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  • I live in Australia
  • I was born on October 7

The Generic Welcome

Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:528791|Advice needed page.

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 06:45, February 28, 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for the PoTM Nomination

Thank you so much for the nomination of pasta for the month! :D I really appreciate it. 

ChristianWallis (talk) 15:57, May 18, 2016 (UTC)

Eyy you Anarchist, I have a favor to ask

So, you've been such a good critic of my drafts, I'm going to be a selfish narcissist and pile you with more work to do.

Just kidding.  I'm really sorry to bother you like this, but I would like feedback on this WW draft I recently made.  The reason I'm so urgent about it is because it seems rather promising to me, but of course I make mistakes and overlook errors.

So, if you're busy or not interested don't do it, I won't get offended or throw a tantrum.  But in your spare time, if it's possible, could you take a look at the story and criticize it?

Best regards,

User:MarioFan5050(talk · edits) 01:51, June 1, 2016 (UTC)MarioFan5050

Re: Review - 'Old Lock'

I'll try to get around to it tomorrow as it's getting late on my end. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:56, June 6, 2016 (UTC) 

Out Of This World - Help

Do you think I should use medias-res in my story (Out Of This World) or is it too bland? I've read the "cliches" pages too. DJDG-MOS (talk) 19:43, June 8, 2016 (UTC)

The medias-res in a mere one line. The rest of the pasta is written normally. Oh, and one major inspiration is Outlast, so you should find some similarities if you've played the game.  DJDG-MOS (talk)

B-lated B-day

Hey, I just noticed that it apparently was your birthday about a week ago, so I just wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday. I hope it was full of werewolves and many other equally-as-terrifying things.

"Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!" 01:35, June 13, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Violence in Stories

Sorry about the wait, but I just moved and then the internet in this area decided to go down for nearly a week. The topic you're asking about is a very tricky one, and I'm not sure if I can explain it properly. If you'll notice my two monologues, nothing is really described in traditional detail: it's all being relayed from the visual detail by Ned or Verner's often humorous words (humor can help, but it's also like playing with fire a bit. you really have to be careful). Take for instance the shit-eating scene from the sequel - it was almost completely implied but still disgusting. If I had written it in third person and said, "Verner jammed the screwdriver into the shit-filled funnel, causing Ned's nostrils to turn into secondary assholes as kernels of last night's corn-on-the-cob struggled to pop out," then we may have a different reaction from the reader.

The gore/violence needs to be necessary, which only you can determine, and it needs to be done in a way that forces the reader to imagine the scene rather than telling them everything. It's not an easy thing to pull off, and I'm not really sure if I've pulled anything off, but I did go into those stories wanting to see how much I could get away with, how much I could disgust with the minimal amount of disgusting detail. Consider Ned being "gut-fucked". It's a cringe-worthy scene that shocked a lot of readers, but if you look over it again you'll notice almost no description of what happened other than a little bit about what he looked like afterwards and the screams he was making. If I had talked about the guy's dick sliding in and out of Ned's new fun-hole people probably wouldn't have been as tolerant. Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope it makes a tiny bit of sense and possibly helps you in some way. I appreciate you asking, and always feel free to do so. Have a good one, my friend.

P.S. I feel certain you're aware, but the audience for extreme horror is a thin one. Be prepared for hate and comments containing the words "torture porn" or "pointless gore" even if they don't really apply to the story.

Jay Ten (talk) 22:08, June 21, 2016 (UTC)

Review - Ixodida

Hey,

Was just hoping you'd be willing to offer some feedback on a story I posted on the writer's workshop (Just the right height) . I'm considering submitting it to Whitix's contest so I'd like as much feedback as possible. It's a bit long (6000 words) so no rush, but I'd super appreciate the feedback and will always be willing to repay the favour.

Thanks,

ChristianWallis (talk) 15:53, June 25, 2016 (UTC)        

Hey,

No worries! I hope that whatever's keeping you busy is something good and not bad. And if it is bad I hope       it isn't too much of a problem. Thanks for taking the time out to read my story, I hope you enjoyed it.

ChristianWallis (talk) 08:40, June 28, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Ridiculous Question

No need to worry about ridiculous questions! I am more than happy to offer my opinion/feedback. Looking at the four stories (WIP) that you have I'd say I'm torn between 'venomous' and 'butchers' but it's hard for me to say without knowing more about Butchers. Do you mind outlinining (just vaguely) what the murderous plot (and much worse) involves?

Also I hope your studies went well. I just wrapped up my exams last week, and I know they can be a real pain in the arse. 

ChristianWallis (talk) 15:51, June 30, 2016 (UTC)

Hey,
So at a push I'd say you should submit venomous to the contest because it sounds the most unique, but I also really like :the sound of butcher's so it's hard for me to say. I think they're both great ideas but venomous is the one I'd say is the :most original. Especially considering the ending. I look forward to reading it!
ChristianWallis (talk) 18:12, June 30, 2016 (UTC)

Thank You!

