• I was born on August 25
  • My occupation is Amateur Writer/Critic

Archive 1 Archive 2

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Why certainly.

SoPretentious 22:30, September 13, 2015 (UTC)

You've Been top tenned!

Check it out here

This was a fun list to write! Pleasure working with you!

SnakeTongue (Jack Crayven) (talk) 00:06, September 14, 2015 (UTC)

Of course you're a judge!

Well Grim, looks like it's time for you to be the voice of reason yet again. You're a judge! Contest should start in October if all voting passes.


Banningk1979 (talk) 17:38, September 22, 2015 (UTC)

No problem!

Yeah, if you want to reach out to the other judges and start coming up with your game plans and such, I would suggest doing so. All your fellow judges are linked on the same blog, so you can get them all there.

Thanks for volunteering,

Banningk1979 (talk) 01:12, September 24, 2015 (UTC)

RE: Judging

First of all, apologies for the late reply.

I agree we should have some form of communication. Email sounds fine. Mine is:

Send me an email so I can have yours. I will let the others know too and when I have all the judges' emails, I will send them to everyone on the team. That way you won't have to expose your email (mine is a temp one).

About the judging thing, I think the best is to wait and see. If we get too many entries, it would be very difficult for each of us to rate them all. We will have to think of another process to go about it. For example, we could initially split them, and then each of us will choose three (or so) of his favourites, so we'll be left with 15 to read and rate. That could work, but it all depends on the amount of entries we'll get.

Lastly, Underscorre will be posting the main contest blog. He has already written a draft. Check out his message on my talk page. Your input will certainly be appreciated. MrDupin (talk) 22:33, September 24, 2015 (UTC)

Jeff Contest - It Begins!

Hey AGrimAuxiliatrix1!

This is just to let you know that the Jeff the Killer rewrite contest has begun!

Please message MrDupin, who is taking on the role of head judge, so he can figure out some way of establishing off-site communication about this.

Thanks so much for your help in judging this, it's really helpful.

« UnderScorre » 17:36, September 26, 2015 (UTC)

Email Sent

Hey Grim, I just sent you the details of the other judges. Tell me if I messed anything up. MrDupin (talk) 12:22, September 28, 2015 (UTC)

Hey Grim! How are you?

What's up Grim? As for me, a lot of things. For example, I've started a marathon on my blog where I review every single episode of The Haunting Hour. There are about 68 episodes of the series and so far, I've done 18 reviews. So that leaves 50 episodes to be reviewed. If you want, I can link you to some of them.

Regarding my pasta, it has gone past ten chapters but a lot of the chapters are barely 5 paragraphs long. I'm currently starting the 12th chapter. I gotta feeling that by the time the pasta is done, it will be longer than 1999 and NES Godzilla combined but that's not set in stone yet.

I've been catching up on all your critiques of pastas and I might start a Creepypasta review section here on the wiki. However, I don't know how to create pages like that.

Also, I got a new look for my signature. Cyan and Grey really go well together in my eyes.

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 03:17, October 5, 2015 (UTC)

Excuse me, since I am a bit bored right now, I would like to ask you a question?

Could you review this pasta I made?

the link. Here's the link.

Creeper50 (talk) 23:24, October 7, 2015 (UTC)Creeper50

Sorry, the link didn't work, so I am sending a second message that has the link.


Creeper50 (talk) 23:25, October 7, 2015 (UTC)Creeper50

Can you give me an example of a mistake I made so I know what to patch up?

Creeper50 (talk) 02:40, October 8, 2015 (UTC)Creeper50

Reply to "Reviews" message

Regarding my reviews, I've been having trouble coming up with a system for how I rank things. The closest one I have is the more problems an episode has, the lower the score is. It may not be a good one but I can't really think of a better one for now. I'm glad you're enjoying them though.

I'm currently working on chapter 12 right now. So far, it has about 2 or 3 paragraphs. Most of the chapters are barely 5 paragraphs so it's more like a Goosebumps book in the sense that while it has a lot of chapters, they blow over relatively quickly. I do think the long length will be justified because there's a lot of build up and atmosphere. Plus, there's a lot of mystery to the shadow figure in the sense that we don't know that much about besides the fact that it only seems to appear when the main protagonist isn't watching the episode and is alone.

I really wish a TV network would air re runs of The Haunting Hour because I do think it's a fantastic show. I hear it has DVDs and has a couple of seasons avaliable on Netflix, though I'll have to double check that.

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 02:48, October 11, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "How I do it" message

I'm currently working on a review for The Hauntig Hour marathon. Could you explain your review system a little more? I'm having a tough time figuring out what you're saying. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 00:51, October 12, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Explanation" message

While the explanation may not be perfect, it does give me a much better idea about how your reviews work. 

