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Warning! Unfinished Page
Please don't contribute unfinished pages. We get a lot of these, and almost none of them are EVER finished in a timely manner. Your unfinished page has been deleted. I'd suggest you post unfinished pages on your own computer in a notepad or other text document, or if it isn't your own computer that you're using, to save the text onso you can access it later. Posting an unfinished page again will result in a block.
You can add the warning screen by simply adding the NSFW category to your story. The list of categories is in the above message under the "genre listing" link Empy left you. On another note, if you want to change the title of one of your stories in the future, just send an admin or rollback a message rather than create a new article so no one ends up having to make the same edits a second time and whatnot. Have a good one.
Please don't re-upload your deleted story. It is against the rules. If you feel your story is well-written or meets the Quality Standards, make a case on deletion appeal or post it into our Writer's Workshop for comprehensive user review. If you re-upload a deleted pasta again, you will receive a 1-day suspension from editing.
- If you look at the message I left on your talk page, it also mentions the fact that this is the first part in a series and it really isn't a standalone story. This feels more like an introduction to a series rather than a complete story. As per the site rules we no longer accept unfinished stories/stories told in installments that don't have a set resolution at each chapter as they are never finished in a timely manner (see: "The Elder Gods", the story you uploaded and 1999, the dozen other series that are unfinished on this wiki and likely won't ever be completed, etc. for an explanation of why we no longer allow this). Complete the series and upload it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:14, June 25, 2016 (UTC)
You have added categories to a page that cannot be added together. Please read the Genre Listing page or the categories rules for more information. The first offense for this OR creating new categories (i.e. adding categories not listed on the Genre Listing) is a warning, but the second time will result in a 1 (one) day block as per the category rules.
Noticed you mentioned you have been looking for Wolf pastas. Recommend you check out Humboldt's The Gym Teacher which is also tied into his story A Noel in Black (although that second story only has a werewolf as one component of a wonderfully bizarre total work).
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To die for
So I just read Strawberry Syrup is to Die For, and I have to say it's not as polished as the other story you have on the site. I didn't want to leave that in the messages, because that would be a little bit of a dick thing to do. But the grammar is off, you use half quotes (') when it should be full quotes (") and there were some places where it looked like you were missing some words. Anyway, just wanted to bring that to your attention.
Overall, from what I've seen from you, you have a great idea of what is needed when writing and how to get the point across. The story was good, but just wanted to point those things out.
Anyway, hope you're doing well and look forward to reading some of your other stories.
So, when I wrote that last night, I was pretty tired, but I still feel that I made some valid points. However, I did also learn that in the UK and a couple other places, half quotes are common. I was under the impression that you were from the states, don't know why, but I was, where full quotes are commonplace. Didn't know that before, so thank you for pulling that to my attention. That was me trying to be helpful, and reading your other story, I thought that I've seen some other quotes where you used full quotes, so I found it a little odd. I went back and looked at both stories again, and didn't see the full quotes, lack of sleep is a killer.
Anyway, let me go into detail about some of the other things that I was talking about.
You switch between an ellipsis and a dash to show that the person talking either stopped or was cut off. Either would work the same way, not really sure why you decided to to
"I turned at walked out the door to my car. " Assuming that "at" is supposed to be "and".
"Koko was strange—had always been strange (there was her sister…total psycho…she liked that strawberry syrup, too)," should be a dash, not a comma.
"Landlord probably had another of his schizophrenic complaints." The wording in the sentence is a little strange. It would sound a little better if you replaced "had" with "with". It sounds more like a tenant was complaining, rather than the landlord, unless that is what you were going for, than I would add "gotten" after "had" and remove the "his". The way it is just doesn't go with the flow of the story.
"Damn it; she had already done this before." You can lose the "already" in this sentence.
"‘N-no, she said after a moment. She bit her lip as her face flushed in the dim light of my apartment." Missing the closing quotation.
"God, dang!" Guy was cursing like a sailor before, but now he can't say damn?