Hey 

I just noticed Give It Everything was selected for PotM. I just wanna say thank you so much for the nomination! It meant a lot to me and I really appreciate that you decided to put it up there. If there's anything I can ever do for you feel free to ask because I owe you so much for nominating the story in the first place.

ChristianWallis (talk) 13:02, July 1, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Venomous Review

Christian Wallis I'll be happy to go over and review this but I'll have to leave it till tomorrow unfortunately. Looking forward to it though!

ChristianWallis (talk) 14:43, July 7, 2016 (UTC)

Frank N Furter

Yeah sure, I'd like to take a look at it. I'm reviewing JohnathanNash's story tonight (which is kind of long), so I'll review yours tomorrow. Also I thank you for voting on my Rollback application. It seems you were unfamiliar with Rollback rights; basically they give you a "rollback" button which reverts all consecutive edits by a user in one click, they allow you to change story titles, and they let you edit posts in the forums. But yeah thanks for that vote. I look forward to your story.

"Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!" 02:05, July 8, 2016 (UTC)

EmpyrealInvective

It likely won't be until Sat. or Sun. until I can give it a read and review it (still trying to bring my own story up to snuff by the end of this week), but I'll try. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:44, July 9, 2016 (UTC)

Jay ten

No problem, brother. Might be a day or so, but I'll get to it. Have a good one.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:09, July 8, 2016 (UTC)

Apologies for the delay, but I see you've received significant feedback already (probably much more relevant than what mine would be). I did read the story but decided to hold off on the feedback until you were closer to a finished product. I will say I enjoyed the concept, but I did notice a fair amount of conciseness issues and even some whole sentences that could probably go. When you go over it next time, really focus on whether or not each word is necessary. The first sentence is a perfect example:
I shifted my vehicle down a few gears, adhering to the change in speed limit as I entered the small rural town.
In my opinion, that's too many words for what your saying. Consider: "I downshifted as I entered the small rural town."
Readers don't like extra words, so you wanna keep things moving as well as paint the picture. Bring us into the vehicle with you and keep moving. The part about the speed limit just isn't necessary in my opinion. "Vehicle" is redundant since you're shifting gears, and the number of gears isn't really relevant in this instance. If you do want to explain why you're slowing down, consider something like, "I downshifted as I entered the small rural town, being careful not to attract any unwanted attention."
Hope this makes sense and helps in some way.
Jay Ten (talk) 11:45, July 11, 2016 (UTC)
I forgot to mention another bit. "Vehicle" is almost never a good word. It's too generic and can mean almost anything. Feel free to use loose descriptions, but not too loose. That's also why its use is redundant in that first sentence. It doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. No further imagery is gained from the word. Something as simple as using the word "van" rather than "vehicle" can make a difference.
Jay Ten (talk) 12:46, July 11, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Venomous Review (again)

Jay ten

"Professional" is a strong word, lol. I have done a lot of reading and writing, but my writing is intermediate at best. I also pretty much despise everything I've ever written. It haunts me knowing it needs to be better and I simply don't have the skill yet. As for your story, I will try to give the final draft a look over later today. I will warn you in advance that although I enjoyed the concept of the earlier draft I read, I didn't really enjoy the story. There was something off about the narration and I had some other small gripes. I'll do my best to get around to it today. Well, I'm off to the beach for a bit. Have a good one.

Jay Ten (talk) 16:26, July 17, 2016 (UTC)

Hello, my friend. I'm sorry to say that I think I will have to pass on fully reviewing your most recent story. I see a lot of potential in your writing, and you're also a great user. That being said, I simply don't care for the story and the way it's told, and I don't want to tear into it because I'm just not up for it. I feel like you've got a block or something. Something keeping you from really hearing how some of the words sound. Take this sentence: "I had been planning the kill for a while now; stalking my victims, learning their routines, devising my method." That sounds so generic and unnatural that it makes me want to stop reading right there. You've got to figure out a way to let go of everything you've had jammed down your throat all these years. Find a way to break away and get in your own zone, away from the cliche world we're surrounded by. And I still feel like there's so much fluff that could go. Sorry I can't be more helpful. I hope you understand.
Jay Ten (talk) 23:24, July 17, 2016 (UTC)

I really appreciate your understanding. You're already on the path to better writing simply by handling criticism as well as you are. It's a step most people aren't willing to take. I do want to apologize for not being able to be more helpful, but I can be a bit cranky at times and I simply felt it best to avoid diving into your story at this point in your progress. You're a great user and I definitely want to make sure you stick around. Sometimes I react harshly because I get frustrated by seeing the potential in a writer or a particular story, but something is holding them back. I guess I'm saying I think you can do better, and I believe that you will. As you said, this is only your second story, so in all honesty, you're off to a good start. A lot of people take much longer to get their first two stories accepted on the site.

