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Spirited Competition Continued
That's kind of a problem for me because I don't talk or interact with people much; I've got social anxiety (can't really talk much beyond "hi" and "bye", when I do talk it is very much forced and tends not to make sense). I try to write how I think people interact. I could pay more attention to how people talk in movies or something though.
My biggest problem when it comes to describing things isn't a lack of imagination, but rather sentence structure. I always worry that my sentences don't make any sense, especially when I start throwing in a lot of description and adjectives. I always worry that my placement is wrong. I'll take a look at Lovecraft and see how he structured his sentences in regards to describing things and try to emulate it. Thank you so much for the advice, it is appreciated :) I'm going to go read your story and leave some feedback now! Buckle up! I'm going to be popular 20:31, June 22, 2016 (UTC)
- I'll look into that series, thank you!
- I view speech to be very important, not all characters need it to express personality, but I feel like some do. Haha, that'd drive me crazy too. Buckle up! I'm going to be popular 02:51, June 23, 2016 (UTC)
Hey Johnathan, I noticed something in your story Blobster. I think there's an error in the line "The drops that landed on Johnny burned into his skin, froze his cloths and gave him an idea" because of the "cloths" part. I think you meant to put "clothes" instead. I didn't change it in case it was intentional, just wanted to bring it to your attention in case it wasn't. Sorry if I'm mistaken. "Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!" 04:25, June 28, 2016 (UTC)
- Oh I apologize, I was just glancing at the recent revision you had made on the story when I noticed the "cloths" part. I'm currently making a rollback application which will be posted in a day or so, after I do that I will definitely give your story a read and let you know what I think. Looks like you got some good praise already, so I look forward to the read. "Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!" 05:01, June 28, 2016 (UTC)
Hello again John, firstly I have to thank you for your Support vote on my rollback application. So... thanks! It is much appreciated.
I'm very sorry that I haven't gotten to Blobster yet, I've been a bit busy. I haven't forgotten about you. Once the 4th of July festivities and merriments die down, I will make it a point to sit my transvestite ass down and give you a proper review. Happy Fourth. "Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!" 17:40, July 3, 2016 (UTC)
RE: MrD to the rescue
No problem. There were a couple of grammatical errors, but I think I got most them. By the way, there is this sentence:
"but everyone wasn’t able to her over the din from the recent events" - I think there's a verb missing before 'her'.
Re: Hey There,
thanks for the heads up, but that was intentional. The character's a trans woman so you could consider it a play on words (she went from Tony to Toni).
- That'd be great, thanks. I really like your writing and I'd love to know what you think!
Important update regarding Tiololo
Hi JohnathanNash, I know you're waiting for news about Lucas, so please check the blog for the latest update. Thanks.
RE: Spirit Bottles
I'd be happy to give a review as soon as I am finished reviewing these contest submissions. I should get to it within the next couple of days. Apologies in advance for the delay.
Is this thing on? I'm not sure. Am I replying/posting in the right place?
I could have a go, yeah. Also I apologise if the brutal honesty came about too brutal. I try to drive home the problem with things while also driving the good. Hopefully it was understood that I really do think that Op. Stringray could be a really, really, really good story. It just needs some love.
Thanks. I've bookmarked your stories and you might find a comment on them out of nowhere, suddenly, sometime.
Based on some of your profile info I'm actually kinda expecting some pretty good stuff.
Thanks for seeing value in my shitty keyboard headbutting
Hey, I got around to reading both of your stories and I've thought about them for awhile.
This may sound rude but It would take me quite some time to go over all the little things that I think would improve them as they are, but I felt overall they were a little generic and contained a lot of (using a potentially terrible choice of word here) "unrealistic" circumstances. That is to say, i found it hard to believe the non-supernatural elements of the situation in question could believably occur in reality for one reason or another.
I'd be willing to go into that in more detail but I wanted to ask you if English your first language? Your writing is by no means awful, but I speak to a lot of people who write "good" english who did not learn it as their first language, some some things in your writing gave me the feeling it may not be yours. It makes them understandable, but for the purpose of literature it makes it a little bit jarring when it's not intended to be, say, a first hand account.
I would like to highlight some of the things I really did like about both stories, though.
First of all, the image of the bottles hanging from trees in Spirit Bottles is a really appealing thing to imagine. It's a surreal and appealing image that would be particularly fascinating to unexpectedly discover.