I had an idea for an upcoming horror story I had in mind. It would be about an experience I had with my dad's divorce attorney. Yeah, my parents have been divorced since I was in the second grade. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 02:26, October 12, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Divorce" message

Well, after 10 or 11+ years, I've learned to adapt and cope. I think the horror will rely on the vagueness of the situation based on the memory of a nine or ten year old kid. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 00:52, October 13, 2015 (UTC)

My Pasta is Missing something

Hi, I was hoping you could give me some advice. I have an unusual pasta in WW that I really like but I feel it's missing the creep factor. In writing this, my goal was to create a rich and full universe in the shortest story as possible in the voice of a child. So it might be as far as it can go. I would love any feedback. --KillaHawke1 (talk) 02:52, October 13, 2015 (UTC)

Totally not a problem. I would love any feedback or input. My pastas seem to be never truly finished. This one is like my runt of the liter. Its the weakest and needs the most nourishment and it ends up being the one you are most attached to Day of the Worm

If you are able, I would really appreciate feedback on a very short story I currently have in WW. It's a very brand new style for me, somewhat of an experiment, and risky. I wrote a comedy pasta. I know. I know. Sacrilegious! Blasphemy! What was I thinking? But I think I nailed. I just put the finishing touches after awesome feedback from an admin and would like any input. thanks so much KillaHawke1 (talk) 01:00, October 27, 2015 (UTC)

Review the Reviewer

Hello, thank you so much for your review. It was incredibly insightful with spot-on techniques observations for each story. What I really wanted to bring up are certain observations that I found extremely introspective and fascinating for two reasons: 1) You were able to pull very specific information only from the content of the story and writing style 2) You assessment clearly shows that my unconscious mind was speaking very loudly without me knowing it. For example with Day of the Worm I was very timid about that one and worried I would get slammed by people saying this isn't a real creepypasta, this is stupid, so I held back. I'm amazed you picked up on that and actually said, no, there should have been more. As for influences, the main character is a generic "chosen one." The medieval/technological society was inspired by the Old He-Man cartoons. The Worm and the disk weapon were influenced by an old movie 80's movie called Krull. Typically the apocalyptic interpretation of warfare is characterized by the traits of the four horsemen. I went a different direction. The Worm is all four in one entity. He is war, pestilence, plague, and death.

Your review The Zombie Apocalypse Sucks had some observation that really stood out for me. First your distaste for Texan. Well, we equally share that distaste, I don't like them either. The initial concept of this story was much different. The reason why I changed it was I couldn't find a way for the protagonist to survive. Despite the before mentioned dislike, as I wrote the character, I grew more and more attached to him. Now, he is vulgar, racially insensitive, dimwitted, and probably a misogynist tool, but I grew to like him and couldn't bring myself to kill him off. Your review made me realize something. That character was me (when I was younger), all my characters in some way are me! You see, I have only been writing stories since last month, my first being The Sounding of the Fifth Trumpet. Before that, I had never written a story of my own creation; ever. I realized that I don't yet have the experience to create a character that is their own person, with their own personality and belief that are different from mine. They have all been me in some way.

I just wanted to close by saying that in your review, you really saw (without realizing it) the author's imprint. The part I wasn't even aware was there. That's a pretty special talent and I think I am on my way to be a better writer because of that. It's kind of cool to get a glimpse of the "you" that lives in your subconscious and I think it is really cool that you are able to critique a story with such insight that highlights those nuances that might have otherwise been missed.

PS I would love for you to take a look at my Cherub Series. It is also set in Texas, but I promise there is no slang and dimwitted cowboys. This is the first piece in which I used dialogue. No rush, please take you time. I am still working on part 3 Cherubs: Part 1 Cherubs: Part 2

Do you care yet?

I think I did it! I think I got it so a reader can really care about my character! I gave it a victorian period feel so I could use more sophisticated concepts but not be taken out of the illusion that this eloquence is coming from a 15-year-old. Now I have a much more passionate kid that you can really get a sense of the desire he has. Thank for helping me bring him out into the open Day of the Worm KillaHawke1 (talk) 21:12, October 29, 2015 (UTC)

Pasta Update!!_11/2/15

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 01:24, November 3, 2015 (UTC)

JtK Contest

Hey Grim, have you seen the email I sent you? The contest judging period ends in about a week. MrDupin (talk) 17:37, November 8, 2015 (UTC)

Alright, thanks for letting me know. MrDupin (talk) 21:07, November 8, 2015 (UTC)

I have a question

Hey Grim! I recently saw your comment on my review of Pool Shark and I couldn't agree more. I just started season 2 and I'll upload the link to the second episode of season 2 tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm on chapter 13 of my pasta. Here's what I have so far:

"Chapter 13

After that scene played out, I noticed that my room became dimmer. I turned around to see that the sun was starting to set as it turned my room orange. While this seemed beautiful to look at, it made my head throb and I quickly shut the blinds. That's not the only reason I closed the blinds and windows though.

You see, when I was a kid, my mom would tell me to close my windows and blinds at night so that way, people would be less inclined to look into my window or break in or something like that. Ever since then, I have NEVER left my windows and blinds open at night. Even during sunset, I still closed them anyway.