Here are a couple links you can check out when you're up for it. They're suppose to help with conciseness, which I felt was one of your biggest issues:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/quizzes/wordy_quiz.htm

Have a good one.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:42, July 18, 2016 (UTC)

Christian Wallis

I'll try to get around to it in a couple of hours, but I did keep up on it during your reviewing process and just never really felt the need to chip in because I thought you had done a great job. And I noticed the negative comment and I think the reality is just that some people won't like your story, even if I didn't really agree with a lot of the points he made I guess he's still perfectly entitled to that view. I really wouldn't let it affect your overall opinion of your own work because it's a great story and it's gotten some great comments. But I'll still happily offer further thoughts sometime this afternoon. ChristianWallis (talk) 08:51, July 18, 2016 (UTC)

Hey, I couldn't find any major issues. I did notice this,


The second box was much larger, power cords attached to it - > I think it should be, "much larger, with power cords"

ChristianWallistalk But yeah other than that I think the changes you have made are a fantasctic addition to the story, and have only strengthened what was already a great read. I appreciate your concerns regarding the negative comment but I've red it in detail, and honestly, don't really understand where most of his points came from. I think it's a pointed fact that a random user felt the need to challenge that viewpoint. Anyway, it's a great story and I sincerely wish you the best of luck!  () 14:49, July 18, 2016 (UTC)

Collab

I noticed your comment on the thread and realized I forgot to message you last night (I was messaging as many of the regulars I thought might be interested). So anyway, I hope you'll get involved if you have the time.

Jay Ten (talk) 12:59, July 21, 2016 (UTC)

Patience

Heh. Lets see who has more patient. We, or mister 'lets vandalize Christian's page'

Nachtrae (talk) 07:21, July 25, 2016 (UTC)

Haha, that's alright. The undos are just a single button away while he spends....'effort'....on them?
Nachtrae (talk) 07:35, July 25, 2016 (UTC)

Re: First Person Narrative vs Journal Entry

I'm all about journal entries, my friend. I know they're everywhere, but that doesn't change the fact that they can be the most effective way of unsettling the reader if done properly. I'm probably not the best person to ask, as I'm a huge H.P. fan, and I simply love his journal stories (which is a lot of them). When it comes down to it, though, you're the only one that knows what this story is about and what will work or won't. You are in luck though, since our resident writing guru (who somehow manages to overcome the fact he never made it past second grade), Empy, has written an advice blog on journal entries. Here it is - So You Want to Write a Journal Entry Pasta

Hopefully you'll find some good advice in there, but with Empy involved, it's 50/50 at best ; )

Let me know if you have any other questions. Have a good one.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:30, July 26, 2016 (UTC)

Hi!

Hello, A_O. I have been busy lately, but I have a story written. I'm just taking a break a from it, so that when I edit it, I have fresh view on it. In the meantime I'll work on a story I that had been reviewed a while back. Thanks for asking!

I read your story "Venomous" on the workshop a while back, sorry I did not review: time was scarce. But now that I have a lot of free time, I'll keep a lookout for your stories :)


Jake888 (talk) 21:28, July 31, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Exhausted Review

Frank N Furter:

Yeah sure thing boss, I can probably get to it after I do Christian's story tonight.

"Girls will run around in your head, till you wished you liked boys instead!" 01:17, August 3, 2016 (UTC)


EmpyrealInvective:

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to probably pass on giving the review. I'm visiting family in NV and I'm getting ready to drive back up to Colorado and then cross-countrying it for the next few days while visiting friends so I probably won't have time to give an effective review. I may try to get to it before I leave during the weekend, but I can't make any promises. Sorry amigo, hope you understand. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:25, August 6, 2016 (UTC)


Nachtrae:

Coincidentally, I already left a message!

Nachtrae (talk) 11:59, August 15, 2016 (UTC)


What are the odds indeed!
The Perfect Marriage could do with more reads I think :) Feel free to take a peek!
Nachtrae (talk) 13:00, August 15, 2016 (UTC)

Contest Reviews

Hey just to let you know but I'm working on a review for Mikemacdee's story so no need for you to read that. I'll let you know which of the others I'll do ChristianWallis (talk) 13:32, August 6, 2016 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback

Hey,

Just wanted to write you personally and thank you for the awesome feedback on Unkillable Kenny. You certainly have a knack for giving great reviews and I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on my story. If you have time, please feel free to read over any of my work and leave me your thoughts, as the feedback is much appreciated. 

Thanks again,

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 23:56, August 17, 2016 (UTC)

Hey there

Hey A_O,

Was just wondering if you would be willing to give one of my stories a review, it's called Spirit Bottles. I would really appreciate it if you could.

Thanks,

JohnathanNash (talk) 02:43, August 20, 2016 (UTC)

Re:Calling you up

Hey, yeah sure I'll be happy to do Niki's story. Anything to help. Although next time I think you should use a bat signal to call me up. Just because I need a little more batman in my life ChristianWallis (talk) 08:24, August 20, 2016 (UTC)

Hey so I reviewed Niki. No 41. It was pretty good actually. Also if you'd like I don't mind reviewing venomous and I'd be happy to see your review of The Shimmering Tree. I'd appreciate the feedback whereever possible. I'll get onto venomous over the next few days ChristianWallis (talk) 14:53, August 22, 2016 (UTC)

Re:

I'm not sure what's going on. With lengthy comments I usually highlight and copy before clicking the reply button. I nearly smashed my computer several times after losing page-length comments, so I know how that feels. Do you click the "stay logged in" or "keep me logged in" checkbox when you sign in? It probably won't help, but who knows. Log out and then log in after clicking that box. If the problem persists, let me know and I'll send staff a message about it.

