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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:26, July 5, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion

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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:37, July 5, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Story

Starting with the basics, Please avoid indenting paragraphs as it causes formatting issues. This is how your story was formatted:

"Alexis sat at the dining room table, surrounded by all of
her family and friends. A mass of presents covered the entirety of the table,
looming over her like a monument. A few of the gifts were still wrapped, but
most had already been opened."

Punctuation issues: punctuation missing from dialogue. "Make a wish and blow out the candles, dear(comma/period)" her", "Make it a good one(,/.)", "Now listen dear"", etc. Single quotes used in place of quotations: "'You know what to wish for(,/.)'", "'It's what you've always wanted(,/.)'", "'Going for a stroll?'", etc. This is odd as you use proper quotations for most dialogue, but every now and then devolve to using apostrophes.

Punctuation cont.: Question marks missing from questions. ""How!(?)" Alexis yelled out." "How are you doing this!(?)"", ""What have you Done (done?)""

Capitalization issues: nouns do not need to be capitalized: "the Cake", "the Table", "Real Friends!", "Her brother. ", etc. Proper nouns like names, places, and titles should be capitalized, but nouns should not. Words improperly capitalized after dialogue: ""I am now"(,/.) Replied (replied)", ""I want you to go too." She (she) said,", etc.

Story issues: unrealistic names. How many people do you know are named 'Midnight' or 'Sparkle'. Those are two extremely out of place names and the fact that you switch out Lexi and Sparkle only deepens the confusion. The story also comes off as nonsensical as well, switching from a birthday party to a mental asylum with little explanation or reasoning.

The ending: ""Well guess What (what)!?" Midnight said, as he popped up right on top of her. "I LIED!"" Comes off as anticlimactic, especially since we don't know Midnight's motivations or intentions. All in all, the story feels rushed and problematic. Those were a few of the reasons why I decided it was not up to our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, July 5, 2015 (UTC)

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