As soon as the blinds and windows were shut, I went back to the daybed and grabbed the remote. Just as I was about to hit play, I heard a crash come from the window near the bunk bed. I saw a dull orange, rectangular object flying towards me and I jumped off the daybed and onto the floor.

When the noise died down, I ran over to the window to see who threw the object while cautiously avoiding any glass that was on the floor. Due to my short stature, I couldn't reach the window and had no choice but to climb up the bunk bed's ladder. As I got to the top bunk, I could finally see out the window and I was taken aback when I saw that there was no one out there.

I released a long and rough sigh, thinking that I would have to clean up the mess. Just then, I heard quick but heavy footsteps scurrying up the stairs and rapid knocks at my door immediately followed. "What's going on in there?! Is everything alright?!" A voice shouted. I sprinted to the door and opened it as quickly as I could. As I opened the door, I saw Erika shaking and panting heavily. "Don't worry Erika, I'm fine!" I said. She entered my room and gasped when she discovered the broken window and the glass on the floor. She also found the orange object near the daybed."

This might be a question that's already answered in the story but if you were in Erika's position, how would you react to someone throwing a brick through your window? Would you be sad, angry, scared, or some other emotion? What would you say and do about the situation?

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 03:31, November 16, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "That's Weird Man!" message

From what I understand, regarding the explanation for the blinds, there were a few people who liked it and wanted me to put it in because it added a bit to the character and I'm thinking of a scene where the samurai appears to be looking through one of the windows of the house later in the story, perhaps maybe when the protagonist goes to get materials to clean up the room and board up the window.

I might make Erika a bit hesitant to enter the room but having the protagonist encourage her to come in to see if that will work better. Or are you referring to the main character when you say it was a bit weird to be calm about the brick? I'm confused.

I'll try and rework chapter 13 the best I can. I have a chapter out line so maybe I can change a few details in there.

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 02:11, November 17, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Long Time" message

Yeah. I've been having periods of fast and nearly non existent progress. I think every writer has those parts of the writing process. 

Anyway, I made a few modifications to chapter 13: 

"Chapter 13

After that scene played out, I noticed that my room became dimmer. I turned around to see that the sun was starting to set as it turned my room orange. While this seemed beautiful to look at, my breathing became faster as I slowly walked over to the window to shut the blinds. When I was a kid, my mom would tell me to close my windows and blinds at night so that way, people would be less inclined to look into my window or break in or something like that. Ever since then, I have NEVER left my windows and blinds open at night. Even during sunset, I still closed them anyway. 

As soon as the blinds and windows were shut, I went back to the daybed and grabbed the remote. Just as I was about to hit play, I heard a crash come from the window near the bunk bed. I saw a dull orange, rectangular object flying towards me and I jumped off the daybed and onto the floor.

When the noise died down, I ran over to the window to see who threw the object while cautiously avoiding any glass that was on the floor. Due to my short stature, I couldn't reach the window and had no choice but to climb up the bunk bed's ladder. As I got to the top bunk, I could finally see out the window and I was taken aback when I saw that there was no one out there. 

I released a long and rough sigh, thinking that I would have to clean up the mess. Just then, I heard quick but heavy footsteps scurrying up the stairs and rapid knocks at my door immediately followed. "What's going on in there?! Is everything alright?!" A voice shouted. I sprinted to the door and opened it as quickly as I could. As I opened the door, I saw Erika shaking and panting heavily. "Don't worry Erika, I'm fine!" I said. Even though I assured her that I was fine, she didn't want to enter the room. She still stood behind the door, shaking and panting. 

"Erika!" I said firmly "I'm unscathed, okay?". Erika sighed and entered my room with great reluctance. Erika then gasped when she discovered the broken window and the glass on the floor. She also found the orange object near the daybed."

I'm planning on modifying it even more. I think after Erika discovers the brick, she might get upset and think it's the kid who threw the football in her yard who was mentioned in chapter 9. I don't know if you read that chapter or not. If you didn't, I can send it to you. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 00:57, November 18, 2015 (UTC)

Email Sent

Hey Grim, I just sent you an email. MrDupin (talk) 17:50, November 19, 2015 (UTC)

I've sent another, final (hopefully) email. MrDupin (talk) 22:07, November 20, 2015 (UTC)

JTK Contest

Hey, thanks for your judging of my entry, I didn't get the chance to hear what anybody thought of it yet, so I really appreciate it. I pretty much only had a couple of days to complete the story, which is why it felt rushed and why it had typos. I started the story way back in the beginning of October, but due to my attention being put on my music and other projects, I forgot all about the contest and had to rush through it a couple of days before the deadline, which sucks because had I not, I believe I would have at least made the top five. Anyways, it was a fun contest, I'm looking forward to reading the winning entry. Thanks again!

