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Archiving

Sure, I'll take care of it :) Buckle up! I'm going to be popular! 05:27, July 8, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Dreams

So I read the dream diary entry, and while it was fascinating (as most dreams are), the only thing going through my head now is...

THE RIDDLER IS REAL!

What a great quote.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 18:39, July 9, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Stuck

Although a bit off topic, I want you to know that you indented on Chapter 7 and when you go to paste it to the wiki it'll mess up your formatting. At first I was thinking that you should make her anxious, but now I think you should make her excited. It'd be more tragic, in my opinion, if someone was excited about something only for it to really tear their world apart. If you make her anxious about it then it gives a vibe of foresight on the character and just doesn't make it as sad compared to someone who is happy and excited. Maybe she could be excited about having a bigger bedroom in addition to all of the other stuff you mentioned? Buckle up! I'm going to be popular! 01:16, July 19, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Found Thingy

I skimmed over the Pokemon story you suggested. It actually didn't seem that bad, and it was a bit long for my taste. I usually try and Riff shorter stories. And I don't know much about Pokemon. Hell, the reason I Riffed that one Pokemon story was because it was bad and you didn't need a knowledge of Pokemon to understand it wasn't good.

I do appreciate the suggestion though.

As for your story, I recently took a look at it (sorry for taking so long, but I've been somewhat busy), and I do kind of like it. Rather than having the episode be ultra-violent and bloody, you make it be pretty awesome, giving a good reason for the protagonist to stay and watch. And as for the girl being excited or nervous about the move, I'd say go nervous. She moved across continents, probably leaving behind friends and such. As someone who's moved cross-country, I know that's hard. But going to a different country must be worse.

That's what I think, at any rate. Anyway, good job on the story so far. I'm curious to see what happens next. And thanks for the Riffquest.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 20:36, July 19, 2015 (UTC)

Re: The Results

I fully expected nervous/anxious to win after you told me you were taking votes and the reason for that is it is common for people to feel nervous/anxious before something bad happens in scary stories, it has almost become a pillar. I mean, it could go either way, but since it's a scary story I'm betting it will go in favor of anxious by a lot XD Buckle up! I'm going to be popular! 04:05, July 21, 2015 (UTC)

I'd move on in a day or so. If you like one better than the other, you should just follow your gut and take the feedback into account. Do whatever interests you the most and what you'll find the most fun, you're the one creating the story after all :) Buckle up! I'm going to be popular! 05:54, July 21, 2015 (UTC)

Re:

I finished it. While I'm not a sucker for "Lost Episodes" pastas, this one, while having a monotonous tone, was rather okay. I'd say the girl is nervous.

UNWASHED PURITY ==> HIGHLIGHTS OF THE SEASON 19:16, July 21, 2015 (UTC)

Re:

Yes, I'm waiting for it! :D

UNWASHED PURITY ==> HIGHLIGHTS OF THE SEASON 04:31, July 25, 2015 (UTC)

RE:

Sure, go ahead and pass me the link! I'll gladly check it. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 18:50, July 29, 2015 (UTC)

RE:

Excellent! I'll give you my opinion tomorrow, I'd say.

Thank you for the story to read! --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 19:54, July 29, 2015 (UTC)

Review

Hey, sorry for not being able to pass you my review sooner. The reasons were a chain of misfortune I'd rather not to talk about, so let me go straight to the point, alright?

So, first than all it was shorter than I expected, heh. You mentioned several chapters but overall I thought it'd be mmuch, much longer than this. Not that it's a bad thing, though, just a little misconception.

I liked your idea regarding a new anthology from R.L. Stine, brings me nostalgia, heh.

You overall have a good grasp of atmosphere. Little details such as the main character's discomfort helps to form a vivid image of what's going on, so props on you for that.

I think you went a bit overblown about the description of the TV the main character was watching. You could have summarized all that in less words while remarking the quality of the image was crisp. You could try to shorten that.

The start of the episode was actually interesting and engaging. You have a good base there.

I'm not sure the main character would see enough detail to know about crescent horns on headgear. Doesn't strike me as very logical there.

Well I can't really say much, to be honest. The story seems to just be starting for now, as the episode hasn't even gotten far, but at least you have an interesting start. This should be able to hook the reader so well done on that regard. Unfortunately I can't say it has something distinguishing it from other stories in this genre, but I suppose the highlights and all will come later. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 23:02, July 31, 2015 (UTC)

RE:

...heh...

