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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!
Best of luck man, hope it goes well! Oh and that goes for your VCROC app too ;) haha!
A huge congratulations! Welcome to the brotherhood B). I'll make sure name is added to the template post-haste. Also, thanks for the birthday wishes!
YOU GOT VCROC
Do you feel like a hero yet? 03:29, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
Congratulations... Again...Since, I am on the computer. I want to congratulate you by being the 5th current VCROC member, on this weekee! For your prize, you get a trofee!!!
Gah. Unfortunate man. Just gotta pick yourself up and go for someone else! P.S I didn't know you were a Kendrick fan. Nice!
- 11:50, November 30, 2013 (UTC)
That's my favorite rap group, though. Songs like Straight Outta Compton, Express Yourself, Fuck Tha Police, Gangsta Gangsta, etc. Stop drinking the haterade and start drinking the bubble tea! 07:32, December 31, 2013 (UTC)
Hello. I am sorry to inform you that your appeal has been reviewed and denied. Please see Project:Deletion Appeal#Omen (DENIED) for further details.
You've had your VCROC rights removed for the followig reasons:
- Inactivity. You hardly edit and seem to come on only to chat.
- You are not really fit for the position. Rollback, maybe. But not VCROC.
Give me some time, I'd be happy to go through these.
Review 1: Madness
“Doctors and researchers don’t know the cause of it’s problem.” First of all, you have an issue here in your grammar that I feel is necessary to point out: it would be “its”. Second of all, you were off to a good start, but this sentence doesn’t make much sense. Is it the cause of the problem, perhaps? Is it meant to be the cause of the disease? It’s a bit unclear of which direction you were going to take this in.
“The central system of the brain”? That’s a bit vague; I’d love to see you do some research and find out which areas of the brain could be attacked, causing similar actions. Again, you have some really confusing sentences here and there like “thousands have been killed , tied to a tree, or locked in a cell.” And also that whole tirade you go on about grandpapa and slavery and him being Filipino doesn’t really add a whole lot to the story.
So your grandpapa was cutting logs? Like are we talking about milling? Is he milling and planing the logs? Is he just axing them? What’s the deal with this? And grandmamma makes wood carvings? What kind of carvings could you really make out of milled lumber? Again, research, research, research. Especially with me, I can tell you don’t know much about it because I’ve done this kind of work, my grandfather mills wood.
“…they grey, old-fashioned newspaper on the deck.” Beings that this is presumably in the early 1900’s you don’t have to specify that the newspaper is old-fashioned. Back then, it wouldn’t have been.
Confusing and unnecessary wording here. Watch y our spelling and grammar. The whole newspaper excerpt needs to be reworked.
Again, watch your spelling, your sentence structure also needs work, “His barn something a farmer could dream of”. Keep in mind, you’re trying to tackle a very specific type of story, he’s recounting a story that’s been passed down for several generations. Minute details wouldn’t likely be included in this retelling.
The Mike Tyson reference is… ugh. It doesn’t fit with the tone; it doesn’t match up well with the rest of your story. Also, hogs don’t have horns, the word you’re looking for it “tusks”.
Seriously, watch your wording, it’s hard to read when you constantly have sentences like “Diane, what do you think what’s wrong?” Not only does that sentence not make any sense, it is difficult to read, I had to re-read it a couple of times just to make sure I wasn’t taking fucking crazy pills.
More likely, they would have burned the hogs, rather than burying them.
The likelihood of a disease like that, especially in the early 1900’s when they didn’t even have food safety, just going dormant is approximately nil.
Did Noy Charles love to write? What kind of name is Noy? Is that a classic American name like Hiram? It’s seriously a pet peeve of mine when people break the 4th wall and say shit like “and writing is something we all enjoy.” I was under the impression that this fellow was telling the story by mouth.
“The vegetable covered hills”, a cute image, but a fallacious one, the wheat field was a better image.
WAIT WAIT WAIT. HOMIE JUST PUNCHED HIM IN THE BACK OF THE SKULL AND HE FUCKING DIED?
Man, the amount of force you’d need to do something like that, I’m assuming that the punch would have fractured his skull, it would have broken grandpapa’s hand. Not only that, but how the fuck did he get him turned around long enough that he had an opportunity to punch him in the back of the skull. There’s a much better way to introduce grandpapa as a fighter, but you just sort of throw it in like “oh yeah, he’s a scrappy bastard too”. Like the crunching sound? I’d introduce that the disease softens the skulls and swells the brain, personally, that way it’d be easier to say things like “my grandpa punched him in his fat head and then he died”.
While I’m talking about that, the whole he just hit the hog with a shovel and it died thing bothers me. We raised hogs at my house when I was a kid, a sow got loose once and we had to call someone to kill her. I saw a hog live through a 30-30 round. Hogs have thick skin and thick skulls, a simple whack with a shovel, especially a crazed sick animal, wouldn’t be enough to kill them. I’m sensing that you’ve not had a whole lot of dealings with the country.
I love how this disease revolves around your grandpapa. Like, the hogs happen, then the disease goes dormant. The man happens and he reports that it’s back. He’s a country man, this disease originated in Chicago.
If it killed off a quarter of the population they’d be hard pressed to cover it up. Especially with news papers and such about. Totally unbelievable.
This story needs a ton of work, spelling, grammar, tense changes abound. The plot, while it’s paced nicely, often doesn’t make sense. Some of the ways you phrase your sentences are awkward as all hell. I dig the idea of the disease, a la 28 Days Later. I like it. It’s interesting, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.