Creepypasta Wiki

My poster from when I ran for president.

Me holding my lovely son Simon for the first time, I'm so proud to be a daddy!

Me standing next to my son, he's in high school already i cant believe it.

My running mate, who eventually ended up actually getting the presidency for a while

Simon's one true passion in life, the keytar!

Uncle Taint's BBQ... Oh I do not miss the fundraisers...

Simon, Xander in the car.

Me and baby Lamont during a campaign meeting.

About me

(bone cracking noise)
I am Panini's Cupcake! I will eat...your grilled Italian sandwiches.


I came to this planet with explicit orders to cure your damned global warming issue, not destroy it like that wretched Xander Crews says. After curing it I ran for President as the democratic nominee with Taqu'il as my running mate, and all was going well until it was announced by that retard Carter Hawkins, when he invited us (myself and my opponent Xander Crews) to the Haggar Pants arena for a debate that we were both ineligible to run for president, because I was not born in the USA and because Xander was too young.

On a side note Taqu'il did actually manage to get the presidency until, his plane was shot down by Mr. Ford with an RPG. Although he survived as well as Stan his VP Mr. Ford as speaker of the house convinced the Secret Service that Taqu'il had a doppelganger. Xander Crews is my enemy, in everything, though, I just cant seem to kill him. He's just too stupid, it would be like killing a puppy, which I have no pro...oh dammit, why didn't I kill him a long time ago?

I have one son named Simon, and I love him more than anything on this planet and want nothing more from him than to be happy. I dont care If he's fat or gay, I love him anyway.