That was quite an specific and accurate image search. I even have a soft spot for rabbits.

Thank you for that. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 03:55, August 1, 2015 (UTC)

RE:

To be honest I can't say I have suggestions to help you. I mean, it's your story. It'd be like meddling with your creativity. I think I'd rather to stay aside and see what you come up with.

Take it easy, there's really no hurry. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 14:33, August 1, 2015 (UTC)

RE:

Hahaha, between the thousand things I have to do everyday I haven't watched TV for a good while. I didn't even know RL Stine had a new anthology! --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 17:05, August 1, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Weird Dreams

Well, it was...interesting, and weirder than most of mine (thought recently I had a dream involving giant spiders, oddly enough).

Still, they could end up leading to a story. Hell, a character I came up with - Natalie, from Slayer (which I really need to work more on) - kind of came from a dream (well, the basic "girl with robotic arm" thing did).

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 00:11, August 3, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Chapter 7 Outline

That seems to work. Maybe Kristy ends up meeting someone while on her walk, or notices something. I'm assuming this will happen in chapter 8.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 19:38, August 4, 2015 (UTC)

Notice

Lately I've been noticing you've been adding images to stories that really don't enhance the story (some seem to be stock images). Please refrain from adding images to story unless the author requests it, you think it suits the story perfectly, etc. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:08, August 13, 2015 (UTC)

No problem, (Sips his, now-cold, hot chocolate). As for me, I'm doing alright, working, (today is my last day of the week since I worked the weekends), trying to catch up with some old friends from the Peace Corps, etc. Hope everything's going well for you. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:53, August 13, 2015 (UTC)

RE:Yo!

Hey! I'm doing alright, thanks for asking :) I'm currently trying to restore my signature because it reset itself for some odd reason. Ohh, Canadia! I always wanted to go there, I have some friends that live up there. I'm incredibly jealous XD Buckle up I'm going to be popular 21:11, August 23, 2015 (UTC)

Changing Your Signature

Oh, anyone can do it. It's kind of complicated though. Firstly, go into source mode and view my signature, copy and paste it. Next, go to your avatar and put your mouse over the drop down arrow and you should see something that says "My preferences" click on that. Scroll down to the section called Signature and you should see something that says "Custom Signature" and underneath it is a box that says "I want to use wikitext in my signature" click on that. Then click back on the box that says "Custom Signature" and paste the text from my signature.

Play around with the text to where it says [[User:TheAzumangaDaiohFan|<span style="color: yellow">'''Buckle up'''</span>]] [[User talk:TheAzumangaDaiohFan|<span style="color: purple"> '''I'm going to be popular'''</span>]] and change the phrasing and color to whatever you want, it should show how it looks right above the box you are making the edits in, also ignore the . Click save on the bottom when it is how you like it. I hope I helped :) I think I remember you saying something about that channel before. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 21:51, August 23, 2015 (UTC)

It worked, good job :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 22:21, August 23, 2015 (UTC)
If you saved your signature then hitting ~ four times should do it. So just sign your posts like normal and you should be all set. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 22:51, August 23, 2015 (UTC)

RE: Haunting Hour

If it makes you feel better, I did that at first too XD No, that's the first I heard of it being ready! I'm looking forward to it, though it might to me a while to get to it because I promised to help out someone with their Writer's Block (I have to read their story before I can help them). Buckle up I'm going to be popular 00:05, August 24, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you! I'll let you know as soon as I've read it, though it might be a day or two, so don't think I've forgotten about it or wait around for an immediate response. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 02:06, August 24, 2015 (UTC)
I read Chapter 7 of the Haunting Hour; I liked it. I did spot a grammatical mistake though, " In a bit I'll show you your new room, OK?" Said Kristy's mom. " "In a bit" should be followed by a comma. Just use control + f to find it in your story. I'm looking forward to Chapter 8 :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 07:01, August 25, 2015 (UTC)

Your Reviews

I need to get to reading your Haunting Hour reviews! I've been really busy for the last few days as I ended up having to create a website (a forum me and a bunch of people frequented got closed with 12 minutes of warning, so I made a new forum and most of them have gathered there) and moderating it. I promise to look over at least a couple of them! I'm also looking forward to chapter 8 :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:24, September 1, 2015 (UTC)