I also enjoyed the play on the protagonist in Voice Messages- how he is supposed to be treating people but is more-or-less making them worse, intentionally to satisfy his own curiosity.
I feel both stories would work better from a different perspective however, an example would be that Voice Messages would be more unnerving if you were to read it from the perspective of the wife, reading her husbands patient journals. Removing the silver specks in eyes and whatnot in favour of it just being an extremely unnerving account of a woman learning that her husband is actually abusing his relationship with patients to test the extremes of their psychosis etc.
You would obviously need to think it through and consider what kind of practice would manage to maintain itself if the majority of the patients went on to murder people, commit suicide and so on, but I'm sure there's a reasonable way to turn this man's profession as a helper of the sick into a sickener of the mildly disturbed.
I had a lot of thoughts reading both and I'm sorry to report that, as they are, I didn't think they were very good. But I was excited by the possibilities they hold and what the ideas might become if given more intricate attention.
Sorry If this isn't much help, I could try to go through some specifics if you'd like, but I don't want to act the professional. I've not even submitted my own work to this site, or any other, or anywhere - really. I'm just very analytical about things.
If you enjoy writing I would urge you not to give up, keep trying, keep getting feedback, keep destroying and rebuilding until you create the truly magnificent thing I'm positive you're capable of.
I can give it a go. It might take awhile for me to get around to it, though. I'm not a terribly busy person (that is to say I don't have "you must do this right now" obligations) but I am an immensely awkward one.
My biggest piece of advice in the meantime is to look at some of the chapters of published works you enjoyed and pay attention to how they're written, compare it to your own and ask what you do that you like more and what you don't do that maybe your writing would benefit from.
When I started writing anything at all I more or less shit out nonsense that sounded nice, and I've tried to make my not nonsense sound as appealing, while not being about absolutely nothing. Some of that came from reading weird stuff I liked on the internet and a few books I enjoyed. (I actually don't read books that much, but If I pick one up that gets me it doesn't go back down until it's done.)
Anyway, will see what I can do for nitpicking and criticizing every little thing. You seem dedicated to writing and getting it to as high a standard as you can. That's cool and it's cool that I might be of some help :3
Ha, just a bit of fast-editing practice I guess. Also, I noticed that in the story you had both "Gods" and "Demon/Devils" as categories. The category rules dictate that you can only have one of those at a time; same goes for "Ghosts", "Monsters", "Cryptids", and "Beings". So you'll have to remove either "Gods" or "Demon/Devils" from your story, so pick the one that fits best. Just to let you know.
- I know what you mean about editing your own work, for me it's straining in my chair, squinting my eyes on a certain sentence and whisper-reading it to myself 4-5 times in a row until I'm convinced it's correct. So yeah, big pain in the ass.
- Best of luck in the contest.
- "Girls will run around in your head, till you wished you liked boys instead!" 06:20, September 18, 2016 (UTC)
- OK good. I would love to give another review once you've reworked the story. Also, when you want to delete, you can message me and I'll take care of it. MrDupin (talk) 15:17, September 26, 2016 (UTC)
Hey, so the submissions for the contest have been closed and we're ready to begin voting. Feel free to leave a comment in the thread or on my talk page with your vote for the costume contest. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:43, November 1, 2016 (UTC)
Thanks for helping me in the Creepypasta Wiki Costume Contest by being a judge and mediating on the thread and keeping the conversation going. Here is a page where you can view the entries and the list of judges. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:00, November 6, 2016 (UTC)
Read Jenna recently and added a category to it as well as correcting a minor typo (lover->love). It was an interesting read and I liked the description of the heroin kicking in ("As soon as she depressed the plunger her jaw slackened and she felt the warmth rush through her veins.") as it feels true to the nature of the drug (as well as opiates in general). One quick thing though, this line: "Tom ran from the bathroom, cradling his dead daughter, his sobs echoing off the tiles walls." I'm not sure if you meant tiles to be possessive or singular there or if I'm overlooking something this late at night. I just thought I might point it out in case it was something that was overlooked. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:58, November 7, 2016 (UTC)
Re: Good Day Good Sir
Hey I hope you don't mind but I'd like to post my review here because it feels a bit long for a comment.
Errors: He ran her in the cramped stall [only error I noticed was by here] and struggled with the bundle that was in her lap.
