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FinalutionGaming

aka Gideon

  • I was born on June 17
  • I am Male

Welcome

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:07, March 31, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion

Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.

Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.

Underscorre (talk) 12:23, March 31, 2015 (UTC)

Re:

I would suggest looking at this.

The Writer's workshop is also an invaluable tool. You can post there for feedback and get help with grammar/ideas before posting to the site and being subjected to our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:27, March 31, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion

Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.

Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.


EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:18, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

Talk Pages

Please don't remove other people's messages from talk pages. It's vandalism, and if it happens again I will have to block you.

With regards to your story, I will take a look through it as soon as possible. I'm pretty busy right now, so that might not be for a while.

« UnderScorre » 14:39, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

See this edit. You did remove his message. « UnderScorre » 15:20, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
Yeah, I had to remove it to restore Dupin's message. « UnderScorre » 15:23, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

Don't worry about it

When I first joined I did much worse than that, I almost deleted an admin't talk page by accident. Whoops.

But anyway, we all make mistakes, don't worry about it. MrDupin (talk) 15:32, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

Sorry

I'm afraid I don't have the time to be active on two wikis. Sorry, I will have to pass. Good luck though. MrDupin (talk) 17:59, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

Hehe, I'm not an admin. Admins have fancy orange/red names. I'm stuck with grey. sniff MrDupin (talk) 18:47, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Story

It's not 'bs', your story was deleted as it was not up to quality standards. A lot of the issues I am about to point out were apparent the first read-through. I suggest you put these corrections into effect where you posted it.

Capitalization errors: "They Say (say) that more..." Punctuation errors: commas missing where a pause in flow is needed. "She was my crush,(;) in high school we hooked up (, / and) we've been together for 17 years until she left me for someone else.", ""No Gideon(,) don't do this!", "You will find someone else(,) I know you will!", "Chloe started to tear up(,) "That's not...", "crying(,) "Gideon(,) y-you will find someone else... I LOVE YOU!", etc.. Extraneous apostrophes/single quotations "I' can't take it anymore!" "Chloe hugged me tighter(period missing) My eyes widened(, / with) tears forming in them(,) "Wh-What?"

Wording issues: "I laughed at that science proved (scientifically proven) fact saying(,) "My marriage...", ""You will find someone else." They were all lies (liars), every word they spoke.", "All those images than (then) one day... ", "I laughed in both insaneness and sadness..." (Awkward phrasing) "I was invited to the wedding by my ex-wife, I laughed at the invitation, ripped it up and threw it away because I didn't want to be there to see the wedding, to see my wife marry another man. " (run-on sentence) "Remember something for all of you reading this." (awkward phrasing)

Story issues: is the protagonist narrating this to the reader. It would explain the stammering ("I s-started to fall into a(an) endless spiral of depression.") and the 15+ ellipses (although still excessive), but where are the quotations to indicate the protagonist is talking and it would also mean that everyone else's dialogue would need to be in single quotations. If you meant the story to be told in a non-verbal narrative, the stammering and ellipses use seem out of place. (Ellipses are used to indicate a pause in dialogue or omission of words from a quote. Using it as a 'dramatic pause' ends up being a bit melodramatic, especially when commas and periods serve the same purpose.)

Story issues cont.: Where does Chloe come from? There is no mention of her before his attempted suicide so it makes her sudden appearance come off as contrived / Deus (Chloe) ex machina. She should be mentioned a little before the rooftop scene to establish her character. The overall story feels rushed and the numerous issues highlighted above explains why it was deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:13, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

"oh ok professor empty (sic) should I also sit in your ela class for an hour too?" If you're intent on sharing your story with others and having people enjoy them I don't see why you wouldn't want to sit down and give it your all and try to make the story as good as it can possibly be so they get the best experience out of it, but that's just me I guess. Best of luck with your wiki. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:52, April 17, 2015 (UTC)
I can be quite persuasive when I am not being a smartass. On a side note, I took a look at your wiki and noticed you are also posting other stories, I would recommend you cite the author (when possible) just to prevent confusion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:05, April 17, 2015 (UTC)
No, I meant more on stories that clearly state at the beginning or end who the author is (or it is commonly known). For example, if you posted 1999 there, you'd want to cite Giant engineer as he is the author and has stated that fact and updated his story. (I'm heading off to work, so any questions you may have might take some time for me to respond.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:19, April 17, 2015 (UTC)

Hello! I saw your logo for Channel Zero. I wrote that story. Thanks for your contribution. :)

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