I didn't know that XD That sounds good to me, let me know when you finish chapter 8 and I'll be sure to check it out! I'll let you know what I think of your review after I read it :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:34, September 2, 2015 (UTC)
The little bit I know of chapter 8 sounds good so far. I'll check out one of your Haunting Hour reviews tonight. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 05:11, September 3, 2015 (UTC)
Government Death Lazer probably, crafty lot that government. I read your recent review, it was good, I commented on it on site. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 06:55, September 4, 2015 (UTC)

Talk

It's all good! Feel free to vent with me anytime you need to. Is your brother younger than you (sounds older the way you describe him though)? I've heard of parents always spoiling their younger child being quite common (I wouldn't know though, I'm an only child). 9 PM bedtime huh? I remember those days, my parents made me go to bed at 9:30 until I was either a Junior or Senior. They also wouldn't let me play 'M' rated games until after I had my first job at 16. Being home schooled probably sucks though, public schools are a great way to make friends. I can relate in terms of having a computer that barely runs, my 6 year laptop overheats and does emergency shut downs quite a bit. You have my ear should you ever need or want it :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 00:47, September 5, 2015 (UTC)

I figured it'd get lonely, but if no one was nice then being alone would be better. Public Schools are a luck of the draw in terms of being good or bad, but yours sounds like it sucked really badly. Really, ISS for writing on the board? We could do that in front of certain teachers and them not even care. No more hallucinations, right? I suffered from some a few years back after I was in a stupid accident and found it to be unnerving, luckily they stopped. I saw people that weren't there and it really sucked when coupled with having Social Anxiety, it's pretty hellish when you already feel like everyone will stab you in the back the moment you turn around adding more people to that, even if imaginary was not so fun. I hope the hallucinations weren't/aren't bothersome to you. I kept the fact that I had them to myself as well, I dislike hospitals, doctors and dealing with insurance companies, such a scenario would make me have to deal with all three at once. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 23:03, September 5, 2015 (UTC)
Yeah, it sounds like you had a lot of bad teachers. School hallways would be bad for claustrophobia, I was lucky and didn't start suffering from Social Anxiety until after High School and partway through College, so I didn't have to suffer hallways filled with people for too long. Some people get too caught up in having power of any sort, it sounds like that's what happened to some of them teachers. People tend to hate having to go out of their way for others and those teachers probably saw it as you getting special treatment, when in reality it was you attempting to work around your claustrophobia.
While I've never had that sort of issue with college courses, I have heard a lot of horror stories regarding that sort of thing, it usually comes down to the people handling that stuff not giving a damn because it isn't them that gets screwed over. The worst thing I ever had happen was that in High School I took a Public Speaking course for College and I got a 69.97% (we needed a C for it to transfer over and count as a pass) and the teacher didn't round up the grade so I had to retake the course in College (luckily that teacher was nice and understood that I had troubles speaking in front of others, therefore she went easy on me when she saw that I was putting in the effort. The school system has always been broken in my view, they should have let the students choose specialization and had classes related to jobs/careers and taught skills relating to that, instead of plowing a bunch of subjects into people's head that they'll never use. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 07:23, September 6, 2015 (UTC)

Homeschooling

LOL XD I don't know how South Korea does education as in my school education we only learned about United States stuff and only stuff that made us look good, so Vietnam was never covered. I do know that Japan has really good schooling (thanks Anime). Anything about Rome, Japan, Britain, Canadia (I'll call it what I want XD) was all extra-curricular stuff that I learned :(

I'd never thought about there being group events, though that does make sense, I just imagined that you had no interaction with anyone in your age group, unless you ventured outside. So that's really good, the other way would have been a really lonely life. The most I ever learned in high school and the only thing that I really retained was Parenting class which was an elective and I guess maybe a little bit of Welding which was also an elective course. I don't really remember much of French class which was an elective, but we had to take a secondary language class in order to graduate and I didn't really want to learn Spanish. Too bad they didn't offer Japanese which is what I am in the process of learning now. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 00:15, September 7, 2015 (UTC)

