- 1 Welcome
- 2 Story deletion
- 3 Re:
- 4 Re:
- 5 Warning
- 6 Re:
- 7 Re: Review
- 8 Re:
- 9 Writers Workshop story
- 10 Re:
- 11 Re:
- 12 Re:
- 13 Story Deletion
- 14 RE: Story on the WW
- 15 Sure Thing!
- 16 RE:
- 17 Hyperlink
- 18 RE: Review Request
- 19 Hey
- 20 Re:
- 21 Review
- 22 RE: Frozen
- 23 RE: New Story
- 24 Mental Stability? Hah! What's that?
- 25 RE: Month Long Exams
- 26 RE: I'm back!
- 27 Review
- 28 Front
- 29 Under a Red Moon
- 30 Suggestions
- 31 RE: HEY
- 32 RE: Book
- 33 Hey
- 34 Deletions
- 35 Deleted Story
- 36 Deleted Story (Cont.)
Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Lake And The Woods page.
Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked.
Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!
Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.
For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.
It has a lot of issues, my friend. There are mistakes with punctuation/grammar/word choice/capitalization/etc. "Its" is possessive and "It's" means "It is". In the first paragraph I see "it's mouth" and "it's eyes". You've got way too much excess here. You really need to focus on cutting it down. Get rid of the filler. If we don't need to know or it's not driving the story forward, get rid of it. Your dialogue is also punctuated wrong, as well as having capitalization issues after the quote. Never use a period to close a quote if you're identifying the speaker after. Correct example: "Then I ran to the end of the street," she said. Keep in mind you don't capitalize "she" in that instance, even if the quote is closed with a question mark or exclamation: "Get out of there!" she yelled.
Please look over our style guide and work on some of these issues while you wait for further feedback in the workshop. Good luck!
- I'm sorry, but you keep referencing Penpal and I'd really avoid comparing it to it as it does not really do any favors for your story. Basically everything I mentioned in the review explains the issues that are present. (The padding, the awkward wording, the superfluous content, the generic descriptions, the weak ending, the numerous grammatical, typos, capitalization, wording issues, etc.) You can keep trying to justify these issues and explain them with unwritten/unreferenced subtext, but I can safely say that this story needs a lot of work. Rather than debating the issues, I would suggest actually working on your story otherwise it's very likely you aren't going to improve your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:54, July 18, 2016 (UTC)
- Now you're just reaching. I'm sorry, but until you decide to revise your story and correct the numerous issues present, I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop responding to your posts as this is wasting time I could otherwise be devoting to people working on their stories and not making half-hearted excuses. So far you've had three separate people pointing out issues (Jay, me, Demuerto) in your story. Ignoring that feedback/trying to refute obvious issues doesn't speak well to your character or focus an author. Have a good day. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:12, July 18, 2016 (UTC)
There's actually no way for us to override that. The wiki simply won't allow two pages with the exact same title. I'm sure you can think of another one if you put some thought into it.
- "If it weren't for how tired I was, I probably wouldn't have gotten any sleep that night." I have to say, I don't like the way this sounds, but because it's a hypothetical statement, "were" is the proper choice. At the very least I would break up that contraction to "were not". Also, I personally don't like the word "gotten", but feel free to use it. Plenty of people do. If you want my opinion (which you probably don't), I would write the sentence like this:
"If I hadn't been so tired, I probably wouldn't have slept that night."
"If it hadn't been for how tired I was, I probably wouldn't have slept that night."
Please read the forum rules as your latest post violated our guidelines about having multiple threads for the same story. Failure to follow the guidelines set will result in a temporary ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:41, July 24, 2016 (UTC)
- Now you have been blocked for one day for violating forum rules after being warned. Please only open one workshop thread per story.