Hey sorry it took me a while to get to this. I’ve been trying to wrap up some of my own writing while balancing a never-ending stream of exams and work. Still, I really enjoyed this. I like its streamlined nature and I liked that it delivered on a weird kind of gore. Maybe it’s just me but I hate hypodermic needles and the way you describe the warmth rushing through her body, or the way she picked at her knee or bit her lip; it raised the tension. It made me feel uncomfortable. I was waiting at any moment for this to turn full body horror as she peeled her own face off, or something to that effect, but I didn’t feel cheated when the story took a different direction instead and was pleasantly surprised.
Saying that I thought the reveal could have been a bit more… I don’t know. It’s hard to say but you go from ‘the bundle’ to ‘Jill’ in one sentence and it meant that there was a momentary delay while my brain went through the various names and remembered that Jill was the infant daughter. It hurts the flow ever so slightly and for such a compact story the harm is greater than it would be in a longer piece of prose. And when you go on to reiterate that Jill had her daughter with her in a direct statement it felt too late, and the effect was one of redundancy (I’d already had to put that together from the previous clause or two). It’s a critical moment and I felt like it was… frictionless. Maybe it’s the way ‘tears streamed down his face’, or the way he ‘repeatedly moved his ear from her chest to her face’ but I didn’t feel a sense of urgency. I mean, it’s there in the sense that it’s described. But I don’t feel like the words convey a brutal frustration; if anything, it feels kind of effortless. The only emotive words I can find in the passage are “struggled, streamed & repeatedly,” which don’t really paint that much of an image.
Going on from that though the ending was really good (specifically, “Jenna tried to get up, but nodded off once more.”), and it communicated the tragedy extremely well. It works on a lot of levels and hammers home the sad idea that at some point the poor girl is going to have to wake up. I think it’s because of its simplicity that it works so well. While Tom is busy having a nervous breakdown Jenna is off in some other realm where nothing matters. The contrast is startling, and weird, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Part of me hated Jenna, part of me genuinely pitied her. But the language in this section just works; it almost feels casual like the way I might describe a lazy afternoon nap. I cannot emphasise enough how much I liked this last little line and the story as a whole. ChristianWallis (talk) 17:29, November 9, 2016 (UTC)
I'm doing well, thanks. How are you? Sure, I'll read your newest story.
TenebrousTorrent 04:06, November 10, 2016 (UTC)
Your profile description has a typo: It says "I live in in..."
TenebrousTorrent 04:12, November 10, 2016 (UTC)
Old Forum Threads
Please refrain from adding posts to threads that are more than a month hold, as you did here.
TenebrousTorrent 04:40, November 10, 2016 (UTC)
- Not sure, seems about the same I guess.
- TenebrousTorrent 04:46, November 10, 2016 (UTC)
Sure thing, I'll leave a comment underneath your story.
Re: Rose tints my world
Hey there boss, real sorry for the delayed response (been dealing with post-election bedlam, among other things). I'll definitely give you some feedback on that story in a day or so.
RE: Review Request
Done. Thankyou for bringing this story to my attention but sadly I cannot thank you for the tears I nearly shed whilst reading it. If you need any more stories reviewed, please let me know. Your short stories are as always, excellent.
Everyone is a monster to someone. 13:51, November 17, 2016 (UTC)
Thanks for your interest, Johnathan. Christian recently asked about doing a contest for December or January, so his will come first (here's his request for reference - New Year Competition). Before his is over, just give us a general rundown of what your contest will consist of (judges, theme, time limit, prizes, scoring, etc), and message one of us about it. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. Have a good one.
- Hey, I'd be interested in co-running a competition with you Johnathon. It'd save there being two close together and it would mean there's two judges to split/average the reviewing. Let me know if you'd interested in a merger ChristianWallis (talk) 14:19, November 19, 2016 (UTC)
- Awesome. I hadn't yet thought of anything specifc but I was thinking of something similar to what you described where we provide each of the contestants with a prompt. Did you have any other ideas about the 'theme' of these prompts? So Shawn's had cliches but I hadn't thought of an equivalent ChristianWallis (talk) 14:56, November 19, 2016 (UTC)
Re:quired allotment of saltiness
I need to get my daily salt intake one way or the other. Unfortunately I'm still a bit too attuned to creepypasta stories and can still spot ones that have been over-told (seriously, there's like four dozen Deep Web experience stories circulating around and half a dozen popular narration channels reading them.)