I don't really know a whole lot, I just know that getting grades is super important and one is likely to be viewed as a failure for not doing so. They tend to have a lot of clubs which are really involved and teach skills (music, technology, drama, etc) and they also require secondary languages. By the way, Japanese itself consists of three languages: Hiragana (what I'm studying, haven't gotten to far), Katakana and Kanji (this is the hardest to learn and most Japanese prefer not to write in it). They also have long school hours, don't hold me to this, but I think school is from 8am to 6pm up there. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:23, September 7, 2015 (UTC)
I live in the United States, I just referred to Japan as being "Up there" as a way of showing how high I hold it in regard. That's actually how I am learning Hiragana. I'm taking the letters and compare them to objects, then remember them that way. I can give you a list of the Japanese words I know, if you'd like. Watching movies in Japanese with subtitles turned on to learn Japanese is actually an interesting idea. I feel like I might have seen that commercial during the Superbowl before; I'd have ran it over, lol. I'd wait until after the surgery healed, that way you would have better reaction time with your feet. Good luck on your surgery! Buckle up I'm going to be popular 00:01, September 8, 2015 (UTC)

Speedy Answer

No, I've just been pretty busy with life.

Life has an annoying habit of getting in the way of important things.

The Goddamn Dorkpool (talk) 12:13, September 8, 2015 (UTC)

Japanese

The spelling is likely incorrect, but it's how it sounds: Arigato = Thank you, Kominosigh = Sorry, Baka = Fool, Mota = Wait, Konichiwa = Good Morning, Siyanara = Bye and Hentai = Pervert. I know more, but I'm drawing blanks right now (probably because it's late), but that's most of what I know.

Well, if you have it done, I hope it goes well. I'll have to listen to Mr. Nightmare some time then. I'd rather read the whole chapter when it is finished (unless you are stuck). I've never heard the name Hotaka before, but I have no problems with it. A few Japanese boy names seem to start with Shi: Shirou, Shido, Shin, Shinji. Tomoki and Ryuji are popular boy names as well, but like I said, I think what you've got is fine. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 03:02, September 9, 2015 (UTC)

It's possible that I'm just stupid and it's Chinese, but one of the characters said it just to sound cool or ironic XD I remembered a few more words: Koi = Scary, Kawaii = Cute, Hai = Yes, not sure the rule in regards to this, but it appears that technology or terms that originated elsewhere are the same with an O added at the end, so Dateo = Date (I watched an anime called Date A Live, that's how I know that XD) and Interneto = Internet.
I don't know how accurate those sites are because one of them said that Isis was one of the most popular girl names. Anywho, the name sounds fine to me. Sounds good, let me know when it's finished :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 14:15, September 9, 2015 (UTC)
Definitely a government and Illuminati cover up. That'd be good. "You must have saw a kid." "The window are too high up." "Then who was window?" I don't mind spiders, but I probably would if they were as big as my hand. I usually just squash them, sometimes I put them outside (it's a rare occurrence though). Buckle up I'm going to be popular 05:57, September 10, 2015 (UTC)
Sorry, I missed your reply and just now noticed it. Australia is scary :( Nope, I've never read it. I think I've seen the name of it before though, didn't you nominate it for POTM? I've never been big into Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass, to be honest. They just didn't grab me. Tim Burton has a habit of taking liberties with things, but it usually works and makes things really popular, look at his Batman Films (Batman was near death before the first movie came out. The film was so successful that it reinvigorated the franchise and led to the creation of the Animated Series) he has Batman shoot and kill people in it. He has a habit of making the weirdest things, but he also manages to bring a lot of people into the fandom.
Let me know when it's finished and I'll give it a read. I know that feeling, yesterday the author of Watamote broke my heart by announcing that Watamote wasn't getting a second season due the poor sales of the first one. At least it lives on in the Manga and we'll get to see Tomoko graduate. Ah, well that's only one or two more months at least! Buckle up I'm going to be popular 01:17, September 11, 2015 (UTC)

Pokemon and Watamote

I don't know, never seen clerks. Watamote is about a girl, Tomoko Kuroki, who suffers from severe social anxiety and aims to fit in and be popular (my signature is a reference to that). Here's a scene that highlights things perfectly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4srPBTz1XQ You should watch it and then read the Manga, you'd probably really like it.

