I am solely devoted to harshly judging everyone. If you’re angry then sending threats won’t matter but if you want to kill me then come find me. Good luck, but remember I’ll be waiting for you. What are you? You’re nothing, but a nobody. What Am I? Well, that is not important. Now you, go get yourself hung, drawn, and quartered. If you don’t know what that means, look it up. I assure you, it is not very pleasant.
Story's Judged: 130. This number is not accurate. From now on I will be counting by 25s because counting by 1s has the negative effect of flooding the system. But don't worry, I will continue keeping count on an extremely high tech device, a 5¢ piece of paper. For a more accurate counting system, just go to my following page. I know, how screwed up is it that I follow the stories I judge (sometimes harshly).
Grading System. 0-3: Deserves a Raspberry Award/Cringe Worthy. 4-6: Okay. 6.5: Good Storytelling and Scary: Excellent. 7: Great Storytelling and Scary: Legendary. 7.5: Superb Storytelling and Scary: Rememberable. 8: More like an actual story than a creepy pasta. 9: Never Going to Happen. 9.5: When Hell Freezes Over. 10: Utterly Impossible.
Stories may disappear either because they are too cliche, unoriginal, plagiarized, garbage, do not follow the rules, or are deleted by the authors for some reason. If you see a story that is red on my following. Remember I don't have the authority to delete stories, only the admins and authors do.
PS. Do not blame me for your story being deleted I have no power on this site as I said earlier. Now I'm going to go back to sitting in my nice leather chair and eating a sandwich. Actually I'm a homeless man who lives in a box or in the restroom at McDonald's. Don't be like this Rob Lowe get direct TV. Now in all seriousness I take my job somewhat seriously despite the fact I don't get paid, earn respect, or have any real power. Also I am not paid to give favorable reviews. If I was then I would not be making this obscure comment. Wish I was though but I'm pretty sure it would be obvious if I was. Let me prove it to you I don't like Jeff the Killer or Slender-man. There I got something off my chest. Whereas if I was paid to like those stories, I'd be all "they're so great and original". Which is 100% percent not true. Back to the boring life of a person who's too lazy to review more than 3 or 4 stories a day and complains out about it too much.
I do not promise to review stories everyday or even be online everyday. Don't complain about it. At times I can be laid back, your story was great or ok, I'm in a good mood despite the fact your story wasn't very original at all, I'll be nice today. But at other times I'll be all I hate your story, it's garbage, and is so bad not even the creators of Twilight, and Fifty Shades of Grey would think it was a good idea. It happens.
If a long video goes with the story that is not a commentary, then there is a possibility I have not finished reviewing it but will try to watch it later. Which means the review is not finished but will be completed at a later date after factoring in the video. I may also occasionally review stories from forums or blogs, but they will not be counted on the counter because they did not even make it on the wiki. However if they do make it, I will reconsider adding them to the counter.
Why the Hell Did I Post This?
If I find your story distasteful and appalling (Not in a creepy good way but rather a more dreadful manner). Than remember, "There will be hell to pay". Despite the fact it is an overused, cheesy, and bad catch phrase. But I will not stop digging until I hit rock bottom. Not any better, maybe a little worse. But I hope I got my point across. Also I don't mean living in a box, becoming an alcoholic, tripping on acid, doing needles, or becoming a stripper or prostitute. That description was probably not needed but I still feel like it was necessary. Now, if you and I are lucky, I will never use these catchphrases again.
If you feel I left you a rude message, I want you to know it's nothing personal. Who knows maybe it was just a mood shift or I was grumpy. (Never mentions the word grumpy on this page again, for fear of being sued by Grumpy Cat). If you're angry, then your anger is possibly justified, if you want to insult me, know I won't take it to heart or continue on with the flame war. Because it will just go on and on, why use more fire, water, or ice, when you can just encase everything in concrete. (There's nothing in my back yard). (Crud, time to get rid of the evidence, burns entire house down before remembering he left the wallet in the house.) (How, am I going to explain this one). (We know you're hiding something, "I swear I'm sorry I just couldn't help it I like Katy Perry). (Awaits immediate execution.)
