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WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 22:45, July 4, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion

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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:47, July 4, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Story

It was not up to quality standards.

It had wording: "The more you think about it repetition can be good or bad, annoying or loveable, and maybe even to the point where is loved or hated." (run on sentence), "This woman's name was Melissa and was a single mom." (awkward phrasing)

Spacing issues: "old.When". Sentences carried over paragraphs "Later, she heard a gunshot and cutting noises,

rushed upstairs and woke up again. "

Punctuation errors: "said(comma missing) "Because I need to gt (get) rid of DEMONS!!!.(extra period not necessary.)""

Story issues: there is little build-up here and the introduction feels out of place. "dismembered. his (His) limbs scattered across the room." How exactly does the killer shoot and dismember his victim in the time needed for the mother to go upstairs? The cyclical ending feels tacked on and makes little sense. Why is she repeating these moments? What other force is at work here?

Story issues cont.: " extremely dangerous... duh.", "Just then she woke up. Phew!" Who exactly is narrating this story and why are they being patronizing one line and sympathizing with the mother the next? The overall story feels rushed and the introduction and cyclical ending feels like it was added on and not utilized effectively in the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:06, July 4, 2015 (UTC)

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