- It's up to you. It doesn't matter to us either way. Also, please start signing your talk page messages by either clicking the signature button or typing four tildes like this ~~~~
- I think I'm going to leave the reviewing to other people as I see you've left in quite a lot of grammatical ("It's eyes were black and soulless."), capitalization ("so we decided to drive to a subway about 25 minutes away."), and story issues that I mentioned previously so I don't think they need to be pointed out to you two times in a row. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:21, July 27, 2016 (UTC)
- I suggest re-reading what I wrote as frankly this is just looking lazy ("I pulled it out of it's sheathe.", "it's lips were drawn back in a snarl", "showing off it's fangs.", etc.) and it seems like you're doing everything in your power to not fully proof-read and spend time on your story. As I'm busy with other things, and you're not really taking this seriously, I'm moving on. Best of luck to you. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:13, July 27, 2016 (UTC)
- If those were the only issues you were overlooking (I used those as an example of how you've ignored mechanical/plot issues from my previous feedback), I wouldn't consider it lazy, but there are a lot of issues present in my feedback that you're casually ignoring while requesting a review to point out the same issues present in your revision. Finally, sign your messages, it's getting to be a pain to have to sign all your messages for you. (Jay pointed out how to do it above, another thing you don't seem to be reading.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:27, July 27, 2016 (UTC)
Well first off I'm not actually an admin; my name being green just means I have some extra editing abilities. But yeah I'll take a look at your story when I get the time and I'll be glad to tell you what I think. And please use four tildes at the end of your post when on a talk page, like this: ~~~~
That way you will leave a signature and I can identify who's talking to me.
- Your story was already given feedback by both Dr. Frank N. Furter and Dorkpool since my review. Also because I'm visiting friends in my hometown I will be too busy to sit down and provide necessary feedback. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:28, August 13, 2016 (UTC)
Yes, you can post it as a reply.
- I can understand not wanting to give up on the story, and I don't really suggest you do. The thing is, if you don't take the time to do some of the things I mentioned and you keep having people tell you how to mold your story so it works, then eventually it won't be your story anymore; I'm sure you don't want that. If you practice with shorter stories and do some of the things I suggested, then you have a better chance of improving that story on your own in the future. And we by no means need fast starting stories, but stories riddled with frivolous information are a chore for any reader to get through. That story could easily be cut down to a third of its current length.
- Keep reading and practicing. Good luck.
Writers Workshop story
Hey, sorry for the slow reply. I'll take a look at it and leave you some feedback.
Only if it's a continuation of the sentence and the word isn't a word that is always capitalized. Here are a few examples:
Correct - "Get out of there!" she yelled.
Incorrect - She yelled, "Get our of there!" after hearing that, everything went silent. (The word "after" needs to be capitalized because it's the start of a new sentence.)
Correct - "Get out of there!" I yelled.
I have no idea why it won't let you reply. Everything looks like it's working fine. You can always replace your actual post with the new version and put (Revised) at the top. It's up to you. In case you forgot how, you simply hover your mouse pointer over the lower right corner of the post and a button that says "More" will appear. Just click that and then click "Edit" to bring it up in editor mode.
- Just make another one. I'll remove the old one.
I need to see the sentence. An exclamation point is really the only way to guarantee a reader will read a word as being yelled. Of course, you can always find a way to describe how a piece of dialogue was said in the identifying statement that follows. Let me see an example so I can know what you're doing.
- In that instance all you can really do is use italics to add emphasis. I suppose if you wanted to have a pause you could get by with using an exclamation point followed by an ellipsis: "Speak!... when you are spoken to."
- Either of those two options should be fine. Italics would be the most common.
I had to delete the story after spotting several mistakes before getting through the opening paragraph. Also, when you put a story in the workshop, please don't upload the story as an article right after. The workshop is for getting help on stories that have been deleted or haven't yet been submitted. I'll use your workshop post to point out the mistakes in that first paragraph to get you started.
- I think you need to take a breather. I didn't delete your story because I didn't like it. I deleted it because it is riddled with errors and very awkwardly written. I chose to highlight what was wrong in the first paragraph to show how many errors there were in such a short span. You can imagine how many are in the rest. And why should someone keep reading a story if the first paragraph is terrible? What is their incentive? Do they owe you their time? And time spent on something has nothing to do with quality. I've been very patient with you so far, but if you start getting hostile, I will have to be much more honest with you in the future.