Jay Ten (talk) 10:33, August 28, 2016 (UTC)

Hello Sir

I will gladly review your stories, although be warned it may take a while to go through all of them. Also, usually only drunks and cult zealots recommend my services, so it's nice to know my reviewing is sought after too.

Probably I'll get to review a story of yours tonight/tomorrow, and the rest sometime in September. If you have a preference one what you want reviewed first, please tell me.

See you around and have a good one. MrDupin (talk) 15:13, August 30, 2016 (UTC)

Re:

First off, sorry to hear about your friend. That sounds like a rough situation. Please make sure to keep yourself safe. Those situations can be very unpredictable.

Well that's an interesting idea, and I suppose it could possibly be cathartic, as long as he isn't extremely impressionable. What I mean is, if he is really impressionable, you don't want him killing everyone in the story (this is partially a joke, but just remember I said this). There's not really anything wrong with self-inserting, in my opinion, as long as you don't get emotional and start living out a fantasy (I don't see you doing this, but it happens a lot). This is why Jeff the Killer was/is so popular, and no doubt what the author was doing. If you feel like you can be 100% honest while using characters that mirror you, then I don't see any issue.

I see an opportunity here for a good piece. Are you planning to go metaphorical, or more reality-based? Like turning it supernatural, such as replacing actual drug addiction with, say, something like possession? Not the most subtle example, but I think you know what I mean. I don't necessarily have a preference. Sometimes I go so heavy-handed the reader probably has a headache by the end, and other times I go subtle to the point of most people not even catching it. (as far as I know, still no one has caught a rather jarring tidbit I slipped into Verner's monologue)

I don't know how much of my work you've read (for your sake, hopefully not much), but most of my work involves, to some degree, the theme of loneliness or the damaging effect/dangers of being reclusive. This is completely self-inserted, but you'll notice none of my protags are heroes, really. Do you see what I mean? It can represent you or your situation without being obvious, and that's fine as long as you don't make the characters do what you want them to do. Make them do what you think fits the story and the message you want to convey. I hope this is making at least a little sense. I tend to get a little out-there with advice.

HumboldtLycanthrope makes extensive use of metaphors, and he does it really well, in my opinion. In this instance, I recommend reading his story Daddy's Little Princess. It's bizarre but clearly represents several ideas/themes other than what is right in front of you. His themes are also really hard to pin down sometimes, which can make the reader consider any number of things. This is often evidence of good writing. Your main objective should be to stir people up, even if they don't actually get what you're saying. Make them think about something, but of course you also want to entertain. I would also consider reading Christian's Ixodida.

I think you can definitely do the story, but you will have to be willing to either embellish or simply go metaphorical, making the characters and their situation symbolic of what you're basing it on (yeah, I know, that's basically what a metaphor is, but I wanted to be clear). Let me know if you have any specific questions as you move forward with it. I don't necessarily have any answers, but I'll give you my opinion.

Jay Ten (talk) 15:48, September 5, 2016 (UTC)

Empy the Bad-min

Not really, I resigned only yesterday (I guess that makes you more astute than other users who messaged me recently asking me to do admin things for them without realizing the change).

As for the Weird category, I removed it because weird is typically reserved for stories that defy normal categorization, your story fit under vehicles, diary/journal, and beings if I recall. The "Weird" category is more for stories that are completely off the wall and beyond categorization. The categorization for weird reads: "This is also for pastas that don't fit in any of the existing categories, even if they have a clear theme." We're trying to use the weird category sparingly as weird is a subjective term (in fact, all stories could be called weird as they deviate from the norm which makes the classification highly subjective.). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:59, September 7, 2016 (UTC)

re: Sorry and thank you

Hey man,

In my eyes there's no need to apologize to me whatsoever! I fully understand what you mean. My humor falls right there in "completely inappropriate and offensive" for the most part. I'm Dutch, I have a grandma that survived the German oppression in the second world war, and some of my favorite jokes are....well, terrible. Similarly, I don't have any problems myself making jokes about disabilities, triggers, or myself simply because I've learned not to take these serious. Being a furry however.....well, make even a slight 'trigger' joke in the wrong crowd and they're at your throat because a lot of people there suffer triggers and apparently being able to joke about them makes you a bad person who has had nothing bad happen in their lives (without thinking that oh hey, this person has a different mentality and deals with issues in a different way). There's a lot of minorities in that fandom that have had a lot of wrongs done to them, so many are incredibly defensive and easy to offend. Most are in their teens too, so everything going around hits that much harder and feels more personal.