As for me coming back as an admin, nothing is set in stone. I want to get my life together (and I am set to go back to college get a few necessary courses) before I come to any decisions. Additionally if I do decide to return as an ad-mean, I would want to check around with the group and see if my return to power would be an accepted one or a violent coup (slipped right back into that Emp-tler mindset) before I rush into it. I want what's best for the site and if I can find some stability in the future, I may consider a return to an (Idi) a(d)min position. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:11, November 22, 2016 (UTC)
- I see what you're saying, I have to distance myself from Hitler as much as I can in order to be seen as a viable candidate. Hitler hated Pepe the Frog (oddly enough, he hated most memes... or was that genes?), start working on a train-based system of transportation (he was more of a toboggan kind of guy), and rock the Charlie Chaplin mustache (no reason for that, I just feel like that mustache should come back in fashion any moment now). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:57, November 24, 2016 (UTC)
Sorry for the late reply- Wikia has stopped notifying me to talk page edits.
You can contact me at the email Goldengear.com@Gmail.com.
Hey, I'm up for either of those ideas. I think the holiday one could be pretty cool. We could offer prompts like "coal in the stocking" or "santa comes down the chimney" which could offer some interesting ideas. What do you think? ChristianWallis (talk) 15:11, November 26, 2016 (UTC)
- I don't really know which would be better. Maybe we could come up with a list of prompts somehow (maybe by email/google docs/etc.) and then we can go from there? ChristianWallis (talk) 11:07, November 28, 2016 (UTC)
- Jesus fucking Christ I'm in awe of this bullshit below me. It's positively mind-boggling. Kudos to you for deciding to address some of this guy's self-satisfied bullshit. And yes, I would appreciate you setting up the google doc since I'm a bit swamped today. I've got some stupid "voluntary non-graded exam" at university which I was just informed constitutes %10 of my grade (which I'm positive means it isn't voluntary). It'll cost me a few hours but I should be around in a bit ChristianWallis (talk) 15:09, November 30, 2016 (UTC)
- Hey, I just went ahead and set one up and invited you to it. I thought I'd just get the ball rolling but there's no rush. I've mainly got them as christmas themed but if it's just meant to be about winter then I'll update it tomorrow. Like I said I just thought I'd get the ball rolling ChristianWallis (talk) 17:29, November 30, 2016 (UTC)
I appreciate the private message, but I find your critique rather nondescript. "Grammar off?" It always makes me laugh when people offer up vague statements like this. What is my takeaway supposed to be? How is this supposed to help me? If there is indeed a specific problem(s) why use indirect language?
It is not a grammar "issue" to use half-quotes for dialog; many publishing companies prefer to use single quotation marks for dialog. You might not be aware of this, and it is indeed uncommon, but does not constitute a grammar issue, merely a decision on the part of the author. In creative English, should rarely applies.
Missing words--where? If you cannot provide examples, I cannot lend crednece to your critique. I hope you realize that what you might be mistaking for missing words is part of the style of the story...again, I cannot be sure, because you have no provided any examples.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't think I stopped laughing at your two final paragraphs for at least ten minutes!
To disprove your prediction, this response is not going to be some hate-filled reply! Far from it!
I shall address what you said in chronological order.
First: though I can understand where you might feel you made valid points in your first comment, remember: specificity implies help, vaguery implies opinion. I understand fatigue though, and am glad you replied back.
I am grateful for your comments about my work, and am actually surprised you thought I was American! I do live in the US, moved to get my degree, but am from GB. Though writing and publishing here, one cannot use GB spellings, and that was hammered out of me in school.
About the quotes: the real issue you're driving at is consistency, viz., did doubles in one story, singles in the other. Inconsistency almost never implies error; rather, preference. I can understand it's a bit visually jarring, but the actual reason for the one story having single quotation marks is...I wrote the story in one draft in about an hour, and when I write first/second drafts, I hate pressing the shift key that much for dialog. Once I finished editing Syrup, I just decided not to go back and double all the single quotation marks.
When I alternate between ellipses and dashes, I do so because each has a separate purpose. Grammatically, the m-dash implies an interruption in thought, viz., either a clause interrupts the original thought, or a character verbally interrupts. The ellipsis, however, is a certain kind of pause, viz., the thought continues but is stretched in time. You will note that I deploy these two punctuations according to these parameters. Again, I can undersand where my use seems inconsistent...until you understand that the m-dash and ellipsis are not the same.