MurderHouze (talk) 22:52, November 21, 2015 (UTC)MurderHouze

Jeff the Killer re-write

Inspiration struck very late for this one. I ended up writing it within the course of a day and uploaded just before the deadline, so I am not surprised by the judging results. I had a little bit of time to edit formatting/punctuation/other errors, but no time at all for content. I wasn't able to read it after finishing it until after the submissions were locked in. However, I do greatly appreciate you taking the time to leave a message on my wall with some feedback. Thanks! Pokemongreen3867 (talk) 03:51, November 22, 2015 (UTC)

A Review of my Singular Story

Good morning!

I've seen you post in the comments of a few pastas and you seem like you give very honest and blunt opinions and reviews. If you have the time, would you mind giving my story, Light No More, a review?

After a few years I've found the motivation to start writing again, maybe even a sequel to the above story, so I figured having some real input would help immensely. Thanks in advance!

Mourning Sun (talk) 09:45, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Could you take a look at this blog post and tell me what you think of the idea?

Blog Post

Creeper50 (talk) 00:55, December 6, 2015 (UTC)Creeper50

Thanks for the review?

The capitalization of his dialogue was a stylistic choice chosen to show that it wasn't completely 'him' speaking. I would have bolded it but pastebin doesn't give that option. I'd defend the rest of your comments, but what's the point? However, I felt calling me out for punctuation that was obviously there by choice was just a bridge too far... Shadowswimmer77 (talk) 22:29, December 6, 2015 (UTC)

Re: JtK Personal Judging Results

Thanks for your review! I'm very flattered to hear that my entry was your favorite, and you hit the nail on the head with your analysis. My main goal in writing this story was to explore the plot of the original work from an objective viewpoint and illustrate that everything is, at some level, a matter of perspective (the last line, like you noted, reflects that), and it's very satisfying to hear that it effectively got that message across.

JZoidberg (talk) 05:59, December 7, 2015 (UTC)

RE: JTK critique

Thanks for the criticism regarding the Jeff piece; I'm glad you found the bully characters somewhat sympathetic.  Sorry to ask this of you, but would you mind clarifying a bit on "could have been written a lot better"? I know, it WAS pretty poorly written, I'd just like some more specific points to improve in the future, if you wouldn't mind? Thanks. 

Bennings (talk) 23:31, December 11, 2015 (UTC) Bennings

RE: JTK review

Thanks for reviewing my take on Jeff the Killer. Glad to see it merited a spot in your Top 3 list. I agree that maybe it differed too much from the original. I hope to write several more stories here!

682620 (talk) 05:20, December 14, 2015 (UTC)

I know It' been a while, but I'm guessing the story is a no? The monster story.

It does not matter, just glad to be back after a year of absense. Hello again.

Christopher Michael Richardson (talk) 21:20, December 21, 2015 (UTC)

There is no reason to apologize, my friend. You tried, and I am deeply honored.

Christopher Michael Richardson (talk) 21:31, December 21, 2015 (UTC)

Hey There!

Christmas is coming! We have a new Christmas horror film this year, I saw The Force Awakens, and Nutella is still awesome! I also have a new Haunting Hour review on my blog. I'm also thinking about getting back into riffing Creepypastas. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 16:11, December 22, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "You Do Riffs?" Message

I used to do riffs a long time ago. My first riff was on the story called "Rap Rat". I haven't been able to do more riffs because I've been way too busy. I started on a riff on a story called "Good Luck Charlie Original Script" but I didn't finish it. The story has been deleted from this wiki and I can't find another copy of it. So I'll just post what I have as a partial riff. 

I've also been trying to flesh out the characters in my pasta. I normally write the characters before the story which makes it easier to develop them but I didn't do that this time around so now I have to go back and fix it. 

I'm also thinking of writing a pokemon fanfic and I'm writing out my main character. Here's what I have so far: 


Sample Female Protagonist #2: 

Emily is around 7 years old. She is struggling to cope with living in an abusive household. Since her mother has a thin skin due to the massive amount of stress she's under from her job as a teacher in Garnet Town and divorce, she is easily annoyed and frustrated and often takes it out on her. Her father, while an energetic but caring and hard working gym leader, is no longer able to visit her because his wife divorced him and has set a condition where visiting his daughter can land him in deep trouble. 

In order to get out of this situation, she feels that she needs to be very specific and precise. She looks for any opportunity she can to escape and looks to pokemon training as her number 1 escape plan. However, when she thinks about pokemon training for an extended period of time, she becomes extremely discouraged by the fact that she needs to wait three years to officially become a trainer. At first, she becomes angry then starts crying and continues to do this until she stops and prays to Arceus for help. 

One day, her mother gets sick and she asks Emily if she could run to the store to pick up some medicine for her. Emily agrees and heads to the nearest town. While picking up the medicine, she gets an idea. If she can successfully get away with stealing pokeballs and potions, maybe she could start pokemon training early. But this idea contradicts her belief that stealing anything could make Arceus, the pokemon equivalent of God, bring even more misery onto her. 