Without a doubt, though they should have ended it at Gen 4 in my opinion. They'll probably make Glass or Dream type Pokemon. I'd really like them to make a game called Master Version which has all the regions and Pokemon in it. They could get around over levelling by region locking Pokemon (until you beat that region) and having you select a new level 5 starter at each region. Gen 2 is my favorite followed by Gen 3. I have all the handheld main games except for Platinum, White and Heartgold, I've been meaning to get them, but their value went up instead of dropping. Who's your favorite Pokemon? Mine is Mew, it's so cute and powerful; plus it can learn every move. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:27, September 11, 2015 (UTC)

The Pokemon Yellow starter Pikachu could learn surf, which was the coolest thing ever. No love for Salamance? I love Eevee and his eeveelutions, especially Umbreon. Haunter will always be one of my favorites as well as Gallade. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 21:13, September 11, 2015 (UTC)
Ah, makes sense. I have had troubles sleeping the last few nights myself (it's been too hot or my mind won't shut up). Yay, 1000 edits! You have to shoot for 2000 and then 9001 for the Dragon Ball Z reference. As for Minecraft, yes! It's the only game I've ever purchased pre-release. I bought it on the PC back in the beta for $5 and was guaranteed every future update for free, unfortunately I forgot the username and password. I have it on the 360 as well, I prefer playing the creative mode to the survival mode. I'm not real good at building stuff. Charmander on a Microsoft System? Heresy!
9/11 is also my mom's birthday XD Yes, I've heard of Jontron, I used to watch him back when he did GameGrumps with EgoRaptor. I've seen that review and coincidentally, Nightshade is one of my all time favorite games. It was really advanced for the NES and pretty hard, I never did manage to beat it. I'm really disappointed that it never got a chapter 2 (the game had part 1 in the title, but it might have just been one of the game's many jokes, lol). Buckle up I'm going to be popular 23:33, September 11, 2015 (UTC)
Don't try it, it'll likely mess up your disc or 360. The disc would be unrecognized because it's missing a certain code for the 360 to read, not to mention the size difference. One interesting tidbit though: Pokemon Gold and Silver were for Gameboy color, but would work in a Gameboy despite the instruction booklet warning you not to do so. I usually have a well rounded team as well, can't really remember what types I go for as it just depends on the version and Pokemon available, but I usually have a Dragon and Ghost on my team if available. I sleep with a tower fan on and pointed at me too. I need it year round to drown out the noise (my dad always has the tv on really loud). Cool, let me know :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 01:17, September 12, 2015 (UTC)
I take good care of my consoles too, a lot of them last a while, but this year and last have been really bad for them. Last year my PS4 died at 11 months old and my PS2 died, furthermore my 360 decided to eat discs and not download anything. I've come to believe a lot of it is luck, because one of my friends leaves his consoles on for 12 hours at a time and they don't break, while I refuse to leave mine on over 4 hours at a time. The 3DS isn't really worth it in my opinion, all I have is Pokemon X and Y and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. I'd focus on a good desktop and a wireless internet adapter, because you can watch any show on the internet. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:58, September 13, 2015 (UTC)
I'm used to my 360's treating me poorly, that's my 3rd one. Cool, I'll read it tomorrow. I'm going to crash right now (hurray for username jokes). Buckle up I'm going to be popular 07:53, September 13, 2015 (UTC)


Untitled Header

Funniest header I could think of. I don't have a phone that can connect to the internet (I have an old flip-phone) or any way of listening to it while I try to sleep. Thanks for being thoughtful though. How fast I sleep usually comes down to getting my mind to shut up or getting my neck to stop hurting. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 18:58, September 13, 2015 (UTC)

Oh and I just found out about this: http://www.xboxachievements.com/game/goosebumps-the-game/overview/ It doesn't really interest me, but the achievements are book related like the one called "It Came from Beneath the Sink", I remember that book. Not entirely sure what you'd be getting out of such a game, but I thought you might find it interesting. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 19:13, September 13, 2015 (UTC)

Riff Suggestion

I'm sending you and Dorkpool this message because I know you both riff stories. I realized that there was someone that had been overlooked. ~points around room before pointing to self~ Me. A year or two ago I wrote, and had deleted, a pasta called "Tanks for the Exhilaration". I neither question nor criticize the deletion. I contend that it's actually well-written. The trouble is it's bizarre and a bad fit for the site. If either of you want I can post it on the talk page of whoever is interested so you can see if it's riff-worthy and otherwise wonder, "What was she thinking?". I'll be happy to answer your questions. ~pauses to ponder~ Well, some questions. Raidra (talk) 18:08, September 14, 2015 (UTC)

I don't have a link to it, but I had printed off a hard copy and was able to re-type it into my word processor. Here it is. Brace yourself for descriptive writing and "What the what?" moments.