- You're not understanding me. Writing isn't as simple as you want it to be. The problem isn't with what I want, but rather with your writing. You've had a problem of deflecting issues since you came here, and I see you have no intentions of changing that. So, in other words, I'm done wasting my time. You seem to think I owe you something for some reason, but I don't. At this point, from what I've seen, you honestly need to stop and just focus on reading for a while. I told you to try something shorter, and you come back with a huge story. You've been told the issues by me, Empy, and others over and over, and you still keep having the same problems. I'm not going to keep going down this road. And you need to take your own advice and be patient. You put your story in the workshop at the same time you uploaded it. Leave it in the workshop for a while and see what others say. Don't ask me for any more advice.
RE: Story on the WW
- I'm terribly sorry for taking so long. The past week has been pretty tiresome and I didn't have the time. I will give it a look in the next couple of days, I promise.
I'll read it when I have the time, for now I'm slightly busy. Expect my review in about 12 hours from now! Thanks for considering me to review your story, it is appreciated.
- I will give your story a read in the next days.
- By the way, you can add headers on top of your messages to help keep talk pages organised. To do that, you simply add ==Title== at the top of your message. Where Title, you put the title of your message. Thanks. MrDupin (talk) 15:46, November 1, 2016 (UTC)
You can link to another page in the wiki by writing [[Title]]. Remember to use correct capitalization. If you are linking to something outside the wiki, write [link text]. MrDupin (talk) 05:37, November 8, 2016 (UTC)
RE: Review Request
Hi Tide. As your story is quite long and I am currently pressed for time, it will be a while before I get around to reviewing, but eventually I'll get back to you. MrDupin (talk) 15:31, November 24, 2016 (UTC)
So what did I do that was so kind?
And anyway, it happens. I had about eight stories deleted when I first came to the site. It gets real frustrated. Stick with it, and I'm sure you'll get a story up soon.
Also, I'm sorry if I'm overly harsh during my review, it's just the way I review stories.
Bro. Before you pull the I'm only seventeen thing out of your hat, I'm like two years younger. I think I can expect your grammar to be up to my standards. I guess I've been writing for twice as long, but still... I think I can expect good grammar from pretty much anyone who has a few stories on this site.
- I'm afraid I don't use a Mac. Only thing I can think of is to check online if Pages saves drafts. MrDupin (talk) 16:56, December 15, 2016 (UTC)
- Glad everything worked out fine.
- By the way, when you are adding a new message on a talk page, please add a header so that the user's talk page remains organized. To add a header, you add ==Header Title== at the top of your message. Where Header Title, you put the title of your message.
- Also, don't leave that much space between your message and your signature. One space is enough.
- Finally, you can use a colon (this -> :) to indent your messages. The first message has no indent, the second has one, the third has two etc. That way the user can more easily see where your new message begins.
RE: New Story
Hi Tide. I'm glad you keep writing, but I'm afraid I don't have the time right now to review your story. I will try to get to it in the future, but it will take more than a month. Sorry. MrDupin (talk) 16:32, January 10, 2017 (UTC)
- Kinda. I still have about 10 days in my exam period, so I will not be very active till about the 15th of February. MrDupin (talk) 16:14, January 30, 2017 (UTC)
Mental Stability? Hah! What's that?
If you've read ANYTHING I've wrote, you should be able to answer that question yourself.
But yes, I am mentally stable, you just caught me at a bad time for the whole profile picture thing.
- Uh, I'm a unique individual. Check your privilege.
RE: Month Long Exams
RE: I'm back!
- I will check it out tonight. You are its writer, right? MrDupin (talk) 11:56, February 26, 2017 (UTC)
I'm sorry but your story did not meet the wiki's quality standards.
You went for a more philosophical piece, but they are tricky to pull off. They usually need something hard hitting at the end, to make the story stick with the reader. Maybe a twist, or a revelation. Without one, you have to come up with something unique, something the reader hasn't seen or thought of before. The idea you explored in your story, though, has been done excessively. "We are all a simulation of a superior race." There have been countless stories following that pattern. You have to do better to stand out.