She debates with herself for a while until she finally gives up and takes the items while trying to stop herself from crying. She rushes out of the store so fast that she accidentally goes the wrong way into a forest and becomes lost. She stops and rolls up into a ball and constantly apologizes to Arceus for her misdeed and begs for help seeing as how she was about to pass out, which she misinterprets as dying. 

Even in her condition, she continues to roam through the forest until she collapses. She soon awakes to find a pink Mareep by her side. Because she has rarely encountered a real pokemon before, she becomes frightened and tries to run but soon finds herself surrounded by other Mareep. When the Mareep show that they mean no harm, she starts to calm down and let the Mareep welcome her to their territory. When she encounters the pink Mareep again, she thanks it for possibly saving her life by giving it a hug, to which the Mareep happily shocks her. 

She thanks Arceus and decides to keep the pink Mareep which she names Eddy. Her faith in Arceus becomes stronger than ever before when Eddy is by her side. At this point, the girl becomes extremely excited and decides to venture to the region where "The Nidoran Roam", thinking that's where her father is based on the last words he said to her before he was forced to move out. 

On her journey, she becomes clingy toward male adults and although she tries to show compassion towards women, she becomes scared of them when they show hostility towards her, thinking that they will harm her. 

Because her mother was a teacher, she has picked up a few bits of knowledge from looking at her schoolbooks and applies what she knows in and out of battling. This knowledge includes different status problems, which types are strong and weak against each other, and how much HP certain items give back to pokemon.

At first, Emily uses commands like "Shock Em" for Thundershock, and "Power Ram" for Tackle until she learns the actual names for Eddy's pokemon moves. From there, she learns more about pokemon moves the more pokemon she catches and battles with.

When others sometimes don't agree with Emily's belief in Arceus, she seems rather calm about it and understands that not everyone believes in Arceus.

She is often towered over by pokemon that are over 4 feet tall so pokemon seem larger to her than they actually are. 

When she is curious about something, she will draw it on some sheets of paper she brought with her. For example, she wonders if Cubone and Marowak are actually the missing evolutions of Kangaskhan based on their head structure and overall similar design. 

When Emily needs to rest, she uses Eddy as a pillow when it's a Mareep seeing as how she couldn't fit a pillow in her backpack. 

The first time Emily used a pokeball, it wasn't on Eddy. Instead, her first pokemon capture with a pokeball was a Growlithe that had bit her on her left arm before Eddy a strong shock."

Emily is probably my most fleshed out character. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 19:40, December 24, 2015 (UTC)

For the third time, thanks for your critism on my last screenplay blog post. I decieded to do this new one baswed on a creepypasta I plan to make. Could you give critique on it?

Here's the link. Thanks for the fourth time.

By the way, the original blog post was removed and is now in the writer's workshop.

Here's the link.


Creeper50 (talk) 21:03, December 24, 2015 (UTC)Creeper50, the future screenwriting master

Reply to "Character" message

I've been developing my character a bit further and I sometimes integrate a part of the plot with the character sheet. It seems to be a difficult task to develop a character without slowing down the pace of the story or something like that. 

I've been revamping my story by combining most of the bite sized chapters into bigger chapters. Instead of the story having 13 chapters, it now has 10. 

Pastebin link:

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 07:38, January 2, 2016 (UTC)

Regarding Story Integration

How should I integrate the information into the story? Should I do it in short flashbacks in the beginning of the story? (Note: The story will be broken up into episodes). Should I gradually add the information as the story progresses? Should I tell it in third person? Or should I find an artist to do the story visually? I have also written up character sheets for Emily's mom and dad if you want to see them. 

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 05:09, January 6, 2016 (UTC)

Hello There! I am fully aware of your Critiquing Prowess, and I was wondering (if You have the time) To Review my latest pasta, "The Trial For Murder". Consider it a "WAKE UP CALL"......Literally.Perturbed Maverick (talk) 01:39, February 2, 2016 (UTC)

My ApoligiesPerturbed Maverick (talk) 13:27, February 3, 2016 (UTC)

Hey there Grim

Hey there,

I was reading one of your reviews and remembered that you give really great reviews. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a look at a few of my stories if you have the time. Spirit Bottles, Voice Messages, and To the Moon. These are the stories that I think I had done the best with, so it would be good to know where I fell flat and what I did which worked. There is another story, but it is a mircopasta, which I don't really consider a real story.

But if you're able to look at those, it would be greatly appreciated.


JohnathanNash (talk) 05:19, February 20, 2016 (UTC)


Thank you. I can really use some help with my writing right now, I've been moving more into being published with legit magazines, and it can grind on you when you don't get anything other then, "This is not what we are looking for." So I figured, I have a resource at my fingertips, I should make the most use of it.

Thanks again,

JohnathanNash (talk) 04:56, February 21, 2016 (UTC)

My Name Is Perturbed Maverick! One of the Administrators for The ScaryPasta Wiki, and we are wondering if You Would Like to Become an Official Staff Member on the wiki?