This is of course just an example, but what I mean to say with it is, I understand where Wolf comes from, but I also understand your point. Neither one of you is wrong, and all we can do is learn from one another. You meant no harm with your joke (and if it's any consolation, it made me laugh), but at the same time the subject matter is one Wolf is very sensitive about. My intent with my post to her is to hopefully give her a little nugget of wisdom and give her a small push to let go of something that seems to be holding her back.

The internet has may different cultures and people of various ages roaming around. It's impossible to avoid hurting everybody's feelings, especially if part of the culture is to go about matters in a joking manner. The British have a similar humor to what you described I think, whereas America is very much the opposite. From my experience, many Americans don't like to be the subject of jokes, which was the first thing I beat out of my boyfriend :P He's loosened up since and returns fire the moment I start.

Now, since I know all you Australians are criminals I'd like my wallet back!

Nachtrae (talk) 13:49, September 25, 2016 (UTC)

A boring tale?

Hey A_O, I just threw a new story in the workshop and I'm wondering if you could take a look at it. It's called "Boring Johnny" and is not to long at under 800 words. I tried a slightly different narative style so I'm curious to hear what people think!

Nachtrae (talk) 09:47, September 26, 2016 (UTC)

Re:

Yeah, I'm aware of the possible issues. I have actually been banned for no reason because of this. There's really nothing we can do about it. I contacted Wikia both times, and they basically said I had to wait it out. As for what you're doing, it's fine. I'm sure there are several others here doing the same thing.

On another note, I noticed your comment on the collab thread. Man, I've been feeling very similar. I've nearly wiped all of my stories off the site more than once this week, but I keep telling myself to just let it go. I really fucking hate my work, to the point that I'm embarrassed by it, but we have to remember that some people do like it. This was brought about because I finally started trying to write again after several months off and every sentence came out like shit. I was and still am about to throw in the towel, but I haven't yet. I think in these situations we just need to start writing without the intent of showing anyone. Just write for the fun of it. The couple of things that I have written that I don't completely hate were written knowing that no one would likely ever seen them. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but just keep moving forward. The past is pointless shit, and all we have is what's in front of us. I hope you can get something done for the collab, but if you can't, fuck it. Seriously. Don't stress yourself out about it. Have a good one.

P.S. I'm not fishing for complements. If you tell me I'm a good writer I'll e-punch you.

Jay Ten (talk) 14:18, October 2, 2016 (UTC)

Something

Hey, I thought you might want to check out this blog Christian made recently - A Look into Cohesive Writing and Ned the Nihilist

Hope all is well.

Jay Ten (talk) 12:10, October 6, 2016 (UTC)

Nice to meet you!

I would be honored to review some of your stories, especially since some of the listed stories are stories that I have already read but haven't posted a review on. I'll let you know when I need advice on any story that I will be doing in the near future. 

Thanks again for offering the help, and it's nice to have such a great writer offer me help. 

PixCity (talk) 02:03, October 9, 2016 (UTC)PixCity

P.S.

I forgot to say, I posted a review on your stories already, and I would love to see more of your work in the future. I really enjoyed reading your stories! In the future, if you have posted a new story, don't be hesitant to ask me to review it, too. :)

PixCity (talk) 22:19, October 10, 2016 (UTC)PixCity

Colon Problems

You should probably see a doctor, but I do have some advice for colon usage (and don't feel bad. This is something that even seasoned writers struggle with). I could try to explain, but I think it would be better to give you a link that is the best link I have found about colons, semi-colons, and different dashes. Here's the link (I advise bookmarking it) - http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/semi-colons-colons-and-dashes/

Keep in mind that there will almost always be someone that disagrees, but the vast majority will be in agreement with the rules listed on that page. Also, a lot of instances come down to personal preference. There are places where you could correctly use a colon, semi-colon, dash, comma, or period in the same spot and all would be acceptable (yeah, I know, it's ridiculous). If you have any further questions about it, feel free to ask.

And as for that thread, I personally let almost anything stay on the off topic board as long as it doesn't breach Wikia's ToU. Thanks for bringing it to my attention though (another admin may still remove it).

Jay Ten (talk) 21:28, October 19, 2016 (UTC)

Review

Yeah, I actually already have it on my log of stories to review, it's just that I took a break and the review requests really piled on. Sorry for the delay, I'm trying to get through them. MrDupin (talk) 09:52, October 21, 2016 (UTC)

RE: Next Contestant

Hmm... I'm not sure I want to do that one. It's almost TOO bad, lol. And I really just want to do pastas that were deleted. Umbrello (talk) 16:23, October 22, 2016 (UTC)

RE: Mistake

Thanks for the tip, good catch. MrDupin (talk) 09:22, October 23, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Review?

Absolutely I will read your stories. I started with Please Be Careful, but I need to sleep now haha. I like what I see already, particularly your acrostic poem espousing the virtues of a Good Writer. Will comment on each as I finish.