"My mind found answers to the desperate questions long-entertained. The mystery now known," a tad redundant, don't you think? Although it's clear what you are going for her, it's basically saying the same thing one right after another. I understand that you are trying to beat that point home, but do you really have to?
"The rest was dream." Should most likely be "a dream".
"There was no high about which I’d read, no shrooms on planet earth that could equal the dizzy, surreal passions we shared." Only read about drugs, but knows all about shrooms.
"Everything was paradox" I'm on the fence about this one. It seems like it should be "a paradox", but I could be wrong. Only reason why I'm adding this is because I let another one from earlier slip by.
"I did not see her position her mouth against my neck." Would be kind of hard to see this anytime.
"Sticky red spurted." Where's the noun?
"I tasted my own blood that trickled down my jaw, neck, and shoulder." Lapping it off the neck and shoulder, huh?
"Koko paused from her gorging long enough to smile a crimson-stained grin and say," did she say tense swap? I bet she said tense swap.
Okay, so normally I wouldn't be that brutal in a review of anything. But you got under my skin with the reply you have given me, along with the replies you give everyone that says anything slightly negative about your work. Again, I am posting this here out of respect to you as a person, writer, and fellow human being. But from what I've seen from you it had made me loose some of that respect. Mostly, and I wasn't going to be this cynical at all, because of the latest thing you posted on someone's blog asking for help. There are more problems in this story, some of which are personal preference things, as are some of the ones above, but I think I've made my point.
I know that you are either going to come at me with a rage fueled comment, or attack some of my stories. Go ahead. I really don't care what you think about any of the stories I've written, because I know there are some serous problems with most of them. See, this site is not for people who are professional writers, it's for people who want to become professional writers and people who want to help others do so. It is a community of people who normally ask for help and get it to better their own writing. As you can see, if you hit that random pasta button at the top of the screen, most of the people here don't know how to write well. So that comment you left on someone's blog was uncalled for.
Signed my name at the last response, just so it's easier for you to know where this new response starts. That being said, I agree with a lot of what you've said. Yes, some people need to be told harsh truths, and yes, it is none of my business how you conduct yourself online. But at the same time, I don't really like to see someone, just ripping into people who are defenseless. Let's face it man, being harsh to people on this site is like fighting a blind person.
That being said, I can also see where you are coming from, and I enjoy a harsh response to my stories. Granted, I don't think I would like them to be left in the comments of something that I've published, I would much rather have it in private, but I do understand that way of thinking. I've given enough harsh review myself. And, I think it was because it was in a post of someone asking for help, that kind of response rubbed me the wrong way.
Yes, writing is the best way to get over things. Yes, I was pretty jaded when I went back and found things, which for some reason got me even more angry, so I could have pulled some things out my ass. I'll admit that.
I won't get into a grammar war with you, because there's no point. I don't even really want to get into any kind of war with you, although, sometimes trolling people is fun.
Truthfully, there aren't very many good writers on this site. Yes, when people ask for ideas on what to write, or bitch about their story getting deleted, well fuck them. To me, those people all walk around with a target on their backs. I don't know how much you've read on this site, maybe more than I have (I truthfully don't read very much on this site. I have a tendency to get mad at the stories I read here, and I read for enjoyment, so I don't really enjoy them that much). But these guys are mostly kids in high-school.
As for the quotation thing, I'm pretty sure I've admitted I was wrong with that. And I also fairly sure I mentioned some of the things I pointed out were opinion. If not, I should have. I was going back and forth with another paragraph, but deleted it, didn't want to be too big of an ass.
By all means, you do have the right to speak to anyone, any way you feel. I support that all the way. But, when you are posting on a public forum, and someone wants to talk about something you posted, yes, it's no longer private. If you messaged that guy privately, I wouldn't have ever noticed, and I wouldn't have cared. But it's public, and I get a notification anytime anyone posts something on something I've posted on. Most of the time, I don't even bother, but because I've had a back and forth on that one, I checked it out.