NOTE: With Your Contributions to the wiki, you shall be granted Some of the  rights on wiki!

Perturbed Maverick (talk) 21:34, February 29, 2016 (UTC)

Roanoke- Request for Review

Hello my friend, If possible, would you be able to fit in a review request into your schedule? I am very excited about this particular story in that I feel it is my best work to date and actually scary. It is a story that has been told time and time again about the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island, but I guarantee there hasn't been one like mine. Roanoke KillaHawke1 (talk) 02:20, April 27, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Review

I'll get around to them this week. It may take a while as I'm getting ready to go out-of-state to visit some family, but I'll try to get to them soon. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:24, May 1, 2016 (UTC)

Managed to get to the first two stories so here are my thoughts. The first one could use a bit more in the way of description. Lines like: “Blood leaked out from everywhere, and Tom couldn’t bare to watch it.” (The Magician's Game) come off as being a bit flat. Lines like that feel a bit generic as they tend to be used quite a bit when describing violence in stories. I like the premise and direction of the first story although a few minor tweaking to the descriptions might make it a bit more involving.

The wording in the second installment could also use a bit of revision. “However, thinking about his parents brought the thoughts of depression to keep lingering.” is a bit awkward as lingering implies they were already there before and brought implies that thinking about his parents triggered his depression. “It reminds me of the old days when I would shake things up and get involved myself, but I think I've gotten a bit too old for the old days.” I’d avoid repeating key phrases multiple times. (For example, you use ‘old’ three separate times in a single sentence.)

Remember if a character is stuttering/stammering, the second repeated letter shouldn’t be capitalized unless it’s a proper noun. I made the corrections when I came across them, it’s just something to keep in mind. Additionally you switched between capitalizing dad and leaving it uncapitalized. Being uniform is key. Other than that, I didn't come across any real issues in the grammar/spelling/punctuation in the story.

All in all, I like how the stories are presented and carried out. I don’t have too many suggestions for them other than to try and focus on descriptive elements (as ‘blood leaked from everywhere’ is a bit overused in stories involving violence) and tighten up some of the wording present in the stories. You can try reading them aloud to see where wording feels awkward or doesn’t convey the point you originally intended. I’ll move onto the writer's workshop post later today. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:46, May 1, 2016 (UTC)

RE: Review

Fortunately I have a bit of time on my hands this week, so I'll give the story a look. Can you link me your second story? (I'm too lazy to look it up now, lol) MrDupin (talk) 20:33, May 1, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Collaboration

I would love to do another collaboration, but a bit later, if only for story arc reasons. But when we do the collab, let's do the Roblox parent one. I mean, it has the character showing a Roblox Creepypasta badge (whatever that is) to a cop and being allowed to view a crime scene. If that's not comedy gold right there, I don't know what is. Also, I'm pretty sure that Jeff story on Crappypasta about his "true" origin or whatever was also on the Creepypasta Land Wiki. It seemed familiar. I think I Riffed it. But, anyway, I'm up for a Rifftique, but a bit later.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 02:36, May 2, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Re: Up For A Collaboration?

Ok, two things I've realized: first, that if we want the Rifftique done in a manner that coincides with everything, we might want to start now. These things take a little while, after all.

And second, that I really, really want to Riff "Game.Parent." It's

Sorry for the random flip flop on this issue [insert joke about whatever politician here]. I've actually started Riffing it, because I really needed to.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 22:52, May 2, 2016 (UTC)

Rifftique Draft 1 Sent

As the title says, first draft is sent. Sorry it took a while.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 20:44, May 6, 2016 (UTC)

Draft 3 Sent

Alrighty, now draft 3 is out, to your viewing and/or editing pleasure.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 15:39, May 22, 2016 (UTC)

I'm Sorry

A little over a month ago I had made a blog in which you responded to, but I didn't reply to you in it (I had replied to everyone else). I had seen your post and intended to get back to you, but forgot. I just want to say that I am sorry for not replying to you when I did everyone else and thank you for the congratulations. I really appreciate the reviews that you have given me and the input you gave me as a Judge during the Demon/Devil Contest. I am also grateful that The Endeavor ended up being one of your personal favorites. In that way you have made me feel validated and useful as I have completed what I set out to do by having a story of mine leave a good impression on someone (egotistical on my part, I know).