Night! --GarbageFactory (talk) 10:27, October 24, 2016 (UTC)

Re: View

Sorry, but looking at your story, it really seems like you're getting help already since you've sent the message. You currently have had two operate people who've written out detailed reviews since your last posting/revision. Rather than piling on with my two since, I'll rather focus on another story on the WW getting less help. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:49, November 12, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Ridiculous Question

Hey, looking at them all I can't say for sure where you should go. I can see that these stories are far more ambitious than your previous efforts with a lot more going on in terms of the plot lines and the 'moving parts' of each story. The problem I see is that this progression can pose a real problem because you'll probably need a lot of words to do most of these stories justice. There's a lot going on in each of them and that's going to be difficult to pull off in under 5000 words. You might (like I am at the moment) find yourself struggling to even keep them below 20,000 words which can become very demoralising over time. Overall though I think your best chances at writing something small and contained (which is the best remedy for a writer's block) lies either in Ice, Ginarg or Dividing Range. Out of the three I prefer the sounds of Ice simply because Ginarg sounds a bit vague, and Dividing Range has a premise that is well worn in a lot of other media. I think it sounds like Ice would be easier to keep small and manageable with loads of room for fun characterisation and moody setting ChristianWallis (talk) 13:59, November 14, 2016 (UTC)

Hey I'd be happy to review it (will probably be sometime tomorrow though) but I'd appreciate it if you also took a look at the story I have up on the WW called The Great and Jagged Nail. ChristianWallis (talk) 16:05, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

Review Request.

Hey, Anarchic. So, you have reviewed some of my stories in the past, and I was wondering if you had a second to review my new one, "The Things that Lurk Under the Mines". It's on the WW. If you don't have the time, I understand. Thanks in advance,

Jake888 (talk) 18:47, November 14, 2016 (UTC)

PotM

Hi Anarchic. I don't know whether you nominated my story as a joke or not, because, well, my story is what it is. Even though it's nice seeing my story in the running, if this was not serious could you please remove it? I would like the nominations to be the best of the best, if possible. Thanks man. MrDupin (talk) 11:09, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

Forgot to add this, but I'm probably deleting the story today, so I may have to remove the nomination either way.
This is a lesson kids, don't post your 3 AM, 5 minute work creation. MrDupin (talk) 11:34, November 17, 2016 (UTC)
I will clean the PotM list some time next week, thanks for reminding me.
I think it's best if I leave the story in its current state. I don't really have the time to write anything longer, and right now it has a certain... charm. I will see if I can post it on Trollpasta once I delete it.
I will do my best to help you with some advice, certainly. Later tonight I will drop you some tips. MrDupin (talk) 11:53, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

Hey A_O

Hey man,

Was wondering if you can give me a review on my newest story Jenna? If you can that would be helpful.

Thanks,

JohnathanNash (talk) 13:22, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

Anarchism

I see you recently suffered from a retardation attack on the Writer's Showcase. Don't worry, it's completely normal for everyone here. In fact, it's included in the admin duties to have at least one every day (it's printed in small text).

Also, since one of my dominant personality traits is the impulsive need to prove people wrong, I saw in your description that you never give out 10/10. If you are still convinced by that, I want to give you one challenge (ok, maybe two): Humboldt and Banning.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 13:55, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

I see. I used to give numerical ratings to a story for the first months after I made an account, but eventually gave up since I started seeing them as meaningless. Especially when it's just "10/10". "Yeah I spent entire weeks writing this so that you could show me a fraction." Now that's an exaggeration and I know most people don't see it this way, but my point is that a review, even a medium-short one, is usually much more meaningful for the writer (I mean I've never seen anybody saying 'Thanks for that detailed review, but can you give me numbers?'). I still strongly suggest you to check those two out if you haven't already. Just because they are simply amazing writers. Cheers.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 14:33, November 17, 2016 (UTC)

Wait, really? How could I miss something like that?

I don't have any story in need for review right now, but for the last few days a specific idea was locked in my head (along with an older one but that's for another time). Now if I can develop it enough for the Workshop, I'll hit you up. Thanks for the offer, cheers.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 15:44, November 18, 2016 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey A_O,

Thanks for the review and sorry that was a bit of a tearjerker. I do have some experience with that, not with losing a child, I don't think I could take that and then bring myself to write about it, but with some of the other aspects. I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the PotM nod.

JohnathanNash (talk) 03:13, November 18, 2016 (UTC)

Done. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, November 18, 2016 (UTC)

Comedy and Horror

I will start my advice with a warning. You have to be extra careful when infusing your horror story with comedy. Oversaturating your story with humor can break the horror of your piece. Think of it as adding salt and pepper to a soup. Too much and there will be no more soup taste left.

Comedy, if done right, is a great way to flesh a character out. It makes them more real and relatable. The humor can be added in the character's actions, lines or thoughts. What I try to do is write down something the reader would think or do in that situation. That way, the humor comes naturally to a story and you keep it at acceptable levels. Never force a joke in, let it come to you. An example of this is the intro scene at my story, In the Woods. The protagonist jogs along a path when he encounters a woman. When he passes the woman, he turns around to check her out. This is a very real reaction that a lot of the readers have had. I add in the protagonist slipping and boom, a subtle comedy touch.