Grammatically there were no issues and the story flowed at a nice pace, so you do have the basics down. It's just that it had no "flavor".
Below follows part of the automated deletion message:
If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.
For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.
- If you think your story did meet the QS, you can post it on Deletion Appeal. I'm afraid though I don't think it will pass. It just struck out.
- If you are certain that your story is good and I didn't treat you fairly, make a Deletion Appeal. I doubt though that it will pass, as the story really isn't that good. The fact that people on reddit seemed to like it means nothing to me. Our standards are much higher than reddit's. I'm sorry but you either must let go or make an appeal. Good luck. MrDupin (talk) 10:26, February 28, 2017 (UTC)
- It's good that you keep practising. I would suggest you stay with shorter stories until you get more comfortable, but each to their own. I'm afraid though I currently don't have time to review your story on the workshop, I'm in the middle of exams + work, so I have very limited time. MrDupin (talk) 11:29, June 3, 2017 (UTC)
Under a Red Moon
Hey, regarding your latest story:
I've put it under m4r. At the moment I haven't read it all but it's immediately clear that there are major formatting issues, and other grammar problems. You've met quality standards before and some of your prose is to a high standard so I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and rather than delete your story I'm going to ask you to post a copy to the writer's workshop where I can give feedback. I'll give detailed feedback on a range of issues but you're not obliged to take my advice with regards to plot, characters, etc. It's not my place to tell you how to write a story. But, you will still need to integrate my advice on grammar, formatting, and other mechanical issues, if you want the story to remain on the wikia.
- I'm writing the feedback and I'll get back to you in the next day or two ChristianWallis (talk) 08:51, June 12, 2017 (UTC)
- First off, that edit is optional. It's not mechanical or grammatical. Second, no. Aloud and loudly are different words. Definition of aloud is "audibly; not silently or in a whisper.". You can't shout quietly and even if you can, no one assumes it. It's a pointless detail that only tells someone something they already know. It's redundant.
- And you can't involved in every last suggestion I make. I sum up quite clearly at the end what is advice and what is necessary ChristianWallis (talk) 14:19, June 12, 2017 (UTC)
Hey, those all sound great! I can't make specific recommendations but I can say that your story was written to a high standard even if my notes mostly sounded negative. That's because it's not much help if someone only tells you good stuff about your story so I looked for ways that you could improve. Hope you understand why I made those notes, and that they're not essential edit requirements, just my own personal insights ChristianWallis (talk) 09:17, June 13, 2017 (UTC)
- Sorry about not getting back. Just extremely busy. Just let me know when you have another draft up ChristianWallis (talk) 08:04, June 15, 2017 (UTC)
- I'm sorry but I don't have the time to read such a long story.
- I haven't really written stories longer than 5000 words, so I'm not sure what's the best way to proofread other than reading it over again and being extra careful. MrDupin (talk) 20:56, August 18, 2017 (UTC)
Hey, that sounds great! I'm afraid though I have no idea how to get published. You can ask via a blog, but you can also snoop around a bit. I think there were a couple of blogs on publishing, if you want to search for that. Wish you all the best with the book! MrDupin (talk) 21:24, October 19, 2017 (UTC)
Hey, good to see you around here again!
It's been pretty hectic for me, I am in the middle of an exam period so I don't have much time.
- I am afraid your story does not meet our Quality Standards. Stories that rely heavily on ideology rarely are creepy. It takes a lot of practice to turn abstract thoughts into scary stories and this is unfortunately no exception.
- Apart from that, your story lacked in proper character building. Everything goes by too fast and the character seems too emotional, lashing out, having deep realizations etc. in quick succession.
Deleted Story (Cont.)
Hi Tide. I do not remember your story in detail, but just because it would be scary to be in a situation, it doesn't mean that it is a scary story to tell.
As I said previously, this type of stories is very hard to pull off. Existential horror is a hit or miss, and I believe your story was unfortunately a miss. Another admin may have thought that this was OK, but that does not guarantee the story will stay up.