On another note, I've been worrying about you a bit. I got to thinking about how you said you were wanting to start making your body match how you felt on the inside. I was wondering how that is working out for you, especially in regards to your parents. I remember you saying that you told them and that they said no until you move out. If you don't wish to tell me, then it is completely fine, don't feel obligated to. Whether you are man, woman or robot doesn't matter to me :) I don't place any importance on gender at all which is why I've made every conscious effort to keep mine undisclosed on here. We should all be defined and judged upon our deeds and lack thereof, right? Buckle up! I'm going to be popular 02:35, May 30, 2016 (UTC)

That's awful to hear :( It sounded to me like things were looking up for you when you had made the blog post about it. Sounds to me like you have a case of severe depression. As far as I know there isn't a way to kick it, you just have to power on through it until it goes away. I had a period where I didn't feel like anything at all, didn't even play video games for a little over a month. Everything just seemed like it sucked at the time.
I feel like it is common for people to despise themselves and if not, then I guess we're just a pair of weirdo's, eh? Ah, that's shitty. If you'd like to you can email me at (or we can talk about it here, or not at all) and you can vent or I can try to give you some suggestions on that problem. I don't check my email often, but I'll keep a closer eye on it in case you want to. No need to apologize! I appreciate you being so open with me :)
Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. Buckle up! I'm going to be popular 01:33, June 5, 2016 (UTC)
I was worried about your counselor not being able to relate and it sounds like that's exactly how things turned out. I think that the best thing you could do for yourself at the moment would be to try to find an internet forum that is dedicated to other people who have gone through what you are going through and to seek their counsel. I think that you need someone to talk to that can relate to you in this specific instance. I am glad to hear that your parents are a bit more bearable.
You know how to reach me if you ever wish to talk about them. We all have our dark places that we retreat to, so don't feel odd.
Yeah, that's likely depression or puberty (way more likely depression though). Try new things is the only advice I have to offer you. Don't worry about swearing, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. You're going through something that is difficult when it shouldn't have to be, so it is understandable. Buckle up! I'm going to be popular 04:46, June 5, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Intro Draft

Sent my draft, and a long ass email.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 01:53, July 15, 2016 (UTC)

Day of the Worm

Hello, my friend, it has been a while. Do you remember a while back, a little story I had, if I recall was the only time you reviewed a story, I rewrote it and you re-reviewed it? Well. it has blossomed into a nice little trilogy. Thank you so much for helping evolve my story into something special.

Day of the Worm

The Squire and the Black Scroll

The Maiden and the Lost Villagers


It's been a while.

Hey Grim,

It's been a long time since I've seen you around here, could be that I'm not on here as often as I've used to be, or because I've been really busy lately, but it's good too see you back again. That being said, I would like to ask for a review for a short story I've posted not that long ago, and I know you give really good in depth reviews. If you can spare the time it takes to read about seven-hundred words, and the time it would take to give some feedback on it, there is a story called Jenna that I would love to hear your thoughts on.


JohnathanNash (talk) 00:04, January 16, 2017 (UTC)


Hey Grim,

Thanks for giving Jenna a review. I really appreciate it. I know how honest you are with your reviews, and to get such a good one was something for me to take pride in. Hope everything is going well for you.

JohnathanNash (talk) 21:46, April 18, 2017 (UTC)

Critique Wanted on Story Posted in Writer's Workshop

Hello, Grim. I'm Creeper50. I've been working on a story and would like your opinon on Chapter One. (Don't worry, I'm not going to post it, as I now know that you can't upload works in progress.)

The title is The Settlement of Hope.

The concept is: Hillston Hugh caused the nuclear winter through a terrible mistake he made 4 years ago. Under a fake identity, he becomes the leader of a settlement under attack by raiders led by his older brother. Can he fight off the invaders without exposing his secret?

I would like the review to point out any strengths and weaknesses in the plot, characters, prose, and spelling.

This is the link to the story: is the link to the story.

Thanks for your time.

Creeper50 (talk) 12:58, June 25, 2017 (UTC)Creeper50

Critique Wanted on Second Draft of Chapter One and First Draft of Chapter Two

Hello. I revised chapter one of The Settlement of Hope by giving the character a distinct voice. I also added chapter two. Could you review the second draft of chapter one and the first draft of chapter two? Thanks.


Creeper50 (talk) 17:26, June 30, 2017 (UTC)Creeper50

Hello, Grim. I was hoping for a critique on my new story: He Never Went to College

I would enjoy it if you told me what you thought of the story's quality.

Creeper50 (talk) 01:57, October 10, 2017 (UTC)Luke


Ermergerd, you're doing critics again? I love those! Is it ok if I make a request for one I wrote?!! The story is All Too Human. Just a request, I'm a fan of your critic blog.

Also, welcome back for however long you're back!

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 00:59, February 9, 2018 (UTC)

Hello back to you

Hey, long time no see, friendo. Glad to see you pop back up. 

I've been up to random stuff, most recently starting up the Riffs after a hiatus of over a year.

You got plans now that you're back?

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 01:28, February 9, 2018 (UTC)

Re: Hello Again

Hey Grim,

So at the moment there isn’t really much that I’ve posted. I’ve been gone for a while too, and had gone through some tough times, but am now getting back on my feet when it comes to writing.

That being said, I do have one story that if you’d like to review you can, but I’m not going to post it here. If you’re interested send me an email: The only reason why I’m not going to post it here is I’m trying to get paid for it.


JohnathanNash (talk) 01:43, February 9, 2018 (UTC)

Thanks a ton! Whenever you do just try not to rip it to shreds too badly xD 

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 00:37, February 10, 2018 (UTC)

Story Review Request

I would like you to review this story. It is called The Road to The Speaker . I split it up into chapters to make it easier for you.