Author's Note: For the record, I know this isn’t so much creepy as it is weird.

Having gotten the breath knocked out of him as a result of the last tackle, Frederickson walked to the sideline. He was the team’s current starting quarterback, a role he excelled at. As a result he was the team’s new star, the latest golden boy to have his butt kissed perpetually. It seemed that no amount of praise was too extravagant, and even the most minor of criticisms brought howls of outrage, as if his life and family had been threatened. Some fans and commentators had resorted to trashing his predecessors, who had given the best they had to the franchise, in order to prop him up. They neither understood nor cared that bringing someone down to elevate another only demeaned everyone, including the one they were trying to elevate. Frederickson had not handled this treatment well. He was becoming more arrogant and full of himself, and he had begun losing his temper over the most meaningless and harmless of uncomplimentary remarks. Some sports critics, and even many of his own teammates, viewed him as a diva. Others feared how he’d react if his supporters turned on him like they had the ones before him.

Frederickson took a seat on a bench and removed his helmet so oxygen could be administered. The trainer looked for the pump he usually used, but to his puzzlement it wasn’t there. There was instead a green tank labeled “OXYGEN”. He shrugged it off, grabbed the tank, placed it on the bench next to Frederickson, placed the mask over the quarterback’s nose and mouth, and turned the knob to start the flow of gas. Frederickson took a couple breaths and then started coughing. The trainer was somewhat startled by this, but he told him, “Easy. Just try to breathe normally.”

After a couple more breaths Frederickson’s eyes began to gleam with a new light. He somehow felt exhilarated and relaxed at the same time. The crowd noise began to grow distorted, but he didn’t care. His lips parted into a stupid grin and as he continued to inhale the gas he became more euphoric. The trainer’s confusion turned to anxiety as he watched the QB’s eyes glaze over. It seemed like the player was having trouble sitting upright. Suddenly he started laughing. As the giggle grew into a guffaw, several of the players and coaches turned to stare. One of them, not sure how to react, jokingly asked, “Did you give him weed or something?!”

The trainer turned off the tank. He started to remove the mask, but Frederickson weakly grabbed his wrist and told him, “Just a little more.” The trainer ignored him and pulled free from his grip to remove the mask. Frederickson stared at him for a moment as if wanting to say something, but then he lay down on the bench and continued to chortle. The trainer looked at the tank and noticed a chip of green paint was missing, revealing blue underneath. Suddenly realizing what may be going on he used his thumbnail to scrape off more of the thin green paint, revealing more blue and confirming his suspicions.

“What’s going on?!” asked a coach.

“This is a tank of nitrous oxide doctored to look like an oxygen tank!” Finding the “OXYGEN” label to be pasted on, he ripped off as much of it as he could in disgust. “He’s high on laughing gas right now!”

“WHAT!? How in blazes did that happen!?”

“I’ll be dipped if I know!” He looked at Frederickson, who was resting in a semi-conscious state, and wondered how this could have happened.

So, yeah. That happened. I got one response. Referring to the author's note, the critic told me that "stupid" was the word I was looking for. I laughed, said I could understand his reaction, and noted that I was surprised it was still on the site. Within a day or two it was deleted. I thank you for your interest, and I hope you can create a good riff. Raidra (talk) 01:24, September 15, 2015 (UTC)

