Ahoy mateys! Mi llamo es Karl Marx!
Some great pastas, none of which I wrote:
- Dogscape, a wonderful, heart-warming tale of forbidden love in a stark New England setting.
- Stupid Cows, the inspirational true story of how Richard Nixon became the greatest president of the United States.
- Normal Porn for Normal People, a factual reference guide to finding happiness through our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
- Rabbits in the Creek, a nonfictional analysis on the rising stock prices after the 22nd century.
- The Devil Game, a modern day retelling of the timeless classic: "Sharknado"
- Sombrero Wearing Dinosaur, a graphic novel about Cold-War era espionage, the nuclear arms race, and my personal hero, Richard Nixon.
- Aquarium, a .wav file containing instructions for eternal life.
Alright, so here's all my pastas in order of creation (in general, skip to the end for better stories):
- The Leech and the Butcher, a story about the power of friendship and importance of equality in the modern-day workplace.
- Caribou, a chilling tale about a spooky-scary ghost.
- Beelzebub, an uplifting ode to all of god's beloved children.
- Pornography Game, instruction manual for a Dyson-538 vacuum cleaner.
- Before the Abomination, a simple collection of nursery rhymes pertaining to sexual frustration and mercury thermometers.
- Lockstep, the carefully crafted memoirs of my childhood.
- Life as a Carnivore, an obituary for that one fellow who's name escapes me.
- Something Took My Eyes, a direct sequel to Caribou, contradictory as that may be.
- Drinking Spirit, a montage of health and safety advisory labels.
- In the Court of a Pagan God, a photographic slideshow of my various vacations taken over the years, including but not limited to: a trip to Africa, a spelunking expedition, and tree climbing.
- Gorge, a story.
- Scrap-Metal Soul, an encyclopedia entry describing scarecrows.
- Hang Up, a super-special Christmas-themed sing-a-long edition.
- Frigophobia, wanna build a snowman?
- Dumb Luck, a slideshow presentation presented along with a simple timer pertaining to the relative subjects of tricycles, bicycles, and songbirds.
- The Baleful Book in Brompton, the first in a series of epic romance novels set in a quaint satanic cult.
- At the End of the Road, a pink flamingo, shaken not stirred.
- Throne of Ice, a grocery-list left over from two weekends ago. On which you'll find the exact location of my buried treasure. Shiver me timbers.
- The Ersatz Cat, an oral-tradition rendition of a folk-tale from Southnorth Cambodia.
- Those Who Die Peacefully in their Sleep, an ode to morning time fun.
- Infanticide, meh.
- Cross-Section of a Living Man, ajfei foa eae epacmepam epcapfma.
- All is Calm; All is Bright, a broadway-style production of the nativity scene.
- A Golden Sliver, an unremarkable pamphlet of mineral appraisal.
- Body, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
To be clear, these are narrations of my stories, not narrations by me. That'd would be silly; I'm a blind, deaf, mute, after-all. If you (Yes you!) have narrated one of my stories, let me know and I'll post a link regardless of how whiny or terrible your narration is.
Something Took My Eyes:
The Ersatz Cat
Life as a Carnivore
At the End of the Road
In the Court of a Pagan God