Thanks for your time.

Creeper50 (talk) 20:05, February 14, 2018 (UTC)Creeper

Thank you

I just read the review and I'm very glad! It's awesome to hear that you enjoyed it. You made very valid points about the positives and I do agree with you on the gripes you had with the story. Thanks for taking the time to do this.

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 03:08, February 15, 2018 (UTC)

I'm releasing a sequel that is hopefully even better than the original

I'd say both. There's something extremely satisfying when it comes to writing for me. I actually have to set boundaries for myself or else it would turn into an unhealthy addiction rather than a hobby.

I kinda agree with you. I felt like the ending should be left at what it was, but the more I thought about ways it could go on the more irresistible it was to pursue those ideas. I thought and wrote for nights and came up with a sequel, and now that the story is as (semi?) Popular as it is I kind of feel like making a small universe with the story. I'm not sure really. I put it up in the ww. I like it but I'm not sure how others will receive it, or if it will ruin the ending of the first one. 

It may also be a result of my age. I'm probably younger than you think, and my overactive imagination means I have to write these things or they get stuck in my mind and I actually don't feel good about keeping those ideas inside. I hope this makes sense?

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 03:12, February 18, 2018 (UTC)

Yeah, I totally get it. I'll upload it probably before the month's over. I'm gonna hit the hay. 

Twas nice meeting you.

Update:I ended up not sleeping and instead pulling an all nighter to finish and release the story. I'm taking a break from writing for a while, but I'll be active in this wiki. Thanks for the dose of confidence and advice.

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 22:46, February 18, 2018 (UTC)

The part two of the story is called Less Than Human and the finale is called To Become God


Hey Grim,

How's it going? I noticed that you said there were some allegations against Vincent V. Carra and MCP, what are those and where did you hear them from? I don't really keep up on that kind of stuff so when someone says something like that it makes me wonder.


JohnathanNash (talk) 00:10, May 5, 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for letting me know about that. I’ll look into that too,not that I really care about things like that, but your no answer got me wondering and that’s something that always Spurs me to look into things.

Hope you slaughter your exams.

JohnathanNash (talk) 02:04, May 5, 2018 (UTC)

I heard something on HoodooHodlum’s channel about it now, only listened to it because of what I’ve heard from you. That’s some pretty shady shit, but hopefully everything will work out best for those who are in the right.

Keep going. Assuming that you’re in high school, since the exams are AP, you know where you wanna go to college?


JohnathanNash (talk) 02:29, May 9, 2018 (UTC)

Long overdue

Hey Grim,

That’s funny, NY was my home state and I’m currently in the city doing a job, so that’s pretty funny. That’s a good problem to have with such high grades being able to get into pretty much any school of your choice. When I went to college, I went for teaching, and I quickly realized that wasn’t what I wanted to do and went off on my own path. I was lucky enough to find something that I never thought about while in school.

From what I’ve read, and it’s been a good amount of research in these subjects, most authors do better without having gone to school for writing. That being said, taking writing classes are always a good idea. It’s also the same with art, which is something I thought about doing when I first went to college. But, again if you’re talented schooling may do more harm than good with those things. I’m also very strongly opposed to college for most things, but that’s just me.

What part of NY are you from? I was born on Long Island, Amityville, then moved upstate to Liberty, not sure if you’ve ever heard about that little town. After I left NY for a little bit I moved to Buffalo, and got out again before too long. Anyway, I’m just babbling now. I’m glad that you’ve something good with your tests and I don’t often visit this site much anymore eithher. Although, from time to time I’ll look at it for a few days than vanish again.

Hopefully everything goes well with you finding what you want to do in school. And college is a completely different experience than high school. It’s pretty fun.


JohnathanNash (talk) 21:51, July 17, 2018 (UTC)

Review Page Question

At one point, you had a large collated page of your reviews. Is there any way you can give me the link?

To clarify, I want to add to Slimebeast's page on this wiki, because I remember you had an unromanticized view of Abandoned by Disney, which you said was worse than 60 Second War, and to do that correctly I would need a source.

(However, if you think I should not interfere, you can tell me that and I won't because I don't need to.)

Thank you in advance,

But before he could finish the letter, Squidmanescape (talk) 07:48, August 12, 2018 (UTC) went back to uploading the Legion's Objects to their rightful site.

Thank you for giving Squidmanescape (talk) 19:36, August 12, 2018 (UTC) this page. He had thought that you had said something you had not, so this was extremely helpful.

Your Very Own Category

Hey Grim, I just wanted to remind you that since you have more than ten stories on this wiki, you are eligible for a special author category. Please let an admin know if you are interested.

Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all? (talk) 05:55, October 29, 2018 (UTC)

I narrated your creepypasta called The Buzzing!

Soulz Studios (talk) 01:49, February 7, 2020 (UTC)

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