aka Mike

  • I live in My Head, Ohio
  • I was born on August 6
  • My occupation is Fruit of the Loom Quality Control Inspector #7
  • I am A DUDE
  • Kolpik

    Sometimes I even Ugh Myself

    September 27, 2018 by Kolpik

    Ever read a story that makes you go, "Ugh, why am I reading this?" Of course you have. One of the stories I am writing currently makes me ask a similar question. I don't know how it happened, but it's reading like one of those boring youtube demonstration videos of a lady making a candle mold.

    You know, the kind where it seems like someone with nerve damage is filming with a smart phone and didn't plan ahead or edit it at all? The kind of video where nearly a minute of it is dedicated to her peeling wax off her hand or she has to start over the entire project, because she messed up, but just keeps filming. Yeah, my little story about a lady who starts a website that sells candles has gone off the rails.

    Editing is a wonderful thing and th…

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  • Kolpik

    Snouse in My House

    September 6, 2018 by Kolpik

    I prefer to find snakes in the grass. I'm not talking about the idiom involving deceptive people. I'm talking about the garter snake I found slithering through my guest bathroom. The little guy was maybe six inches long. I scooped him up while he pretended my pinky finger was a juicy slug and I put him in my backyard.

    Even the most minor of incidences can get my mind spinning. Questions, questions, questions! Did it find its way in or is my house its entire universe? If I expanded its universe then did I blow its little snakey mind? Did I introduce a snake to grass for the first time? Where's my caulk gun? Are there others? Did my cat bring it in and then lose track of it? How many snakes could a garter snake garter if a garter snake could …

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  • Kolpik

    I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day. Myself and the other impatient customers were in a holding pattern while the cashier worked out some issue involving coupons. My stuff was already on the conveyor belt, so I didn't really know what to do with myself.

    I returned a misplaced candy bar to its proper place, but all-in-all the aisle was well organized. I usually avoid the magazine racks at all costs, but it looked like I might be there for a while. Being idle makes me nervous. Of course, the list of things that make me anxious is unbearably long.

    Eventually I gave in and perused the dumb ol' tabloid covers. It seems some actress who was married to Tom Cruise is trapped in another crappy relationship and Angel…

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  • Kolpik

    What Lies Beneath

    May 24, 2018 by Kolpik

    Your friendly neighborhood Kolpik here. It's been 86 days since I joined the site, so I figured it was time to try my hand at this whole blog thing. Ok, so here we go: I've been digging up bones in my backyard, and my neighbor told me there will be more to come. Phew, feels good to get that off my chest. I don't consider myself squeamish, but digging up pets is a big ugh for me. No sir, I don't like it.

    I moved into the neighborhood in October, and the yard is a mess. I started digging up an old compost pile... found some buried treasure in the shape of Man's best friend. Well, parts of 'em anyway. Apparently, there is at least one dog skeleton in there. I decided to hold off on that project for a while. My neighbor also told me the dog was…

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