I'm glad to see that my prediction wasn't true. I'm glad that you aren't as petty as I thought you were, so that restores faith in people you meet over the internet. I know a good number of people who are on sites like this that would have a vendetta for anyone who called them out on the slightest of bullshit.
Anyway, if you want to keep this up, I'll get back to you tomorrow. If you want to drop it and not talk any more, well, that'll be it. If you want to just shoot the shit (have a feeling that one is the least likely, but you could surprise me, you already have) then I'll get back to you tomorrow. Regardless, talking to you about that shit, has given me a better understanding why you responded the way you did, and I can understand that. I may not respect it, but I don't have to. Regardless, hope you have a good night.
A strange sense of humor
I'll admit that I do have a bit of a strange sense of humor. That last message was more just trying to calm the waters than anything else. As for the grammar war, the main reason I won't get into that is a couple of reasons, but the main one would be that grammar, like much of writing, can be done different ways. A lot of it comes down to preference. Certain things, can, and are, used when something else could just as easily be used and it is still grammatically correct. In the same time, you do have to have an understanding of grammar to make that work, which I do believe that both of us have.
As for the admission of my own harshness, that normally comes when someone is asking for ideas of what to write. I don't really understand how someone who wants to become a writer can't even come up with any ideas of their own. Why would someone give another person an idea they would like to see in a story when they would just write it themselves? For some reason, that rubs me the wrong way; most likely because I spend a good amount of time figuring out what I want to write about, and seeing someone else just coming in and asking for ideas shows how lazy they are.
Maybe saying that reading these stories gets me mad isn't the best way to put it. Upset or disappointed would have been a better word to use, and not upset in a way that I can enjoy from reading. It seems that so many of the stories here end the same way: First person narrative kills off the writer as they are writing, ellipsis used as commas and periods, and the same cut and paste plots used over and over again. After reading so many of those in one sitting, it gets tiresome.
If I do see a story, at least one that I do feel like it has potential, I'll reach out to the author if they signed the story. But, because I don't read very many stories here, I don't do that all too often. Mostly, I just read stories that people ask me to review their stories, or in the WW.
Think I got to all of your questions, I may have missed some. But there is something that would be helpful when you're talking to someone: the subject line in the top right will separate your message from the one above it. It would help the person to see that it's a new message. Just something that you may be interested in.
Thanks for signing your comment this time, it makes it a lot easier for me to respond. There are times when I forget about this site for a month or so, when when I come back, if I have any new messages, it's easier to get back to the person when they have their signature there.
Hello my friend, I hope all is well. I have just posted a new story and was hoping to get your input. It is my attempt to reflect the storytelling like that of the old fairy tales before they got recycled and watered down. I have taken your previous comments to heart and put quite a bit of effort in attaining a higher level of writing. There are no bells or whistles. No flashy pictures. Just my words. I really hope you enjoy this one. --KillaHawke1 09:28, December 4, 2016 (UTC) http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Squire_and_the_Black_Scroll
I have a question for you, and if you are interested I would really appreciate it. I have rough draft of a story that I'm not sure if I should iron it out or not. I know there are errors, but I'm not sure if it's worth fixing up or not. The reason I don't want to post it here is because I'm going to get it published for a legit mag. However, I need someone who will be honest, and you don't shy away from tell it how it is on a story. It also contains something that I can't seem to pull off very well, monsters. I tried to be vague about it, but I don't know if it's going to work on not.
So, if you are interested, let me know. I can either give you my email, if you don't want yours published for everyone to see. Or if you want to give me yours we could do it that. Of course, if you don't want to, that's understandable, and neither of us would have to give out our emails.
Let me know what you think.
I have a tendency to shoot for the stars and go for Nightmare and Clarksworld first. After that, I'll look around and see if there is anywhere else that may be interested. If you can send me an email at email@example.com I'll be able to send you a copy.
Please try to refrain in the future from commenting on blogs where no one commented in over a month.