Yes: at is a typo, "and" was implied. Not really an issue! But I understand you think you're taking me on for sake of the creepypasta.wikia community at large, so I'll humor you xD
The use of "had" is correct. "With" implies a different kind of issue entirely. My usage is correct, I just clipped the article from the sentence, viz., "The landlord."
The difference between the use of "damn" and "dang" is explained by the difference between narrative and dialog. It is understood that narrative is the professional telling of the story; dialog also tells the story, but from a voiced perspective, and this includes colloquial bastardization of language. It should come as no surprise to you, then, that Darek spells "damn" in the narrative but says "dang" in the story. Bottom line: people speak with slang! Also, "dang," being a derrivative of "damn" in no way suggests that Darek suddenly cannot curse! Haha! What some people read into one's writing! Also: Darek was not "cursing like a sailor" as you say, rather just cursing. The kind of language you imply is not in the story. You may have gotten that inference...but I am not sure how with damns and dangs, haha.
Yes; the sex scene is very redundant! Purposely! There are certain human experiences about which we are deliberately redundant, not because we wish to needlessly repeat sentiments, but because we like expounding in different ways about the same thing. It's part of human expression. If you excise this detailed part of humanity, you turn the writing into something quite inhuman. So, in short, yes: humans are redundant. Why should we cut it out of the writing all the time? It makes for balanced writing yes--and unreal too.
"Sticky red spurted." The noun is ALREADY THERE. Red stands in for blood, or are you a blind reader, lol!
Now, to the real matter at hand:
Bottom line is, you perceive me as harsh. I am, to a degree. If we must get into a debate about who got under whose skin first, you got under mine when you stated all kinds of things were wrong with my story, and then failed to list a single one. As I said earlier: specificity implies help whereas vaguery implies opinion. And if the hour was late, I personally would have waited to post salient comments when I had the time. There is nothing worse then baiting someone with a critique...and then failing to actually give one. In this regard, I must say you haven't failed to deliver and I appreciate it.
Concerning the responses I give to people on this site: they are none of your damn business. You don't have to like the cynical way I am, but like or no, I reserve the right to respond to others as I see fit. Not that you care, but I've been a part of some big writing groups. I am a published author. I have seen it all--and a lot of it is pure shite. I am very tired of wankers in writing: people who are whiners, those who tell half-truths, those who spend more time dissecting writer's block then getting down to the actual business of writing, those who bash this site and their stories getting deleted, etc. ad infinitum. Most people are lazy and though they might request help, they don't really want it. Actually, it is more helpful sometimes tell the tough things then to coddle someone. As I've observed on most writing websites, too many people err on the side of giving needless advice instead of real-world answers. Some of those real-world answers are not kind; nor should they be. Some of the blogs on which I've seen fit to comment, those people needed to hear tough talk, needed to be told to grow up. Quit whining. Go write. We've all be treated badly, all had our writing rolled up and proverbially thrown. Manning up and facing these issues is the biggest step forward anyone can take. Coddlig, by comparison, shields good writers from the reality of the writing world.
So in this sense, I actually care about other writers a great deal. Caring in a different, sterner manner does not mean a lack of care, merely a difference.
But in all this, the bottom line is: while you may not perfer the manner in which I conduct myself online, it is none of your business.
In closing: what you said about this site is true! It is a place for those who want to become writers! And sometimes, the best way to help people reach those goals isn't to coddle them. We may agree to disagree on this point.
And no, I am not going to head over to your stories and start bashing them. That is unnecessary and foolish, and however cynical you may think I am, one thing you should know: I take issue with people and their behaviors, not their writing. In most cases, people's writing merely is a reflection of who they are inside; hence, confronting the writing is irrelevant, rather talking to the person about the real issue is.
I consider this discussion successful, productive, and clarifying. I am glad to know how you think, and have been glad to share some of my views. I thank you again for taking the time to respond. As someone who has little extra time for forum chat and blog-type posting, I understand the time people take to respond, even if it is to try and correct me. Cheers!
Firstly, I want to let you let you know that my innate pride is greatly boosted by someone addressing me with a capital D, for reasons that may or may not relate to my genital.