The other use of comedy is to enhance the horror. Think of comedy as light and horror as darkness. The darkness is darker when compared to light. So, a spot of light amidst the darkness enhances the darkness. That is what some writers try to do with comedy in horror. They have a lighthearted scene (or something) to make the horror around it seem more evil and ominous.

Those are pretty much my thoughts on horror. I'm afraid I haven't dabbled with comedy/horror in a 50/50 situation, so I can't give more advice on that. I hope this helped. I will probably write an advice blog in the near future, so I will link it to you when it's done.

Wish you the best with your story. MrDupin (talk) 13:29, November 18, 2016 (UTC)

Just wondering

What if you linked your talk page in your signature? It makes it easier for people to respond to you. Right now it only links your profile.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 09:23, November 20, 2016 (UTC)

No, Fuck You

Ha, well played sir, well played. I will review your story and I won't delete it, you win. MrDupin (talk) 22:49, November 20, 2016 (UTC)

I'd say there's no shame in shelving a story for the time being while you give yourself time to think of other ways you can implement it/improve it. I'm currently working on a story myself that I had to stop until I could dig up some maps of multiple national parks, weather conditions, and trail information which took me changing the locale/time/date of everything and basically re-starting a large portion of it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:49, November 23, 2016 (UTC)

Re:

It's no bother and the message made sense. I did give you some advice on this quite a few messages above under "Re:Violence in Stories". It probably wouldn't hurt to look over that, but I'll try to give a little bit more. One thing that a lot of NSFW stories lack is any meaning or depth. This isn't necessary, because entertainment alone is a good enough reason to read, but having a message in the writing can help a work avoid being labeled as trash. The most important thing is making sure it's well written enough that people take it seriously. This is something I can't really help with. Humboldt's story The Gym Teacher has a werewolf eating maggots out of a dead girl's asshole, but you don't see anyone calling it trash because the way it is written makes it obvious that it isn't.

There are different ways to get by with this, and to some extent you'll have to explore to find out what works for you. You can do something like I did in the monologues where all of the detail is left out and the nastiness is all implied, or you can scatter the nastiness out and put enough good and compelling writing between the harsher scenes so it doesn't seem like you're just trying to gross people out. I personally don't see anything wrong with writing something simply to gross people out or offend them if that's what someone wants to do. I enjoy reading a lot of incredibly offensive stories and books that often have little underlying meaning (as far as I can tell). Transgressive fiction has a lot of uses and you'll have to figure out for yourself what your reasons are for using it. You also always need to make sure there's a good reason for the violence, especially if you describe it in great detail. If it doesn't add to the experience people will hate it. It's going to be a learning process, and you need to keep that in mind. It may not land right the first time, but you gotta take the advice you get and keep working on it.

One last thing, if you know you're not writing torture porn, then fuck anyone that says that's what it is. There will always be someone trying to rain on your parade, so it's best to just let it run off your shoulders. If someone gives a legitimate reason for the criticism (and doesn't state it like an asshole), then thank them, put it in the memory bank, and don't make the same mistake twice. If they do state it like an asshole, still put it in the memory bank, but maybe leave off the thanks. I personally refuse to thank anyone that talks down to me. If you write something because you want to express yourself as well as entertain and possibly open someone's mind just a tiny fraction more than it was, then you're not writing torture porn, no matter how much it may look like it.

As for my latest story, I'm glad you liked it. Don't feel obligated to leave feedback, but feel free. I have a lot of issues with the story, but I felt like some people might be able to enjoy it. I really think it needs to be turned into a much larger work, which I may do at some point. Third person writing is a major weakness for me, but certain ideas can only be expressed in one perspective. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Jay Ten (talk) 21:03, December 3, 2016 (UTC)

Nom

Thanks for the nomination, my friend. I'm really glad to see you enjoyed the story. Have a good one.

Jay Ten (talk) 21:34, December 16, 2016 (UTC)

My fellow vigilante

I thought I was the only non-admin who sometimes goes out of his way to message fools.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 15:19, January 16, 2017 (UTC)

I will continue my uncompromising justice even if they'll outlaw me. My philosophy is "men are warned, dogs are perma-banned."

Through what Jay did was truly terrifying. I heard he was once thrown in a cage with ten guys and came out alone with ten improvised dildos.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 15:37, January 16, 2017 (UTC)

I think my biggest achievement will be recreating Jay's most famous hentai: Anal Centipede.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 15:49, January 16, 2017 (UTC)

Insane is an understatement

I miss the times when you could just kill then.

