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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:39, July 2, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion

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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:42, July 2, 2015 (UTC)

A copy of your story

Hey there. I saw your message in Empy's page about not having a copy of what you write.

Here you go.

http://pastebin.com/wJ8ys7SG

--"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 23:26, July 2, 2015 (UTC)

Re:

Here is a copy of your story. Here is a guide about OC/CPCs as well and our quality standards.

Starting with the basics, look at your story's format. Each paragraph is one to two sentences. This really strips the story of descriptive elements and makes it appear rushed. (For reference, look at a novel and count sentences in paragraphs)

Grammar: it's= it is, its=possession. There=indicatory, their=possessive, they're=they are. "I know she's down their,"

Wording issues: "A normal teenager.", "But nothing changed.", "Nothing other than that.", etc. Broken sentences "Tha'ts what told me", "There was a quiet female voice wispering (whispering)", etc.

Punctuation errors: "ask(comma missing) "Rough night?",(comma not needed)" Spoken dialogue needs to be in quotations, not italics: "Damn, that one didn't put up a fight. said the male's voice.", "Do you remember how they were?", etc. ""Nightmares can destroy you(comma missing)" said the one painting."

A lot of the written messages come off as attempts at being edgy that really detract from the story: "Nightmares can destroy you", "That step is one more closer to Insanity.","No More Dreams, (capitalization issues)" "Her eyes... So changed." (ellipses are typically reserved for pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quote, using them as a dramatic pause often makes it come off as melodramatic.

Story issues: "She held a sword, sometimes scissors, or a knife." SO the protagonist frequently sees Rose with weapons at night and there are no concerns raised at all? The reference to slender man/proxy is also in violation of our spinoff rules: "The figure was tall, and wore black, too. It cast a long shadow, and I could hear a voice, mine but not mine, whispering in my ear to stay. My ears would ring and ring." Her transformation has no build up: "The black where the white should be. The red irises." and red eyes are on the Cliche list due to their overuse (typically in OC/CPC stories)

Speaking of other tropes to avoid, catch phrases like: "No More Dreams, Only Nightmares" (Improperly capitalized) also comes off as counter-intuitive. There are a lot more issues here, read the guides listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:36, July 2, 2015 (UTC)

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