Secondly, it was partly because I have the habit of searching through recent edits in the hopes of finding something entertaining, also known as stalking, but mostly because of my interest in the upcoming December contest that determined me to follow the exchange between you and Christian. Hope you don't feel like I invaded your privacy, that wasn't my intention.
Ha Ha! That's certainly what I wanted to hear. I can assure you, your exchange was really entertaining and I can perfectly understand what you mean.
Still I am not very sure wheter I'm going to participate or just follow the contest, but either way it will be awesome. Good luck to you with the organisation. Cheers.
LOL...if one person (myself) could simultaneously threaten to unseat and then reestablish your faith in humanity, then I must question the solidarity of your faith in the first place.
The reason you won't get into a grammar war with me is the same reason I won't get into a telecommunications war with you: expertise and understanding.
Your hypotheticals truly leave me laughing on the floor. Will-I-won't-I-respond-with-this-or-that...ugh, it's so pointless! Rather than trying to predict what I will say, why not just talk lol? Either you are very arrogant about your abilities to preempt my actions, or have a very strange sense of humor.
So: you've admitted that you give harsh critiques if someone's plea rubs you the wrong way. Then, logically, I must question your motive for attempting to confront me in the first place, because you've just voided it. The only answers I can come up with are either a reflexive hypocrisy or lack of parallel foresight on similar social responses to writing.
I'm curious: why do some stories make you mad? Stories almost never make me mad; rather, people do. The issue is almost never with the writing; and when it is, it still concerns the person who wrote it. Confront/solve personal issues, the writing will usually improve.
Isn't reading for pleasure and getting upset with stories ironic (or some kind of logical conundrum)? Might just be a genre issue though, you haven't said if you prefer horror or something else.
Hey, Johnathan. I wanted to tell you, do you know that you've been plagiarised?
Shouldn't thank me. To find out something like that and not tell you would make me feel ashamed as a writer (even as an amateur). You should do wathever you decide to do to him, that piece of shit deserves his ass sued. He won't learn his lesson otherwise.
Sorry, I've been unbelievably busy these last few weeks, and aside from school work, am just now opening in my schedule. I'll read the story and have feedback ready as soon as possible. ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 07:27, December 5, 2016 (UTC)
I would be happy to look over your story. The nature nor degree of writing is of no bother to me, and if you're looking to have it published, you definitely need someone unbiased to look over it.
Curious, in what mag/journal are you publishing the story?
Hey so I outlined the proposal in this threadhere. I'll add some more prompts today but before I officially announced this I wanted to lay the details out so the admins and you can give your 2 cents on things like word limit, deadline, etc. ChristianWallis (talk) 09:56, December 6, 2016 (UTC)
- Hey, just to clarify shall we do a first-come first-serve approach to prompts? As in if you're online then you hand out the prompts and if I'm online I'll hand them out. I initially thought we could do an ABABABAB approach where we hand out one each but Jay has raised the point that some people might not be online for long and might need their prompt quite quickly. What do you think? ChristianWallis (talk) 15:04, December 7, 2016 (UTC)
Hey, Moonclaw and I've been talking and we asked Christian about it, but we were wondering if we could use the same characters and setting, having our stories in chronological order but write them separate with our original prompts. Christian said it would be fine as long as we didn't write them together, but we could have the characters and settings together. Thanks, Rhyveee (talk) 18:10, December 8, 2016 (UTC)
Yeah, I'll read and review your story. I had read your story the last time, but I got distracted. Thanks.
Hey, this guy made a mistake and wrote his story with the wrong prompt. I'm tempted to let it slide and allow his story but what are your thoughts? ChristianWallis (talk) 09:45, December 19, 2016 (UTC)
Hey, thanks for that. It's super helpful, I'll make sure to add them later today. And yeah I know what you mean, this Christmas has been extremely hectic and then to top it off I've been knocked out of working order by the flu for nearly two weeks now. I think I'll be better and good to go by Christmas and ready to review ChristianWallis (talk) 10:42, December 23, 2016 (UTC)
Hey, just wanted to update you and let you know I've ranked mine. Just let me know when you're done with yours and we can discuss which ones will be the winners. I must admit I've had a hard time picking between the top four; they're all very good stories ChristianWallis (talk) 09:33, January 3, 2017 (UTC)
- That sounds like an absolute fucker. I know moving/selling can be a big source of stress and I hope it gets better for you. Just give me a shout when you're done and we can post the final winners ChristianWallis (talk) 14:04, January 3, 2017 (UTC)
- That's a bugger, I know how much a pain in the arse moving is so I hope it all goes well. Like I said, it can all be very stressful so no pressure with the reviews. IRL problems should always take priority ChristianWallis (talk) 09:39, January 9, 2017 (UTC)
Re: It's been a while.
