don’t worry, you weren’t rude at all. What needed to be said was said, thank you again for the criticism.

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    • A FANDOM user
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