You bring the bodies, I handle the rest (talk) 15:58, January 22, 2017 (UTC)

Re: View

Done. Have a good night. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:54, January 29, 2017 (UTC)

Hey, AO, sorry for waiting so long to get back to you on this. I've been kind of burnt out lately, and it's been a rough week (nothing's wrong, I just have a lot of stuff at school to work on). Anyway, I'm gonna try to review your stories soon enough, and hopefully that will be throughout next week. I'm not the best reviewer, though, so... yeah.
Also, your activity may have dropped, but I still see you as a presence on the site. If you picked it back up, I don't think much would change, other than you possibly getting a note on Dix's quote wall.
Anyway, see you around.
If a house is made out of a potato, Is it a potato, or is it a house? 05:47, February 5, 2017 (UTC)

Re: View

First and foremost, I don't think it would work for that contest as it's a randomized cue given and I'd also worry about fairness if you're entering in something that you've have months to work on. As for the review, Christian gave a pretty in-depth response that covered a lot of my sentiments. If you have another draft, I could provide more feedback, but I generally don't give a review to the same story until more revisions have been made as I find myself repeating a lot of the same issues and sentiments. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:10, February 5, 2017 (UTC)

RE: I'm in a story!

I have no problem with it. As long as it's for fun, which is the case here, I'm all for it. MrDupin (talk) 12:45, February 21, 2017 (UTC)

Ugh, I'm slow at replies.
Of course you can have an extension. I would have liked to see drunk AO's ravings, but this is a close second.
Didn't know what time it was, The lights were lo-o-ow 01:30, February 23, 2017 (UTC)
Wow, looks like I was just as drunk. The extension goes until Monday the 27th. Good luck!
Didn't know what time it was, The lights were lo-o-ow 03:57, February 23, 2017 (UTC)

Re: Views and M4R

No problem about renaming the story, just message me or another admin and we'll be happy to rename it (as long as it's in proper title case and the name isn't already taken). That being said, I didn't leave a redirect behind as it would lock someone else out of that title so make sure you change any links you may have posted anywhere.

As for Venomous, you'll notice that Dupin reviewed it but didn't delete it, as did Jay (although I can't seem to find his review). I posted the story to the admin board for people to weigh in and got their opinions. We reached the conclusion that the story meets quality standards, but here's the thing, just asking if a story meets our standards really doesn't do much justice to the writer. Most people can spend time on a story and get it to pass our standards by correcting typos, grammatical, punctuation, plot errors, etc. The story does meet quality standards, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's an excellent story. Great stories take time and re-writes (lots and lots of re-writes).

Luckily you have had multiple people writing multiple paragraphs in the comments and on the writer's workshop explaining areas where the plot can be improved and areas where they enjoyed it. I would suggest looking over Dupin, Macmacdee, and other people's words to see how you can improve it in a way that you feel enhances the story. If you feel the story needs to be improved, then you have the tools to improve it in front of you. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:58, March 13, 2017 (UTC)

Re: Deletion Request

I deleted the stories as you requested and here are the final edited versions. Have a good one. Lemme know if there's anything else you need. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:19, June 20, 2017 (UTC)

I don't known if i even should diskuss something with you for I am really crazy 

Okay i don't know if i should pluck up a discution with you. For i am really crazy🙃 (User.sinistersister.]] 02:14, June 23, 2017 (UTC))

Hey there

Hey A_O,

How've you been? It's been a long time since I've seen you here, but that could be because I haven't really been here that often. Anyway, I remember that you deleted all your stories a while ago, and I'm wondering if you're coming back to this place.

Best,

JohnathanNash (talk) 03:37, October 2, 2017 (UTC)

Hey Helel! Guess what! This bitch is back at the wiki and making a shittier smell than ever!
In all seriousness, I’m fine, just haven’t gotten the chance with midterms and personal stuff, including a goal to get off social media, which included this and the deletion of my discord. I’m back, though.
Sorry I didnt judge the contest, last time Idid it didn’t go so well.
"I was living the dream... That is, until I woke up" 20:32, February 1, 2018 (UTC)

Feedback

Hey A_O,

I was wondering if you’d be able to give me some feedback on a story I published in the Ww. It’s titled Papa Legba, and it would be a huge help if you’d be willing to do that.

Thanks,

JohnathanNash (talk) 15:53, February 6, 2018 (UTC)

Yeah, that wouldn’t be fair. I was looking for people that I know on here and didn’t realize you were a judge. Well, at least I know that you’ll read me story when the contest is closed.

Best,

JohnathanNash (talk) 04:16, February 7, 2018 (UTC)


So, the story I've submitted to the contest wasn't the same that I posted in the WW. If you'd like to look at that now, it would be cool. I'm still thinking about posting it to the site.

Best,

JohnathanNash (talk) 19:49, February 28, 2018 (UTC)

Follow-up on Narration

Hello, Anarchic Operations!

This is in response to the message you left on my forums a few weeks ago.

I've read over your story "Weak", and I would be honored if you'd let me narrate it for part of one of my upcoming Halloween-themed videos. I'd of course let you know here as soon as it's posted!

Thank you in advance for your time, and a Happy October to you. :)

EDIT: The video is done and has been posted here ! Thank you so much for letting me narrate this story, and I really hope you enjoy it! :D

Yours,

SpiritVoices (talk) 16:01, October 16, 2018 (UTC)

Please Be Were-ful

Hey, I deleted Please be Careful per your request. Haven't seen you around here in a while? How's everything going? ChristianWallis (talk) 09:10, March 25, 2019 (UTC)

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