You're correct in that I haven't been on much. I'm trying to be on more frequently, but considering that I have been incredibly busy (in addition to this wiki not letting me access it whenever I try to; an issue that, given I'm replying to you now, seems to have resolved itself), this hasn't worked out quite so well.
As for your review request, I won't give a definitive answer. At the moment I've stated I don't wish to take requests, but your story is rather short so it might be worth an exception. I'm undecided at the current moment.
Thank you for contacting me regardless.
Hey there, boss. I just remembered that you had asked me to review your story Jenna like four months ago, and I never fucking did! Well, I just fixed that and left you a bit of feedback. Hope it helps you in some manner, many apologies for the delay. Take care.
Since you are on the fence about the story too, I deleted it. If I were to rate it, it would be a 5-ish, I was right on the fence with this one.
- A lot of these stories are barely English, to be honest. It often makes me wonder what went wrong in that person's life. How a native-English speaker can't write English is beyond me. MrDupin (talk) 18:20, July 16, 2017 (UTC)
Hi Jonathan, thanks a ton for your review on my story. You gave some really helpful advice that I think will definitely make the story better. The only thing I am unsure about is the ending. I was trying to leave what happened when the timer ran out up for interpretation. I wanted a story where people lose their minds but they dont even know of anything bad will happen or not. I'm unsure if I should change it because rainbow said it was perfect as it was. But besides that I will surely make some edits and alert you when I am ready.
Again, thank you a ton
Hi Jonathan, thanks for the story links. I will give those a read for sure.
Hey, thanks for the interest! It's coming along well, I'd say 3/4 done. It's required quite a heavy bottom-up rewrite, but I'm starting to feel a lot prouder of it. I hope the changes are an improvement. Unfortunately I've got a monster of a wedding to go to this weekend so I won't be able to finish it, even if I'm only about 800 words from the end. I'm hoping that sometime next week is when it's done. How's everything with you? ChristianWallis (talk) 08:31, August 10, 2017 (UTC)
- Hey John, I've put up another draft of The Garden but no one seems to have gotten around to it yet. I don't know if I should have started a new thread for it, but I posted it into the old one and I don't know if it'll flag it as new for people looking at the group. Anyway, the new draft's up if you're interested. Hope everything is going well for you ChristianWallis (talk) 13:07, August 29, 2017 (UTC)
New Wicker Saga Story
Hey, Johnathan! If/when you have the time, hoped you might check out my new Wicker Saga story Sins of the Father. Thanks in advance!
Hi Jonathan!!! I was sitting there, staring at my computer blankly wondering who the hell could actually review my story in a way that will be beneficial to both me and him. Well I thought who but Jonathan Nash. I know it is a bit short, but if you could find any time to read it I would be ecstatic!.
Have a great day dude.
If there's anything obvious like misspellings or something feel free. Otherwise drop me a line. Appreciate the effort! I've been super absent from the Circle lately so good on you.
Edit: Thanks for the read through and comment, glad you liked it. As far as Creed and the totem, damn, that would have been something to work into it (didn't even think about it until you said something). As far as the stories tying together, I only wanted them functionally tied on a minimal level in exchange for being more closely tied on a thematic level, i.e. the relationship fathers have with their offspring and the effects those can have, both good and ill.
Hey man, thanks. I'm sorry I forget to tell you this, but I saw Humbpldts contest page and set the short little experiment you reviewed aside. I am not sure when I will get back to it, if ever, but thank you for your time. Even if I don't get back to it your tips are universal in horror stories in general, so I will make good use of them.