Considering new catch phrase. "There will be hell to pay" has gotten old and was only used two or three times. Considering "What will you do for a Klondike bar, and Taste the Rainbow". I will do my best to never say stay golden again. Why 80s, Why? Ironically I've pissed off more people in the forums than actual authors. I'm not even sure authors read what I comment and if they do they don't reply. Don't give in to the fire, or it will consume you, smart thinking.
Creepypasta.wikia Events (Not in Order):
- Was Blocked by user and admin EmpyrealInvective for counting by 1s on the Story's Judged Counter, which was I warned about, but accidentally did not read, because I automatically assumed that every time someone commented something new on your talk page it would leave a heading. Which of course does not happen. Silly me, but please don't punish me with the old assume joke.
- Got a creepy message from user Shining-Armor, which I interpreted as a threat or hate mail. When it was really just a joke. This guy can't take a joke, I'm so sorry, I've lost all will to survive and am all out of love.
- Found out there is a great website dedicated to every great crappy pasta called http://crappypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Crappypasta_Wiki
- Got my first request to review a story from user JohnathanNash. I promise it's legal despite the fact I didn't ask you for permission. It's called freedom of speech, if you don't know what that is look it up (I wish I was sarcastic but there's got to be somebody who doesn't know what that is).
- The website's forum section was hacked by user Tourist Trapped. He also hacked 2 other wikis. One was called http://brickleberry.wikia.com/wiki/Brickleberry_Wiki and the other was called http://gravityfalls.wikia.com/wiki/Gravity_Falls_Wiki. Although the latter's website was fixed faster. Mostly only the forums were screwed with on all three sites. But some articles were screwed with on Brickleberry's wiki. The user has been been blocked on this site and Gravity Falls wiki but not Brickleberry's for some reason. Told you, people can screw with the website. Oh, I didn't say that, well, I just thought that would have been included in all the random babbling I do.
- Was given the nickname Milk Crates or Milk Carton by user Doom Vroom. Needs to work on his translation. Of course it was a joke. I was scared he was that bad at translating.
- Was assured by user and admin EmpyrealInvective that I had nothing to do with the deletions of a few pastas I reviewed. Good they're not watching me or are they (sarcastic). I always feel like somebody's watching me.
- Reviewed my first story out of the Holder Series. Good series, but a lot of them. Milestone: 1 of 538. Object 47.
The Holder Series
I have started reading the Holder Series. Milestone: 2 of 538
Object 47: A flower petal. Holder: A beautiful woman who is a former seeker and has been tortured, and lives in a majestic garden in a dream. Holder's Name: The Holder of the Bloom. Location: Inn, Motel, or Place You Can Rest.
Object 62: What lies inside the chest. Holder: A sad woman behind a wooden door which is down a shaft inside of a well. Holder's Name: The Holder of Salvation. Location: Mental Institution or Halfway House
I have some bad news for my fans, if I had any at all. Here it is I'm going on a temporary break for a an indefinite amount of time, no not as in unlimited but as in an unspecifiable amount of time. I do not know when I will return. No this is not a sabattical, partially because I'm not being paid, which doesn't matter much considering I was never paid in the first place, despite deserving it. The main reason it is not a sabattical, is because at least to me it is not permanent unlike Dr. Daniel Goodman from Bones, who took a sabattical and never came back for some reason. No a sabattical is generally not permanent, but in that case it was, so I refuse to call it a sabattical due to some frivolous superstition. When might I come back you ask, who knows maybe 2020, when we watch Kanye West and Dwayne The Rok Johnson compete for president. Or maybe I'll be back 2049, to talk about the diffrences between Bladerunner and society. Who knows, maybe I'll make a comeback. Or not, maybe it will be forgettable, who to say for certain. Just know, I will return, unless I'm dead before then, in which case people will forget. Life happens, my new motto. So good luck people who read this or don't read this. Hopefully my absence will have a impact, no matter how minimal it is.