You're certainly welcome! That's a valid point. I didn't think about that when I wrote it. I know the ones you see in hospitals, dentist's offices, etc. are pretty tall, but for some reason I was thinking of something smaller, like the size of an average fire extinguisher. They make smaller, portable oxygen tanks for home use, but that still leaves some questions. No wonder that trainer was confused from the very start! I can imagine the perpetrator somehow getting a fake clearance pass in order to infiltrate the locker room, somehow smuggling in the tank, making the switch, and peeling out a while before game time. They'll probably remember that a new guy was there, but I don't know how much of a description they'll be able to give because a lot of times people don't pay much attention to workers, and he may have been in disguise to boot. My hobby is making my own comic books. If I ever adapt this into comic book form, it'll be one part of a longer mystery narrative.
It's interesting that you interpreted this as taking place at a high school because I imagined it as taking place on a professional level (which probably does nothing to answer the questions you had). Since I never came out and said that, though, you have a point, and the reader is free to interpret this occurring at whichever level they want (high school, college, or professional). That's one of the neat things about sharing stories on this site- sometimes someone will offer feedback that makes me look at my own story in a new way. Of course, now I have this picture in my mind of some disgruntled science teacher saying, "Take money from the test tube fund to buy a new trophy case, will you? Well, I'll show you a thing or two!" ~laughs~ Raidra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2015 (UTC)

Yes, I'm the author. The reason I sometimes use phrases such as "The way I see it" and "My interpretation" when referring to my own work is there are often a lot of things that aren't set in stone. I don't want to say definitively, "This is what happened," if I haven't decided for sure because otherwise I might end up changing it, and that would be awkward. Also, I want to acknowledge that some elements can be interpreted differently by different people (like how I set the story in a professional football game, but you viewed it as taking place in a high school game). Raidra (talk) 13:31, September 18, 2015 (UTC)

Sorry about the delay! It's not a gory one, is it? If not, then sure, I could have a look!
If you'll oblige me, here's another story about how my sometimes keeping things undecided in my own work led to an awkward moment. I had a comic book with a scene showing a drug addict buying a bag of pills. I knew when I wrote and drew the scene that the pills would be either painkillers or muscle relaxants. I decided on painkillers, but when I showed one of my friends the issue, I couldn't remember if I'd decided already! That led to this exchange.

Me- You see he's buying painkillers... I think they're painkillers...Yeah, they're painkillers!

My friend- I was about to say, "Well, cripes, don't you know?! You're the one that did it!"

~blushes~ Ay. I later had an issue with the character noting, "I was heavily into the painkillers by then," thereby cementing my decision. Raidra (talk) 20:09, September 21, 2015 (UTC)

Choice of Phone

Yeah, I go with Flip Phones because they are more durable, plus I always have my cell phone in the same pocket as my keys, therefore the paint gets really scratched up. I have a fair amount of Goosebumps books, especially the Choose Your Own Adventure ones. I can't tell how many however, because I took them off my bookshelf and boxed them up so I'd have more space for new books. That game is on the 360. If so, you are incredibly lucky. Pillows are super expensive and I am a cheapskate, therefore I endure the pain so that I can have more money. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:35, September 15, 2015 (UTC)

There are some sold by the chiropractor that are really good for your neck, but they cost over $100 :| I think I've seen basic pillows go for $20-40 at Walmart, but I can't remember. United States citizen here XD Buckle up I'm going to be popular 22:33, September 15, 2015 (UTC)
I thought you were from the UK and I'm not sure why. Yes, it's a word according to google search. Cool, let me know when it is done :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 06:44, September 17, 2015 (UTC)
It's a conspiracy! Yay, progress! The leprechaun mention was a nice touch. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 19:49, September 17, 2015 (UTC)
Yeah, she definitely came across as unhappy. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 01:36, September 18, 2015 (UTC)
That's neat, I've never done that before. I haven't been to a museum in years (my local one is a rip off). Buckle up I'm going to be popular 07:01, September 19, 2015 (UTC)
Haha, I meant that it costs $15 to get in and there is a single room filled with mostly uninteresting stuff that I could look at online. Seriously, no dinosaur bones or anything of an interesting nature. Could you explain how you are stuck on the transition a bit more? What are you wanting from it specifically? Sorry, I got a bit confused. Buckle up I'm going to be popular 02:41, September 20, 2015 (UTC)

Transitions

I know! I don't even remember there being pictures on the walls, just things on tables.

How about: "Kristy had hastened her stride and the background music became louder and faster in tandem with each step." Buckle up I'm going to be popular 04:03, September 20, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks! I'm glad to have helped :) No, but that's pretty close to what my town's name should be XD Buckle up I'm going to be popular 17:15, September 20, 2015 (UTC)
Sounds good to me, let me know when it's finished :) Buckle up I'm going to be popular 06:01, September 21, 2015 (UTC)
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