Hey, thanks so much for the help. I really appreciate it. I'll make sure to get cracking on a third draft and also take the time to offer feedback on the other stories posted there ChristianWallis (talk) 08:39, September 25, 2017 (UTC)
Voice Messages Reading
Hi there,I narrated your Creepypasta Voice Messages I loved the story because I love anything psychological. I hope I did it justice. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for letting me narrate. I tried to post it into your reading section but er didn't quite work out lol. RipleyGH 19:24, September 27, 2017 (UTC)
I'm so pleased you liked the readingl and thank you for the feedback, I will certainly take the pace down in my next reading. Yes, the signature - well this may be the most complicated site I have ever tried to navigate lol hope I get it right this time RipleyGH 04:43, September 28, 2017 (UTC)
- I got it, seems like it could be either roleplaying or just spam-ish. Thanks for catching that. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:34, October 1, 2017 (UTC)
Wow, somebody noticed!
Hey there! I thought I had become a ghost to this wiki in my absence, but it seems some people still remember me.
I've been pretty busy with work and personal life over the last few months, and to be honest I really just forgot about the wiki and my stories.
I reposted two of my old stories. Weak, and Please Be Careful. They haven't changed much and are still mostly mediocre, but hopefully I can think up some new, better content to publish over the next month!
All the best, and I'll be seeing you around. I'm going to be alot more active now.
'Everyone is a monster to someone Since you are so convinced that I am yours; I will be it! 03:56, October 2, 2017 (UTC)
re: dumpster fire
Thanks, I was down to the wire to get that one published on Amazon before I left. I'm actually not able to devote time to the wiki as much as I wanted to as I actually started up classes for the Veterinary program and it's an accelerated course (I'll be running on a trimester system for two and a half years with four full courses and three pass/fails each semester). Unfortunately as much as I'd love to help out and review, I really don't have the time as it's basically classes, studying, sleep, repeat for the next couple of months (until I'm on a bit more stable ground academic-wise). That being said, if I find some free time during a break, I'd love to help out. My email is my handle here atgmail.com if you're looking to drop a line.
- It's been an on and off process for about a year now. When I originally stepped down back in August last year, I had just been turned down by CSU and told I wasn't a viable candidate with my current education. After moving and trying to figure out my next steps in life, I started looking into other universities (other than CSU, Penn. State, and a few others) and what they required. Luckily I managed to get all the courses I needed to apply over that year and the program accepted me back in late July. Best of luck to you if you do decide on Anthropology with and archeology minor. As much as I dislike being beholden to Sallie Mae (also, they took one of my thumbs last time I was late paying), I think it'll be better in the long run as long as you got a plan and goal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:14, January 20, 2018 (UTC)
Re: Heads up
Cool. Thanks for the shout out. I'll take a look at it in the ww but it will probably be a few days.
Good to see you getting back to writing, I do enjoy your stories.
Usually I'd jump at the opportunity to review a story and give feedback but considering your story is a submission for Helel's contest I'm afraid I can't review it as I'm one of the judges for that competition. It wouldn't feel fair if I gave you feedback prior to judging your story. Sorry I can't be of help, but I did notice you messaged some others for feedback aswell, so at least you'll be able to get some feedback from some other better writers than myself.
RE: A favor
RE: Review Request
Thanks for the help man. I fixed up some of the story and beleive I've gotten out most of the grammar errors
Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 00:02, February 9, 2018 (UTC)
It's Grim, returning once again after quite an absence. I do hope you've been well.
If you any stories you'd like me to take a look at, do let me know. Your work has always been interesting to read and critique.
Hey Johnathan. Just checking in to ask whether you would like to get featured on the front page of the wiki. You have produced quality content for such a long time and I would love to have you spotlighted. If you are up for it, can you email me at firstname.lastname@example.org? Thanks! MrDupin (talk) 02:01, April 7, 2018 (UTC)
Re: A favor
I really wonder when did my opinion start mattering around here... oh well...
I'll check out your story tomorrow :)
Thanks man, you're one of the people I have to thank for that. I'll be sure to make my time in green a great one!
--Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 02:21, April 20, 2018 (UTC)
Damn, I missed happy hour?
How's going though, Jonathan? Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't had much interaction without you either despite seeing you around a lot too. Well, I guess that ends today. Thanks for reaching out!
Sure, I'd love to take a look at it! You'll see me in the comments when I'm done!
Oh Mr Doctor Man, questions his hands....
I've been wondering, would you mind checking out a story I've left at the WW? It's called "These Things Still Happen in Russia"
Double Tap, Double Tap, Double Tap, Double Tap, Double Tap Double Tap Root Beer. ROOT BEER! Who doesn't like the Root Beer?
Hello Johnathan. How is John Nash doing? Does he still live in Primm?